*Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions that may be sensitive or triggering for some listeners, including references to suicide. Listener discretion is advised

Welcome back to By Their Side! In this powerful episode, we dive into the often underappreciated perspective of birth mothers with Ashley Mitchell, the inspiring force behind Big Tough Girl ™. She shares her personal journey of placing her son for adoption in 2006 and the challenges she faced in the aftermath, and we explore the critical need for post-placement support and understanding the grief and loss experienced by birth mothers.

Ashley sheds light on the transformative work of her network Knee to Knee which is dedicated to supporting birth mothers nationwide. We discuss the complexities of the adoption triad, emphasizing the evolving understanding of relationships as a constellation rather than a traditional triad. We also dive into the lifelong impact of adoption, dispelling the myth that adoptions at birth are trauma-free. Ashley passionately advocates for respectful language and empathetic support for both birth parents and adoptive families. 

Ashley also shares invaluable advice for professionals working with youth in foster care, highlighting the importance of child-centered approaches, empathy, and validation. Don’t miss this eye-opening episode that challenges preconceptions and champions the voices of birth mothers. Join us as we navigate the intricate landscape of adoption, fostering empathy, and understanding for all involved!

 

Highlights:

[0:44] - Today’s guest is Ashley Mitchell, founder of the Knee to Knee program!

[2:06] - In 2006, Ashley placed her son for adoption, prompting her advocacy for post-placement support nationwide.

[4:23] - Ashley reveals that she leads monthly support groups, advocates for law reform, and educates adoptive parents ethically.

[5:36] - The adoption dynamic extends beyond the triad, involving a constellation of individuals shaping relationships.

[7:01] - Balancing the challenges of navigating trauma work and being a birth mom is complex.

[9:10] - Ashley feels that personal language choices in adoption, like "place," express individual perspectives and deserve respect.

[12:31] - Ashley argues that adoption spans a lifetime, with the shared experience of maternal-child separation shaping forever families.

[15:16] - Respecting a child's varied emotions in adoption or foster care is essential for support.

[18:43] - The language used about biological parents significantly influences a child's attitude and relationship dynamics.

[20:33] - Ashley asserts that how others speak about birth parents directly influences a child's ability to maintain relationships.

[22:34] - It's important to prioritize a child's feelings when addressing broken commitments, fostering a safe space for open conversation.

[25:10] - Ashley encourages people to consider the impact on a child when discussing birth parents and to avoid burdening them with adult concerns.

[28:34] - It's crucial for foster parents to understand their role and align with the goal of family preservation.

[31:45] - Ashley believes that foster care training needs to incorporate adoption considerations for smoother transitions to open adoptions.

[34:09] - The complexities of children returning to parents require recognizing nuances, promoting dignity, and fostering understanding.

[37:45] - Birth parents need resources for mental health, but adoptive parents also require support.

[39:33] - Ashley credits her husband and the supportive community of birth mothers for their resilience.

[41:53] - Ashley shares where she can be found online.

 

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