Dear Listener, does communicating with your partner sometimes feel like an uphill battle? Do you find yourself saying things you don't mean—or struggling to say what you do mean without it landing as an attack? What if there were a way to communicate that actually brought you closer, even during conflict?

In this episode, we're joined by Relationship Center therapist and couples counselor Nicole Penrod to explore Nonviolent Communication (NVC)—a powerful framework for transforming how you and your partner talk to each other.

Nicole breaks down the basics of NVC (also called compassionate communication), originally developed by Marshall Rosenberg. At its core, NVC helps us move from reactive, judgmental communication to empathetic, connecting conversation. Think less jackal (defensive, fear-driven) and more giraffe (big-hearted, slow, and steady).

We walk through the four steps of NVC—Observation, Feeling, Need, Request (OFNR)—with real examples, including Jessica getting pretend-mad at Josh about socks on the floor. You'll learn why "I feel abandoned" isn't actually a feeling, how to set your partner up for success (and vice versa!), and why asking for what you want can help heal attachment wounds.

If you're tired of the same old fights and ready to communicate with more compassion—for your partner and yourself—this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways

0:00 Intro

06:07 What is NVC?

10:45 What are the NVC basics?

18:28 Name the Need

21:04 Requests Without Demands

32:01 How do I actually use NVC with my partner?

Resources and links

Decolonizing NVC

1. Book: Decolonizing Non-Violent Communication
2. Podcast episode with the author: https://www.skepticspath.org/podcast/decolonizing-nonviolent-communication-with-meenadchi/

Feelings and Needs Lists: https://www.sociocracyforall.org/nvc-feelings-and-needs-list/

Nicole’s favorite video introduction of the basics: https://roxannemanning.com/an-introduction-to-nvc/

On the 4 listening modes: https://seedofpeace.org/nvc-introductory-articles/four-ways-of-listening/

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

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