I Love You, Too

Dear Listener, has becoming a parent left you wondering what happened to your relationship? Are you and your partner fighting more, connecting less, and struggling to find your footing as a couple? Or maybe you're preparing for a baby and want to know what to look out for?

We're closing out this season with something a little different — an intimate conversation with just the two of us, no guest, no script, no prep, talking honestly about how to be a couple after becoming parents.

We went into parenthood relatively confident we could stay connected through it. After all, relationships are literally our special interest. But all our pre-baby prep — couples therapy, books about marriage after kids, and long planning sessions — none of it gave us the information we could only get once baby arrived. So we're sharing what we learned from the trenches, mistakes included, so you don't have to repeat them.

We talk about what shifted for us: what sleep deprivation and time scarcity does to a couple's capacity for repair, what happened when our intentions about gender roles met the reality of exhaustion, and the surprising thing that helped when we stopped being quite so careful with each other. We also get into postpartum rage — what it's like to feel it, and what it takes to stay present for it.

And we walk through the practice we came up with for co-regulating in five minutes or less, when a longer conversation isn't in the cards. It's a little silly and a lot of improv, and it's made a real difference — as has protecting time for date nights and our own therapy.

If you're working on reconnecting with your partner after baby, or trying to keep your marriage strong through the early years with kids, we hope something in our experience is useful to you.

One more thing, Dear Listener: this is our last episode for a few months. We'll be back in January, and we’ll miss you terribly in the meantime.

Resources and links

Hack Your Nervous System Card Deck

Understanding Polyvagal Theory | Basics Explained (video)

Polyvagal Personal Profile Map (video)

Polyvagal Glimmers and Triggers Map (video)

Polyvagal Regulating Resources Map (video)

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, is polyamory just cheating with extra steps? If you've ever wondered what actually distinguishes ethical non-monogamy from infidelity—or if you're thinking about opening your relationship and want to do it right—this episode is for you.

Maybe you're curious about ENM but nervous about what it could do to your relationship. Maybe you're already practicing ethical non-monogamy and navigating a shift—adding a new partner, one of you wanting to close back up, or renegotiating agreements that no longer fit. Whether you're just getting started or deep in the complexity of polyamory, we've got you covered.

This is the final episode in our Managing Thirds series. "Thirds" are people, things, or activities outside your couple bubble that can threaten—or enrich—your relationship's safety and security. And when it comes to ENM, there are a lot of thirds to manage—which is why doing this well requires intention.

We're joined by Relationship Center therapist Nicole Penrod, AMFT, who specializes in supporting couples through transitions like this one. Nicole breaks down what actually distinguishes ENM from cheating, and explains why opening a relationship—or changing how you're open—will intensify whatever already exists between you, for better and for worse.

We walk through what ENM relationships need to function well: knowing your strengths and weaknesses as a couple, getting clear on your why, building tools to navigate surprises as they arise, and managing big feelings like jealousy. Nicole introduces practical frameworks, including how to create a "container for experimentation" and the RADAR check-in—a structured conversation for staying connected through change. We even do a mini roleplay so you can hear what it sounds like in action.

If you want to explore or evolve your ENM relationship in a way that strengthens rather than strains your connection, this episode was made just for you.

Key Takeaways

00:00 Intro

01:36 Managing Thirds Meets ENM

11:25 Agreements and Check In Tools

24:16 RADAR Check-In Framework

28:55 Mini RADAR Roleplay

40:45 Updating agreements as you go

Resources and links

Polywise: A Deeper Dive into Navigating Open Relationships by Jessica Fern and David

Multiamory podcast

Ep. 20 - Understanding Jealousy, Compersion & Attachment in Relationships

Ep. 35 - NVC for Couples: What Nonviolent Communication Is and How to Use It

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Does your partner's family sometimes feel like a third wheel in your relationship, Dear Listener? Maybe your in-laws overstep, your partner sides with their parents over you, or you're navigating grandparents who have strong opinions about how you're raising your kids.

We’ve worked with countless couples struggling with how to relate to in-laws and grandparents, so worry not – we’ve got your back.

This is the third episode in our Managing Thirds series, and we're tackling one of the stickiest thirds of all: your partner's family. We're joined by Relationship Center therapist and couples counselor Cody Gould to explore how couples can navigate in-law relationships without losing their connection—or their minds.

