No Empty Chairs

Send a text

Shame stories:

I should have known this about my child already.
I should have stood up for my child with ward leaders.
I should have taught my child better to respect ward leaders.
I should have confronted my child about their behavior or belief.
I should not have confronted my child about their behavior or belief.
I should have handled my child’s situation the way my neighbor handled theirs.
I should have listened better when my child told me about their changing faith.
I should have taught my child better so their faith would be stronger.

In one way or another, all of these stories boil down to the idea that “I am a bad mom. Things would be better if I had done it differently.”

Better stories:

“I’m so glad I know more about my child now. It helps me understand them better so I can be more supportive while they figure out how they want to live their life.”

“I wish I had been a better advocate for my child in the past. I can make a list of ways I can advocate for them now, and how I can be an influence for good for people in similar situations.”

“I choose to believe people mean well and are doing the best that they can. I am going to offer that grace to my leaders as I decide how best to interact with them. I am also going to offer that grace to my children.”

“My child gets to choose their beliefs.”

“I can decide when it’s appropriate to share my view.”

“Every situation is unique. I can learn from others and decide what’s best for my relationships.”

“I did the best I could at the time. When we know better, we do better. I am learning to listen better.”

“I taught my child as best I could. They were always meant to make their own choices.”

Can you hear how these stories have more compassion? They don’t ignore accountability. They also don’t ignore grace and growth. Learn how to tell yourself better stories.

Jesus loves me, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m trying to be like Jesus.

You found me! If what you heard on the No Empty Chairs podcast gives you hope for more help, please schedule a free Conversation with Candice. You can also visit candiceclarkcoaching.com for more information about how coaching tools can help you keep your relationship with your children and your faith. While you're there, be sure to pull up a chair and sign up with your email to be the first to know about news and events for moms whose kids don't come to church.

It's going to be okay, and even better!

Send a text

Chris Rich shares her journey to find joy and rejoicing in her family by choosing her own definition of success, even when her husband and children do not participate at church.

REFERENCES
Second Arrow
"Forget Me Not" Pr. Dieter Uchtdorf
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
3 Nephi 17:23 "Behold your little ones."
"Am I a Good Mom?" Jody Moore
Byron Katie "When we argue with reality, we lose, but only 100% of the time.”
We Can Do Hard Things with Michelle Obama "Come home. We will always like you here."

QUESTIONS
What are you giving up on?
Are you giving up on the need to control?  
What do I really want?
What is my end desire?
What does it look like to invite people to Christ from love and joy, without dragging them?
What do I really want out of this relationship?
Is this going to help me?
Is this going to build a bridge or create a wall?
Do I want to judge them or do I want to love them?
What do I need to do to get to love?
How far are you from devastation right now?
What do I do here?
How do I show up as the person right now to have them want to be here with me today?
How has your children not coming to church helped you come closer to Jesus?

You can hear more from Chris on The Mixed-faith Relationship Podcast
Her website chrisrichcoaching.com
Facebook Chris Rich Coaching
Instagram chrisrichcoaching

You found me! If what you heard on the No Empty Chairs podcast gives you hope for more help, please schedule a free Conversation with Candice. You can also visit candiceclarkcoaching.com for more information about how coaching tools can help you keep your relationship with your children and your faith. While you're there, be sure to pull up a chair and sign up with your email to be the first to know about news and events for moms whose kids don't come to church.

It's going to be okay, and even better!

Send a text

New resource available on the website of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It’s found on the Topics and Questions page of the Church website. There’s a section called “Seeking Answers to Questions,” and then right under that there’s a section called “Helping Others with Questions.”

This episode takes a look at the section of "Helping Others with Questions" called “Assist Them throughout Their Journey.”

Ideas on being a safe source for discussion from Jeralee Renshaw, Episode 16 - Honor Their Journey

Helping Others with Questions series

1. Helping Others with Questions Introduction - Episode 19
2. Respond with Love - Episode 20
3. Listen with Humility - Episode 21
4. Trust in the Lord - Episode 22
5. Nourish Your Own Faith - Episode 23
6. Assist Them throughout Their Journey - Episode 24

You found me! If what you heard on the No Empty Chairs podcast gives you hope for more help, please schedule a free Conversation with Candice. You can also visit candiceclarkcoaching.com for more information about how coaching tools can help you keep your relationship with your children and your faith. While you're there, be sure to pull up a chair and sign up with your email to be the first to know about news and events for moms whose kids don't come to church.

It's going to be okay, and even better!

Send a text

New resource available on the website of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It’s found on the Topics and Questions page of the Church website. There’s a section called “Seeking Answers to Questions,” and then right under that there’s a section called “Helping Others with Questions.”

This episode takes a look at the section of "Helping Others with Questions" called “Nourish Your Own Faith.”

