In this episode, we sit down with Iris , a late-identified AuDHD speech therapist, mom of two neurodiverse kids, and fellow Asian American navigating identity.

Topics we covered:
Group therapy vs. one-on-one therapy, Iris' & Bettina's adult diagnosis story, cultural identity, social media, unmasking, and going inward

If you’ve ever wondered:
“Why doesn’t traditional therapy work for me?”
“Is it okay to heal differently?”

This conversation is for you.

Terms to know:

SLP (Speech-Language Pathologist)
A licensed professional who supports communication, language, speech, and social communication development.

Neurodivergent (ND)
A term describing brains that function differently from what’s considered “typical,” including autism, ADHD, PDA, dyslexia, and more.

AuDHD
A term used by people who identify as both autistic and ADHD.

PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance / Persistent Drive for Autonomy)
A profile within autism and ADHD characterized by a nervous system-based need to resist or avoid demands due to heightened threat response.

Masking
Suppressing or hiding autistic/ADHD traits to appear “socially acceptable.” Often leads to burnout and identity confusion.

Unmasking
The process of reconnecting with and expressing one’s authentic neurodivergent self.

Interoception
The ability to sense internal body signals (hunger, anxiety, heart rate, emotions). Many neurodivergent people experience interoceptive differences.

Somatics / Somatic Work
Body-based therapeutic approaches that focus on nervous system regulation and stored trauma.

GLP (Gestalt Language Processor)
A language development style where individuals learn language in chunks or scripts before breaking them down into smaller units.

Parenting neurodivergent kids can be isolating, but trying to do it all alone can quietly break you and your marriage. In this episode, the we open up about the invisible weight that "autism families" carry: the fear of trusting others to watch our kids. Finding (and expanding) your village isn’t just about getting help.. it’s about keeping your relationship alive.

We also unpack experiences with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), explaining what that might look like and how it shows up at home.

Terms & Definitions

Neurodivergent – Individuals whose brain processes differ from societal norms (autism, ADHD, dyslexia, etc.).

Meltdown – A response to sensory or emotional overload; not a behavioral choice (not the same as tantrums)

Masking – Suppressing authentic traits to appear “typical,” often at personal cost.

PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) – A profile within autism or ADHD marked by anxiety-driven avoidance of demands.

Reparenting – Healing by giving yourself and your children the emotional support you didn’t receive as a child.

Roommate Syndrome – When partners lose intimacy and connection, functioning only as co-parents or taskmates.

Apostolic Duty – A Filipino phrase implying grandparents have a sacred responsibility to care for their grandchildren (“apo”).

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In this episode, we sit down with Daniella (@autism.conmigo) to talk about what it's like raising autistic kids at the intersections of culture, language, and neurodiversity. We go deep into breaking stigma in immigrant families, navigating faith and shame, and the power of naming autism for what it is.

Daniella shares her journey from teacher to advocate, what inclusion in classrooms should look like, and why homeschooling became the right choice for her family. We also unpack the DIR Floortime vs. ABA conversation, access barriers for families, and why representation and chosen family matter so much in our communities.

Terms to Know

DIR/Floortime
Developmental, Individual-differences, Relationship-based approach. It’s a play-based framework that focuses on connection, joy, and following a child’s lead.

ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis)
A therapy model often covered by insurance for autistic kids. It uses behavior principles to teach skills and reduce barriers. Families may have different experiences with ABA, and there’s ongoing debate about its approaches and outcomes.

Inclusion
An educational approach where students with disabilities learn alongside their peers in general education classrooms, with supports and accommodations as needed. True inclusion requires trained staff and resources, not just placement in the same room.

Segregated Classrooms
Separate classes for students with disabilities or specific needs, apart from general education peers. Often used when schools lack staff or training for inclusive models.

Intersectionality
The way different parts of a person’s identity (race, culture, disability, immigration status, language, gender, etc.) overlap to create unique experiences, challenges, and strengths.

Stigma
Negative beliefs, shame, or stereotypes attached to autism or disability — often shaped by cultural or religious views.

Masking
When autistic or neurodivergent people hide or suppress parts of themselves to “fit in” or feel safer in social or public settings.

Regional Center (California)
State-funded agencies that connect people with developmental disabilities (like autism) to services such as therapies, respite, and support programs.

Self-Determination Program (California)
An option through Regional Center that gives families more control over their budget so they can choose supports, staff, and programs that best fit their needs.

