Old Millennials Remember Movies

"Lookie, Lookie, I got traumatic memories of Captain Hook stabbing a child to death."

Years before Legacy Sequels were cool, Steven Spielberg decided to ask the question, "What if Peter Pan grew up and forgot all about Neverland?" Turns out he'd be a corporate lawyer and his kids hate him!

"Hook" had a killer premise, an incredible cast led by Robin Williams and Julia Roberts and that steady Spielbergian hand. The marketing for the film was such an enticing tease too... how about that little hook-shaped latch on the window? Killer! Dustin Hoffman gets top billing as Captain Hook, and you don't even see him in the trailer!

In hindsight, it seems like Spielberg was hiding the part of the movie set in Neverland, after Hook kidnaps Grown Peter's kids. Some impressive set design aside, the meat of "Hook" that takes place in fantasy land mixes so many strange tones and subplots that it's hard to get invested. Peter makes out with mermaids, gets a convoluted origin story and kisses his future wife while she sleeps (consent dude!). And Tinkerbell turns big, and Captain Hook is suicidal. Also Hook can somehow brainwash Peter's son into forgetting all about his own father in a span of just three days. But don't worry, kids, there's a food fight! Bangarang!

Old Millennials Remember Movies hosts Tyler and Angela try to crack the wild mess that is "Hook." Is this Spielberg's worse movie? Maybe? Is he even capable of making a completely bad movie? Well, no, there's still some really good moments here, especially in that opening act with Maggie Smith. Apparently Maggie Smith wore old age makeup to play 90-year-old Wendy, but how does she look EXACTLY LIKE THIS in 2022?!

The Old Millennials talk about little league baseball (get a logo on that baseball cap, Charlie Korsmo!), Hoffman and Bob Hoskins screwing around in lieu of actual character work, the Lost Boy that somehow turns himself into a ball, that strange Glenn Close cameo, and, yes, the whole ordeal with Rufio, Rufio, ROOF - EEE - OHHH!

Also discussed on this episode of Old Millennials Remember Movies

Drive My Car (2021)

Fresh (2022)

The 355 (2022)

The Tinder Swindler (2022)

Attica (2021)

Downfall: The Case Against Boeing (2022)

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)

Knives Out (2019)

Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

Jackass The Movie, Jackass 2, Jackass 2.5

Are you a  "T-U-R-T-L-E Power" lad or a "Ninja Rap" kid? How you answer may determine what kind of fan you are of the 1990 live-action version of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" and its two direct sequels from 1991 and 1993. If you said "Ninja Rap," then chances are your feelings about early 90s Turtle Mania is either ironic or steeped in heavy nostalgia.

It's no secret that one Old Millennials Remember Movies host is one of the more die hard Ninja Turtles fans in the world (and you may find a few episodes of the sporadically recorded "Ninja Turtle Talk Live" podcast on the Old Millennials website). For the other Old Millennials host, well, she only really dove into the TMNT universe as an adult. In short, she holds no nostalgia for these rubber-suited, pizza-obsessed sewer dwellers.

Here's the thing about the 1990 movie: It's much more like the original Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird comics, which leaned into the fighting and criminal underworld of New York City. Raphael is moody instead of sarcastic, and Shredder is a stone-cold badass who is smart enough to keep himself away from alien brain creatures and dimwitted mutant sidekicks. And much of the movie's story borrows heavily from various early issues of the comic series.

Old Millennials Tyler and Angela take an extensive look at the 1990 original, which they also showed to their four kids for the first time. Tyler loves it, obviously, and Angela wants to start a fight, but, spoiler alert, she ultimately can't deny the grimy charm of the movie. At least we can agree that punk kid Danny deserves to go to jail, and that April's boss at the news station is a total creep. Also, give us more Sam Rockwell!

Then the hosts dive into the far more divisive sequels, 1991's "The Secret of the Ooze," and 1993's "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3," often subtitled nowadays as "Turtles in Time." Neither host have much to defend about "Ooze," but it gives Tyler an opportunity to talk about that time Angela went to see Vanilla Ice in concert.

And, look, we know #3 is mocked for its shoddy rubber suits, idiotic jokes and lack of memorable villains, but you'll hear a somewhat spirited defense of the movie here. Look, at least the Turtles get to fight with their weapons, rather than with sausages and break dance moves like in "Secret of the Ooze."

