Office Hours With Dr. Lacy

Get it done framework. It's about the systems that you have in your life to keep you organized or prioritize the things that matters. It is about your mindset, like who do you have to be the show out to do the things that you need to do so you can have what you want to have and it's about the community, the environment that you are setting up around you and the people that you're surrounding yourself with. Because this is the 95% remember I talked about the 5% like that being just like the, the content, the how do I do the literature review? How do I write this and that? That's 5% this systems mindset and community is 95% without these things, you will not be successful, It does not matter how much content you know, these things will get in your way if you don't have them in order.

So the first, here's why. This is why you were going to put into action your system. I want you to look at your schedule. I want you to go to your writing schedule and for real, for real, pull out your calendar. You're going to find 10 hours, no more, 10 hours of what you're going to write. You're not doing this in one day. No one writing session can be more than four hours. Right? So you got to find 10 hours throughout your week that you're going to write and it's just for writing time. It's just 10 hours.


Do you need to find, you assemble a writing routine. What is the thing that you can show up and do every time they use a diner? Right? How? What is your process from going from step a, which is opening up your laptop to being done for the day? What is the same thing over and over? What I like to do is I open my laptop, I open up the document or a new document and then I just brained up for a good five or 10 minutes, whatever's in my head. I just type that all out and then eventually like I just typed it all out and then I just let that go and go and go. Until I can't say anything anymore. And then I go back and I edit that because usually when I'm not thinking I can write and it gives me a system to follow open laptop, pull up document. Right. And it doesn't matter if what I'm writing has anything to do with what I'm supposed to be writing or not.


Because I know eventually my brain will go to what I'm supposed to be writing. And then the third piece of your system is that you need to find someone who can give you weekly feedback. You need to be in drafts of what you're writing on a weekly basis. It gets you in the habit of consistently producing something so that you know that by the end of the week I gotta turn in something to this person so I can spend all my time reading and writing notes. I got to write something. It also gives you used to getting feedback because that's usually the hardest part of the dissertation is getting a feedback from your chair and a committee. You get used to that and it helps you clear, like get clarity on your ideas and making sure that you're communicating what you want to communicate and then it holds you accountable.


Right. Because again, you know, you gotta show up with something, you do it. So for your systems that what you need to do a schedule, 10 hours or less, a simple writing routine and gets you writing and then weekly feedback so that you can get, um, you get feedback on what you're writing. So that's systems. Okay. This is what I started with my clients on. We were start here.


Right. Because this doesn't, you have to be accountable and you can't just do this by yourself because we'll lie to ourselves quick. Right? So I want to introduce you to Aaliyah. Aaliyah is a client of mine and when she came to me, she was, I remember she telling me she was like working 10 hour days, multiple days, like her whole weekend. Um, she's taking courses in doing her dissertation and she's in an online program and she just felt like she had no time for herself. She was tired. She was overwhelmed. We started working together and getting her on a consistent schedule, putting her on the time restrictions about not working more than four hours a day, working seven hours a week. We got her system so that she can read and review her articles and actually write and she completed her draft of her literature review in three weeks.

Like she had a draft to work from in three weeks and we just spent the rest of our time like editing, getting feedback on back so she can make it perfect and make it what she want it to be like. She can turn it into her chair. She's feeling more confident about her literature review and about her project overall and just feeling really good about her writing routine. Like life has come up for her, some other things and she has had time to focus on that and do other things and not worry about if she's making progress or not because there's a system in place and there was accountability in place and that's what I'm asking you to do.

Right. Again, this isn't about like you have to work with me. It is about you can do this for yourself. You can build it for yourself. So the second piece of the get it done for framework, it's mindset. You need time in your schedule. This is why the 10 rule and an a no more than four hours in a day rule is important because you need time to just be, especially like at least, once a week you need a day where you just get to just be. And throughout the day your brain needs breaks. And throughout the week you just need to know that there's time that you can do the things that you need to do and you want to do because your brain needs a break. Remember, it wants to be lazy. It doesn't want to constantly have to work. And if you're constantly doing these very relaxed days it has to work.


It needs downtime to just do nothing, to like recalibrate, to get a break. And if you don't give it that, you've got to have way more problems, a good way. And I like to set myself up to just be in the, be in the, like a positive mindset. As I have a morning routine, I have a morning routine that helps them meet up, get my thoughts down, to be intentional about who I need to be, how I need to show up every day to get the things done that I want to get done. And I also have time and a system for planning for the worst. Planning for the worst sucks. Like what if you're not able to get any writing done this week, what have you. Right? And you get to your dissertation defense and you fail. What if you turned this draft into your chair and they hate it?


What's your plan? What are you going to do? Because this is much easier to plan for that when you're at your house and you're feeling good and then you can think through those, you have the space to do that. It's way more difficult to do that in a moment. So when I was in the moment, I was felling net defense. I couldn't, I couldn't tell you what to do next. Cause I was like so freaked out that that was happening. But fast forward when I was preparing for my dissertation, I was able to prepare like what if I go here and I don't know what to answer, what is my response going to be? And I already had that written down and I already practiced what I would do. So that that helped me to be more confident when I walked into the room. So working on this is so, so, so, so important.


Having a daily practice, having time just to be planning for the worst will make all the difference. I would argue that mindset is the number one thing you need to do. It doesn't matter about a schedule or downtime or any of that, like if you don't have the right mindset. So client Margaret came to me and she was working on her comprehensive exams. It was six week process that essentially she needed to turn in a 50 page document that would outline the background of her topic that she was talking about for her dissertation. And she had to write three like research, um, like designs possible that she would use for her dissertation when she came to me at the end of week three. Your members, she has six weeks when she came to me at the end of week three and think she maybe had a page done, a page written of the 50 pages in and she was tired and burned out and ready to give up.


