Nicole Wrage Coaching

If my kids want to talk to me, it means I (parented) right, and that I was a good enough mom ~ Amy

We talk about the priority of "all these things" as referenced in Matthew 6:33.

Why do we want to spend time with our kids? What does it mean to us when our kids don't want to spend time with us? What does it mean to us when our kids do like us? What question are we trying to answer...what are we trying to prove and validate? What happens when we seek this from our kids? What happens when we try to self-validate and convince ourselves of our own worth? What happens when we try to get our needs met, or try to meet other people's needs?

We need God. We don't need each other. We don't need ourselves. God doesn't need us. Amy and I discuss the difference between Need and Want, and what happens when Need sneaks into our Want in relation to anything other than God.

Join my group to discuss this episode and more: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LifeAdviceforProblemsandPrayers/

"Putting God first. I keep thinking about yesterday where you said to talk with God first and then call you back. That's such a great parenting tip for kids too! Thank you! And just now that I am trying to make myself an idol for my kids and spouse...and them for me. But truth is we only need God! And then our relationships will thrive more naturally. Thanks Nicole for helping me see truth!" Amy, after we recorded this episode.

We talk about the priority of "all these things" as referenced in Matthew 6:33.

Why are we busy? Why do we not want to be busy? What do we want in place of busy, and why? What part of us wants to be busy, and why? What do we think God wants for us, and why? How do we identify what need we are trying to meet, and how do we figure out what truth we need to set us free from the deception we're believing? Then how do we practically implement a new habit of believing the truth and not believing the lie?

We need God. We don't need each other. We don't need ourselves. God doesn't need us. Amy and I discuss the difference between Need and Want, and what happens when Need sneaks into our Want in relation to anything other than God.

Join my group to discuss this episode and more: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LifeAdviceforProblemsandPrayers/

"I know I shouldn't live my life now according to the past, nor should I make decisions based upon the negative words my mom belted out about me from childhood until the day she died...And yet...I still struggle with this." - April R. replying to a Facebook post I made of a list of 9 Things to Leave in 2019.

We walked through this together in a video chat, and with her permission, we’re sharing it.

We covered lots of good stuff that you’ll find helps get your own wheels turning:

👉The truth sets you free...how to identify exactly what truth you need and how to apply it in your real life.

👉If positive thinking isn’t the solution to negative thinking, what is?

👉Why it’s so hard to overcome the negative voices in your head, but actually, it’s not...it’s very simple.

🤔How to discern the diff between what God is saying and what you are feeling...a likely part 2!

🤔How to not outsource your manipulation of someone to God, in the form of a prayer...is this YOUR part 1 with me?

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. I recorded this episode June 21 and thought to post it today in case it helps someone. When I recorded it, I hadn't planned it or written any notes. I was just thinking deep thoughts about a theory I have related to making decisions and suicidal thoughts. I noticed when I had thoughts swirling in my mind about what I can't do, it spiraled down into hopeless thoughts about having no reason to exist. When I make decisions/choices and take action on them, it doesn't matter what they are or how big they are, just the fact that "I can" and "I am" shifts my mindset completely. When I am believing and acting on the truth, that God has purpose for my existence and I can pursue and co-create it into existence by focusing on one decision at a time, my brain holds no space for thoughts that I have no purpose. I am actively proving it wrong. It struck me hard when I realized that changing the "I can't" thoughts to what I caught myself saying in the moment of acting on a decision: "I am [doing whatever action]". The "I am" part reminded me that it's the answer God gave in the bible of who he is. I'm not saying I'm God or we're each gods, but it seems like a thread of connection between God as our creator and the moment of action we choose to take, we are putting something into existence that didn't exist before. I don't mean art, but even something as simple as making your bed or washing your face or brushing your teeth. Stick with me here...when you take an action like these, the result of them would not have existed in the way you did it if you hadn't done it. We receive drive and desire from God to take action, we choose to take the action, and we do it by God's strength. Every single little decision/action is co-creating with God. That's freaking amazing. It's not up to us to assign a quantity value to how much purpose we have.  I feel more peace surrendering the right to the timing of my death to God, and trusting that I can't see a complete perspective of the impact of carrying out my purpose in this life, but as long as I'm still alive, God has work for me to carry out together. Me and God. Even if the only thing I can bring myself to create on extra depressed days is clean teeth, fine. God is the Great I AM. And when I'm carrying out a decision together with God, I am [insert action like brushing teeth]. Anyway, it's worth it to me to publish this for the message. I just grabbed my phone and went to a room in my house with carpet and recorded from my phone, so the audio isn't pretty. Life's not pretty though, so there's that. If it kinda makes sense but doesn't help enough, or you want someone to help you sort through lies in your head about not having a purpose or that life isn't worth it, contact me! I'll keep this Facebook group or update this here if it changes, but join the group to connect with me and we'll go from there: https://www.facebook.com/groups/nicolewrage/ I love you and God loves you. Both are true, even if you don't believe them. Some days your purpose is to just breathe, so keep doing that, even if it's curled up in a ball on the floor, and reach out to someone who understands and loves you.

