Teddy Roosevelt vs. Franklin Pierce. Stats of Fighters: Name: Theodore Roosevelt Height: 5’10 Weight: 220 Military experience: Colonel, U.S. Army.New York National Guard, 1882 to 1886, captain and company commander. Spanish–American War service as second in command and then commander of the 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry (Rough Riders). Special abilities: Being the world’s most interesting man. Roosevelt was a champion intramural boxer in college, practiced judo while president, worked as a rancher in the Dakota territories and got in fist-fights with cowboys, arrested outlaws, gave a ninety-minute speech after being shot in the chest by a would-be assassin, and explored an uncharted river in the Amazon following his failed presidential bid for the Bull Moose Party. Name: Franklin Pierce Height: 5’10 Weight: 145 Military experience: Brigadier General; New Hampshire Militia, 1831–46; Mexican–American War; commanded Infantry Brigade at Battle of Contreras, Battle of Churubusco, and the Assault on Mexico City. Special abilities: Stone-cold ruthlessness. Pierce fought at the end of the Mexican-American War and led a brigade despite being thrown from his horse and injured on the battlefield. He continued to bark orders while completely immobile. While president, Pierce was charged with running over a woman with his horse; the case was thrown out due to a lack of evidence. He was also a chronic alcoholic praised by his opponents as “the victor of many a hard-fought bottle.”

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