Now we worked or mangled after three weeks on how to give her, um, space in her schedule to just be, so yeah, we did the whole set up of the schedule and a writing, but I really talked to her about taking a break. She fought me on this, but I was like, you need a break. I get that you think you only have three weeks left and you're running out of time, but you need a break. So taking breaks, spending time with her boyfriend, going into other responsibilities and hanging out with people. We also worked through what she needed to do to write more. Um, but she was able to not only pass her, um, her written part of her comprehensive exams, but she walked into the oral part like, like a boss Ferrell. Like she owned the room. She was so confident she answered all the questions her, her committee were going back and forth and she just showed up different like she, it was like night and day from the person that I saw who signed up to work with me. Then the person who I saw commented their oral defense because we focus, we focus a lot on mindset and you can actually watch our video on [inaudible] side of her talking about her experience and you can see it even in that video of how like she just lights up talking about her research project and her experience. Because mindset is that important. I've been taken by voice. It's going out.


Okay. So the third part is community. I'm going to give you some rules. I think it's important to organize a writing group cause it's, it's, they are key. This dissertation process is lonely. Like you think about it, you go from, excuse me, being in class with people for 20 plus years, like you know you have k through 12, yet undergrad degree got master's degree, you got um, now yearning as like doctoral process. You had like two to three years of coursework and then you get to the dissertation phase and it's like no people, most of us don't have classes that like for your dissertation. And so you go from something where you're showing up on a weekly basis with other people and learning to something was showing up to nobody with no focus. It's all up to you. So that is why your community and your writing groups are so important.

However, not all writing groups are created equal. So for our writing group to be successful coming up with a designating writing time, right? Like what is the time that you all are going to admit you are all going to commit to, right? It's not negotiable. We show up, we write and we write for this long because I like how long are you going to write? Right? What are going to be the rules about writing? Are you going to talk any before? Do you need to check in with each other? How long are you going to let that go on for? Where are you going to write? Are there other people allowed to come into the writing group at different points? How long are you going to do this for? A semester, for a year. Those like get really clear about that in the beginning. No assumptions.

You want to have a point in where you check in about progress. So that can be in the beginning of the writing session where you say, I'm going to work on, I've got, like these two articles. I'm going to get two pages done and our writing time and then at the end as I writing time checking in to see where people are or what they said they were going to get done. Because what you outlining, what your intention is going to be in the beginning helps keep your burning focus on what you need to do. And then at the end when people asked you if you did that, it helps keep you accountable. Ask each other powerful questions like don't be afraid to ask each other questions. Like what do you mean by that? Or how are you going to write those two pages?


What's your process for reading those two articles? Being each other's help cause that helps us to think and then having a place to celebrate wins. We don't celebrate enough. You just think that like only defense time do we need to celebrate but celebrate it. You wrote two pages, celebrate that you actually showed up for the writing session. Celebrate that you got your topic pass by your chair. Having people to do that and sometimes you may not have anybody in your program that you can have a writing group with. Maybe that means you're going to have to go online and form a group with people that you probably never met face to face before, but y'all are Facebook friends or you're in this group. It doesn't have to be this big thing. It could just be one, it could be two people, it can be a group of 10, but just making sure that you have structure is gonna really be helpful for that.

I'm just like my client, Dr Layla McCloud, um, Layla came to noon at the end of last year. Um, she was, she was tired. She was at the edge. She was working on her proposal and I just didn't think I, like, she went through some things in her program and she was just feeling like maybe, you know, she just, she didn't know how she's going to continue. And while I didn't think working one on one with me, what's going to be the the right thing for her just because she, I mean, she had a system, she was doing very well at progress. Um, you know, she had to balance just because she's a mommy and kids will do that. Um, well what, what was, what was missing was community, like having that sense of support and people that she can show up with. And so she joined my right away group and she showed up week after week.

Oh and cam were working, she share with us what she was going through and we celebrated with her when she, you know, pass her proposal and she was working on her like dissertation in data and she had Hashtag to get her through it and we all were like hopping or her pictures and stuff and say the Hashtag. Um, but her showing up week after week help me. I know personally to be even more committed because it's like it's motivating when you know somebody is serious, a member, the people you hang out with keep you going. And we were all just motivated by with her, cause she finish where she was six months before graduation, she didn't think she was going to be able to do it. There was no proposal defended and nothing. Six. Yeah. Like five spies. Six months later she is doctor McCloud just because that's the power of community and that's what I mean like one thing can throw it off. She knew that she needed to write. She knew what she was doing. She had a schedule, she was organized.

Speaker 1: (16:17)

This episode is part 2 of a 3-part webinar presentation. 

Transcript of Episode:

5%. I believe that me telling you how to write your literature review or knowing the difference between a conceptual and theoretical framework or trying to figure out what's the best methodology. I believe all those types of questions and things are only 5% of what you need to finish your proposal. I'm going to say that again. I believe content-based things like how to write a literature review, how to choose a methodology. What's the best topic, are these great research questions. That's just 5% of what you need to be concerned about. Now remember you said that you were going to keep an open mind.

I could tell you exactly what you needed to write. Your chair could tell you exactly what you needed to write, how to frame your questions. What's the best methodology, exactly what you need to do and what you write. I have done it for people. I can tell you and you know what? You still won't do it. I could tell you exactly what to write and you still, when you sat down to go and write it, you're going to argue. You're going to feel the need to go and research. You're going to feel the need to go back and forth about why it's not right and it's hard to make a choice and it won't matter. I can like literally your chair can sit down with you right now one-on-one until you exactly what you need to write to pass. They can guarantee if you did these things, you would pass and you still won't do it. So while this presentation is titled, How to, like do your literature review, we're not gonna to spend time on the like nuts and bolts of literature reviews because it doesn't matter.

