November 18, 2025

Numbing the Pain: Unfinished Grief and Recovery

31 minutes

Ryan’s story is a powerful journey through early substance use, deep loss, incarceration, and ultimately finding real recovery. From growing up seeking acceptance, to losing his closest friend at 16, to years of cycling between numbness and despair, Ryan opens up about the turning points that shifted his life. He reflects on the moment he almost gave up, how connection inside prison planted the first seeds of recovery, and how service, honesty, and community helped him rebuild his life. Today, with six months in recovery, a thriving small business, and strong family relationships, Ryan talks about healing, purpose, and the simple daily actions that keep him grounded. His message to anyone struggling: you’re not alone, and recovery is absolutely possible.

00:00 – Intro & Recovery Dates
00:52 – How They First Met
01:19 – Reuniting Inside AA Meetings
02:07 – Ryan’s Childhood
03:26 – Meeting the Friend Who Shaped Everything
04:00 – First Time Trying to “Feel Something”
05:00 – Becoming the “Go-To” Guy
05:36 – The Night Everything Changed
07:27 – Grief He Never Faced
08:30 – Homeless at 18
09:30 – Crossing Lines & Getting Arrested
10:19 – “Recovery Curious”
12:43 – Hearing the 15-Year Offer
14:17 – The Serenity Prayer Moment
16:05 – Tier 4 Program & Real Change
17:15 – Coming Home With Purpose
18:44 – Finding Community Again
19:58 – Being Around Recovery vs. In Recovery
21:42 – Substitution & Spiraling
22:28 – Losing Himself Again
23:08 – New Year’s at His Friend’s Grave
24:21 – Choosing Recovery For Real
25:00 – Returning to CCAR
25:46 – Life in Recovery Today
26:43 – Rebuilding Family Bonds
27:27 – Growing His Landscaping Business
28:20 – Daily Program & Service
28:59 – “If I Can Do It, Anyone Can”
29:25 – Advice for the First 24 Hours