So join the Old Millennials for this special episode on the original TMNT trilogy, with talk of Judith Hoag vs. Paige Turco as April, the unacceptable absences of Elias Koteas as Casey Jones and Corey Feldman as the voice of Donatello in part 2, and about a thousand different tangents from Tyler about Ninja Turtles comics, the stellar 2003 animated series, the equally strong Nickelodeon series that started in 2012, and those garbage, Michael Bay-produced movies in the 2010s.

And, remember, if you lose a sai, don't worry; you can get it back! You can get it back! Damn!

Looking for a more obvious stinger? Fine. "Wise man say, 'Never pay full price for late pizza.'"

Also discussed on this episode of Old Millennials Remember Movies

Peacemaker (2022 HBO Max series)

I Want You Back (2022)

Marry Me (2022)

Kimi (2022)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

Hollywood Homicide (2003)

Rush Hour 3 (2007)

In this special episode of Old Millennials Remember Movies, hosts Tyler and Angela remember a few more recent titles - specifically their favorite movies of the last calendar year.

Despite his general commitment to staying reclusive, Tyler saw quite a few more titles this year compared to others. Angela used up some of that same time watching "Game of Thrones." Both of them used January to catch up on some late breaking movies, and if the Oscars can have their telecast in late March, then the Old Millennials can sure as (expletive deleted) make their Top 10 lists in February.

After a discussion on the 2021 Oscar nominations, the Old Millennials count down their personal Top 10 lists, and, as per tradition, both find ways to cheat the very simple instruction of "list 10 movies."

Some of favorite movies of the past year include (in no particular order): "The Green Knight,""The Mitchells vs. the Machines," "The French Dispatch," "Pig," "West Side Story," "The Power of the Dog," "The Last Duel" and a few surprises! One movie that made both lists, "Nine Days," earns an odd mix of praise and scorn from Angela because of its generic title. We're complex people.

Even though their lists are quite different, Tyler and Angela keep their disparaging remarks about the other person's lists to a surprising minimum. So take a break from the 80s, 90s and early 2000s movies with the Old Millennials, and check out some recent goodness, most of which is available to watch now from home. Then we'll go back to Jean Claude Van Damme movies or whatever next time.

It's a little late, but it's Sandy New Year!

For the fourth year, Old Millennials Remember Movies celebrates January with a Sandra Bullock movie. To celebrate 2022, we watched one of the worst Sandy Bullock movies around - 1999's atrocious "romantic comedy," "Forces of Nature." Because the start of 2022 deserves this piece of turd.

The year 1999 is often regarded as one of the great movie years, and "Forces of Nature" probably doesn't crack the Top 150 of movies released that year. It stars Ben Affleck, hot off "Armageddon," as a book cover blurb writer (laugh out loud at that job) who is traveling from New York to Savannah, Ga. to marry Tea Leo....err... we mean Maura Tierney.

Well, a pre-Sully, Sully situation happens on the plane and boom, Ben needs to take trains, automobiles (and buses) in order to make it to his wedding. But ooooh, complication! Sandy Bullock plays the alluring free spirit who becomes his traveling buddy, and sparks fly! Just kidding! There's no chemistry whatsoever between the two stars. Somebody call a J. Lo. or a J. Gar. Stat!

In all fairness, Sandy Bullock acquits herself well here, playing a character who is appealing, flawed and mostly believable. So why isn't she more of the focus of this movie? Why do we have to listen to Affleck do baby talk on an airplane phone to a barely seen Maura Tierney? How do you cast Steve Zahn as the funny sidekick character and give him almost nothing to do?! And do you even know what kind of a master you have here in Richard Schiff, the great character actor who would go on to crush it on "The West Wing." Why is he doing almost nothing as this tour guide character? Why is he wearing that awful hat?!

Let's be honest: "Forces of Nature" is terrible, but Old Millennials hosts Tyler and Angela find plenty of fascinating things to talk about anyway, including a rather spirited, Tierney-centric game of "Angela Explains It All." Tyler tries to defend his boy Affleck, with his strategy mostly focusing on the good work he's done 20+ years after "Forces of Nature." Watch "The Way Back" and "The Last Duel"!