Cody walks us through the spectrum of involvement with in-laws, from boundaryless enmeshment to limited contact to no contact at all—and how couples can figure out what's right for them. We dig into what happens when your partner chooses their parents over you (and what to do about it), how to set boundaries with overstepping grandparents, and why a unified front matters so much when you're parenting differently than your parents did (which, let’s be real, you probably are).

The good news? It all comes back to just one thing: your couple bubble must be protected first and foremost. You and your partner are the proverbial roof of the house; you must be strong and aligned no matter what. Put more simply, before you have any conversation with in-laws, you and your partner need to be on the same page — about what you're comfortable with, what your boundaries are, and how you'll respond when those boundaries get pushed.

If you're navigating tricky family dynamics and want to protect your relationship while honoring the people you love, this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways

00:00 Intro

02:02 Managing Thirds Recap

02:36 In-Laws as a Third

07:09 Choosing Involvement Levels

23:02 When your partner sides with their family

34:38 Setting Boundaries with Parents Around Baby

Resources and links

How to set boundaries with in-laws (inc. list of possible boundaries)

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, has your relationship been rocked by a betrayal? Maybe you discovered your partner was hiding something—an affair, a secret account, or a series of trust-breaking half-truths. Or maybe you're the one who kept the secret, and now you're wondering if there's any way to heal your relationship.

This is the second episode in our Managing Thirds series, and we're tackling one of the most painful examples of a mismanaged third: betrayal. We're joined by Relationship Center therapist Shae Burnette, AMFT, who specializes in recovery from betrayal trauma. In this conversation, Shae walks us through how couples can actually heal after infidelity or other major breaches of trust, and even build a stronger relationship as a result.

Shae explains that betrayal isn't just about affairs – breaches of trust can result from withholding information that, if known, would have changed everything. This can include hidden addictions, covert spending, or omitting a quiet, inconvenient truth, like realizing you don’t want kids after all. What all betrayals have in common: one partner kept a secret, and now the other partner's sense of reality has been shattered.

We walk through the phases of healing—from addressing the betrayed partner's trauma and rebuilding trust, to renegotiating the agreements of the relationship so this doesn't happen again. You'll learn what the secret-keeping partner needs to do to regain trust (hint: it's more than just apologizing), how the betrayed partner can set boundaries after infidelity without becoming punitive, and why rushing through recovery almost always backfires.

If you're navigating betrayal trauma recovery and wondering whether your relationship can survive—or even become stronger—this episode offers a clear, compassionate path forward.

Key Takeaways

0:00 Intro

02:01 Managing Thirds: Recap

03:11 What is betrayal?

07:22 Phase One: Rebuilding Trust

29:14 Phase Two: Agreements

43:51 Phase Three: Maintenance

Resources and links

Ep. 37 - A Common Reason Relationships Fail: Managing Thirds (Part 1 of 4)

The Ten Commandments for a Secure-Functioning Relationship by Stan Tatkin (blog post)

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, have you ever felt like you're competing with your partner's job, phone, friends, or hobbies for their attention? Or maybe you've been on the other side—accused of not prioritizing your partner when you didn't even realize you were doing it? Whether you're in a long-term relationship or just starting to date someone new, this episode is for you. (Singles: stick around until the end for dating-specific tips on managing thirds from day one.)

In this episode, we dive into one of the most common causes of relationship problems: mismanaged thirds. "Thirds" is a concept from Stan Tatkin that refers to anything outside the couple—people, things, or activities—that can leave one or both partners feeling neglected or sidelined. When thirds aren't managed well, the couple bubble gets compromised, and the relationship suffers.

We explore why thirds threaten your sense of safety and security, the signs of relationship trouble to watch for (hint: it's not always about the thing you're fighting about), and how to protect your relationship by setting boundaries that actually work. Spoiler: the answer isn't "stop doing the thing" or "stop caring"—it's something more nuanced that leaves neither partner feeling like they've lost.

This is the first episode in a four-part series on managing thirds—stay tuned for deep dives on healing from betrayal, navigating in-laws, and ethical non-monogamy.

Key Takeaways

00:00 Intro

01:53 What are "thirds"—and why do they threaten your relationship?

21:09 How do you protect your relationship from mismanaged thirds?

