I Love You, Too

Dear Listener, we’re back!

In this short note, we pop in to say hello, share what we’ve been cooking up, and let you know what’s coming next on I Love You Too. Think: Date-Me Docs, crafting a clear relationship vision, and juicy interviews—including a deep dive with Cat Fillmore on one of the most overlooked reasons people stay chronically single.

If you’ve missed us, the feeling is mutual. Subscribe, send us your questions, and buckle up for a very relationship-nerdy season ahead.

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

Dear Listener, we have some exciting updates—and a big life change—to share!

In this special episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on what’s ahead for the podcast, our work at The Relationship Center, and our family! We’re excited to share some personal and professional changes that will dramatically shape what we’re up to in 2025, including temporarily pressing “pause” on creating new episodes.

Don’t worry – while we’re tending to the exciting happenings behind the scenes, there are many ways you can connect with us, whether through our past episodes, blog content, or working with us directly via therapy or coaching. If you’ve been thinking about deepening your relationship skills or getting dating support, now’s the perfect time to explore what we offer.

Plus, we take a moment to reflect on our recent big life changes and how they might encourage you if you feel down about your relationship prospects. Tune in for all the details—we promise, this is an update you won’t want to miss!

We’ll miss you during our brief pause, Dear Listener, but we’d love to hear from you! Send us your questions, thoughts, and encouragement to [email protected].  

We’ll be back before you know it. Until then, we love you too!

Resources and links

If you’d like to work with one of us or another talented clinician on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

If you’d like to learn more about intensives, check out our brochure here: https://relationshipcenter.com/s/Intensives-Brochure.pdf

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

For more podcast episodes, visit https://relationshipcenter.com/podcast

For more written content, check out our blog: https://relationshipcenter.com/blog

Do your relationships tend to develop at a romantic comedy pace, only to get messy fast and fall apart dramatically? If you’ve struggled to find sustainable, lasting love, then this episode is for you. Learn about common pacing pitfalls that prevent couples from building stable partnerships, including red flags such as love bombing, how pacing can help you work skillfully with the “addiction” of love, and what to do when your pacing doesn’t match your partner’s.

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

02:38 - What is pacing in dating? And why should we care?

19:23 - How can we pace the development of a new relationship for long-term success?

36:43 - What are signs that pacing is off in a new relationship?

50:11 - What if your pacing doesn’t match your partner’s pacing?

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Ep. 1 - You Aren’t Crazy, Dating is Hard (Especially for Anxious Folx)

Ep. 2 - What to look for in a long-term partner

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams,  and Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D.

Natalie Lue’s blog Baggage Reclaim

🤓 Prefer to read rather than listen? Check out Ep. 4 - How pacing can help you find love that lasts for a full blog post.

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

What makes a good long-term partner, according to science? And why is it important to be mindful when we are choosing who to settle down with? In this episode, we dig into the research about what to look for and — equally important — what not to look for in a long-term partner. Plus, how do you clarify what you need in a partner? How can you differentiate between dealbreakers and “nice-to-haves” so that you can more effectively date?

Key Takeaways

00:00:00 - Intro and episode overview

00:02:42 - Why be mindful of who we choose as a long-term partner?

00:06:14 - What science says about what makes a good long-term partner

00:25:19 - What doesn’t make someone a good partner, according to research

00:51:21 - How to clarify what you need in a partner

01:04:40 - How to clarify what you want vs. what you need

Resources Mentioned

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Downloadable Guide: What to look for in a long-term partner (includes the Relationship Inventory and the Ideal Mate Exercise)

Warren Buffett says the most important decision you’ll ever make has nothing to do with your money or career

Study from Tel Aviv: Dissatisfaction with Married Life in Men Is Related to Increased Stroke and All-Cause Mortality

Harvard Study of Adult Development

Plays Well with Others: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong, By Eric Barker

The Gottman Institute

How to Not Die Alone, by Logan Ury

Deeper Dating, by Ken Page

People Are Dating All Wrong, According to Data Science

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, welcome to the final episode of our Dating Skills Series! In this installment, we focus on neurodivergent dating skills, offering insights into how autistics, ADHDers, highly sensitive people, and otherwise neurodivergent people may express affection, flirt, and show romantic interest. Whether you’re neurodivergent and struggling with dating, or a neurotypical crushing on a neurodivergent cutie, this episode is packed with valuable information.

Join us as we explore key neurodivergent dating skills, including:

1. Story Swapping: Understand how neurodivergent individuals might share stories to connect and show empathy.

2. Managing Stimulation: Learn strategies for adjusting the sensory environment on dates to feel more comfortable and present.