Happy Sandy New Year! Cheers to a better 2022... but if it continues being lousy out there, we're going to subject everyone to "Speed 2: Cruise Control" to open 2023.

Also discussed on this episode of Old Millennials Remember Movies

The Last Duel (2021)

The Tender Bar (2021)

The Lost Daughter (2021)

The Tragedy of Macbeth (2021)

The Protege (2021)

Monster Hunter (2020)

Hotel Transylvania 4: Transformania (2022)

Check out OMRM's previous Sandy New Year episodes:

The Net - 1995 - episode 28

While You Were Sleeping - 1995 - episode 64

Miss Congeniality - 2000 - episode 96

We're breaking all of the Old Millennials Remember Movies unwritten rules by talking about an 80-year-old classic to close out 2021....err, we mean jumpstart 2022!

So, obviously, "The Wizard of Oz" is not an 80s movie, or a 90s movie, or, gasp, an early 2000s movie, but it's one of those legacy titles that can define a young person's movie-watching education. The 1939 fantasy musical, directed (mostly) by Victor Fleming and based on the L. Frank Baum novel, is known for its iconic characters, use of Technicolor, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and Judy Garland's ruby slippers, among many other things. It's also a movie about a trio of dopey sidekicks and the little dog that has more on-screen charisma than the Tin Man, Scarecrow and Cowardly Lion put together. That's right, we said it! Those brainless, heartless, wimpy tag-alongs are kinda annoying!

Old Millennials hosts Tyler and Angela came to "The Wizard of Oz" at different points in their childhood. Angela saw it a bunch of times at a young age thanks to her older sister and enthusiastic aunts. Tyler, however, didn't watch the movie in-full until sometime in high school, though "Oz" is so ingrained in popular culture, most kids know key bits (the Yellow Brick Road, "There's No Place Like Home," etc.) from other things.

For this viewing, Tyler and Angela try to understand their previously unenthusiastic reactions to the movie, as well as what happened when they introduced their kids to Dorothy and her witch-murdering ways. Learn why Tyler thinks the movie is best when it's in black-and-white and if Angela can learn how to tolerate Bert Lahr's constant, cowardly moaning.

Also in this episode, discussions on coma-inducing makeup, Munchkin pay scales and the old-fashioned wonderfulness of Parade Magazine. Find it in your local Sunday newspaper!

Also discussed on this episode of Old Millennials Remember Movies

Encanto (2021)

The Matrix Resurrections (2021)

The French Dispatch (2021)

Ron's Gone Wrong (2021)

Pig (2021)

Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021)

Being the Ricardos (2021)

Don't Look Up (2021)

The Rescue (2021)

A Clusterfunke Christmas (2021)

You better watch out, you better not cry, because Santa Claus is going to the loony bin!

In "Miracle on 34th Street," a single mother is a real Scrooge McDuck about the magic of Christmas, specifically about telling her young daughter that Santa Claus is a lie. Enter a convincing (but violent prone?) old man, who decides that he wants to work RETAIL during the busy holiday season. We don't know if it's magic, but give that guy a medal for wanting to deal with all those snot-covered kids and demanding parents for several weeks.

For many Old Millennials, the 1994 remake was the first version they saw of "Miracle on 34th Street." After all, that cute kid Mara Wilson from "Mrs. Doubtfire" was there, and so was "Jurassic Park" visionary John Hammond. He even has a cane! Plus the 1994 movie has COLOR, and kids don't fool around with black and white movies.

Fans of the beloved 1947 original didn't turn out for the remake (a familiar correlation with this year's "West Side Story"?), even though the studio thought people would love this sentimental update written by John Hughes. Turns out, people wanted Hughes in "Home Alone" pratfall mode, and "Miracle on 34th Street" also had to contend with another holiday superhit, Tim Allen's "The Santa Clause." More power! *GRUNT GRUNT GRUNT*

Old Millennials Remember Movies co-hosts Tyler and Angela both have memories watching the 1994 version before discovering the original. In this episode, the pair discuss the creative changes, some bad and some surprisingly good, as well as why the movie tanked with a cynical 90s audience. On one hand, the 1994 movie adds an extra 20 minutes of unnecessary content,  On the other hand, is this movie a canonical prequel to "The Practice" starring Dylan McDermott?!

