Notes in the Margin

Yep: it's true. All those woo-woo pollyannas out there can do one. Positive thinking is BAD FOR YOU. Okay, not all of it, but there's something much better out there that'll help you build a fabulous life and business, and Vicky and Joe are here to share it with you. Also featuring rhubarb gin, and an interesting elbow bruise.

Key Takeaways:

[2:00] Positive thinking is bad for you!

[2:40] What is a pollyanna?

[4:45] Positive thinking is a massive industry and Vicky believes it's America's fault. (Sorry America).

[7:40] Negative emotions can benefit your overall psychological health.

[9:30] People who believe that our emotions are flexible and changeable are more likely to blame themselves when they experience negative emotions.

[11:20] You can't appropriately deal with your negative emotions if you don't acknowledge them consciously.

[14:00] What does the data say about positive thinking?

[16:35] Pessimists were less prone to depression after experiencing a negative life event.

[19:00] You can't think your way out of a serious illness. Positivity helps, but it doesn't cure you.

[21:15] Did you know window shopping makes you feel as good as actual shopping psychologically?

[23:35] The physical act of smiling can make you feel happier.

[26:40] What can people do to improve their outcomes? Vicky offers some actionable steps.

[29:40] Can you turn back time by simply 'acting' younger?

[32:35] Vicky offers some final takeaways from this week's show.

[33:20] Like this podcast? Please share it!

Mentioned in This Episode:

Vicky Fraser

Vicky's Podcast

Vicky's Blog

Join the Superheroes

Vicky's Business For Superheroes Book

The Inner Circle

Borrow My Brain

Vicky's Book Club

Vicky's new book!

Email Vicky

Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, and Overcast

Vicky chokes on her beer (yes, BEER – because they failed to keep enough tonic water in stock). Joe bleeds everywhere. Mark Twain's real name makes an appearance, and Oprah Winfrey pops in (again not really, just her wisdom). Vicky explains why everyone should do a moustache-based striptease in the style of Charlie Chaplin, and Joe explains why the winner of a pole dance competition wasn't the obvious choice. This week, Vicky and Joe are talking about confidence: what it is, why it's important (according to actual SCIENCE), and how to have it.

Key Takeaways:

[2:35] What is confidence?

[4:45] Be proud to take credit for your hard work. Claim it! Don't brush it off as a 'fluke'.

[5:35] Believe in your ability.

[6:25] You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.

[7:45] Why is confidence is so important?

[9:10] Arrogance is shouting about it, but confidence is just doing it.

[10:45] Outside of business, why is confidence important?

[14:00] Cologne vs. no cologne, which made men more confident?

[16:30] By the way, how you praise people is incredibly important. You can give constructive feedback while also boosting someone's confidence.

[18:15] If more people were confident, the world would be a better place!

[18:25] How can you improve your confidence?

[22:15] Make an active effort to get better in a skill set.

[24:00] Do you ever get scared about doing something for the very first time?

[26:00] It's okay to be selfish! Take care of yourself. You don't have to 'give, give, give' all the time.

[28:50] Is there something you don't like about yourself? Fix it!

[30:35] If you're always comparing yourself to other people. You will always fall short.

[32:25] Ask for the things you want in life! No is better than nothing.

[32:50] Tune in next week to find out why positive thinking is bad for you!

Mentioned in This Episode:

Vicky Fraser

Vicky's Podcast

Vicky's Blog

Join the Superheroes

Vicky's Business For Superheroes Book

The Inner Circle

Borrow My Brain

Vicky's Book Club

Vicky's new book!

Email Vicky

Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, and Overcast

Vicky started on the gin slightly early, and burbles. Also, some sentences get together in a big cosy cuddle when they should be segregated. Joe questions who Ryan Reynolds is, and why Vicky loves him so (he looks a bit like Joe, is one reason). Richard Branson pops in (not really actually IN as a guest, more as a fine example of great business ownerness) and Vicky tells her pole instructor she's completely awesome (she is). Finally, they dive into this week's topic: how your own brain is holding itself back with limiting beliefs you probably picked up during childhood. But they don't stop there: you also get a 4-step plan for demolishing those damaging limiting beliefs and replacing them with something more constructive instead.

Key Takeaways:

[2:40] Do you have self-limiting beliefs?

[3:15] With that being said, at 42, you're probably not going to win a gold medal at the Olympics.

[4:15] What stories do you tell yourself?

[6:30] Are you 'unconsciously' putting yourself down?

[6:55] What are self-limiting beliefs exactly?

[9:40] Whether you like it or not, everybody has limiting beliefs.

[11:50] Vicky shares some examples of limiting beliefs about money.

[15:30] If you don't believe in yourself, then you'll have a hard time achieving your dreams.

[18:15] If you're ever angry or feel stuck, ask yourself why and dig deep to find its core. Chances are, a limiting belief is stopping you.

[21:45] Limiting beliefs are holding you back!!

[23:55] How can you defeat these limiting beliefs and get back on track?

[27:35] What would a successful/ beautiful/ talented person do in your place? Take those thoughts and ideas and fuel yourself with it. Take action with it!