The Gospel Topics Essays on the Church website are a good place to start to learn more about issues that sometimes concern members as they learn about them.

We are in charge of our own boundaries, and it's healthiest for us to make sure we put our own oxygen mask in place before trying to help others.

Helping Others with Questions series

1. Helping Others with Questions Introduction - Episode 19
2. Respond with Love - Episode 20
3. Listen with Humility - Episode 21
4. Trust in the Lord - Episode 22
5. Nourish Your Own Faith - Episode 23
6. Assist Them throughout Their Journey - Episode 24

You found me! If what you heard on the No Empty Chairs podcast gives you hope for more help, please schedule a free Conversation with Candice. You can also visit candiceclarkcoaching.com for more information about how coaching tools can help you keep your relationship with your children and your faith. While you're there, be sure to pull up a chair and sign up with your email to be the first to know about news and events for moms whose kids don't come to church.

It's going to be okay, and even better!

Send a text

New resource available on the website of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It’s found on the Topics and Questions page of the Church website. There’s a section called “Seeking Answers to Questions,” and then right under that there’s a section called “Helping Others with Questions.”

This episode takes a look at the section of "Helping Others with Questions" called “Trust in the Lord.”

Elder Russell Ballard from a speech he gave at BYU:

“Question: If I have family or friends who are less active, how far do I go in my attempts to bring them back?

My answer is please do not preach to them! Your family members or friends already know the Church’s teachings. They don’t need another lecture! What they need—what we all need—is love and understanding, not judging. Share your positive experiences of living the gospel. The most powerful thing you can do is share your spiritual experiences with family and friends. Also, be genuinely interested in their lives, their successes, and their challenges. Always be warm, gentle, loving, and kind.”

Ensign Article: You Love, He Saves

Helping Others with Questions series

1. Helping Others with Questions Introduction - Episode 19
2. Respond with Love - Episode 20
3. Listen with Humility - Episode 21
4. Trust in the Lord - Episode 22
5. Nourish Your Own Faith - Episode 23
6. Assist Them throughout Their Journey - Episode 24

You found me! If what you heard on the No Empty Chairs podcast gives you hope for more help, please schedule a free Conversation with Candice. You can also visit candiceclarkcoaching.com for more information about how coaching tools can help you keep your relationship with your children and your faith. While you're there, be sure to pull up a chair and sign up with your email to be the first to know about news and events for moms whose kids don't come to church.

It's going to be okay, and even better!

Send a text

New resource available on the website of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It’s found on the Topics and Questions page of the Church website. There’s a section called “Seeking Answers to Questions,” and then right under that there’s a section called “Helping Others with Questions.”

This episode takes a look at the section of "Helping Others with Questions" called “Listen with Humility.”

When there are belief differences,  3 Practices  help us cultivate curiosity:

• I’ll be unusually interested in others.
• I’ll stay in the room with difference.
• I’ll stop comparing my best to your worst.

To learn more about things in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that some people find challenging, the Gospel Topics Essays on the Church website are a great place to start.

BONUS: a couple of tips for managing General Conference:

1. "I am not the target audience." Not every talk is for you, and that's okay.
2. Focus on what you DO believe as you listen and read the talks. Look for what's there that you want to keep.

BONUS: LDS therapist talks with someone in faith transition worried about telling her parents

Helping Others with Questions series

1. Helping Others with Questions Introduction - Episode 19
2. Respond with Love - Episode 20
3. Listen with Humility - Episode 21
4. Trust in the Lord - Episode 22
5. Nourish Your Own Faith - Episode 23
6. Assist Them throughout Their Journey - Episode 24

You found me! If what you heard on the No Empty Chairs podcast gives you hope for more help, please schedule a free Conversation with Candice. You can also visit candiceclarkcoaching.com for more information about how coaching tools can help you keep your relationship with your children and your faith. While you're there, be sure to pull up a chair and sign up with your email to be the first to know about news and events for moms whose kids don't come to church.

It's going to be okay, and even better!

Send a text

New resource available on the website of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It’s found on the Topics and Questions page of the Church website. There’s a section called “Seeking Answers to Questions,” and then right under that there’s a section called “Helping Others with Questions.”

This episode takes a look at the section of "Helping Others with Questions" called “Respond with Love.”

Question to consider: Am I speaking of my ideals in a way that marginalizes others?

Helping Others with Questions series

1. Helping Others with Questions Introduction - Episode 19
2. Respond with Love - Episode 20
3. Listen with Humility - Episode 21
4. Trust in the Lord - Episode 22
5. Nourish Your Own Faith - Episode 23
6. Assist Them throughout Their Journey - Episode 24

You found me! If what you heard on the No Empty Chairs podcast gives you hope for more help, please schedule a free Conversation with Candice. You can also visit candiceclarkcoaching.com for more information about how coaching tools can help you keep your relationship with your children and your faith. While you're there, be sure to pull up a chair and sign up with your email to be the first to know about news and events for moms whose kids don't come to church.