Tyler and Angela also dissect the two distinct courtroom climaxes (U.S. mail vs. U.S. currency), the shift from real stores Macy's and Gimball's to Cole's and Shopper's Express, and the 40s-era accent deployed by national treasure Allison Janney, who appears in one scene of the 1994 film. Is Richard Attenborough better as Kris Kringle compared to the original's Oscar-winning turn by Edmund Gwenn? Are Elizabeth Perkins and Dylan McDermott's characters dating, or what the hell? And would you trust some random old man with possible delusions of grandeur to babysit your 6-year-old daughter?

Merry Christmas from Old Millennials Remember Movies, ya filthy animals!

Also discussed on this episode of Old Millennials Remember Movies

Arthur Christmas (2011)

Noelle (2019)

Frosty the Snowman (1969)

Saved By the Bell (Season 2 on Peacock)

MacGruber (Limited series on Peacock)

Check out these other holiday episodes of OMRM

The Santa Clause - 1994 - episode 61

Home Alone - 1990 - episode 26

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York - 1992 - episode 63

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - 1964 - episode 93

Oh, there goes Mr. Humbug! There goes Mr. Grim!

While there are about a thousand different flavors of "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens, only one of them has a big-nosed weirdo narrating the story.

Yes, "The Muppet Christmas Carol" is the best "Christmas Carol" because of Gonzo the Great. Okay? Cool. No reason to even have a podcast about it then. BUT if you need some convincing, let Old Millennials Remember Movies explain how Gonzo and his rat partner-in-storytelling, Rizzo manage to inject so much humor into a faithful and satisfying rendition of the story we all know way too well by now.

"The Muppet Christmas Carol" has another obvious gambit (Mon ami!) in the form of Michael Caine, playing it absolutely straight as famed cheapskate Ebenezer Scrooge, despite almost everyone around him being a puppet. For instance, he never says ONE SINGLE THING about the whole Cratchit kid situation. Look, either Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy had children from previous same-species relationships, or we're all supposed to just accept that when a pig and a frog bang, the boy children come out as frogs and the girl children come out as pigs. No frogs with with pig noses; no pigs with webbed feet. OKAY. SURE, MOVIE.

Anyway, Old Millennials hosts Tyler and Angela discuss why "The Muppet Christmas Carol" rules, despite the relatively slim screen time for Fozzie, Beaker and the Swedish Chef. They also discuss the movie's music... the soundtrack starts out so promising: The opening number is awesome and those old coots Statler and Waldorf make a BANGER out of "Marley and Marley." Then the rest of the songs are about as weepy as "Marley & Me," and, well, the movie still rules despite the lackluster songs, okay? (alas, no Pepe the King Prawn in 1992, either).

And, in a diabolical move, Angela forces Tyler to recast the entire movie with all the Muppets being forced to play different characters. What madness!

Also discussed on this episode of Old Millennials Remember Movies

8-Bit Christmas (2021)

The Power of the Dog (2021)

Belfast (2021)

The Humans (2021)

Silent Night (2021)

Check out these related past episodes of OMRM:

Labyrinth - 1986 - episode 116

The Dark Crystal - 1982 - episode 58

Scrooged - 1988 - episode 24

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - 1964 - episode 93

Harry, Hermoine and Ron are growing up, and it's super awkward for everyone involved!

The fourth journey to Hogwarts, "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire," marks a turning point for the series. As the kids start popping pimples,  emotions run high and bodies start to pile up. It's the first Potter movie to be rated PG-13, and it's probably all because of the terrifying, nose-less face of Ralph Fiennes, making his official debut as big-bad Lord Voldemort. HE IS BECOMING! DO YOU SEE?!

"Goblet of Fire" focuses on the Tri-Wizard Tournament, a multi-school, year-long event that centers around FOUR students total. Seems like they could get all three events done over a long weekend. Harry, who isn't even supposed to be here today, is treated like garbage by his fellow students, including "best friend" Ron, all because everyone thinks he cheated his way into a death tournament. Why does nobody ever believe this kid? He's got a freakin' lightning bolt scar from being attacked by the most evil and powerful wizard in all of history! Dude deserves the benefit of the doubt.

