Nonfiction4Life

In November 2013, award-winning author and blogger Seth Adam Smith unwittingly catapulted his writing career. He wrote a blog post entitled, "Marriage Isn't for You." Then he got over 24 million hits and, in just three days! Obviously, his message hit a nerve with people the world over. News organizations picked up his message, turning Smith into something of a reluctant young rock star.

Although these days he tries to maintain his privacy, his post led to publishing the book, "Your Life Isn't for You: A Selfish Person's Guide to Being Selfless." With brutal honesty, he shares his journey of fighting depression and escaping his own attempted suicide.

Smith structures his book around the children's story from the Book of Virtues called "The Selfish Giant," which his father read to him as a young boy. Like the giant, Smith built up his own walls, breeding selfishness. Fortunately, he eventually learned how to tear down those barriers, allowing people back into his life. And when the walls came down, he opened himself up to beautiful relationships and emotional connections. Although he admits selfishness often emerges as a self-preserving tool, Smith believes it's also the biggest stumbling block to healthy relationships. 

Sadly, people suffering from depression often rebuff helpful gestures from loving friends and family. Yet, Smith assures us, consistent efforts are, in the end, very helpful. These kindnesses can come be "soft" gestures or harsh truths. In either case, well-intentioned helpers will only find peace by controlling their own actions, not by waiting to have people with depression receive their kindnesses. 

Smith now works with the Anazasi Foundation. There, and through his writing, he channels his experience to help others fight depression and prevent suicide. His book includes several of his antidotes for depression. Here are just three:

1. Learn to love the people you serve. Depression often requires medication and professional counseling, but reaching out to others can also be an effective tool for recovery.
2. Seek out support groups and professional help. Joining a strong community can be a lifeline of strength and trust. Similarly, Smith strongly encourages going to counseling to get invaluable advice from trained experts.
3. Look for your own "Northern Lights." Spiritual sources of light and strength are all around us. In one form, they're connections to others. Another form is service. Smith is particularly fond of the light he finds in excellent literature, uplifting and inspiring the soul.

BUY Your Life Isn't for You: A Selfish Person's Guide to Being Selfless

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During months of solitude trekking the Camino de Santiago in Spain and the Sacred Valley in Peru, Dr. John Izzo crystallized ideas for his book, The Five Thieves of Happiness. 

His central premise is that our natural human state is one of happiness. So, instead of following the predictable path lined with books about the science of happiness, Izzo identifies not what we need to do to become happy but what we must do to stay happy.

Yet, constantly lurking at our door threatening to rob us of our happiness are five "thieves." These include control, conceit, coveting, consumption, and comfort.

1. Control: “Two of the most obvious things we try to control are the past and the future. Of course, we cannot control that which has already happened, and we cannot control that which has not yet occurred. The twins of regret and worry (first cousins of control) take away moment-to-moment contentment.” The opposite of control is surrender, so happiness comes when we learn to accept outcomes beyond our control.
2. Conceit (AKA ego) is conquered by service. Just as Christ taught centuries ago, we find ourselves by losing ourselves. And the quickest way to experiencing that kind of happiness is to think of others and serve them.
3. Coveting disguises itself, making us ask how we compare to others. “It takes away our capacity to be grateful…It infects our personal happiness, but it also undermines our relationships with others. Instead of celebrating and sharing the happiness of others we resent their happiness and good fortune.” To unmask the thief of coveting, show gratitude and a genuine pleasure for others' successes. These two practices are especially effective when avoiding the trap of coveting on social media.
4. Consumption, a plague of our prosperous period in history, is easy to identify. We know this thief is near when our thoughts gravitate toward, “I will be happy if...” or “I will be happy when....” To be happy, focus on the moment, not wishing for anything other than our present reality.
5. Comfort is “the subtlest of all thieves.” At face value, comfort does not seem like a threat to our happiness. But we if we become too comfortable with old patterns, we can miss out on the thrill of learning new experiences and skills.

To help “kick the thieves out of the house,” Izzo's proposes three solutions to use over a 30-day period: repeat written mantras day and night, keep a gratitude journal, and consciously note at the end of each day if the thieves showed up. The most effective solution to combatting the five thieves of happiness is the one that works best for you.

BUY The Five Thieves of Happiness

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During months of solitude trekking the Camino de Santiago in Spain and the Sacred Valley in Peru, Dr. John Izzo crystallized ideas for his book, The Five Thieves of Happiness. 