It's going to be okay, and even better!

Send a text

Episode 16 - Honor Their Journey: A Conversation with Jeralee Renshaw brought some new listeners. Welcome!

New resource available on the website of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It’s found on the Topics and Questions page of the Church website. There’s a section called “Seeking Answers to Questions,” and then right under that there’s a section called “Helping Others with Questions.”

You can hear the perspective of an adult child stepping away from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Episode 3: What’s Helpful – And What Isn’t. You may want to go back and give that a listen if you missed it.

Discussion of the Introduction to the “Helping Others with Questions” section of the Church website.

Helping Others with Questions series

1. Helping Others with Questions Introduction - Episode 19
2. Respond with Love - Episode 20
3. Listen with Humility - Episode 21
4. Trust in the Lord - Episode 22
5. Nourish Your Own Faith - Episode 23
6. Assist Them throughout Their Journey - Episode 24

You found me! If what you heard on the No Empty Chairs podcast gives you hope for more help, please schedule a free Conversation with Candice. You can also visit candiceclarkcoaching.com for more information about how coaching tools can help you keep your relationship with your children and your faith. While you're there, be sure to pull up a chair and sign up with your email to be the first to know about news and events for moms whose kids don't come to church.

It's going to be okay, and even better!

Send a text

Susan Siddoway shares how she stopped "using Satan's tactics to try and do the Lord's work" and put fear behind her.

RESOURCES
To join the Facebook group Bridges - Support for Latter-day Saint Parents of Adult Children, use this link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/BridgesLDSParents/
Please be sure to answer the membership questions to be admitted to the group.

Susan's daughter Brittany Bishoff is a life coach who helps tweens and teens
https://www.facebook.com/brittbishoffcoaching/?locale=hi_IN&paipv=0&eav=AfZHxkLqmVAxPASjrj7rePvAlYA1LL28ArRPCCFUSbdUpl_aRXl9uKxDPUrJZJCDzTE&_rdr

Susan told her daughter Holly's story to Richard Ostler on his podcast Listen, Learn, and Love Episode #660
https://soundcloud.com/user-818501778/episode-660-susan-siddoway-finding-hope-peace-in-my-daughters-journey?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

Parable of the Prodigal Son (KJV)
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/luke/15?lang=eng

Thomas McConkie talks about his book At One Ment on Faith Matters podcast
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vN5RVXJsqs

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

No Empty Chairs Episode 13 "Thinking Celestial"

RVVL with David Butler Season 2 Episode 1 "with God's eyes"
“Thinking Celestial is thinking and acting like God does. With his heart and eyes, with his love and mercy and compassion and wisdom, and to ask ourselves what is the best, true and the kindest thing to do in any situation.”

No Empty Chairs Episode 14 "What Feels Like Love?"

Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)
"For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear. I will help you."

"How Firm a Foundation," Hymns #85
“Fear not. I am with you. O be not dismayed. For I am thy God and will still give thee aid. I'll strengthen thee, help thee and cause thee to stand, upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.” 

You found me! If what you heard on the No Empty Chairs podcast gives you hope for more help, please schedule a free Conversation with Candice. You can also visit candiceclarkcoaching.com for more information about how coaching tools can help you keep your relationship with your children and your faith. While you're there, be sure to pull up a chair and sign up with your email to be the first to know about news and events for moms whose kids don't come to church.

It's going to be okay, and even better!

Send a text

New resource on The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints website!

“Helping Others with Questions” is on a page called “Topics and Questions” 
There are several short essays dealing with different aspects of helping others when they don’t believe the same as we believe. 

References from this episode:

• 1 Nephi 
• 1 Nephi 19:23
• 2 Nephi 6:5
• 1 Nephi 3:7
• Nephi’s Courage

 
Questions from this episode:

• What can I learn if I try on a different role in Nephi’s story? 
• What if I’m not anyone in Lehi’s family? 
• What if my child who has stopped coming to church is the Nephi of their story, and I am the people of Israel in Jerusalem holding onto rules and traditions, some of which fuel the dwindling and perishing of my child? 
• How does that change what I think needs to happen next? 
• How does it feel to look for the ways that I have been the person standing in a large and spacious building in the attitude of mocking and pointing my fingers at people having a different experience than I am having? 

You found me! If what you heard on the No Empty Chairs podcast gives you hope for more help, please schedule a free Conversation with Candice. You can also visit candiceclarkcoaching.com for more information about how coaching tools can help you keep your relationship with your children and your faith. While you're there, be sure to pull up a chair and sign up with your email to be the first to know about news and events for moms whose kids don't come to church.

It's going to be okay, and even better!