You need it to pass into write it. But if you don't do the other 95% of stuff, it won't matter. It won't matter. If you know how to do a literature review, you'll just be like caught up in the same cycle of consuming, consuming, consuming information. You'll listen and you won't do it. It is not because you can't. It's not because you're not capable. It's because you're so busy focusing on his content and this like, what do I need to do that? You're not focusing on how to do them, like not like how to do it from like using the right words, but like who do you need to be? How do you need to think? What type of environment do you need to be in? Who do you need to have around you in order to write what you need to write. Because remember if you go back, I already said you already know everything or at the very least you know how to get to the information you need to know. You don't need me to tell you how to do a literature review because you know how to do it and the thoughts that are creeping out right now and I saying, but I don't. That's why I'm here, but I don't know. I'm still learning. That's not true. It's your doubts. It's your mindset and that's what I'm going to be talking about for the next few minutes. That is the focus, the basis of my coaching.

I am talking about all the other stuff that nobody else wants to talk about that they think doesn't matter, that they think is a waste of their time. But it's the biggest reasons why you can't, write. Biggest reasons why I failed that publishable paper defense. Biggest reasons why I was able then two and a half years later to show up in my defense ready.

The other stuff, cause nothing like as far as knowledge, yeah, I had a couple of more research classes. Sure. But if I'm being honest, I didn't really remember like I remember stuff but I didn't remember it and that was not what I leaned on and those three and a half months when I was finishing a dissertation at warped speed, that is not, I didn't go back necessarily to my classes and be like, I need to know exactly it was all the other stuff that I'm going to talk about and get it done framework. That was important.

This is why this is so important. Now listen, if this is your, like if this is your area of expertise, do not come at me. I am just explaining this next set of information and the way that works for me in best ways that works for clients in a very simplistic way. Okay. I'm sure it's more complicated. I got you, but and, let's focus on the spirit of what I'm saying. All right. Let's see. We're keeping an open mind, so your brain at its most basic forms wants you to survive above all else. It wants you to survive and it wants to make sure that you're able to survive with the least amount of effort as possible. What does the have to do with your literature review?

If your main, if the main goal is survival, right? Then the main thing that the brain is looking for is threats to that survival, like what is popping up in our environment or in our world? What are we noticing that is a potential potential threat? Potential threats are usually something that's new. It's not like regular schmegular happening every day. It's unfamiliar. We don't know, that seems real off is looking for things that are offered different and it's constantly scanning in the like in the background, even though you're not conscious of it, it's constant scanning your environment and the things that you're taking in for something that's new or unfamiliar because if it's different, new or unfamiliar, then your brain says there's a high chance that that's a threat to our survival and we're going to die. There's a higher chance because that's a threat. It's different. We are going to die and we need to figure out the best way to avoid it or to incorporate it as quickly as possible and make it normal so that it's no longer a threat. Your brain is simply just trying to save you from danger.

And any time that you come into contact with something that is a threat that's unfamiliar, doesn't feel good. Your brain is like, how do I switch to autopilot or to something that feels good? Because right now I'm feeling real scared and your brain cannot distinguish between, there's a lion, I don't know, he's a lion. You're jumping out of the bushes and about to attack you and you sitting down to write cause they both feel the same in the body, right? Cause when you sit down to write, you get, maybe you me, if you're like me, you get really anxious. You're real nervous, you get real confused. You're not sure what to write. You're not sure if it's going to come out right. The stakes are so high that if you don't do this right and you're not going to pass and you're not going to graduate and you have wasted all these years for nothing, it is very scary. Or it can be very scary to sit down and write in a blank document on your laptop, not being sure what you should say exactly. Right?

And your brain again, just wants to save you. And so what it does as you sit down to writing, you're like, but what if I said it this way, but let me go look this up. But like, like all these thoughts and you get flooded with something that you were just fine a minute ago, but now you sit down in front of his laptop and you're, and you started to get really nervous and anxious. Your brain, then says, this is a threat. We shouldn't be sitting here because when we sit down at our laptop to type, we get real nervous and that clearly means that's wrong. It clearly means we're going to die. So how do we switch to doing something else?

So then your brain begins to lie to you because it's trying to save you. It begins to tell you things or send you signals to try to get you to do something else that you enjoy more. Maybe that's social media, maybe that's TV, maybe that's eating, maybe that's sleeping. Maybe that's talking to someone. It gets you to do things so that you can stop the scary thing which is sitting in front of your laptop typing and do something that's more familiar like eating or watching TV that's more enjoyable and that feels better and we know what to expect and we don't have to think that hard when we do those things. Your brain lies to you and I'm going to talk about three major lies, especially when it comes to writing that your brain will do. Let me know if you agree with this. I want you to type yes in the comments.

Lie #1: The longer I work, the more I'll get done.

So the more, excuse me, so you know who you are. Those of you who are having these a marathon writing days, you're like, mmm, I'm going to cancel everything on my schedule. I'm going work from 12 to eight. I'm not gonna go somewhere, I'm gonna order food in so I don't have to spend time going out and I'm just going to work. I'm go to my office, I'm gonna just work. I'm gonna work and work and work at work. Because if you feel like if you can block off like eight hour days, 10 hour days, 12 hour days, and you can write more, you'll get more done because you'll be uninterrupted and you won't have to worry about anyone else or anything else and you can just write, Right?

That's a lie because if you've done it then you definitely know it doesn't work out that way. If you've blocked off, like blocked off those that time and you actually manage to show up to your office to ride for the eight hours, or you showed up to the writing group to work this 12 hours, then you know you didn't spend eight hours or 10 hours or 12 hours writing. Two hours was spent on getting set up. So making sure you had the right snack, talking to your friends another two hours. It was like rereading what you wrote the last time, maybe another two hours. It was that, oh, you forgot something at home that you need to go make a run or you needed a new notebook so you went to the store or you had a craving for something else. And then you go get a drink from like Chipotle or something and maybe you spent a good hour, two hours writing. Like if you're going to be honest about the time you spent, maybe it was two hours out of that 10 hour day or are you sat there and you just stared cause you didn't even know like okay I have everything but I don't know what to write. But so instead of trying to do these series of marathon days instead, think about your writing goals. Now most people will just say, well I'm trying to have chapter two by then and I'm a write chapter three in a week. It needs to be more simple than that.

