Franklin Pierce vs. Millard Fillmore. Stats of Fighters: Name: Franklin Pierce Height: 5’10 Weight: 145 Military experience: Brigadier General; New Hampshire Militia, 1831–46; Mexican–American War; commanded Infantry Brigade at Battle of Contreras, Battle of Churubusco, and the Assault on Mexico City. Special abilities: Stone-cold ruthlessness. Pierce fought at the end of the Mexican-American War and led a brigade despite being thrown from his horse and injured on the battlefield. He continued to bark orders while completely immobile. While president, Pierce was charged with running over a woman with his horse; the case was thrown out due to a lack of evidence. He was also a chronic alcoholic praised by his opponents as “the victor of many a hard-fought bottle.” Name: Millard Fillmore Height: 5’9 Weight: 165 Military experience: Major, New York State Militia; Served in New York Militia in 1820s and 1830s; Organized Union Continentals home guard unit during the Civil War. Special abilities: The power of invisibility on account of being utterly forgettable. The thirteenth president was chosen as Taylor’s vice president only on account of being a Northeasterner. He failed to quell the oncoming Civil War. In that battle he formed a forty-five-man militia, but the only action they saw was marching in parades.

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