His central premise is that our natural human state is one of happiness. So, instead of following the predictable path lined with books about the science of happiness, Izzo identifies not what we need to do to become happy but what we must do to stay happy.

Yet, constantly lurking at our door threatening to rob us of our happiness are five "thieves." These include control, conceit, coveting, consumption, and comfort.

1. Control: “Two of the most obvious things we try to control are the past and the future. Of course, we cannot control that which has already happened, and we cannot control that which has not yet occurred. The twins of regret and worry (first cousins of control) take away moment-to-moment contentment.” The opposite of control is surrender, so happiness comes when we learn to accept outcomes beyond our control.
2. Conceit (AKA ego) is conquered by service. Just as Christ taught centuries ago, we find ourselves by losing ourselves. And the quickest way to experiencing that kind of happiness is to think of others and serve them.
3. Coveting disguises itself, making us ask how we compare to others. “It takes away our capacity to be grateful…It infects our personal happiness, but it also undermines our relationships with others. Instead of celebrating and sharing the happiness of others we resent their happiness and good fortune.” To unmask the thief of coveting, show gratitude and a genuine pleasure for others' successes. These two practices are especially effective when avoiding the trap of coveting on social media.
4. Consumption, a plague of our prosperous period in history, is easy to identify. We know this thief is near when our thoughts gravitate toward, “I will be happy if...” or “I will be happy when....” To be happy, focus on the moment, not wishing for anything other than our present reality.
5. Comfort is “the subtlest of all thieves.” At face value, comfort does not seem like a threat to our happiness. But we if we become too comfortable with old patterns, we can miss out on the thrill of learning new experiences and skills.

To help “kick the thieves out of the house,” Izzo's proposes three solutions to use over a 30-day period: repeat written mantras day and night, keep a gratitude journal, and consciously note at the end of each day if the thieves showed up. The most effective solution to combatting the five thieves of happiness is the one that works best for you.

BUY The Five Thieves of Happiness

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Pitching coach Rick Peterson knows how to help when the heat is on. His first trick is learning to "reframe." This means simply “finding different ways of interpreting a less-than-ideal situation.” In other words, every tough situation can be seen as an opportunity for making something great happen. For example, when a pitcher walks a batter, then next batter can represent an opportunity to make two outs with one pitch.

His next tip is to overprepare. Practice, practice, practice! Prepare for every situation possible, including practicing amidst chaos. Practice until you’ve mastered your skill. Peterson talks about Michael Phelps’s coach who used to hide or break Michael’s goggles just before races so Michael had to learn to swim his best even in less-than-ideal circumstances.

One of his best secrets for diffusing stress is to "try easy." When it’s “crunch time,” don’t try harder. Try easy! When you’re under pressure, don’t try to be better than you actually are; just perform the best you did when you were practicing.

It also helps to keep the laughter coming. Store at least a couple of funny stories in your memory bank. Then, when you’re under stress, recall these stories. You’ll find yourself laughing rather than choking under pressure.

Finally, try time traveling. Focus on the outcome rather than on the process. In other words, “Just hit the glove.” Settle your mind down by taking your thoughts back to a time when you performed at your best. Relive your best performances. For example, Peterson coached Barry Zito to go back in his mind to a time during spring training when he gave up only one hit in six innings.

BUY Crunch Time: How to Be Your Best When It Matters Most

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Pitching coach Rick Peterson knows how to help when the heat is on. His first trick is learning to "reframe." This means simply “finding different ways of interpreting a less-than-ideal situation.” In other words, every tough situation can be seen as an opportunity for making something great happen. For example, when a pitcher walks a batter, then next batter can represent an opportunity to make two outs with one pitch.

His next tip is to overprepare. Practice, practice, practice! Prepare for every situation possible, including practicing amidst chaos. Practice until you’ve mastered your skill. Peterson talks about Michael Phelps’s coach who used to hide or break Michael’s goggles just before races so Michael had to learn to swim his best even in less-than-ideal circumstances.

One of his best secrets for diffusing stress is to "try easy." When it’s “crunch time,” don’t try harder. Try easy! When you’re under pressure, don’t try to be better than you actually are; just perform the best you did when you were practicing.

It also helps to keep the laughter coming. Store at least a couple of funny stories in your memory bank. Then, when you’re under stress, recall these stories. You’ll find yourself laughing rather than choking under pressure.

Finally, try time traveling. Focus on the outcome rather than on the process. In other words, “Just hit the glove.” Settle your mind down by taking your thoughts back to a time when you performed at your best. Relive your best performances. For example, Peterson coached Barry Zito to go back in his mind to a time during spring training when he gave up only one hit in six innings.

