Nurturing Habit

I've heard over and over from clients that they are in a season where sex feels not much fun. They are tired, touched out, and have no energy to give their partners. They miss it, but they also don't really want to do it. That's totally normal. In this conversation with Leah Carey, we discuss some of the ways that you can get really clear about what kind of intimacy you want with your partner, no matter what season you are in, and how to find your voice to ask for it. And what I find so fascinating (and important!) about this conversation, is that the more you practice identifying your needs and asking for them in any part of your life, the more you have that skill everywhere. You can get what you want in bed, and you can get what you want in the kitchen, and in the office, too. In this episode

• You CAN ask for what you want, and practicing that skill anywhere helps everywhere
• There is a normal - and wide - spectrum of desire.
• Intimacy can be just as important as sex.
• We all have different needs for touch, and there are so many factors that impact our current needs.
• How to increase desire, attraction, and interest in your partner.
• Wherever you are on any of this, you are normal.

Complete show notes for Episode 46

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How many times throughout your day do you take an action without really thinking about it? So many times, right? The reality, for any busy and engaged mom, is that is really noisy in your head. Some of that noise is helpful, keeping the show running, but some of it is less helpful, and it is running you. Your thoughts influence how you feel, and how you feel determines how you act. When your thoughts are aligned with your values and your goals, you will feel in control and at ease. But if your thoughts are running amok, you will find yourself exhausted, frustrated, and probably have a constant mean voice in your head critiquing your every action. But you can wrest back control. The simple practices I outline in this episode give you a peek into how you can manage your thoughts to create a life that you actually want, and where you don't waste energy berating yourself. What will you do with all that extra energy and attention? In this episode

• why practice is important for your life
• get more energy in your life by cutting out second-guessing and berating yourself
• how your thoughts are running your life - and how to get back in control
• the practice that will help you create the life you want

Complete show notes for Episode 45

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Every mom I know stresses about food an their family. Most of us are the primary food-producers and we're thinking about food and nutrition and how to get vegetables into our kid's mouths more than we'd really like to admit. And it's stressful, right? Enter Amy Vig, who is mom, podcaster, and Natural Foods Chef. She turns parents into kitchen ninjas so that they can feed their families healthy food more often. Her passion is making healthy food delicious and sharing tips, tricks, and recipes that fit your REAL life. In this episode

• How even chefs don't find feeding their kids easy.
• A different perspective on what meal planning and batch cooking can mean.
• Tons of tips for making your interactions in the kitchen and at the table easier.
• How to deal with picky eaters.
• How to help your kids be responsible for their own food.

Complete show notes for Episode 44

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Every mom I know stresses about food an their family. Most of us are the primary food-producers and we're thinking about food and nutrition and how to get vegetables into our kid's mouths more than we'd really like to admit. And it's stressful, right? Enter Amy Vig, who is mom, podcaster, and Natural Foods Chef. She turns parents into kitchen ninjas so that they can feed their families healthy food more often. Her passion is making healthy food delicious and sharing tips, tricks, and recipes that fit your REAL life. In this episode

• How even chefs don't find feeding their kids easy.
• A different perspective on what meal planning and batch cooking can mean.
• Tons of tips for making your interactions in the kitchen and at the table easier.
• How to deal with picky eaters.
• How to help your kids be responsible for their own food.

Complete show notes for Episode 44

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Get the Get Back In Control Of Your Life workbook and get regular updates about the podcast

Find out how to work one on one with Doña

This week's episode is a battle cry for independence. For your independence from feeling like you are trapped in a life that never quite makes sense. Like you are messing up, no matter what you do. Like it is always hard and frustrating. Like you are never quite getting the support and recognition that feels reasonable. Does that feel like your life? I say enough. I know how to help you not have to choose between personhood and motherhood. I know some of the tools to help us be both, and to help it feels so much better, even in the midst of the culture that makes us hard. I know a dozen ways you can lay the groundwork in your self, your home, your marriage, so that you can stand up to a culture that doesn't really respect or value you as a mom or even as a woman, and insist on respect and equality. What you'll learn in this episode:

• what it looks and feels like to live in a culture where you are not valued
• why it has been hard for me to speak up about these issues before, and why I'm doing it anyway
• what your life can be like, if you were no longer wrapped up in whether you are a good enough mom
• how you can learn more about the 12 tools that will make your life begin to make more sense