31:26 Managing thirds in early dating

Resources and links

Your Brain on Love by Stan Tatkin (audiobook)

The Ten Commandments for a Secure-Functioning Relationship by Stan Tatkin (blog post)

Ep. 20 - Understanding Jealousy, Compersion & Attachment in Relationships (podcast episode)

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, you know those couples who somehow manage to stay connected and loving no matter what? Life is full-on life-ing at them, and somehow they seem stronger because of it. How do they do it?

In this episode, we’ll explore one of the most powerful things you can do to build a relationship that thrives over the long haul: crafting your relationship's purpose and vision.

Lasting, intentional partnerships are built on a foundation sturdier than the transient love chemicals that flood your brain at the start of a relationship, or a shared love for [insert common interest here]. A relationship purpose and vision hold couples steady through sleepless nights, career stress, health scares, and all the curveballs life throws.

Whether you're single and dreaming about your future relationship or already in a relationship and want to align more deeply, this conversation is for you.

Your relationship purpose answers the question: Why are we together? It's the animating force beneath your partnership—something like "to help each other grow," "to heal together," or "to have each other's backs through life." Your relationship vision answers: Where are we headed? It's the picture of what you're creating together—how you want to raise kids, support each other's dreams, and show up when times get tough.

We share our own purpose and vision (including a sweet impromptu exercise imagining ourselves five years from now), offer prompts to help you craft yours, and explain why "love" and "kids" alone aren't enough to sustain a long-term partnership.

If you’re all in on creating a future-proofed relationship capable of joy over the long haul, this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways

00:00 Intro

01:45 Why craft a relationship purpose and vision?

11:55 How to create your relationship purpose

20:03 How to craft your relationship vision

34:54 How to use your relationship purpose and vision

Resources and links

Ep. 2 - What to look for in a long-term partner

Downloadable Guide: What to look for in a long-term partner

The PACT Institute (Stan Tatkin’s organization): Shared Purpose, Shared Vision, and Shared Principles of Governance (blog post)

We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love by Stan Tatkin (book)

Downloadable Guide: Crafting Your Relationship Purpose and Vision

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, does communicating with your partner sometimes feel like an uphill battle? Do you find yourself saying things you don't mean—or struggling to say what you do mean without it landing as an attack? What if there were a way to communicate that actually brought you closer, even during conflict?

In this episode, we're joined by Relationship Center therapist and couples counselor Nicole Penrod to explore Nonviolent Communication (NVC)—a powerful framework for transforming how you and your partner talk to each other.

Nicole breaks down the basics of NVC (also called compassionate communication), originally developed by Marshall Rosenberg. At its core, NVC helps us move from reactive, judgmental communication to empathetic, connecting conversation. Think less jackal (defensive, fear-driven) and more giraffe (big-hearted, slow, and steady).

We walk through the four steps of NVC—Observation, Feeling, Need, Request (OFNR)—with real examples, including Jessica getting pretend-mad at Josh about socks on the floor. You'll learn why "I feel abandoned" isn't actually a feeling, how to set your partner up for success (and vice versa!), and why asking for what you want can help heal attachment wounds.

If you're tired of the same old fights and ready to communicate with more compassion—for your partner and yourself—this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways

0:00 Intro

06:07 What is NVC?

10:45 What are the NVC basics?

18:28 Name the Need

21:04 Requests Without Demands

32:01 How do I actually use NVC with my partner?

Resources and links

Decolonizing NVC

1. Book: Decolonizing Non-Violent Communication
2. Podcast episode with the author: https://www.skepticspath.org/podcast/decolonizing-nonviolent-communication-with-meenadchi/

Feelings and Needs Lists: https://www.sociocracyforall.org/nvc-feelings-and-needs-list/

Nicole’s favorite video introduction of the basics: https://roxannemanning.com/an-introduction-to-nvc/

On the 4 listening modes: https://seedofpeace.org/nvc-introductory-articles/four-ways-of-listening/

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, are you a late-in-life virgin feeling broken, behind, or like something is fundamentally wrong with you?

Do you avoid dating altogether because you dread the moment you'd have to disclose your virginity?

If virgin shame is keeping you stuck in isolation — and making partnered sex that much less likely — you’re in the right place.

In this episode, we welcome back Relationship Center psychotherapist and sex therapist Cat Fillmore to explore how to date as a virgin with confidence, self-compassion, and hope.