BUY Crunch Time: How to Be Your Best When It Matters Most

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While a grad student at Yale, Charles Vogl organized a dinner series. Using principles distilled from 3,000 years of spiritual traditions, he created a community connecting himself and others.

(Some of the) Seven Principles of Belonging: To craft our communities, Vogl proposes we welcome new members through some type of initiation. He also tells us how to implement rituals (formal and informal) and create "temples" or sacred spaces for community gatherings and ceremonies.

Borrowing a term from C.S. Lewis, he speaks of "Inner Rings," the most complex concept in his book. Inner rings can be the mark of a mature community. They are made up of experienced, wise people who teach and mentor newer members.

No Magic Formula: We should not feel overwhelmed trying to apply all seven principles of belonging. Instead, by using even one or two principles of belonging, we can strengthen a community. According to Vogl, the key to success (and a nice place to begin) is making sure the important people in our life know we care about them.

BUY The Art of Community: Seven Principles for Belonging

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While a grad student at Yale, Charles Vogl organized a dinner series. Using principles distilled from 3,000 years of spiritual traditions, he created a community connecting himself and others.

(Some of the) Seven Principles of Belonging: To craft our communities, Vogl proposes we welcome new members through some type of initiation. He also tells us how to implement rituals (formal and informal) and create "temples" or sacred spaces for community gatherings and ceremonies.

Borrowing a term from C.S. Lewis, he speaks of "Inner Rings," the most complex concept in his book. Inner rings can be the mark of a mature community. They are made up of experienced, wise people who teach and mentor newer members.

No Magic Formula: We should not feel overwhelmed trying to apply all seven principles of belonging. Instead, by using even one or two principles of belonging, we can strengthen a community. According to Vogl, the key to success (and a nice place to begin) is making sure the important people in our life know we care about them.

BUY The Art of Community: Seven Principles for Belonging

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In 2012, Alissa Parker lived happily with her husband and three girls in Newtown, Connecticut, where she suddenly lost her oldest daughter Emilie in the deadly Sandy Hook School shooting.

Tools for Healing: To help to make sense of the tragedy, Alissa began to blog. Having lost her father unexpectedly just months before Emilie's death, she tells how the former experience prepared her for the latter.

Alissa sought support in counseling and found strength by talking to others experiencing similar pain. Eventually, she let go of her anger toward the killer, Adam Lanza. In the end, she deliberately chose to eschew evil and embrace the notion that good triumphs.

Life Without Emilie: A series of many little miracles let Alissa know Emilie had become an angel in heaven assigned to help others on earth. With that reassurance, Alissa is now better able to move forward with her own life. She intentionally slows down in order to appreciate present-tense moments. With no timeline for grief, she remains patient with herself in the grieving process.

Meanwhile, Alissa practices photography in the American Northwest where the region's typical overcast weather makes the colors in her world brighter. This has become a metaphor for the way her personal tragedy has helped intensify the beauty of the good things in life.

BUY An Unseen Angel: A Mother's Story of Faith, Hope, and Healing After Sandy Hook

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In 2012, Alissa Parker lived happily with her husband and three girls in Newtown, Connecticut. She discusses what it was like to suddenly lose her oldest daughter Emilie on December 14 of that year in the Sandy Hook School shooting, the second deadliest in American history.

Tools for Healing: To help to make sense of the tragedy, Alissa began to blog. Having lost her father unexpectedly just months before Emilie's death, she tells how the former experience prepared her for the latter.

Alissa sought support in counseling. She found strength by talking to others experiencing similar pain. Eventually, she let go of her anger towards the killer, Adam Lanza. In the end, she deliberately chose to eschew evil and embrace the notion that good triumphs.

Life Without Emilie: A series of many little miracles let Alissa know Emilie became an angel in heaven assigned to help others on earth. With that reassurance, Alissa is better able to move forward with her life. Now, she purposely tries to slow down in order to appreciate present-tense moments. With no timeline for grief, she remains patient with herself in the grieving process. Meanwhile, she and her family live in the American

Meanwhile, Alissa and her family live in the American Northwest where she practices photography. The region's typical overcast weather makes the colors in her world brighter. This has become a metaphor for the way her personal tragedy has helped intensify the beauty of the good things in life.

BUY An Unseen Angel: A Mother's Story of Faith, Hope, and Healing After Sandy Hook

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