Neurodivergent Report

Content note: This episode includes discussion of domestic violence, coercive control, sexual assault, addiction, anorexia, and trauma. Please take care while listening.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month in the USA, and this conversation is extremely important to share. 

Nicole Kranz joins Hind and me to talk about our lived experiences navigating an abusive relationship, the ways we have come to understand our experience, and what reclaiming choice can look like.

We talk about survival, identity, boundaries, and Nicole’s relationship with the borderline personality label. What stayed with me was the value of hearing another person speak honestly about experiences that can be difficult to explain, especially when the process of moving forward is much more complicated than simply ending the relationship and leaving.

This is not a clinical conversation nor a one-size-fits-all account of surviving abuse. It is an opportunity to listen to one person's story, recognize what resonates, and make space for the many different ways survivors experience life after abuse.

Curious what else is inside:

• How Nicole makes sense of her experiences and the borderline personality label

• What it looks like to rebuild your identity after an abusive relationship

• How family patterns and unspoken experiences can shape the way we relate to others

• Why to start saying “no”

There is a moment where Nicole says, “the no is the starting of being free.” I keep thinking about that, especially how different it can feel to make choices for yourself after spending so long adapting to someone else.

There’s another where we talk about how leaving a relationship does not automatically grant you freedom. When you share a child, the abuse can continue long after the relationship itself has ended.

This episode might resonate if you:

• Have survived domestic violence or a relationship that changed how you see yourself.

• Identify with the borderline personality label and are still figuring out what it means in your own life.

• Are working out which parts of your identity feel like you, and which parts developed as ways to survive.

• Find connection in hearing other people speak honestly about experiences you recognize on your own.

One thing I value about conversations like this is the chance to recognize parts of ourselves in someone else's story without assuming our experiences are identical. Peer support can begin with something as simple as hearing someone put words to an experience you thought you had to carry alone.

During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I want to make space for these conversations without asking survivors to tell their stories in any particular way, follow a particular timeline, or prove that they are healing. Every survivor's experience is their own, and being heard matters.

Until next time, stay happy, healthy, and safe!

Looking for Nicole Kranz?

Website:nicolekranz.com

Instagram: nic_kranz

Resources:

• This Is Bullshit Not a Love Story by Nicole Kranz

• Jolie Bordel podcast

Audience summary

This episode is for neurodivergent adults and anyone working to understand how trauma, family patterns, and difficult relationships can shape our sense of self. Nicole Kranz joins Sarah and Hind to discuss surviving an abusive relationship, rebuilding identity, learning boundaries, and finding freedom through the choices we make every day.

Top themes detected

• Coercive control, intimate partner violence, and the complicated process of healing after leaving an abusive relationship

• Rebuilding identity after years of adapting to other people

• Family patterns, inherited trauma, and learning new ways to communicate

• Boundaries, saying no, and recognizing what you no longer want in your life

• The relationship between emotional experiences, the body, and the nervous system

• Self-acceptance, personal responsibility, and creating a life that feels more like your own

Editing this episode left me thinking about the many people who go through life without anyone really seeing what they’re experiencing, and what a catalyst it can be when someone finally stops to listen and give you a hug.

We sat down with Nick to talk about his late ADHD diagnosis and the creative projects that grew out of his journey toward self-understanding. We also talk about what happens when children are failed by the systems and the people meant to protect them.

Content note: This episode includes discussion of childhood abuse and neglect, failures by professionals and child protection systems, depression, chronic pain, and cannabis Nick shares his experience of childhood abuse and neglect, being overlooked by professionals, and growing up without the support he needed. His story is a reminder that sometimes the signs are there, but the people and systems around a child don’t act.

This episode might resonate if you:

• Were diagnosed with ADHD later in life

• Have wondered how ADHD and childhood trauma can overlap

• Use music, writing, or other creative projects to process what you’re going through.

• Know what it feels like to pretend that everything is alright

• Need a reminder that healing never stops

I’m especially glad we talked about the importance of real-world social support. Online connection can be meaningful, but sometimes we need someone who can physically knock on the door, sit with us, and help us reconnect with the world.

