00:00:00 – Sick-day kickoff and show housekeeping 00:04:57 – Elon Musk pitches "Starfleet Academy" as real life 00:09:41 – Billy Corgan claims government "recruitment" in music 00:14:24 – Howard Stern's shapeshifter guest goes off the rails 00:18:57 – Acid-trip telepathy story turns into UFO obsession 00:26:31 – Lemmy's rumored UFO encounter gets replayed 00:29:27 – Sammy Hagar recounts an alien abduction 00:33:49 – "Crack in the World" frames a coming societal split 00:36:34 – China's "quantum warfare" hype reel lands with a thud 00:41:28 – U.S. electromagnetic plasma weapon fearbait escalates 00:46:22 – Breakfast foods exposed as hidden sugar bombs 00:51:04 – Mark Carney "new world order" clip sparks side-eye 00:55:35 – ABC broadcast glitches into "satanic ritual" footage 00:59:19 – Hasidic upstate village welfare deep-dive 01:04:16 – Yiddish warning letter to a YouTuber gets decoded 01:19:02 – Charlie Kirk shooting chatter spills into call-ins 01:24:03 – "Ditch Day" declares New Year's resolutions dead 01:28:52 – Weight-loss pills pitched as airline fuel savings 01:33:25 – ESG rebrand makes nukes "compliant" 01:38:03 – China's delivery robots go full demolition derby 01:43:03 – AI regulation debate turns into a race-to-the-bottom rant 01:47:19 – Armed Pokémon card heists hit NYC 01:52:17 – Potato suppressor gets legally registered 01:56:19 – Banana-and-hotdog suppressor jokes and show plugs 02:00:05 – Post-signoff audio oddity and fade-out

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