[28:55] Have a question about limiting beliefs? Send Vicky an email!

Mentioned in This Episode:

Vicky Fraser

Vicky's Podcast

Vicky's Blog

Join the Superheroes

Vicky's Business For Superheroes Book

The Inner Circle

Borrow My Brain

Vicky's Book Club

Vicky's new book!

Email Vicky

Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, and Overcast

Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki and Sharon Lechter

Vicky finally learns to do her own makeup, so subjects Joe to a video podcast (check out YouTube). They talk about how it's definitely the winning that counts – despite the kind words of lots of people. As for actually winning: you won't do so if you're not good enough (like Vicky at her pole comp) – but that's actually a good thing, because losing helps you get better. They set the world to rights and rant about racist dickheads. This week's gin is orange. Finally, definitely check out the video if you want to see Joe and Vicky's 15 chins.

Key Takeaways:

[2:10] Vicky turns 40 next year and has...never figured out makeup.

[4:45] Vicky didn't win a pole dancing competition recently. Why? Because she was not good enough.

[5:45] If you don't lose, then how are you ever going to improve?

[8:00] There's nothing wrong with wanting to win! But don't strive for it at someone else's expense.

[8:40] Want to improve your skills? Watch yourself on video and analyse it.

[14:00] One day when we've achieved ______, we will be happy! Well, this is a lie.

[16:35] Side rant: Vicky unfriended someone on Facebook.

[19:15] Immigrants taking your job away is not the bottom-line problem at the end of the day.

[21:25] How are you going to fix things? How are you going to make it better?

[22:30] If you're looking for ways to say 'it's not my fault', you will find them.

[25:30] Focus on yourself and ignore what other people are doing. Focus on being a better person.

Mentioned in This Episode:

Vicky Fraser

Vicky's Podcast

Vicky's Blog

Join the Superheroes

Vicky's Business For Superheroes Book

The Inner Circle

Borrow My Brain

Vicky's Book Club

Vicky's new book!

Email Vicky

Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, and Overcast

Go for No! by Andrea Waltz and Richard Fenton

Why are you STILL doing that? Even though it's not working? Honestly, get over it. In this episode, we wrestle with a raspberry seed stuck in Vix's teeth, a tragic lack of gin (due to illness), and why human brains are wired to screw us over. We dig deep into the sapien's cranium, pull out the entrails of the sunk cost fallacy, and examine them closely – then we show you how to avoid wasting even more time and money and effort than you already have. Oh, and you'll find out how and why Vicky wasted THOUSANDS of pounds because her brain tricked her. She sets fire to money so you don't have to.

Key Takeaways:

[2:05] Vicky went camping and a rampaging badger chased after her. They're sturdy creatures.

[7:05] Have you ever bought something and regretted it?

[10:30] Sunk cost fallacy drives poor life choices, and terrible government and business decisions.

[10:50] Vicky shares her first sunk cost fallacy experience in her business.

[16:40] Listing the benefits of your products and services is a good thing, but don't forget about the 'if you do nothing…' option. Fear of staying the same scares a lot of people .

[20:35] Your marketing needs to be at a point where people don't think of your product as a cost. They need to think, "I need this."

[22:15] Wasting money is painful.

[25:40] Don't put up with an asshole client just because you're in the process of doing work for them. You don't get that time back!

[27:25] As rational as we think we are, we actually don't end up seeing our own biases.

[30:30] Are you measuring, testing, and looking at your numbers carefully?

[32:35] Like this podcast? Please leave us a review!

Mentioned in This Episode:

Vicky Fraser

Vicky's Podcast

Vicky's Blog

Join the Superheroes

Vicky's Business For Superheroes Book

The Inner Circle

Borrow My Brain

Vicky's Book Club

Vicky's new book!

Email Vicky

Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, and Overcast

Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely

Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

Vicky invites Connor Benham to be a guest on today's podcast. Connor has 7 years of Facebook ads experience and shares key advice on how you can dip your toes into this very profitable space. He covers everything from what you shouldn't do, how to target more of your ideal customers on your own, and how to find a talented expert to help you grow your business.

Key Takeaways:

[1:25] Who is Connor and what does he do?

[2:20] What are some of the biggest mistakes people make with their Facebook ads?

[4:20] Facebook is very smart. You can't 'out-win' Facebook.

[4:40] How does Facebook know you're pregnant?

[6:50 Facebook has enough information on you to know exactly what you're going to do before you do it.

[7:30] What's the best way to get started using Facebook ads?

[11:55] Connor walks you through the various ways you can target your ideal customer.

[18:00] You have to present your service as an offer or package so that it forces your audience to take action.

[20:35] What's the difference between an ad and a boosted post?

[25:50] If you don't know what you're doing and if you don't want to hire someone, then at the very least, don't give Facebook your clueless money!

[25:55] Facebook is just one of the many marketing channels you should be using.

[29:45] If you want to hire someone, what are some of the things to look for in a Facebook ads expert?

[34:50] Go to Connor's website to download his 7 steps to a killer Facebook campaign cheat-sheet!

