In their coverage of Downton Abbey S5E5 (the golden episode), Kelly & Tom cheer the continued existence of Empress Bitch Mabel Lane Fox, wonder what sheep would think of pigs, question Mrs. Hughes’ feminism, discuss Merty’s “single white female” approach to courtship, propose assassin training for babies, get excited that someone finally tips Carson, tell Molesley to stop mansplaining Baxter’s crime to Baxter, and try in vain to ignore the looming specter of Murder Prison. Kelly explains what “textiles” are, Tom enlightens and depresses on the subject of pogroms, and everyone is relieved that they don’t have to explain Burning Man to their grandparent

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