Cat starts by reframing the conversation entirely: What does "virgin" even mean, and who decided? She challenges the narrow definition most of us inherited and invites us toward something more liberating.

From there, we dive into practical late bloomer dating advice. Cat explains why the skills that make for great sex aren't actually about experience—and how you can start developing them right now. She shares a "yes, no, maybe" framework for building confidence with boundaries, an essential part of pleasurable sex.

We also tackle the big question: should I tell them I'm a virgin, and when? Cat explains how to recognize when someone has earned the honor of your vulnerability—and what to look for before you share.

Finally, Cat offers a reality check for anyone struggling to overcome virgin stigma. Spoiler alert: The data might surprise you—you're far from alone as a late bloomer.

If shame has been keeping you on the sidelines, this episode offers a compassionate, empowering path forward.

Key Takeaways

00:00 Intro

01:30 What does it even mean to be a virgin?

07:38 How do I date as a late-in-life virgin?

18:31 Should I tell my date I'm a virgin—and when?

30:14 How do I stop feeling broken or behind as a late-in-life virgin?

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team (including Cat!), go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, are you exhausted by the endless swipe-and-scroll cycle of dating apps? Do you wish potential matches could get to know the real you—not just a few photos and a character-limited bio? Well then, I’d like you to meet my friend, Date-Me Doc.

Date-Me Docs are standalone documents (typically housed in Google Docs or Notion) that live outside dating apps and give you space to share who you truly are, what you're looking for, and why you'd make a great partner.

But here's the twist: we believe creating a Date-Me Doc is valuable even if you never share it with anyone. Why? Because the process forces you to get crystal clear on what you want—and as we like to say, love favors the clear-sighted. That clarity will serve you whether you're swiping on Hinge, chatting someone up at a coffee shop, or asking friends to set you up.

In this episode, we walk you through our recommended structure, how to use photos effectively, why vulnerability attracts (not repels!) the right people, and how to share your Date-Me Doc with cuties you meet in real life (Josh even role-plays it for you!).

If you're craving a slower, more intentional approach to dating—one focused on depth over dopamine—this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways

00:00 Introduction and Overview

01:21 What is a Date-Me Doc?

05:21 Why should you create a Date-Me doc?

15:45 How to write a Date-Me Doc

22:22 Crafting Your Unique 'Me' Section

26:19 Describing Your Ideal Partner in the 'You' Section

29:29 Creating the 'We' Section and Final Tips

Resources and links

Tired of Dating Apps, Some Turn to ‘Date-Me Docs’ - NY Times

Date Me Directory

Date-Me Doc Template

Ep. 15 - Online Dating 102: Perfecting Your Profile & Photos

Ep. 2 - What to look for in a long-term partner

Downloadable Guide: What to look for in a long-term partner

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, are you stuck in singleness limbo—eternally swiping and messaging? Do you rarely get past dates one or two, and never into a long-term relationship? Does it seem like you almost never meet someone who feels unquestionably right for you?

What if the thing keeping you single isn’t your profile, lack of dating skills, or bad luck, but your brain running scared from doubt?

In this episode, we explore an oft-missed culprit for chronic singledom: Relationship OCD (ROCD). We sit down with Relationship Center psychotherapist, sex therapist, and dating coach Cat Fillmore to unpack how this misunderstood form of OCD can quietly sabotage your dating life.

Cat explains what ROCD actually is (spoiler: it’s not just “being picky”) and how it shows up as an obsessional cycle: a trigger, an intrusive thought (“Do I really like them enough?”), spiraling meaning-making, intense anxiety, and then compulsions like endless Googling, reassurance-seeking from friends, or constant “checking” of your feelings.

You’ll hear how ROCD can lead people to swipe endlessly, dismiss promising matches over tiny details, or cut things off after 1–3 dates because the connection doesn’t feel perfectly “just right.” Cat also shares how to tell the difference between ordinary dating anxiety and ROCD, why self-diagnosing is tricky, and why working with an OCD-informed therapist matters.

Most importantly, Cat offers hope: ROCD is highly treatable—often with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)—and you can learn to live with doubt, date more freely, and build real, lasting love.

If fear about the “what ifs” of a relationship makes dating feel painful or pointless, this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

03:01 - What is Relationship OCD?

09:28 - What are some of the signs ROCD might be sabotaging your dating life?

23:13 - Can can someone with ROCD find lasting love? How?

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!