3. Cooperative Overlap: Discover how some neurodivergent people may interrupt out of enthusiasm, showing they’re engaged in the conversation.

4. Info Dumping: Find out why delving into a favorite topic deeply can be a sign of interest and connection.

5. Focus on Verbal Communication: Explore why direct language and less emphasis on tone or nonverbal cues might be the norm in neurodivergent communication.

We also delve into how autistic people might express romantic love, the role of noncompliance as an adaptive skill, and the importance of creating authentic connections without masking. By the end of this episode, you’ll gain a deeper appreciation of neurodivergent dating skills and practical strategies for building meaningful relationships. Tune in and learn how to connect with your neurodivergent date in ways that honor their unique communication style (and fight ableism, too, yay!).

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

01:33 - Understanding Neurodivergence

04:31 - Why learn neurodivergent dating skills?

13:24 - #1: Story swapping

15:58 - #2: Manage Stimulation on Dates

20:17 - #3: Cooperative Overlap

24:26 - #4: Info dumping about special interests

27:00 - #5: Focus on verbal communication

29:23 - #6: Honest and direct language

31:02 - #7: Focus on meaning of words

34:02 - #8: Skip the small talk

35:42 - #9: Ask lots of questions in pursuit of accuracy

38:08 - #10: Parallel play

40:14 - #11: Non-compliance

43:08 - Recap

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Embrace Autism

Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity, By Devon Price, PhD

Neurowild

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, welcome to the third episode of our Dating Skills Series! In this installment, we dive deep into the art of building intimacy, a crucial aspect of creating chemistry and emotional connections on your dates. This episode is for you if you are frequently “friend-zoned” or struggle to get past first or second dates.

Join us as we explore five key skills for building intimacy on a date:

1. Self-Affirm: Learn how to shift from self-criticism to self-compassion, allowing you to show up confidently and authentically.
2. Play: Discover how to bring lightness and joy into your interactions, making your dates more fun and engaging.
3. Assert: Master the art of clearly and respectfully communicating your desires while giving your date space to express theirs.
4. Reveal: Enhance emotional closeness by sharing your feelings and encouraging your date to do the same.
5. Touch: Understand how to move from friendly to flirty touch, using your intuition and your date’s cues to gauge comfort and interest.

“Paul” and “Petunia” return, so don’t miss their silly, touching examples of how to get playful, flirtatious, and deep.  Tune in to learn how to emotionally connect with your date, create intimate moments, and understand the role of physical touch in building chemistry. By the end of this episode, you’ll have practical strategies to help you build connections that might blossom into joyful, lifelong love.

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

03:84 - #1: Self-Affirm

06:26 - #2: Play

16:28 - #3: Assert

22:25 - #4: Reveal

27:43 - #5: Touch

34:04 - Recap

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Free Dating Skills Infographics

Ep. 3 - How to flirt like a feminist

Non-Creepy Flirting: Signs, Confidence, & Respectful Tactics

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Are you struggling to keep conversations flowing on dates, Dear Listener? Rest assured, you're not alone – one of the most common questions we receive is, What should I talk about on a date? Join us for part two of our four-part dating skills series, where we are here to guide you in improving your conversation skills.

In this episode, we delve into 'juicy conversations' and explore how to keep a conversation going and build rapport effectively. Learn five key skills to enhance your dating conversations:

1. Tapping into Your Senses: Engage your senses to stay present and responsive.
2. Asking Open-Ended and Deep Questions: Learn what deep questions to ask to foster connection.
3. Active Listening: Show genuine interest and understanding in your date's responses.
4. Lingering in Conversations and Silences: Embrace pauses to allow deeper connections to form.
5. Using 'Yes, And': Build connections by affirming and expanding on your date’s ideas.

Practical demos highlight what to do and what not to do on dates, giving you actionable insights and equipping you with the necessary tools for creating and sustaining meaningful relationships. By the end of this episode, you’ll walk away prepared and confident, with practical strategies to improve your conversation skills, ensuring your dates are engaging, meaningful, and successful. Tune in and transform your dating conversations into deeper, more rewarding connections.

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

02:20 - #1: Sense

06:26 - #2: Open

18:09 - #3: Listen

27:16 - #4: Linger

36:41 - #5: Yes, And

45:02 - Summary and Conclusion

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Free Dating Skills Infographics

Ep. 3 - How to flirt like a feminist

Non-Creepy Flirting: Signs, Confidence, & Respectful Tactics

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, welcome to the first episode of our Dating Skills Series! We delve into the foundational aspects of positive nonverbal communication, which are essential for creating connections and building attraction on a date. Whether you're a seasoned dater or just starting, these skills are crucial for getting past a first date and building meaningful connections.