Looking for Nick? Instagram: 8DHD Life
Link:https://www.instagram.com/8dhd_audhd_guy/

Book: The Breaking of a Boy
Amazon link:https://amzn.to/4o5xSLs

Music: 8DHD on Spotify

Link:https://open.spotify.com/album/38RuptMbHusU5RKLDtfZTo?si=lNnHfSSmRoiXdg4_gLsw-gCake Not Hate:
Link:https://www.instagram.com/thejoshieman/

❤️💙Help us build something that could genuinely make life easier for neurodivergent people.https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/p/8dhd-helping-the-world-understand-neurodiversity/

8DHD started because I was tired of seeing neurodivergent people constantly misunderstood.

We’re creating practical tools that explain what ADHD, autism and other neurodivergent experiences actually feel like. Not through complicated medical language, but through comics, music, games, resources and creative projects that help people say, “That’s me.”

Our goal is to make life easier for children, adults, families, schools and workplaces by helping people understand each other a little better.

Every donation, no matter how small, helps us create more resources, develop new projects and reach more people who need them.

If you can’t donate, sharing this campaign means just as much. One share could reach the person who decides to help make all of this possible.

Thank you for believing in what we’re trying to build.

❤️💙

Getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult can explain a lot of things, but it can also leave you with an onslaught of questions about what to do next.

In this episode, I’m catching up with Ashmi Patel, a life coach and former client of mine, about what happens after diagnosis.

We talk about the planner graveyard, the pressure to keep trying harder, and how easy it is to turn everyday struggles into evidence that you’re somehow not doing enough.

We also get into soft accountability: setting realistic goals, scaling back expectations, and learning to offer yourself the same grace you give everyone else.

Curious about what’s inside?

• How perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking can keep you stuck

• Ashmi’s approach to slow journeys, soft accountability, and realistic expectations

• Why scaling your goals back can help you build confidence without burning yourself out

• How cultural expectations and stigma can affect the way people understand and accommodate their ADHD

• Making space for sensory needs and finding everyday ways to regulate your nervous system

There is a moment when Ashmi talks about realizing that other people could sit at a desk for five hours and actually study the whole time.

She lacked the words to explain why her experience was different, so she assumed she wasn’t trying hard enough. That’s such a familiar trap when you don’t yet have language for your own brain.

This episode might resonate if:

• You were diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and are still making sense of what it means.

• You keep setting ambitious goals, falling short, and blaming yourself.

• You struggle with perfectionism, decision paralysis, or all-or-nothing thinking.

• You’re tired of trying to motivate yourself through shame.

• You want to build routines and systems that respect your actual capacity.

A coaching reflection

What would change if you stopped asking, “How much should I be able to do?” and started asking, “What can I realistically do with the capacity I have today?”

You don’t have to earn rest by reaching your limit. You don’t have to bully yourself into making progress. And you’re allowed to start smaller than you think you should.

If you’re looking for support understanding your neurodivergent brain, building systems that work for you, and developing a kinder relationship with yourself, learn more about⁠ Neurodivergence Coaching with Sarah⁠.

Looking for Ashmi?

Website: ashmipatel.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ashmipatelcoaching/

Free Do the Damn Thing resource: https://ashmipatelcoaching.myflodesk.com/freebie

Top themes detected

1. Late-diagnosed ADHD: Making sense of a diagnosis when there is little support beyond being told to get a planner.

2. Identity reconstruction: Unlearning the belief that you are lazy, not trying hard enough, or somehow failing at adulthood.

3. Soft accountability: Replacing tough love and self-criticism with realistic expectations and gentleness.

4. Perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking: How setting the bar too high can make it harder to start.

5. Realistic goals and capacity: Scaling tasks back so you can build trust in yourself without burning out.

6. ADHD, culture, and expectations: How stigma and social expectations can make it harder to recognize and accommodate neurodivergence.

7. Self-accommodation and regulation: Making everyday changes that support your sensory needs and emotional well-being.

This episode left me thinking about how many different ways we can make ADHD support more accessible.

We get into ADHD in women, late diagnosis, hormonal changes, self-acceptance, and more. Honestly, I love Jennifer’s approach to creating tools that people can actually hold and use.

If you are a man or identify with another gender label, please know this episode holds valuable information for you, too! Chances are extremely likely that you have a woman with ADHD in your life. Whether that be a partner, friend, family member, coworker, or someone you support, this conversation can help you better understand what she may be experiencing and how to support her.

Dr. Jennifer Dall is the founder of Curveball Press, an independent press house focused on getting ADHD education and coaching ideas into manageable books, cards, and other formats. We talk about why she started the press, what she’s created so far, and why sometimes a deck of cards can be more useful than another book.