Mentioned in This Episode:

Vicky Fraser

Vicky's Podcast

Vicky's Business For Superheroes Book

The Inner Circle

Borrow My Brain

Vicky's Book Club

Vicky's new book!

Email Vicky

Connor Benham

Vicky and Joe discuss ways you can tactfully remove difficult people out of your life, or at the very least deal with them in such a way that it causes you little to no stress. Dealing with difficult people is unavoidable, even when you work alone! Here are 11-ish ways to ninja your way out of a toxic situation.

Key Takeaways:

[2:40] Today's topic is all about dealing with difficult people!

[4:45] Chronic long term stress will kill you.

[5:15] What types of difficult people are out there?

[7:15] What's up with bullies? What's wrong with them?!

[9:45] Joe offers advice for freelancers who have clients who creep in extra work into projects.

[12:00] Is your client going through a crisis? Not your problem!

[15:30] Pro tip: Don't try to change people. Ever. It's a losing battle.

[18:40] Set limits and boundaries for yourself.

[24:00] Pick your battles. Count to 10. You don't have to respond to negativity right away.

[26:05] People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.

[28:25] Remember, you are never forced to work with anyone you don't want to. Can't live without that money? Yes, you can. Fire them and grow your business the healthy way.

[32:50] Enjoyed this episode? Please review us on iTunes!

Mentioned in This Episode:

Vicky Fraser

Vicky's Podcast

Vicky's Business For Superheroes Book

The Inner Circle

Borrow My Brain

Vicky's Book Club

Vicky's new book!

Email Vicky

Vicky has had her share of haters and shares some wisdom today with Joe and you on how you can tactfully and gracefully handle those kinds of people. Don't let one piece of hate mail ruin your day, because there are tons and tons of people who love you, support you, and want to see you win!

Key Takeaways:

[2:10] People worry too much about what other people think of them.

[2:55] Who is the biggest hater of them all?

[6:20] Do you ever worry about what other people think about you?

[8:40] As a business owner, you should have an opinion and make it clear to people what it is you stand for.

[10:30] Most of the time, other people are thinking about themselves.

[12:25] You will receive more positive feedback about your work and yourself, if you ask for it!

[14:35] Vicky shares what it was like to get her first hate mail.

[20:25] Vicky has some hater-diffuser tips for you.

[26:00] 1/3rd of people will love you, 1/3rd will hate you, and 1/3rd are not going to care.

[26:40] Haters are contagious.

[30:15] Joe shares some quick takeaways of what he's learned today.

[32:25] Next week's topic will cover how to deal with difficult people!

Mentioned in This Episode:

Vicky Fraser

Vicky's Podcast

Vicky's Business For Superheroes Book

The Inner Circle

Borrow My Brain

Vicky's Book Club

Vicky's new book!

Email Vicky

Vicky and Joe discuss ways to stop putting the blame on someone else and to take responsibility for your actions. Screwing up in business is actually not that big of a deal; it's how you handle the screw up that is. Most times, clients don't care whose fault it is, they care if you can fix it or not!

Key Takeaways:

[2:50] But it's not my fault!!

[3:35] Who are the Rolling Quads?

[7:00] If you want change in any way, you have to make it yourself.

[10:55] If you screw something up, that's okay. It's all in how you deal with that screw up that makes the difference.

[13:45] Don't give away your power when something you can't control happens to you. You can be very proactive with bad news.

[16:00] Vicky shares a client horror story.

[23:40] Your business and your life will transform when you start taking responsibility for what happens to you.

[24:10] When you make it everybody else's fault, you give away your power to fix the problem yourself.

Mentioned in This Episode:

Vicky Fraser

Vicky's Podcast

Vicky's Business For Superheroes Book

The Inner Circle

Borrow My Brain

Vicky's Book Club

Vicky's new book!

Email Vicky

99% Invisible

Vicky and Joe continue their discussion on how to build trust with others. Vicky shares that a limp handshake, an overuse of a name, and staring into someone's eyes for too long are all great ways to break trust and rapport with someone. However, it's important to work on these things where you can get it down to a moderate and comfortable level because they're also fantastic ways to build trust and safety with others.

Key Takeaways:

[3:25] Joe gives a quick recap on how you can project confidence.

[4:05] How much is too much eye contact?

[7:15] Vicky hates, hates a limp handshake!!

[12:25] Are you an expert handshaker? Vicky would like to hear from you!

[13:15] Mirroring people's actions actually helps to build trust.

[13:45] Use people's names, but don't force it. Overuse of a name raises Vicky's alarm bells.

[15:25] It's almost impossible to not smile at someone when they smile at you.

[20:20] If someone takes a step back or is retreating from your 'space', don't follow them!

[21:10] What is the 'super hero' pose?

[24:55] Joe advises that in any situation where there are engineers, don't touch them.

[25:10] Watch a video of yourself! It may be uncomfortable, but it's very helpful insight.

[28:35] Next week's topic will be about taking responsibility for everything in your life! Yay!

Mentioned in This Episode:

Vicky Fraser

Vicky's Podcast

Vicky's Business For Superheroes Book

The Inner Circle

Borrow My Brain

Vicky's Book Club

Vicky's new book!

Email Vicky