Dear Listener, are you a late-in-life virgin feeling broken, behind, or like something is fundamentally wrong with you?

Do you avoid dating altogether because you dread the moment you'd have to disclose your virginity?

If virgin shame is keeping you stuck in isolation — and making partnered sex that much less likely — you’re in the right place.

In this episode, we welcome back Relationship Center psychotherapist and sex therapist Cat Fillmore to explore how to date as a virgin with confidence, self-compassion, and hope.

Cat starts by reframing the conversation entirely: What does "virgin" even mean, and who decided? She challenges the narrow definition most of us inherited and invites us toward something more liberating.

From there, we dive into practical late bloomer dating advice. Cat explains why the skills that make for great sex aren't actually about experience—and how you can start developing them right now. She shares a "yes, no, maybe" framework for building confidence with boundaries, an essential part of pleasurable sex.

We also tackle the big question: should I tell them I'm a virgin, and when? Cat explains how to recognize when someone has earned the honor of your vulnerability—and what to look for before you share.

Finally, Cat offers a reality check for anyone struggling to overcome virgin stigma. Spoiler alert: The data might surprise you—you're far from alone as a late bloomer.

If shame has been keeping you on the sidelines, this episode offers a compassionate, empowering path forward.

Key Takeaways

00:00 Intro

01:30 What does it even mean to be a virgin?

07:38 How do I date as a late-in-life virgin?

18:31 Should I tell my date I'm a virgin—and when?

30:14 How do I stop feeling broken or behind as a late-in-life virgin?

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team (including Cat!), go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, are you exhausted by the endless swipe-and-scroll cycle of dating apps? Do you wish potential matches could get to know the real you—not just a few photos and a character-limited bio? Well then, I’d like you to meet my friend, Date-Me Doc.

Date-Me Docs are standalone documents (typically housed in Google Docs or Notion) that live outside dating apps and give you space to share who you truly are, what you're looking for, and why you'd make a great partner.

But here's the twist: we believe creating a Date-Me Doc is valuable even if you never share it with anyone. Why? Because the process forces you to get crystal clear on what you want—and as we like to say, love favors the clear-sighted. That clarity will serve you whether you're swiping on Hinge, chatting someone up at a coffee shop, or asking friends to set you up.

In this episode, we walk you through our recommended structure, how to use photos effectively, why vulnerability attracts (not repels!) the right people, and how to share your Date-Me Doc with cuties you meet in real life (Josh even role-plays it for you!).

If you're craving a slower, more intentional approach to dating—one focused on depth over dopamine—this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways

00:00 Introduction and Overview

01:21 What is a Date-Me Doc?

05:21 Why should you create a Date-Me doc?

15:45 How to write a Date-Me Doc

22:22 Crafting Your Unique 'Me' Section

26:19 Describing Your Ideal Partner in the 'You' Section

29:29 Creating the 'We' Section and Final Tips

Resources and links

Tired of Dating Apps, Some Turn to ‘Date-Me Docs’ - NY Times

Date Me Directory

Date-Me Doc Template

Ep. 15 - Online Dating 102: Perfecting Your Profile & Photos

Ep. 2 - What to look for in a long-term partner

Downloadable Guide: What to look for in a long-term partner

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, are you stuck in singleness limbo—eternally swiping and messaging? Do you rarely get past dates one or two, and never into a long-term relationship? Does it seem like you almost never meet someone who feels unquestionably right for you?

What if the thing keeping you single isn’t your profile, lack of dating skills, or bad luck, but your brain running scared from doubt?

In this episode, we explore an oft-missed culprit for chronic singledom: Relationship OCD (ROCD). We sit down with Relationship Center psychotherapist, sex therapist, and dating coach Cat Fillmore to unpack how this misunderstood form of OCD can quietly sabotage your dating life.

Cat explains what ROCD actually is (spoiler: it’s not just “being picky”) and how it shows up as an obsessional cycle: a trigger, an intrusive thought (“Do I really like them enough?”), spiraling meaning-making, intense anxiety, and then compulsions like endless Googling, reassurance-seeking from friends, or constant “checking” of your feelings.

You’ll hear how ROCD can lead people to swipe endlessly, dismiss promising matches over tiny details, or cut things off after 1–3 dates because the connection doesn’t feel perfectly “just right.” Cat also shares how to tell the difference between ordinary dating anxiety and ROCD, why self-diagnosing is tricky, and why working with an OCD-informed therapist matters.

Most importantly, Cat offers hope: ROCD is highly treatable—often with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)—and you can learn to live with doubt, date more freely, and build real, lasting love.

