00:00:00 – Sleep-deprived cold open 00:04:24 – Obama says "aliens are real" 00:09:23 – Trump "declassify the alien files" bluff 00:12:59 – Moon base bear cartel sketch 00:17:52 – CIA UFO psyops as distraction template 00:22:22 – Las Vegas substation rammer "terrorism" talk 00:31:42 – Metcalf sniper attack as state-actor rehearsal 00:35:42 – "Programmed" lone wolves and misfires 00:35:55 – Sam Altman's human-vs-AI energy comparison 00:45:07 – 9/11 put-options and the "no terrorist ties" dodge 00:50:08 – Howard Lutnick insider-trade windfall accusation 00:55:13 – Wexner's whisper-lawyer intimidation moment 00:58:53 – Epstein list panic-spin on daytime TV 01:02:56 – Sam Harris "eat the babies" clip outrage 01:07:54 – Bongino's post-FBI audience collapse stats 01:12:18 – Babylon Bee comments turning on the narrative 01:17:01 – Neil deGrasse Tyson defends "trust the experts" 01:21:56 – Call-in spirals into Iran war forecasting 01:26:34 – AI tool picks: Claude vs ChatGPT vs Cursor 01:31:03 – Will Trump use Roswell as "disclosure" theater 01:35:55 – Olympic condom black market chaos in Milan 01:40:38 – William Shatner's metal album stunt 01:49:16 – LA bus agency begs riders not to poop 01:59:03 – Nantucket wastewater outs the elite coke habit 02:03:12 – End-of-show riffing and wrap

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