From Mary Pipher, bestselling author of Reviving Ophelia, we now get Women Rowing North, a guide to wisdom and authenticity for women as they age. Cultural therapist Pipher, age 71, understands how women growing older contend with ageism, misogyny, grief, and loss. Yet her message is clear and hopeful: most older women are deeply happy and filled with gratitude for the gifts of life. Their very struggles help them let go of stereotypes and grow into authentic, wise, and empathetic women.
Pipher's own life and her many roles have schooled her in ways women can cultivate resilient responses to their challenges. "If we can keep our wits about us," she writes, "we will experience a joyous time of our lives. If we have planned carefully and properly, if we have good maps and guides, the journey can be transcendent."
00:15 Intro to Mary Pipher, author of Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing as We Age
00:50 Other books by Pipher: Reviving Ophelia, The Shelter of Each Other, and Another Country
01:45 Chooses the metaphor of “rowing north” as a bookend to Reviving Ophelia
02:20 Younger and older women all live with cultural stereotypes and scripts
03:30 What does it mean to be old?
04:00 All of Pipher’s books stem from a deep curiosity about her own life
04:20 “Young" old age” vs. “old" old age
05:40 Women 65-75 are the happiest people in America
06:15 Most women deny being old in order to distance selves from cultural script and stories
07:20 Older women tend to be social connectors and experience a time of tremendous growth
08:00 Age can be a source of happiness, bliss, and satisfaction
08:30 Choosing happiness—a skill set often found among women in 70s
10:30 Jane Jarvis, musical prodigy (pianist), had everything she needed to be happy right between her ears
12:00 Age brings changes in body image, social invisibility, and loss of abilities
12:45 How women can reclaim their power
13:00 Story of Michelle Obama’s mother coming to live in the White House
13:45 Exploding the tired, old mother-in-law myth
14:45 "Solutions can’t be legislated; they come from the human heart."
15:15 Female friends give women power and support
15:45 Older women can rescue themselves using decades of practice fighting back against negative messaging
17:00 The power of saying “No” (walking out of any situation we don’t want to be in)
17:45 The power of saying “Yes” (instead of stilling the inner voice)
18:15 Taught to be “good girls” instead of learning to take care of ourselves
19:30 Finding a healthy approach to caregiving, which is very hard work
21:10 Contradictory research on caregiving
21:40 Caregivers need respite and creative strategies for bringing friends into the home
23:50 Keeping connections as lifelines
24:50 True secret of happiness is managing expectations
25:30 Defining happiness on your own terms
26:50 Old age is catalytic for growth
27:00 Suffering increases capacity for bliss, gratitude, empathy, moral imagination, and authenticity
28:30 Stories of resilience, gratitude, and perspective
30:40 How to lean into lessons of suffering without denial
31:20 Taking a gentle approach to our own pain and suffering
31:50 “All of us keep so many appointments we did not make, but we always have choices about how to reframe those experiences.”
32:00 Crafting resplendent narratives: we can’t have a better history, but we can have a better story
32:30 Older women tend to joke around very well and unselfconscious about their bodies
34:20 Time (the most valuable resource of all) = wealth
35:50 Many older women happy because, for the first time in their lives, they can do what they want with their time
36:50 Women becoming intentional moral storytellers for their families
41:00 A great gift of old age: the long view of family and a lifetime
41:55 Blessing of old age: the freedom to be honest
43:30 Small things can bring enormous joy
44:15 Book contains discussions of death, loneliness, and more
44:50 Recommendation: The Trip to Bountiful (1985 movie)
BUY Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing As We Age
MORE BOOKS BY MARY PIPHER
BUY Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls
BUY The Shelter of Each Other
BUY Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders
RECOMMENDATION
BUY The Trip To Bountiful (movie)
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