Complete show notes for Episode 43

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What do you do when there's something you know you are meant to create, but you don't have any idea how to make that thing happen? That was the question Cathy Krizik was facing. Cathy is the author of 52 reasons for Hope: Finding Inspiration in Times of Trouble. She knew she wanted more fulfillment in her life, and she had a glimmer of a dream to write a book. Ten years later, she has published that book, and is joining me to tell us what she learned about the process of bringing that dream to life, alongside building a life that feels so much more meaningful. Sometimes the process of building something is as important as the thing you are building, and sometimes a dream takes 10 years to come true. But with Cathy's wisdom, you might get to your dream a whole lot faster! Don't miss your chance to win a copy of Cathy's book this month - listen to the first pert of the episode for details on how to enter to win. What you'll learn in this episode:

• How Cathy went from being a graphic designer to writing a self-help book
• The point where most people give up, and what Cathy did instead
• The one thing you need to do consistently to make your dream a reality

Complete show notes for Episode 42

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We've all done it. We've passed judgment on some mom for something she's done (or not done). For being on her phone while she's at the park with her kids. For going back to work "so soon" after giving birth. For extended breastfeeding - or not. For sleep training - or not. For making handmade organic baby food - or not. And have you ever worried about what other people will think about your own decisions, for your own family? I'm guessing yes. The reality is that all this judgment isn't helping any of us. But also, we can learn a great deal about ourselves if we are willing to get brave and look at why we pass judgement on others, and when. In fact, this might be the thing that allows you to break free of your fear of being judge by others and making stronger, clearer decisions that you absolutely know are right for you. In this episode:

• What are the Mommy Wars and why they are so bad for all of us
• What's underneath your judgment of other women
• How to shift your thinking and bring more compassion and empathy to yourself and others
• An exciting announcement about the next episode

Complete show notes for Episode 41

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What's your money story? We all have one. You're bad with money. You're a good saver. Money is bad, money is good. For most women, our relationship with money is one of our most fraught relationships, second perhaps only to the complexity of your relationship with your mother. But dealing with money is necessary, and learning to have a clear and grounded relationship to it is an important step to feeling independent and in control in your life. That's why I brought my good friend Rachelle Magadan, owner of the Art of Love and Money, on the show this week. Rachelle works with women who want to be good with their money, but are afraid that means not being able to have fun anymore. She helps them create a financial safety net, pay off debt, and free up cash so that they can live a life they love. In this episode:

• How Rachelle makes talking about money fun
• How to celebrate what you do well with money, even if you think you suck at all of it.
• Why you need a cash cushion
• Why you need a budget (and some YNAB basics)
• How dealing with your money can be a nurturing act

Complete show notes for Episode 39

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I have become someone who folds and rolls her underwear and tucks them into a tiny box inside the drawer.

I used to be someone who just stuffed them all in a drawer and shoved it shut, until recently the shoving had become rather forceful, because the drawer was overfull. So I KonMari'ed my dresser, and while folding and rolling my underwear while folding laundry is still annoying me, opening that tidy (non-shoved) drawer and finding all my things tucked tidily and prettily inside? That fills me with delight every single morning.

And because I am someone who seeks more delight in my life, I started wondering how Marie Kondo's ideas about confronting your stuff could be applied to more than the physical stuff in my life, but also the mental stuff.

Listen to episode 39 now to hear more about what that could mean for you (spoiler: lots more joy, lots less overwhelm and guilt).

In this episode:

• An overview of the KonMari method and why this applies to more than just your closet
• Some of the ways it feels in your body to feel joy
• Other places in your life you can ask "does this bring me joy" and edit what doesn't
• Why developing the skill to recognize your joy will allow you to unhook from the weight of things that make other people happy - but not you

Complete show notes for Episode 39

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You know yourself - don't you? What I'm learning from my clients (and about myself) is that so many of us really don't. Or we know what's on the surface, but not what's underneath. And like a duck swimming along, there may be a lot of calm on the surface, and a LOT going on underneath. But getting to know yourself better - your motivations, feelings, beliefs, desires - is really pretty easy. And knowing yourself well is a powerful step toward accepting yourself, as well as deciding where and how to make changes in your life. In this episode, I dig in to why knowing yourself can be so powerful and how to do it. Whether you just scratch the surface or want to dive really deep, these suggestions will get you headed in the right direction. In this episode:

• Why self-awareness is so important
• How self-awareness can lead to ease and to change
• 7 ways to get to know yourself more deeply

Show notes for Episode 38

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Get the Get Back In Control Of Your Life workbook and get regular updates about the podcast