I have the ADHD Teen Deck myself. I use it to help explain ADHD to people who don’t necessarily understand it, and I really like having concrete, printed words to point to when I’m trying to explain what having ADHD actually feels like.

Curious what else is inside:

• Why ADHD symptoms change over your lifetime

  • Do hormones have anything to do with symptom changes?

• Introducing The ADHD Three Day Sprint and other Curveball Press books and card decks

• How to use the ADHD card decks to foster community

• Why does support tools and strategies needs to change? Are you sure I’m not actually the problem?!
  

There is a beautiful moment where Jennifer talks about recognizing her own ADHD through one of her students and realizing, “That’s me.”

And another where we talk about how easy it is to forget your past successes when the road gets tough.

This episode might resonate if you:

• Were diagnosed with ADHD later in life

• Are trying to understand ADHD alongside hormonal or other life changes

• Feel frustrated when something that used to work suddenly stops working

• Want better ways to explain ADHD to the people in your life

• Prefer practical tools you can actually interact with over another giant pile of information

• Want to better understand and support a woman with ADHD in your life

This is something I see a lot in coaching too.

We can get so focused on finding the right ADHD strategy that we forget our needs are allowed to change.

If the thing that worked six months ago doesn’t work anymore, that doesn’t mean you failed. You might just need a different tool for where you are right now.

If you’re looking for support with that:

👉 Neurodivergence Coaching with Sarah ndreportpod.com/coaching

Looking for Dr. Jennifer Dall?

Website: https://adhdholistically.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhd.holistically/

Episode audience summary

This episode is primarily for ADHD adults, especially late-diagnosed adults and women navigating hormonal changes, shifting support needs, executive dysfunction, and the process of figuring out what actually works for their brain. It also speaks to anyone who has found that ADHD support needs to include community, body doubling, self-knowledge, and flexibility rather than one permanent solution.

Top themes detected

• Late-diagnosed ADHD and recognizing yourself through lived experience

• ADHD and hormonal changes across the lifespan

• ADHD in women and the gaps between research and clinical knowledge

• ADHD plus trauma, grief, stress, autism, and learning disabilities

• Accepting that what works for your ADHD may change

• Remembering strategies that helped you before

• Body doubling and neurodivergent community

• ADHD, executive function, and learning how to study

• Self-acceptance and resilience after a late diagnosis

• Coaching in different formats, including books, cards, groups, and community

Editing this episode left me wanting to book another call with Stacey ASAP.

We get into autism, ADHD, self-accommodation, shame, emotional regulation, and Stacey's humanitarian work with The FIX Code. Honestly, the conversation kept coming back to what liberation can feel like when you finally realize an emotion doesn't have the same grip on you anymore.

Curious what else is inside:

• Recognizing your own neurodivergent traits through your child's diagnosis

• Why shame can be so sticky for neurodivergent brains

• Building systems that actually support your brain

• Our experience with The FIX Code

• Helping children identify what they're feeling without requiring them to retell the whole story

There’s a super relatable moment where Stacey talks about realizing that many of the things she thought were completely normal were actually behaviors she had learned to self-accommodate and support her own brain.

And there’s another where I talk about applying The FIX Code to my own shame and realizing I could think about past events that had previously brought up a lot of physical sensations of shame and pain.

This one really sticks with me.

This episode might resonate if you:

• Grew up in a high-achieving family but recognized your own neurodivergence during your child’s diagnosis

• Have built elaborate systems and routines because they genuinely help you function

• Spend a lot of time ruminating on shame, regret, or difficult experiences

• Consider yourself to be a strong emotional self-regulator

Every one of my clients comes to me with elaborate systems.

Neurodivergent adults are usually really good at building systems and workarounds for themselves without even realizing that's what they're doing.

If that is you, there is likely so much wisdom in the ways you already support yourself. Likely more than you give yourself credit for.

Please remember that the goal isn't to get rid of every difficult emotion. We are just looking for ways to relate to and experience those emotions that don't leave you completely stuck or incapacitated.

If you're looking for support:👉 ndreportpod.com/coaching

Looking for Stacey Nye?

Try The FIX Code for free: https://www.thefixcode.com/

Top themes

• Autism and ADHD self-recognition

• Neurodivergent self-accommodation

• Systems and routines that support your brain

• Shame, rumination, and emotional regulation

• The FIX Code

• Parenting and emotional awareness

• Neurodivergent brains and nervous systems

This episode revolved around how much time & energy neurodivergent people spend trying to fit into lives, workplaces, and systems that were never designed for flexibility.