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Connect with Daniella:

@autism.conmigo | allplayisokay.com

We’re back after several months! Welcome to Season 2 of Not a Tiger Mom! In this first episode, we catch up on all the life updates: Bettina shares about her upcoming move to California, Jenny talks about her new part-time job, and we chat about our personal goals for our businesses. We also share what’s ahead for Not a Tiger Mom. We’re so excited to be back and hope you enjoy this new season with us!

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Jenny - @msjennybx

Bettina - @beeingaudhd

For our final episode this season, we’re joined by our friend Chris, a father navigating life as an Asian American (1/2 Filipino & 1/2 White) parent of an autistic child. Chris opens up about his journey from receiving his son’s diagnosis and raising him within his family’s cultural dynamics. We dive into the challenges and reasons why autism dads are less visible on social media and discuss the critical role of finding community and support. Join us for an honest conversation on the realities of support needs fatherhood, cultural dynamics, and building connections in the autism community.

Terms:

MCHAT - The M-CHAT, or Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers, is a short questionnaire that helps parents and doctors check for early characteristics of autism in young children, usually between 16 and 30 months old. It includes simple questions about a child's behavior, like whether they make eye contact, respond to their name, or show interest in playing with others. If the M-CHAT shows possible traits of autism, the child can be referred for a more detailed evaluation to see if they need extra support.

HSP - Highly Sensitive Person. This is someone who has a more sensitive nervous system, meaning they can easily feel overwhelmed by things like loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, or intense emotions. HSPs are often very aware of details around them, feel emotions deeply, and may need more time to recharge after busy or stressful situations. Being highly sensitive isn’t a disorder; it’s simply a personality trait that some people have.

Chismis - "Chismis" is a Filipino term that means gossip or rumors. It refers to talking about other people’s personal lives, often spreading unverified stories or news. Chismis can be harmless sharing among friends, but it can also lead to misunderstandings or drama if information isn’t accurate. It’s like the “grapevine” or “tea” in English, where people chat about others’ lives and situations.

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Bettina - @itsannbettina

Follow Chris @unlearningdad

In this episode, we dive into the transitions that come with the new school year. Jenny shares how her family's routine is shifting, while Bettina reflects on her first week of homeschooling her kids. Together, we explore the unexpected challenges of finding a community during these changes. This is an honest look at how we’re navigating this season as both parents and advocates.

**NOTE: At about 18-19 minute mark, you will hear one of our kids in the background! Still working on the audio ourselves! That's #mompodcastinglife for you!***

Terms:

AT specialist - An Assistive Technology (AT) Specialist helps individuals with disabilities find and use technology to support their needs. They assess each person and recommend tools like AAC devices (such as an iPad with a communication app), screen readers, or mobility aids. AT specialists also provide training to ensure these tools are used effectively for greater independence.

IEP - An Individualized Education Program (IEP) is a customized plan developed for students with disabilities in the U.S. to ensure they receive specialized instruction and services tailored to their unique needs. The IEP outlines specific goals for the student, the services they will receive (such as speech therapy or assistive technology), and any accommodations or modifications required in the classroom. It is developed by a team that includes educators, specialists, and the student's parents, with the goal of supporting the child's learning and development in the least restrictive environment possible.

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Jenny - @msjennybx

Bettina - @itsannbettina

In this episode, we kick things off with a light-hearted chat about our heights and the insecurities that come with them in our culture. As we peel back the layers, we dive into the complexities of executive function and explore our dual roles as professionals and as moms. Filled with fun and laughter, this episode gave us a chance to just share more of our personalities. We hope you find as much joy and insight in listening as we did in creating it!

Terms to know:

PDA - Pathological Demand Avoidance or Persistent Drive for Autonomy is a profile characterized with an intense need for autonomy and control, often driven by anxiety. Individuals with PDA may appear to resist ordinary demands; this is not oppositional behavior but a coping mechanism for anxiety. Supporting someone with PDA involves using flexible, low-demand approaches and providing choices to help manage stress and promote engagement on their terms.

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Jenny - @msjennybx

Bettina - @itsannbettina

In this episode, we explore the challenges of traveling as a family while addressing sensory needs and differences, all through the lens of unmasking. We discuss the importance of recognizing when to step back from certain activities during group outings—and embracing that it’s okay to do so. By understanding and accommodating our children's needs, as well as our own, we can easily unmask, accept our unique needs, and find joy in activities that truly align with who we are.

Additionally, we touch on our children's social interactions and the importance of having scripts ready when other kids are curious about how they communicate. This is the beginning of true inclusion, starting with how we explain communication differences and autism to others.

Terms to know:

Sensory Seeker: A sensory seeker is someone who naturally seeks out more sensory input to feel balanced and engaged with the world around them. This is a valid and important way they interact with their environment. Sensory-seeking behaviors, such as spinning, jumping, or touching various textures, are self-regulating actions that help them meet their sensory needs and should be respected and supported. Too much stimulation may lead to dysregulation.

Sensory Avoider: A sensory avoider is someone who prefers to minimize sensory input to maintain comfort and focus. Their heightened sensitivity to sensory stimuli, like loud noises, bright lights, or certain textures, is a legitimate and important aspect of how they experience the world. Choosing quieter, calmer environments or engaging in behaviors to reduce sensory input is a self-regulating strategy that helps them thrive, and it deserves understanding and accommodation.

Vestibular - The vestibular system influences a person's sense of motion, such as feeling dizzy after spinning or knowing when you're moving up or down in an elevator. It plays a crucial role in everyday activities, like walking, running, and even sitting still. Individuals may seek or avoid vestibular input based on their sensory preferences, which can affect their balance and coordination activities

Over Stimmed - Overstimulation, also known as sensory overload, occurs when a person's senses are overwhelmed by too much information, making it difficult to process.

Link to article: Efficacy of Melatonin for Insomnia in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: A Meta-analysis

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10166641/

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Jenny - @msjennybx

Bettina - @itsannbettina

In this episode, we delve into the stages of gestalt language processing, exploring how children learn language in chunks and progress to more flexible speech. We discuss the importance of child-led therapy, emphasizing the need to follow our children's lead in their learning and development. We also examine the role of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) in achieving communication goals, sharing examples from our personal experiences with our own children. Join us as we navigate the challenges and triumphs of language development, offering insights and strategies for supporting neurodivergent children in their communication journeys.

Terms to know:

Spoons: In the context of neurodiversity, "spoons" is a metaphor used to quantify the amount of mental or physical energy a person has available for daily activities and tasks. Neurodivergent individuals often use this metaphor to explain their energy levels and capacity for social interactions, work, and self-care.

ALP (Analytical Language Processor): Analytical Language Processing refers to a more traditional and linear approach to language acquisition, where individuals learn language by breaking it down into smaller components, such as phonemes, morphemes, words, and then sentences.

GLP (Gestalt Language Processor): Gestalt language processing is a way some individuals, particularly autistic people, develop language. Instead of learning individual words first, they learn "chunks" of language, or gestalts, which can be entire phrases or sentences. Over time, they break down these chunks into smaller parts and recombine them to form new, meaningful expressions.

NLA (Natural Language Acquisition): Natural Language Acquisition is a developmental framework that supports the language development of gestalt language processors.

Apraxia: Apraxia, or childhood apraxia of speech (CAS) when referring to children, is a motor speech disorder where the brain has difficulty coordinating the muscle movements needed for speech.

"WH" (Questions): Questions that start with who, what, where, when, why, and how, used to gather information and clarify understanding.

Verbal Operants: Fundamental units of language used in Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) to understand and teach communication. They represent different functions of language and how language is used to achieve specific outcomes. Key verbal operants include: Mand, Tact, Echoic, Intraverbal, Textual, Transcription

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Jenny - @msjennybx

Bettina - @itsannbettina

Mentioned - @jesstheslp

In this episode, we address some of the significant questions we face as mothers of autistic children. We explore the considerations and decisions involved in having more children after an autism diagnosis, the complexities of returning to work following maternity leave, and the approaches we take when discussing autism with our families.

Through our journey, we have come to understand that growth is not linear. We experience continuous cycles of challenges and learning as we evolve in our roles as mothers. Join us for an insightful and supportive conversation where we share our experiences and insights, aiming to foster a sense of community and understanding.

Terms to know for this episode:

Apraxia - a neurological condition affecting the ability to plan and execute motor movements, despite having the physical ability to do so. In speech, it means knowing what to say but struggling to coordinate the muscle movements to say it.

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Bettina - @itsannbettina

Mentioned in this episode: @the.dr.tay