Okay. If it needs to be more simple than that, how do you simplify our writing those so that it's more about what you could do realistically in a day instead of trying to figure out how can write a whole chapter, how can you write one section of chapter two, how can you write one to three pages in a week or a writing session? Cause I know some of you just then are like, a week?! One to three pages will never get done. That shows then we need some more work. But like how do you simplify your writing goals to think about, okay, how long is it gonna take me to write chapter two, how can I break that up? How can I make sure if I'm hitting these three main points, how long is it going to take me to hit each point and that trying to do everything in one session because you may say to yourself, I'm just saving myself time or I'm being efficient if I do more on the front end as last I had to do on the backend to editing and that's a whole other thing. Well, what also happens when you do these marathon, marathon days, then you'd have no time for yourself.

How can you set up your schedule where you can consistently make progress on your writing?

....and have time to spend with family, with loved ones going to work out watching TV and doing those things without feeling guilty? Cause I'm sure a lot of you do those things. You do go out. Especially now it's summer. At the time I'm recording this, people will go out, but you'll feel guilty. You'll feel like, oh I'm supposed to be reading something. Oh I should be writing. Oh I can. And then you really don't enjoy yourself. So you don't enjoy yourself when you're out doing what's supposed to be fun. Cause you feel like you're supposed to be writing. And then when you are writing you're feeling like, oh this sucks. I'm sitting here for 10 hours and I could be with my friends. And you're never present in the moment.

So how do you set up your life where you simplify your writing goals and you take time for yourself? Because when you're able to balance those two things, that's when you get more progress. But you're able to have simple achievable goals where your brain isn't like, we're gonna die, we're gonna die. You can then get more done cause you're spending less brain power and energy trying to fight off up quote unquote potential threat. That's not a threat. As you said, you've got at your laptop writing. When things are very small and manageable, your brain is in freaking out. So then it allows you to use that energy that you would have used on being stressed and anxious on writing so then because you're using less time to be freaked out or procrastinating. You're using more attack, like less to right. Then you have more time for yourself. You have more time to be with people that you love to be with. You have more time to do other things that you may need to do that you've been putting off, and when you have that imbalance, then you're able to accomplish so much more. Less is more. It's cliche, and it is true.

So based on that baseline, the system, your schedule, how much you write, how much of a balance that you've had between getting writing done and helping yourself. I want you to rate yourself on a scale of one to five, one being, oh, I need a lot of work who are working on my schedule and balancing my life out. And Five being like, I'm good. I got a good balance. I see who I need to see. I don't feel guilty when I go out. When it's time to write, I show up and write. I don't spend hours writing. I'm on a consistent routine and schedule. I'm good. On a scale of one to five, how would you rate yourself? I want you to write that down because it's important because we're gonna come back to these numbers. I want you to write it down. How well would you rate your system? Remember one being needed, a lot of work, five being and I'm good.Okay. You have that down.

Lie #2: If I had just had a writing plan, I could finish my proposal.

It's like all I need is somebody to help me organize like five time and help me like plan out. That's to simplifying the goals and the chapters. I be good. If they could just give it to me, I'll be good. No, no, no. Remember going back to the beginning of what I say, like I help people and I tell them this way, you need to write is how you can say it. Choose this. The same concept applies. It doesn't

Hi, welcome everyone to finishing your literature review with less stress. I am your host, Dr. Marvette Lacy, and I would like to thank you for taking the time and spending the next 40 minutes with me or so to talk about all things literature review dissertation proposal. We are going to cover a lot today, so I'm going to ask that you as much as possible eliminate distractions, anything running in the background and take the next 40 minutes for yourself because there's no point to waste your time. Um, being here if you're not going to be fully committed and focused on this because I know that what I am sharing with you today will truly help you accomplish not only your goals as it relates to your dissertation, but any other goals that you may have in life. So with that, please eliminate distractions. I want those of you who are here live on a call, please introduce yourself, take some time, let us know who you are, what's your name, your institution, year in the program and the hardest part about being a doc student that you are having right now. Let us know in the chat and any other information that you think it would be helpful for us to know because this is very interactive and the more that we get to know about you, I'm going to share some things about me. Um, it just helps with the time and helps make this a very positive experience. So while you're doing that, I'm going to share a little bit about me again.

I'm Marvette. I currently live in Milwaukee, WI. And I graduated from the University of Georgia in the College Student Affairs Administration Program. It's a whole other topic thing about what student affairs is, if you're not familiar with it. Um, but I just want to talk to you about a critical point in my dissertation program. So my program was set up in that between your first and second year, you as a student were required to do, what is called publishable paper. Publishable papers, some can say that it's kinda like, um, a pilot study. So it gives you an idea of not only what you could potentially research about for your dissertation, but it also gives you an idea as you are completely designing and conducting in writing up your own research project, but on a smaller scale as a way to prepare you for your exams and for your dissertation.

A lot of people in our program do not continue on with the same topic from their publishable paper to their dissertation because the time in between and what you learned in between can, it's a large gap in, so this is truly meant as an educational tool, right? And it's happening in between your first and second year. So I started working on mine. I remember taking at least three or four months to really focus on the literature review because I knew that like people usually say that's the hardest part and that I knew that I was only in the program for about a year. And I knew I didn't know a lot, right? I didn't even know how to, um, like build a research paper. I only, I think only how like an intro to research course, um, at this point. And so I just did not know what I was doing. And so for me, you look at what people have done before and you model what they do right. And that's what I was doing. And so I spent a good two or three months just reading article after article and like seeing how they set up their literature reviews and which topic. I just knew that I wanted to study black women, but I was like, I don't know exactly what. And so I was just doing my best to collect all the references and write all the notes and I just remember having notebooks and notebooks and documents and documents of notes right. And, Somehow after like three or four months, I managed to put together some sort of document or a proposal because you also have to go through the process like you would and and dissertation and that you defend your proposal, you conduct the research and then you defend the entire paper.