We got into ADHD, hypermobility, masking, and finding work that actually fits you. Honestly, the conversation kept coming back to one idea I really needed to hear: you are allowed to build a life around what you actually need.

Curious what else is inside:

• Learn about pacing and how to use it to manage chronic illnesses.

• How can overload affect your ability to think & communicate?

• Creating work environments that accommodate your needs 

My favorite part of this conversation is where we talk about what talk therapy can miss when chronic illness and medical experiences are treated as separate from mental health.

This episode might resonate if you:

• Were diagnosed with ADHD or another form of neurodivergence later in life

• Live with chronic illness, pain, hypermobility, or sensory overwhelm

• Are exhausted from trying to make yourself “more normal”

This is something I see a lot in coaching too. 

Neurodivergent adults can spend so much time trying to figure out how to do things the “right” way that they don't always stop to ask whether the way they're doing it actually works for their brain, body, and available energy.

If that is you, you don't necessarily need to become better at forcing yourself through the same system. You might need to get curious about what actually fits.

If you're looking for support with that:👉 https://ndreportpod.com/coaching

Looking for Rachelle?

Website: https://rachellebloksberg.com/

Top themes

• Neurodivergent therapy and chronic illness

• ADHD and late-life diagnosis

• Identity reformation after diagnosis

• Pacing and preventing physical, sensory, and emotional overload

• Hypermobile bodies and environmental accommodations

• Masking and figuring out what is actually “you”

• Neurodivergent-friendly work and entrepreneurship

• Relationships, communication, and asking for help

• Medical gaslighting and self-advocacy

• Building a life that actually fits you

This episode is for anyone who has ever asked, “What is wrong with me?!”

We are going to show you how much more useful it can be to ask, “What can my DNA tell me about what my body is doing?”

I loved the idea of looking at the whole system instead of assuming symptoms tell us the whole story... We're talking about the DNA blueprint, nervous system regulation, ADHD, inflammation, and chronic stress.

Curious what else is inside:

• What a genetic blueprint can tell us about the way our bodies function & who should get one
• How genetics interact with stress, the environment, and your nervous system to influence your symptom expression
• Why can't I regulate my nervous system on command?!

There is a moment where we talk about how easily “I need to try harder” becomes the default explanation for struggling.

And another where we talk about putting the phone away and giving your nervous system something different to work with.

This episode might resonate if you:

• Feel like your brain and body are constantly overstimulated
• Have tried a million strategies and still wonder why they do not work for you
• Want to understand ADHD and nervous system regulation beyond “just calm down”

This is something I see over and over in coaching. Neurodivergent adults often spend years trying to force themselves to function in ways that do not match how their brains and bodies actually work.

If that is you, struggling does not automatically mean you need more discipline.

Sometimes the more useful question is what your brain and body need in order to function with less friction.

If you're looking for support with that:👉ndreportpod.com/coaching

Looking for Lane Kennedy?

Website: https://lanekennedy.com/Home

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lane_kennedy_

This episode made me think a lot about how often neurodivergent people are taught that the problem is us, when sometimes the problem is the system we're trying to fit ourselves into.

We got into ADHD and autism, education, the "new leaf fallacy," identity, unmasking, motivation, privilege, and what happens when new self-knowledge changes the way you understand your entire life.

Curious what else is inside:

• Why a new planner, new semester, or new system can feel like the answer, until it inevitably falls apart

• Why traditional education can make it difficult to demonstrate what you actually know

• What happens when a diagnosis or new self-knowledge completely changes your understanding of your own life

• Why struggling within systems that weren't designed for neurodivergent brains can turn into self-blame

The chapter where we talk about schema fracture is my favorite of the entire episode.

And a close second is when we acknowledge the layers to privilege within the neurodivergent community. I always appreciate Sol's willingness to admit that experiencing parts of ADHD and Autism as strengths can result from insulating privilege in other parts of life.

This episode might resonate if you:

• Keep trying new productivity systems and wondering why they never stick

• Were a "smart" kid who struggled with school anyway

• Are in the middle of an identity crisis or learning how to unmask post-diagnosis

• Have spent years wondering why you can't just do the things like everyone else

These are the same patterns I always see in new coaching clients.

Neurodivergent adults can spend an enormous amount of energy trying to make themselves function according to systems that were never designed around how their brains work.