If fear about the “what ifs” of a relationship makes dating feel painful or pointless, this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

03:01 - What is Relationship OCD?

09:28 - What are some of the signs ROCD might be sabotaging your dating life?

23:13 - Can can someone with ROCD find lasting love? How?

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, we’re back!

In this short note, we pop in to say hello, share what we’ve been cooking up, and let you know what’s coming next on I Love You Too. Think: Date-Me Docs, crafting a clear relationship vision, and juicy interviews—including a deep dive with Cat Fillmore on one of the most overlooked reasons people stay chronically single.

If you’ve missed us, the feeling is mutual. Subscribe, send us your questions, and buckle up for a very relationship-nerdy season ahead.

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

Dear Listener, we have some exciting updates—and a big life change—to share!

In this special episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on what’s ahead for the podcast, our work at The Relationship Center, and our family! We’re excited to share some personal and professional changes that will dramatically shape what we’re up to in 2025, including temporarily pressing “pause” on creating new episodes.

Don’t worry – while we’re tending to the exciting happenings behind the scenes, there are many ways you can connect with us, whether through our past episodes, blog content, or working with us directly via therapy or coaching. If you’ve been thinking about deepening your relationship skills or getting dating support, now’s the perfect time to explore what we offer.

Plus, we take a moment to reflect on our recent big life changes and how they might encourage you if you feel down about your relationship prospects. Tune in for all the details—we promise, this is an update you won’t want to miss!

We’ll miss you during our brief pause, Dear Listener, but we’d love to hear from you! Send us your questions, thoughts, and encouragement to [email protected].  

We’ll be back before you know it. Until then, we love you too!

Resources and links

If you’d like to work with one of us or another talented clinician on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

If you’d like to learn more about intensives, check out our brochure here: https://relationshipcenter.com/s/Intensives-Brochure.pdf

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

For more podcast episodes, visit https://relationshipcenter.com/podcast

For more written content, check out our blog: https://relationshipcenter.com/blog

Do your relationships tend to develop at a romantic comedy pace, only to get messy fast and fall apart dramatically? If you’ve struggled to find sustainable, lasting love, then this episode is for you. Learn about common pacing pitfalls that prevent couples from building stable partnerships, including red flags such as love bombing, how pacing can help you work skillfully with the “addiction” of love, and what to do when your pacing doesn’t match your partner’s.

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

02:38 - What is pacing in dating? And why should we care?

19:23 - How can we pace the development of a new relationship for long-term success?

36:43 - What are signs that pacing is off in a new relationship?

50:11 - What if your pacing doesn’t match your partner’s pacing?

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Ep. 1 - You Aren’t Crazy, Dating is Hard (Especially for Anxious Folx)

Ep. 2 - What to look for in a long-term partner

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams,  and Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D.

Natalie Lue’s blog Baggage Reclaim

🤓 Prefer to read rather than listen? Check out Ep. 4 - How pacing can help you find love that lasts for a full blog post.

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

What makes a good long-term partner, according to science? And why is it important to be mindful when we are choosing who to settle down with? In this episode, we dig into the research about what to look for and — equally important — what not to look for in a long-term partner. Plus, how do you clarify what you need in a partner? How can you differentiate between dealbreakers and “nice-to-haves” so that you can more effectively date?

Key Takeaways

00:00:00 - Intro and episode overview

00:02:42 - Why be mindful of who we choose as a long-term partner?

00:06:14 - What science says about what makes a good long-term partner

00:25:19 - What doesn’t make someone a good partner, according to research

00:51:21 - How to clarify what you need in a partner

01:04:40 - How to clarify what you want vs. what you need

Resources Mentioned

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Downloadable Guide: What to look for in a long-term partner (includes the Relationship Inventory and the Ideal Mate Exercise)

Warren Buffett says the most important decision you’ll ever make has nothing to do with your money or career

Study from Tel Aviv: Dissatisfaction with Married Life in Men Is Related to Increased Stroke and All-Cause Mortality

Harvard Study of Adult Development

Plays Well with Others: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong, By Eric Barker

The Gottman Institute

How to Not Die Alone, by Logan Ury

Deeper Dating, by Ken Page

People Are Dating All Wrong, According to Data Science

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, welcome to the final episode of our Dating Skills Series! In this installment, we focus on neurodivergent dating skills, offering insights into how autistics, ADHDers, highly sensitive people, and otherwise neurodivergent people may express affection, flirt, and show romantic interest. Whether you’re neurodivergent and struggling with dating, or a neurotypical crushing on a neurodivergent cutie, this episode is packed with valuable information.