Join us as we explore key aspects of positive nonverbal communication:

1. Breathe: Use your breath to calm and center so you can present your best self.

2. Open Body Language: Show openness and availability through your posture.

3. Smile: Grin genuinely to indicate attraction and create a warm atmosphere.

4. Eye Contact: Harness the power of eye contact to build connection and trust.

5. Mirror: Subtly mimicking your date's body language to establish rapport.

Tune in to learn the answers to questions like: What is positive nonverbal communication on a date? What are examples of nonverbal flirting? How does smiling indicate attraction? Discover the power of eye contact and open body language, and enhance your social skills for dating success.

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

02:39 - Why dating skills?

07:18 - The five positive nonverbal communication skills

7:58 - #1: Breathe

10:23 - #2: Open

13:13 - #3: Smiling

15:58 - #4: Eye contact

21:39 - #5: Mirroring

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Free Dating Skills Infographics

Ep. 3 - How to flirt like a feminist

Non-Creepy Flirting: Signs, Confidence, & Respectful Tactics

Free Quiz: Why am I Still Single?

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

In this episode, Dear Listener, we dive into some of the most pressing questions about conflict in relationships: Why do we tend to avoid conflict? Why is it important to have conflict? And what is the best way to resolve a conflict?

Today's special guest is Julie Barr, LMFT, an expert couples therapist and beloved Relationship Center clinician. She returns to explore the nuances of conflict and its critical role in building stronger relationships. Julie Barr pulls from her 30+ years of experience supporting couples to share her expert insights on why we often shy away from conflict and the potential pitfalls of avoiding it.

We begin by unpacking the common reasons behind our instinct to steer clear of conflict, from childhood experiences to societal norms. Understanding these underlying factors sets the stage for appreciating the value of healthy conflict. Julie explains how conflict, when approached with the right mindset, can lead to deeper understanding and connection between partners.

The discussion then moves to practical strategies for resolving conflicts effectively. Julie outlines a step-by-step process for navigating disagreements, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, preparation, and communication. Don’t miss Jessica and Julie’s role-play of an argument illustrating how couples can shift from adversaries to allies by adopting a collaborative approach to conflict.

By the end of this episode, you’ll have a clear roadmap for transforming conflicts into opportunities for growth and intimacy. Learn how to use conflict to strengthen your relationship, ensuring both partners feel heard, understood, and valued. Tune in now to discover the best practices for resolving conflicts and fostering a harmonious, loving partnership.

Key Takeaways

02:03 - Why do we tend to avoid conflict?

08:43 - Why is it important to have conflict?

16:27 - What is the best way to resolve a conflict?

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Ep. 22 - How I-Statements can improve your relationship (examples for couples)

I-Statements: A Therapist's #1 Communication Skill for Couples Who Fight Too Much

Fair Fighting Rules for Couples: How to Resolve Conflict Effectively in Relationships

The Four Horsemen: The Antidotes, strategies for addressing negative communication patterns in relationships, from the Gottman Institute

Imago Dialogue: The Basic Steps

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team (including Julie Barr), go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Are you tired of finding yourself in toxic relationships, Dear Listener? Wondering how to break the cycle and find someone who truly complements you? Then this episode is tailor-made for you! Join us as we introduce a practical 5-step process that you can use to finally find healthy, lasting love.

We begin with an overview of the four keys to avoiding toxic relationships, then delve into the crucial practice of mindfully assessing compatibility. Learn how to conduct compatibility experiments that quickly clarify your relationship's health. Jessica and Josh share personal anecdotes and practical tips to illustrate how fear-based dating practices lead to high-conflict relationships and what you can do instead.

By the end of this episode, you'll be equipped with a five-step process that is invaluable in avoiding toxic relationships and mindfully evaluating your potential partners. From clarifying your relationship vision to assessing the data collected from compatibility experiments, you’ll gain the tools to create a loving, secure partnership.

Key Takeaways

00:00 - Intro

01:45 - How do I stop getting into toxic relationships?

05:58 - Mindfully assessing compatibility

13:19 - Fear-based dating vs. mindfully assessing compatibility

24:26 - The five steps to mindfully assessing compatibility

Resources and links

For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast

Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People by Lindsay C. Gibson

Ep. 2 - What to Look for in a Long-Term Partner

What to Look for in Partner free guide

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams,  and Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D.

Ep. 12 - Dating While Healing From Trauma

Ep. 4 - How pacing can help you find love that lasts

Big Talk and Heart-Opening Questions: Conversation Tips for Shy Introverts Who Can’t Seem to Find an LTR

Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.

To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.

Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!