Sometimes the answer isn't building a new system. Sometimes it's understanding why something is difficult, figuring out what actually supports your brain, and letting go of the idea that struggling means you're failing.

If you're looking for support with that:

👉Coaching with Sarah: ndreportpod.com/coaching

Looking for Sol?Website: professorsol.com

Sol is the author of The ADHDer's Guide to Self-Discovery and The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery. He also offers coaching and runs an online community.

https://newworldlibrary.com/product/the-adhders-guide-to-self-discovery

https://newworldlibrary.com/product/the-autistics-guide-to-self-discovery

This episode was recorded in January of this year (yes I know I’m a bit behind)... It was so nice to re-listen to this conversation and reflect on everything that we’ve both accomplished this year! You are a rockstar, Lee!!!

This week, we get into how you actually build authentic adult friendships as a late-identified neurodivergent adult.

We talk about AuDHD social connection, setting boundaries, and unmasking, especially for late-identified autistic and ADHD adults trying to navigate relationships.

Curious what else is inside: 

• Small talk as a low-stakes "vibe check" for safety rather than a demand for deep intimacy 

• Using "strategic vulnerability" to test compatibility and process rejection without self-blame

• Framing boundaries around controlling your own environment rather than changing others

There are so many little learning moments in this conversation… like the one where I really wished I had put my foot in my mouth instead of asking the question I asked. 😂 

Lee's response was such a good example of what respectful curiosity can look like in practice. 

Or like when we talk about breathwork and sympathetic vs parasympathetic activation… just telling someone to breathe is not helpful if that person does not know how to breathe for their mental health. 

This episode might resonate if you: 

• Struggle with small talk or constantly second-guess social interactions 

• Are a late-identified autistic or ADHD adult looking for safe community 

• Find yourself over-explaining, fearing boundaries, or shutting down during emotional processing

This is something I see a lot in coaching too. So many neurodivergent adults spend decades hiding their true needs, fearing rejection, and burning out to keep everyone else comfortable.

If that is you, remember that sharing who you are isn't a demand for others to change for you, it's just giving the right people a chance to spot you.

If you're looking for support with that: 👉 [ndreportpod.com/coaching]

Looking for Coach Lee Hopkins? 

Website: [https://www.patternsofpossibility.com/] 

Instagram: [https://www.instagram.com/patternsofpossibility/] 

Check out upcoming events here: [https://www.patternsofpossibility.com/events]

Tarot-py & Autism

This episode was recorded many moons ago.

Some of you may have noticed that I slowed WAY down on posting The Neurodivergent Report this year.

There are so many reasons, but let's just say that consistency on this project was not something I could expect from myself. 😂

TL;DR: Both of my children have been diagnosed with Autism. Research suggests that when you have multiple Autistic children, the odds that you’re also Autistic go up considerably.

So naturally, I responded to all of this by… pulling out my tarot cards and having a cry on camera.

Because apparently that’s who I am now.

Welcome back to The Neurodivergent Report podcast! 🎉

In this mini episode, I’m experimenting with what I lovingly call Tarot-py: using tarot as a tool for emotional processing, reflection, and organizing the chaos inside my own brain.

The deck featured in this episode is The Light Seers Tarot by Chris-Anne.

Is tarot therapy? No.

Is it a substitute for actual therapy? Also no.

Can it occasionally help you slow down, ask yourself better questions, and notice things your brain has been aggressively avoiding?

¯\(ツ)/¯ Maybe!

💜💜💜

If this episode resonated with you, you probably know what it feels like to have a whole lot happening inside your brain and absolutely no idea where to put it.

That’s something I have seen a lot as a coach. Sometimes the problem isn't that you don't know what you're feeling.

It's that there are seventeen feelings, twelve thoughts, three competing priorities, and one very overwhelmed nervous system all fighting for your attention at the same time.

Sometimes we need a structure that helps us slow things down enough to actually hear ourselves.

For me, sometimes that structure is tarot. Sometimes it's writing. Sometimes it's talking it out with someone who gets it.

If you're looking for that kind of support, I offer one-on-one ADHD coaching focused on executive functioning, emotional regulation, and finding strategies that actually work with your brain instead of against it.

You can learn more about coaching at ndreportpod.com/coaching

And if you're not looking for coaching, that's okay too. You can still support the show by following The Neurodivergent Report, leaving a review, or sending this episode to someone who might need a little softness today.