And so I really worked really hard and I got it down to like a 30 page proposal. I was so proud of it. Right. Cause I was like, I went from somewhere, I was like overwhelmed with all these notes and now I have a whole thing. And I was so excited about my committee cause it was like dope faculty members, like the two black women. I had a new chair, I was like support it. Um, and if you haven't heard about my story and my first semester and how I failed then you would know like why this was such a big deal that I was making it to this point to be able to defend this. And, I was prepared to answer all the questions right about like my literature review. I was just so proud, Like, it's well done. And I failed that defense.

Let me tell you why I failed the defense because they started asking me question after question like what's the purpose of your study again and what were you going to study and why black women. And like what are you planning to do? And it was just all these questions about like methodology and methods and exactly what I was going to do to, I couldn't answer and I was like, nobody even asked me a question about my literature review, which is what I spent all my time on. I was so upset. I started crying and that defense when it hit me that I wasn't going to pass, I was crying because I was like, I should know better. I should have known this. I made a fool of myself and then I was crying because I was crying cause I was like, you can't show up and cry. There's no crying in phd process. And then I just was also crying cause I'm like, they're having pity on me, I suck, blah blah. Like all of this came up to the surface and I just walked out defeated and I have to Redo my whole proposal and where before I had months to do it. This time I only had like, I believe like a few weeks, like a couple, two or three weeks that I had to turn this around because it was really close. I felt like people were going off contract or something and that was a reason why I had to finish it.

Now fast forward two and a half years later, after this whole fiasco of failing that publishable paper, I got through that. I got through my exams, I've defended my dissertation proposal and now it is April, 1120 17 and I am walking into my dissertation defense and most of all I feel good. It's like night and day from that publishable paper. Um, defense. I was nervous though and I wasn't nervous because I didn't feel like I wasn't going to be able to do it. I wasn't nervous from the fact that I had to write this in like three months, which I did. Again, another story, I had to finish this. Like I do my dissertation in three months. I was nervous because I knew that it was gonna finally like be over. Like I had reached the end point did that day I was going to walk away and they were going to call me Dr Lacy.

Like I knew it deep down, but I was scared. Like I was like, I can't believe that it's almost going to be over the picture at the bottom right - I look a hot mess, I was tired y'all. And because you know I did it in three months and I was also confident that I was walking away being like I was passing it. It was nothing that anybody was going to say that was going to stop me from being Dr. Lacy and I rocked it and I was able to answer all the questions. It was, it felt like a discussion that was happening. All my friends were in the back room. People were live, tweeting, streaming and I didn't feel nervous about that cause I knew there was no way that it wasn't going to go the way I thought it was going to go.

I don't share my story because I want to brag to you. I share my story. So, one, you get to know a little bit about who are you listening to. Two, so you can know that I know what it feels like to on one end have no idea what you're doing. Like have no idea where to start and just like trying to make it up as you go along and it's still not working out and you fell in completely on your face to knowing how it feels to walk into a room and own it and be confident and your study, your decisions, who you are as a researcher and be able to look at your committee and be like, prank it. I don't like do your words. Whatever question you asked me, I'm going to be able to answer it. That's why I shared that story. And, I want you to know that I believe that your story one doesn't have to be as difficult as my, but that you have something that you must share with the world. There's a reason why you have the topic that you have on your mind, the topic of your heart that you want to do, the research that you want to conduct. There a reason why and you have to do it and to not do it, to pass it up, to give up on this process would be a disservice to yourself, to your participants, to the world. You would be like robbing people of a necessary experience, of a necessary, like data and research and your perspective if you don't share it. I also believe you already have everything you need to finish this dissertation and graduate.

I know today we're supposed to talk about literature reviews. And, if you don't walk away from anything but that, I want you to walk away with knowing that you don't need anything else. You don't need to know more. You need to be more. You have what you need to finish this. So I want you to imagine walking into your dissertation defense like you've collected the data, you've written up everything, had all the conversations you needed to have. You walk in and you're ready. You walk in, your committees there, your chairs there, maybe your friends are there, maybe the hating so-and-so person is there, the person you don't like. Maybe all of those people are there. Your family friends, your loved ones. They're all in the room waiting for you and you walk in to give your presentation for your dissertation and maybe a little bit nervous because it still makes you nervous to speak in front of people, but that's it. Like you know what you're going to say. You feel so good about your dissertation that you're like, I can't wait to tell them it's going to blow their minds and you kill it. Like imagine just you are there now you're killing it. People throwing questions at you. Even that hatin-a... See, I'm trying not to curse, but you know, hating ass person, they, they trying to throw questions at you, and it don't matter. You can answer it and you can move on. They're not, you know, they don't phase you none. You sit down, you have not the conversation where your committee is like you tell it, like your people. Y'All just having a regular conversation. You're talking about what you are gonna publish. Like you already know. You Pass. Y'All are just talking about next steps. You're talking about what's next, what else you gonna study. Imagine what that feels like. That's what I'm offering you today. This is the first step to getting that.

So. You're in the right place because I don't want you to waste your time. Remember, and I'm not about wasting your time. But if any of what I just said resonated with you, you're in the right place. If you're like, yeah, that's what I want. You're in the right place. If you are working on your comps or your exams or your proposal, you're in the right place, but maybe you're feeling like cat. That what I just imagined. That's for me. I want that, but right now I'm having a hard time figuring out how I'm gonna get there. Maybe you feel like you're doing all of these things or you're writing, you're in writing groups, you're reading, you're asking questions, but you feel like you're still not getting anywhere. You don't have a completed draft to show for any of that hard work and all those questions you should try to figure out what, what do I need to do next, what's the most important thing I need to do so I'm not wasting my time so I can be as efficient as possible.

Or maybe you feel like you're falling out of love with your dissertation. You're like, yeah, I feel you. I need to share with the world. But I just, I'm not feeling it no more. Maybe this phd thing isn't for me. Maybe for like your, you have so much going on at your constantly forgetting to do something. Like I know I'm supposed to do something. I know I'm supposed to do something but you don't, you're not quite sure. And You keep looking at all your to do lists and whatever you use to manage your time and you just felt like you can never be on top of it and feel like you're getting everything done and she needs to get done and you're exhausted and you're like, I'm just, I need something else. Cause it's not it. This is who I'm talking to today. This is what this training is for is for you.

My promise to you is for the next 40 minutes or so, I'm going to talk to you about how I went from that person who failed their publishable paper defense to somebody who walked into their dissertation defense. Ready? I'm not sharing with you theories or what I read in book, even though you know I have two degrees on that like development. That's not the point. I'm not sharing about that. I'm sharing like actually what I've done and what I've done with clients to get them to the end. I'm talking to you about my "Get it Done" framework. My three step process from taking you from feeling busy, exhausted, overwhelmed, to like intentional, confident, excited about that business. I'm explaining it to you over the next few minutes and I want you to use that and implement it because it's cute to sit here and listen to this and consume it, but if you don't do anything, this doesn't matter. You're wasting your time. Remember, I don't want you to waste your time, so I want you to listen to this and do this. That's what I'm going to share with you, but I need something from you, right?

Right now I need you to make a promise or at the very least for the next few minutes, you can agree to these things. You can agree that you're going to keep an open mind because some of the stuff I want to talk about you and be like, no girl, what? It's gonna seem a little bit out there, but I'm asking you to keep an open mind right now. I don't want you emailing me or clicking off cause you like what? That's not what she said. I'm asking you now. You decide to keep an open mind. I'm asking you now to take responsibility for where you are today. Take responsibility. If you're not writing, like you're supposed to take responsibility. If you don't have pages or you're not meeting deadlines, take responsibility for if you wish your relationship with your chair and your committee was different. I'm not saying you control other people or you're responsible for their actions. I'm telling you to take responsibility for where you are. Because the moment that you can do that, you become in your power. You step into your power. You're not a victim anymore. Life isn't just happening to you. You are controlling your life. Cause the moment you can say that, that means you can change things to get to what you want, like to hap

Episode Transcript:

Hey friends, the time has come to finish your dissertation, graduate and become doctor. Welcome to "Office Hours with Dr Lacy", where we talk about finishing your dissertation with joy and peace. Let's get started on today's episode.

So today I am just going to talk. I'm getting my notes. I have my wine and I just need to get this episode out because I've been procrastinating too much and we're not about perfection over here, so I'm just gonna talk. Um, I hope it makes sense. You'll let me know if it all makes sense or if you have questions and we'll go from there. So I've been um, singing this meme floating around Facebook. Let me pull it up. So I'm sure you have seen, it's a tweet. It says, you know how you'll see those things. It'll be like somebody says, and then there's a response was this one says like "Nobody:" and it's blank. And then it says "Black women: I'm going to get another degree". And the caption just says "black women get bored and just decide to go get their doctorate."

And every time I see it, no matter where it pops up, if it's a private Facebook group or just somebody sharing it to their personal pages, you'll just see all these black women like, "yes". And "I feel attacked" and "I can relate to this. so much" and, "This spoke to me on a personal level" and like, so many people are resonating with this And at first it's like at first glance it's like, Haha that's funny. But as I like started to think about it a little bit more, I just one so, on one hand I see like that power, right? Like because black women, you can put your mind to anything and you're like, Yep, I'm doing this. Um, and I, and it gives the impression like we're so used to doing all the things, you'd being all the things to people that it almost comes off effortless as if it's not difficult.

Like, oh, I'm bored girl, I'm just going to go apply to this PhD program and do this cause I ain't got nothing else to do and it takes away from the other part of the story of how difficult it is. How much work actually goes into it. It also doesn't give space to really talk about, for a lot of us, what's behind that? Like this need to stack up all of these achievements because we're trying to be seen, and once again, we're, when we're used to doing all these things and going after all of these goals where a lot of other people are just like, they're just trying to do one of the many things that we accomplished in a year. Right? And I'm not trying to diminish like where you should feel bad. Cause you know, black girl magic is a real thing, and...

There's another side to that, right? It's not just magical. It's not just something that we didn't work hard for, or we're not putting in work or effort. And it also doesn't leave space for the hard parts of it. The loneliness, the isolation, the constantly running out of steam and energy, not having the privilege to just be, to just sit still. Right. It doesn't speak to those parts. And that that's a really, that's a real thing, a really real thing, um, that we have to contend with, right? It's like, Oh, you just do it. It's fine. But there's so many of us that are having such a difficult time in our phd processes. There's so many of us feeling like, oh, there's something wrong with me because, this is too hard. I'm lonely, my health is being affected. I won all of these medications. I'm going back and forth to doctor visits and I'm stressed and I'm burnt out. But I can't tell anybody because black women are supposed to be strong. We're supposed to have it all together were magical, right? So I can't let anybody else know that I need some help. I'm too busy. Like I'm supposed to be there for everyone else. I'm supposed to hold everybody else up. I'm supposed to help everyone else.

I'm not supposed to be the one to asking for help. That's not allowed. And so, so many of us struggle in silence because we're not supposed to. We're just supposed to do everything right.

And then some of us even get to a point where somehow we kept this up, right? We got to the end, we're supposed to write our dissertation and we did everything right. We did everything we were

Hey friends, the time has come to finish your dissertation, graduate and become doctor. Welcome to "Office Hours with Dr Lacy" where we talk about finishing your dissertation with joy and peace. Let's get started on today's episode. Hi friends! So, today I'm going to be telling you a little bit about my story as a PhD student. I went to the University of Georgia in the College of Student Affairs Administration Program. Um, that is a whole other conversation about exactly what that degree means later. But um, I want to talk to you about my first semester and failing my first semester. Like, um, to say that that semester was a struggle would be a severe understatement. I was just, I wasn't doing well. Um, and I, part of the first semester was required to take our foundations in student affairs course, something like that. I'm not completely sure of the name, but it's a foundation course, right. It was a course where me, any other people that I came in with my cohort members, it was the only class that we were in together that we were not being in with any other people from the program. And so it was minute for us to be able to not only have a bond as a cohort, but to like help us ease into the program. And this course was with an instructor who had been there for a very long time. He was coming to the end of his career. Um, Indians, we just, I just was not a fan of his teaching style and I'll say it that way and I just felt like he used the classroom as an opportunity to relive his glory days and I didn't understand why I needed to be there, to be a witness to that. Um, and everyone kept saying, you know, you just, it's just part of the process. You just got to go, you listen to her stories, you pretend like you're interested, ask them questions, blah, blah, blah. And I just, if you know me, I've been like this my whole life. I just feel like it's a complete waste of my time. Um, and I just had no interest. Um, I was also just really struggling to make the adjustment in a new place in a new town. Um, all this stuff that came up for me, like an Undergrad as a first generation college student was also coming back up for me during that semester. So there's a lot of things of course. Um, and I really felt like despite me not being a fan of his style, that I was still trying my very best. Um, but I just didn't get it. I Dunno, it was just like, it's seemed like everyone else was speaking a different language and everybody understood what they were supposed to do in that class or in the whole program. And I just was confused. Um, so I mean I did, I felt like I did what any normal quote unquote normal first year doc student would do. I took the time to read assignments carefully. I mean, and this material is dry cause it's foundations, it's like history, blah, blah, blah. And I thought we were done with that from a Master's program, but clearly not. Um, I would take like notes and notes, like pages and pages and notes. I would try to think of questions to ask, but I was really like, I mean in his history it happened. It's not like we're going to cover this in the class anyway, so, but I still tried to do my best. Um, but then I would go into the class and I would be speechless. And again, if I'm also generally not a talker, um, especially in class and in my mind, I just remember thinking now I know in the back end they're excuses. But at that time I was like, oh, I would say things like, oh I'm processing and I'm just trying to take it all in. But really the truth was I was just scared. I was scared that I was gonna say the wrong thing. I didn't want to be wrong, cause it's, it's stakes, right? Like you made it all the way to this phd program and you don't want them to know that, you know, that they made a mistake. Like somebody made a mistake and letting me into the program. And so why would I show up to class and say the wrong thing and confirm that they made a mistake and then they kicked me out of it. It just seemed like everyone else seems so smart and ready to say something. Like everybody always seemed like they always had something to say. And I was just coffee, booze and I just felt like there was something wrong with me. And I did know like what I had that every, what I didn't have that everyone else had. Um, and I was like, maybe it was because like some of the people in my class, they did their masters program and that same with the same faculty until I was like, oh, maybe they're just more comfortable. They know something. I don't know. Like I kind of felt like everybody got the Phd, like Starter Guide and I missed it or something. And I just felt like, because they knew more what to expect and they already had these preexisting relationships that there was no way for me to catch up and there was nothing I could do. Um, and if for some reason I was called on in that class or you know, didn't fall asleep while he was saying the same story over and over, I would just get really anxious and I wouldn't be able to talk. It was like the words could not physically come out of my mouth and I just, I dunno, I was just at a loss and then I wouldn't say like the middle of the class, like this semester.

I mean this is after weeks and weeks of just Imposter Syndrome, feeling like I suck. I didn't belong. Um, we had to do a paper assignment in the feedback that I not only got from that instructor, but that I get from my advisor was, you can't write, um, you really need to work on your writing. Um, and it's clear that like, you have a long way to go in. The instructor wanted me to meet with him about my paper. That's how bad it was, I guess. And he essentially told me that he didn't understand how I got into the program, even though he was the program coordinator. But I digress. Um, that I honestly didn't have what it took, um, that I clearly didn't care about being the program because I never said anything in class and I didn't listen to other people when they were talking and that my writing was absolutely awful and I needed to get it together or leave.

And I left that meeting like in tears because I felt like no matter how much I tried to defend myself or I have a response to him or try to explain everything that was going on, he just was cold and he just shut me down. And it just seems like he just, it seemed like he just didn't care. He didn't want to hear what I had to say. And so that meeting ended with me in a bathroom stall, completely breaking down in tears. Like I remember I also was sick, I was, had a sinus infection because of all the stress and I just remember feeling like, Yep, it's right. I need to go, I need to leave. Um, and I tried to keep going for the rest of that semester, but that semester ended with me on academic probation because even though I thought I was doing well in my other classes, apparently not, I'm my grades at the end of all my classes did where it's not a passing GPA.

And I went into winter break. I went into winter break just smoking weed every day and even a jar cookie butter from trader Joe's and watching all nine seasons of army wives. I never left out of my room. I didn't talk to anybody. I was just all in my feelings, all depressed and just was feeling like completely hopeless. And, uh, one day a friend calls me, um, and just trying to get, like, trying to figure out like, what, what's going on with me? And he was like, I don't know who this person is right now. Like, I don't know what you're doing. I remember a person who hurt my feelings one time ago. Um, and he said, but even though my feelings were hurt, I had an increased my respect for you. Um, and so we, this friend, we used to date and I think like he came to visit me while I was an Undergrad. I was studying for something and he was trying to get my attention or trying to get me to go somewhere. And I think as I looked up to him, deadass looked up at him and was like, nothing. And no one would ever come between me and my education, not even you. So I mean, that sounds harsh, but at the moment, I mean, it is what it is. I said it and he was just saying, where is that girl? Where is that person who said that in meant that, where did she go and why is she not fighting? Um, right now in this program? And so I sat back and I thought about it. I mean, I probably smoked again and watch another episode of army wives, but, um, I did, it did start to sit and I start to think about that. And then I just decided in that moment that I'm not going to quit.

Um, this is something that are born in something I've said I always wanted. And even if the people in my program or in my class were smarter than me or has some sort of advantage over me, they were not going to outwork me. Something that I pride myself on, that hard work will beat talent every time. And so I made up in my mind that I was going to do it. And then I did because that next semester I had a 4.0 but I do, I think it's important to talk about not the sole good moments because that's what makes the journey right. And I want to talk about like what this situation taught me, right? So number one, this situation taught me that I'm not a victim and nothing was happening to me before me. So before I told the story about all how, you know, I was so upset about this instructor and that I felt like he was doing this and this and this, but the truth of the matter, he had his phd and he had a whole career in a field that I was trying to get into and he was teaching. And so he, whether you want to say earn the right or whatever it was his classroom and he could do whatever he wanted to. And it was my job as a student to learn from him because despite what our agreed with him or not, or liked his style or not, he still had something that I was, that I wanted, that I didn't have. And so that meant that was still something to learn from that. And so instead of being a victim mentality of like, oh, he just doesn't like me, um, he's not talking nice to me. I could have stopped and reframed my thinking and said, what can I do? Or what am I not doing or what do I need to do to pull it together? Now I'm also not trying to make, um, I'm not trying to belittle the experience cause it was really hurtful or to say that I shouldn't have felt hurt. Yes, it was hurtful and I wish it could have been different. And at the same time you are responsible for you just like I'm responsible for me and the, it doesn't serve us or it doesn't serve me to think about, oh poor me. Look what they're doing to me. Because at the end of the day, that's not going to help me. That wasn't gonna help me become doctor. It was going to help me get my phd. And so that is something like I carry with me continuously to this day of you're not a victim and you're not a victim. Nothing is happening to you. And maybe if you reframe that thought and said, maybe this is happening for me, because it was, that was a big part of me. Going through that and crying in the bathroom was a big part of me tapping back into something that I lost about how important his goal was for me and that I was going to have to work hard. And just because I've been smart and successful in school up to this point didn't mean that I didn't have to work in this phd process and that the race was just getting started. So that's the first one. The second one was, the second thing I learned was I was at fault for that first semester and I could have, it could have been different if I wanted to be so similar to the first thing about not being a victim. I a true believer that your life, the state of your life, what it is, how it is now is a direct reflection of the thoughts and beliefs that you have. So I believe your thoughts control your emotions, which control your actions, which determine your results in life. So if your academic experience is not going the way you want it to go is because you don't believe it's possible for people like you. I'll say it again. If you, if your experience, your academic experience is not going to way you want it to go, it's because you don't believe it's possible for people like you. I do not believe I was good enough to be in the program. I believe that I was only allowed because of a mistake or to meet some sort of quota or some sort of favor to somebody. I didn't believe I belonged. So because I thought that way constantly and I believe that way constantly. It, it made me feel like shit and that's how I showed up. So because I felt that way, I behave that way. So because I felt like I didn't belong when I came into the classroom, I didn't talk cause I didn't feel like I belonged there and because I didn't talk and engage and do what I needed to do inside, I didn't do well in that class.

However, that next semester shows when I made a decision that it didn't matter if I belonged there and that I was going to do the work necessary. I showed up that way to do whatever was necessary and I got the results of having a 4.0 GPA for that second semester and when I decided that it was, I was going to keep going and make it no matter what it took things change. It was the same program! It was the same cohort members. It was the same instructor. The only thing that changed was my thoughts and my beliefs. And if you want things to be different than you need to start with your own thoughts and beliefs. And then the third thing was self care is about self responsibility. So I did desperately needed self care and I don't mean self care and uh oh like the capitalistic way of going to do the things and by other things. So no you don't need another planner, you don't need to go and buy another outfit or whatever. If you want to do those things, fine. That's not what I mean when I say self care of me. Self care is about taking responsibility for yourself. It's self care is also about thinking about who you are surrounding yourself with. Are The people that you surround yourself with, are they helping you to practice self care and responsibility? Because think about if you're spending your days complaining and whining and saying, Oh, poor me. Those very people that you're talking to, the people who are actually willing to listen to that and not correct you on that, they are willing to let you continuously complain about your program or doubt yourself or make excuses. They're not their not your real friends and or they're not winners. When I say winners, like people who are serious, people who are moving through this doctoral process but ease, they're not getting stuck on the complaining and the whining and the making excuses and the doubting they're doing what they need to do. They're taking responsibility, they're taking care of themselves and doing what they need to do to get the results that they want. And it's not necessarily about like caring about you or that they're mean or they're selfish. They just don't have time for the bullshit. And you obviously want to stay in the bullshit because you keep complaining and whining and doubting. You keep saying poor you. So like me. That's why I really have any friends. That's why the other people in my cohort probably didn't want to. You don't really talk to me. And it's not about fitting in. And what I want you to hear and this message is the morning you stay in self pity and victim hood, and do you want to complain? Instead of putting that same energy into figuring out what it is that you need to do to get the results that you want, the more you'll continue to just have results in your life. So you have to decide and commit to showing up. That is the ultimate form of self care, taking responsibility for yourself in your life. So take responsibility, take daily action and repeat because no one is coming to save you. You need to save you. So thank you for joining me on today's episode. Remember tagging you on Instagram at @MarvetteLacy and let me know what your thoughts are. And so next time until next time do something to show yourself some love. I'll talk to you next week. Bye for now.