Link to the practical exercise: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipSolutionsPodcast/

1. What’s something you’re frustrated about?

2. How do you show up and interact with the person when you’re being fueled by frustration?

3. What emotion do you think you’d feel if the person did what you wanted? Is this what you actually want, and not simply for them to do what you want?

4. How would you show up differently if you approached them with curiosity instead of frustration? Curiosity is possible when you view your opinion as an opinion instead of you being right and the other person being wrong.

5. Practice communication from the mindset that creates curiosity instead of frustration. This isn’t easy. This isn’t perfect on the first try. This is a practice and habit.

This practical exercise is also available at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/585067425322875/ 

Practical exercise from this episode:

1. Pick one thing in your life that you want to change...something about your career, relationships, or habits.

2. What do you need to think about the importance of each individual decision toward your desired change? What role do these decisions play?

3. Condense your mindset/attitude about your individual decisions into a simple statement, and practice this when you are in the moment of making your day-to-day, individual decisions that are related toward the change you want to make.

Link to the practical exercise: https://www.facebook.com/groups/585067425322875/ 

Steps from the episode listed below and available at:  https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipSolutionsPodcast/

Practical exercise from this episode:

1. Decide if you want to get to sleep faster, and identify your reason(s) why.

2. Write up to five things that are weighing on your mind at night as you're going to sleep.

3. When you notice you're thinking about something on your list, remind yourself it's on the list and you'll process it tomorrow (or at a specified date).

4. When you notice you're thinking about something not on your list, remind yourself you'll deal with the list first (tomorrow) and process anything additional after the list.

5. Suggestions to practice falling asleep: box breathing (four counts each - inhale/hold/exhale/hold), sleep mantra, visualize sinking in water.

6. Remember, getting frustrated that you're not asleep will keep you hyped up...totally counterproductive. Just practice steps 3-5 to rest, and eventually sleep.

Verse 24 is a good one for sleep, and verse 21 has the way:

You've probably heard of the concept of leaving work at work, and maybe you've been told you need to do a better job of this, and even been given suggestions of things like changing out of your work clothes first thing when you get home, don't take your laptop home with you, don't answer texts/calls/emails from work when you're at home. These aren't bad, but they don't solve the main problem.

I think the part of work that is the most damaging to take home are the thoughts about work that you can't get out of your head. These not only steal time and are a distraction from relaxing at home, but they literally cause damage to your brain and body. This is why I want to share this information and a practical exercise with you, because you make sacrifices in your line of work, but the physical damage from work thoughts isn't a necessary sacrifice. 

Link to the steps in this episode's practical exercise: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipSolutionsPodcast/

It's not right or wrong to want to be wanted, but how is this playing out in your life? Is it creating problems? How do you react when it doesn't seem like you're wanted? How does your attitude toward your partner change when they don't seem to want you anymore? What do you think about yourself when you don't feel wanted?

Link to the reflection questions from this episode:  https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipSolutionsPodcast/