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One Bestie has a confession she never thought she’d be making: she’s the other woman. What started with a work colleague who has a long-term partner and two children has turned into a year-long affair, and now they’ve both admitted they have feelings for each other. She knows what they’re doing is wrong and desperately wants to end it, but there’s one major problem: she still has to see him at work. So how do you walk away from someone you’ve fallen for when you can’t completely remove them from your life?
Then, for the first time, we hear the other side from a male listener who fell deeply in love during an affair with an engaged woman. He spent almost two years waiting for her to leave her relationship, planned to move his life closer to her and believed they’d eventually be together. When she finally became single, he thought their chance had arrived… until she went on holiday, told him she needed to be alone and then revealed she’d met somebody else.
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Carly is back with a new nose! After years of feeling insecure about it, she finally flew to Turkey alone for the nose job she’d wanted for years. She opens up about why she decided to do it, the panic that hit before surgery, the mental battle during recovery and what it was really like seeing her new face for the first time. We also get very honest about the financial reality of becoming a single parent, the pressure of trying to keep up a lifestyle that was originally built on two incomes, and why single mums can so often feel forgotten.
Plus, one Bestie shares the story of spending 15 years believing her husband simply wasn’t that interested in sex... until women’s underwear, Viagra, a gimp mask, a chastity belt, Telegram and a trip to a sexual massage parlour eventually revealed a secret life she knew nothing about... and just weeks before they were due to start IVF, one final discovery ended their marriage for good.
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Three weeks after giving birth, one Bestie woke in the middle of the night panicking that she’d missed an alarm to feed her newborn. She couldn’t find her own phone, so she picked up her husband’s to check the time… and messages from another woman appeared on the screen. She was still bleeding, wearing a postpartum nappy and caring for their two tiny children when she discovered her husband had been having an affair with a woman they both worked with, and it had been going on for months.
This week we also hear from a woman whose boyfriend kissed someone on a night out, came home and abruptly ended their relationship, only to then ask if he could move back into their flat while they sell it. We tackle whether a four-hour long-distance relationship can realistically work when both people have children and lives they can’t relocate, and hear from a cancer survivor trying to date again after her husband’s betrayal left her terrified of letting another man in. Plus, Carly has another dating update, we give one Bestie’s Bumble profile a brutally honest makeover, and hear a confession that might genuinely make you delete Instagram and leave the country.
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Carly thought she’d finally met someone who ticked all the boxes: great chemistry, great dates, hours spent talking on the phone and seemingly all the right things to say. Then she discovered he was sleeping with multiple women. But this week, the story takes an even stranger turn when she finds him back on Tinder… using a completely different name. Now she’s questioning whether she ever really knew who she was dating in the first place.
We also hear from a woman whose affair with her married boss spiralled into years of broken promises, pregnancy, heartbreak and her private life being exposed at work; a listener who discovered her ex’s new girlfriend through a Daily Mail article; and a wife questioning the man she married after years of secrets and betrayal. Plus, we talk dating apps, trusting your gut, finding love after divorce and whether you can ever truly know the person you marry.
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Eight months into their relationship, Charlotte found out she was pregnant at just 20 years old. From becoming young parents and figuring out their relationship along the way, to building a life online with an audience of over 3 million, this week we’re joined by Connor Kern and Charlotte Cucurnia from The Kern Family.
We get into the reality behind the family you see online; becoming parents before they were prepared, the pressures it put on their relationship, arguments and learning how to communicate, why relationship therapy came up, raising three children and balancing family life with millions of people following along. Connor and Charlotte also open up about dealing with opinions and trolling online, maintaining trust with huge social followings and why the version of a relationship you see on social media is never the full picture.
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She discovered her husband was having an affair, chose to forgive him and spent the next 10 years rebuilding their marriage… only to find herself right back where she started. This week, we hear from a woman questioning whether she wasted a decade after discovering the red flags had returned — and the receipts she eventually found left very little to the imagination. Now single at 50, she’s trying to stop blaming herself for staying and work out what comes next.
We also hear from a mum trapped in an increasingly controlling relationship who is terrified of how her partner will react to even the smallest decisions, discuss the reality of single parenting and not being able to be everywhere at once, reveal the ridiculously specific things our partners do that give us the ick, and answer a grandmother struggling with an ex-son-in-law who she believes is turning her grandchildren against her. Plus, possibly the worst use of a dog at Sunday lunch we’ve ever heard.
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Imagine watching your mum die from cancer while the man you trust tells you his cancer has come back too… only to discover he made the whole thing up.
This week we hear from a listener whose boyfriend lied about having cancer while her mum was terminally ill, before she discovered he had been cheating all along. We also hear from a woman who spent years trying to save her marriage through debt, lies and affairs, only to uncover another year-long relationship and experience the reality of post-separation abuse after finally leaving.
Plus, we chat manifestation, dating red flags, what really gives us the ick, review another dating profile and share some very honest opinions along the way.
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What if your biggest heartbreak is actually the beginning of your happiest chapter?
This week, we share some of the most uplifting listener stories we’ve ever received. From a woman whose husband left her for her friend before she unexpectedly found the love of her life, to a listener whose husband walked out just weeks after their wedding and during pregnancy, only for her to build the blended family she’d always dreamed of. We also hear from women who thought they’d never trust again, survived affairs, divorce and heartbreak, and discovered that life really can get better.
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When Hollie Dowding finally walked away from her abusive relationship, she never imagined the journey that would follow.
In this powerful and emotional conversation, Hollie shares how coercive control, trauma bonding and domestic abuse slowly took over her life, why leaving wasn't as simple as "just walking away", and how she found the strength to fight for justice, ultimately seeing her abuser sent to prison. She also opens up about the healing process, living with PTSD, and why she's now dedicated to helping other survivors through her podcast and House of H.E.R.
This is one of the most important conversations we've ever had. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, we hope Hollie's story reminds you that you're not alone and that help is available.
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A listener tells us about the growing feeling she can’t ignore… her husband seems like the perfect dad, but she’s convinced something isn’t right. Is she overthinking it, or are the signs pointing to something more?
We unpack the story, share our honest advice, and discuss whether trust your instincts or give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Plus, we help a listener improve their dating profile, chat about modern dating, and answer more of your relationship dilemmas and listener stories.
If you’ve ever questioned your relationship, doubted your instincts, or wondered if you’re seeing red flags that everyone else is missing, this episode is for you.
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From the publisher's feed
New episodes every Thursday, with exclusive bonus episodes every Monday on Patreon.
Welcome to Not As We Planned, the honest podcast about relationships, dating, marriage, divorce and…
From becoming a mum and navigating divorce, to rebuilding life as a single mum and dating again in your 30s, we’re sharing the real, messy and unexpected sides of it all.
Life doesn’t always go to plan, and neither do relationships. This is a space for open conversations, shared experiences and saying the things most people avoid.
If you have a question or want to share your story, email us at [email protected]
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Get our weekly BONUS episode:
https://patreon.com/c/NotAsWePlanned
Follow the Podcast:
@notasweplanned_podcast
Tash:
@tash_blake_ivy
Carly:
@iamcarlyharris
Get the Planner:
https://notasweplanned.shop
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