Join us as we explore key neurodivergent dating skills, including:

1. Story Swapping: Understand how neurodivergent individuals might share stories to connect and show empathy.

2. Managing Stimulation: Learn strategies for adjusting the sensory environment on dates to feel more comfortable and present.

3. Cooperative Overlap: Discover how some neurodivergent people may interrupt out of enthusiasm, showing they’re engaged in the conversation.

4. Info Dumping: Find out why delving into a favorite topic deeply can be a sign of interest and connection.

5. Focus on Verbal Communication: Explore why direct language and less emphasis on tone or nonverbal cues might be the norm in neurodivergent communication.

We also delve into how autistic people might express romantic love, the role of noncompliance as an adaptive skill, and the importance of creating authentic connections without masking. By the end of this episode, you’ll gain a deeper appreciation of neurodivergent dating skills and practical strategies for building meaningful relationships. Tune in and learn how to connect with your neurodivergent date in ways that honor their unique communication style (and fight ableism, too, yay!).

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

01:33 - Understanding Neurodivergence

04:31 - Why learn neurodivergent dating skills?

13:24 - #1: Story swapping

15:58 - #2: Manage Stimulation on Dates

20:17 - #3: Cooperative Overlap

24:26 - #4: Info dumping about special interests

27:00 - #5: Focus on verbal communication

29:23 - #6: Honest and direct language

31:02 - #7: Focus on meaning of words

34:02 - #8: Skip the small talk

35:42 - #9: Ask lots of questions in pursuit of accuracy

38:08 - #10: Parallel play

40:14 - #11: Non-compliance

43:08 - Recap

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Embrace Autism

Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity, By Devon Price, PhD

Neurowild

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, welcome to the third episode of our Dating Skills Series! In this installment, we dive deep into the art of building intimacy, a crucial aspect of creating chemistry and emotional connections on your dates. This episode is for you if you are frequently “friend-zoned” or struggle to get past first or second dates.

Join us as we explore five key skills for building intimacy on a date:

1. Self-Affirm: Learn how to shift from self-criticism to self-compassion, allowing you to show up confidently and authentically.
2. Play: Discover how to bring lightness and joy into your interactions, making your dates more fun and engaging.
3. Assert: Master the art of clearly and respectfully communicating your desires while giving your date space to express theirs.
4. Reveal: Enhance emotional closeness by sharing your feelings and encouraging your date to do the same.
5. Touch: Understand how to move from friendly to flirty touch, using your intuition and your date’s cues to gauge comfort and interest.

“Paul” and “Petunia” return, so don’t miss their silly, touching examples of how to get playful, flirtatious, and deep.  Tune in to learn how to emotionally connect with your date, create intimate moments, and understand the role of physical touch in building chemistry. By the end of this episode, you’ll have practical strategies to help you build connections that might blossom into joyful, lifelong love.

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

03:84 - #1: Self-Affirm

06:26 - #2: Play

16:28 - #3: Assert

22:25 - #4: Reveal

27:43 - #5: Touch

34:04 - Recap

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Free Dating Skills Infographics

Ep. 3 - How to flirt like a feminist

Non-Creepy Flirting: Signs, Confidence, & Respectful Tactics

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Are you struggling to keep conversations flowing on dates, Dear Listener? Rest assured, you're not alone – one of the most common questions we receive is, What should I talk about on a date? Join us for part two of our four-part dating skills series, where we are here to guide you in improving your conversation skills.

In this episode, we delve into 'juicy conversations' and explore how to keep a conversation going and build rapport effectively. Learn five key skills to enhance your dating conversations:

1. Tapping into Your Senses: Engage your senses to stay present and responsive.
2. Asking Open-Ended and Deep Questions: Learn what deep questions to ask to foster connection.
3. Active Listening: Show genuine interest and understanding in your date's responses.
4. Lingering in Conversations and Silences: Embrace pauses to allow deeper connections to form.
5. Using 'Yes, And': Build connections by affirming and expanding on your date’s ideas.

Practical demos highlight what to do and what not to do on dates, giving you actionable insights and equipping you with the necessary tools for creating and sustaining meaningful relationships. By the end of this episode, you’ll walk away prepared and confident, with practical strategies to improve your conversation skills, ensuring your dates are engaging, meaningful, and successful. Tune in and transform your dating conversations into deeper, more rewarding connections.

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

02:20 - #1: Sense

06:26 - #2: Open

18:09 - #3: Listen

27:16 - #4: Linger

36:41 - #5: Yes, And

45:02 - Summary and Conclusion

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Free Dating Skills Infographics

Ep. 3 - How to flirt like a feminist

Non-Creepy Flirting: Signs, Confidence, & Respectful Tactics

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!