Old Millennials Remember Movies co-hosts Tyler and Angela continue (conclude?) their annual visit to the Wizarding World by discussing everything from Mad Eye Moody's real (unseen) personality to how young children respond to the disturbing fate of Cedric Diggory, played by soon-to-be Batman Robert Pattinson. They also take a deep dive into that glorious Yule Ball sequence, which perfectly captures the awfulness of being a teenager with raging hormones. Stop pouting in the corner, Ron, and just tell Hermoine you like her!

Also discussed on this episode of Old Millennials Remember Movies:

King Richard (2021)

tick, tick... Boom! (2021)

Spencer (2021)

Passing (2021)

Last Night in Soho (2021)

Princess Switch 3: Romancing the Star (2021)

Check out past Harry Potter episodes of OMRM:

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone - 2001 - episode 23

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - 2002 - episode 57

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - 2004 - episode 91

It's the hilarious, smash hit family comedy... about a bitter divorce!

The late, great Robin Williams was at the top of his game in 1993, and "Mrs. Doubtfire" let the comic actor run amok even when not dressing up like an old lady. Seriously, his character here, Daniel Hillard, is pretty unhinged, and it kinda makes sense that he loses custody of his kids. He's lucky he's not in jail for poisoning Pierce Brosnan!

(To be fair, who the hell do you think you are ordering a jambalaya without pepper?! It's a Cajun dish, Pierce, what the hell is the point?)

Old Millennials hosts Tyler and Angela both watched "Mrs. Doubtfire" a bunch as kids, as they both came from Robin Williams-loving homes. So were they nervous about revisiting the film and finding a whole bunch of outdated and insensitive jokes? You bet! Luckily, the movie largely avoids any questions about gender and sexuality (with the exception of that creepy bus driver who keeps hitting on Mrs. Doubtfire), and keeps things simple: Daniel is lying to his kids and pretending to be an old woman because he loves being around them so much! Nothing wrong with that, right? Right?! Right?!!?!!?

Let's make one thing clear: This movie is still pretty watchable, thanks to some genuinely terrific comedic riffing by Williams, as well as the surprisingly sensitive and believable depiction of divorce (thanks mostly to an excellent Sally Field performance). Heck even these three kids are likeable  - Lisa Jakub, Matthew "Not the 'Whoa' Lawrence" Lawrence and adorable Mara Wilson in her screen debut. Even new beau Pierce Brosnan is a nice guy! We kinda bad he's a victim of a run-by fruiting!

So get your frosting facial ingredients together,  sing a song from "Funny Girl," and don't double-book yourself and you alter ego at the same time at the same place, dummy. Also try to figure out why local TV producer Robert Prosky decides to replace his soft-spoken kids show host with... another soft spoken kids show host!? Is Euphegenia Doubtfire really more interesting than that dinosaur guy?!

Wait, Mrs. Doubtfire's first name is EUPHEGENIA?!

Also discussed on this episode of Old Millennials Remember Movies

Shang-chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)

Red Notice (2021)

Home Sweet Home Alone (2021)

No Time to Die (2021)

Check out these related past episodes of OMRM

Aladdin  - 1992 - episode 38

Jumanji - 1995 - episode 102

Home Alone - 1990 - episode 26

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York - 1992 - episode 63

You remind me of the babe! The babe with the power! The power of voodoo!

Few David Bowie fans would cite his songs in the 1986 fantasy epic "Labyrinth" as the best music of his career. But who cares?! Bowie is awesome, and yeah, these songs aren't great, but come on! It's Bowie in a weird AF muppet movie!

"Labyrinth," created by Jim Henson and his talented crew of puppeteers, is filled to the castle towers with incredible production design and a massive, varied assortment of strange creatures. The seemingly ageless Jennifer Connelly plays Sarah, a teenager who accidentally wishes her baby brother away and into the arms of a goblin king. Oops! At least he's a pretty sexy goblin king.

If you loved "Labyrinth" as a kid, chances are you still love it. If you didn't grow up with it... well... it might be somewhat laborious. Old Millennials Remember Movies hosts Tyler and Angela are on opposite sides of that divide. Is Jareth the Goblin King dreamy? Creepy? Neither? Both? Does the way Sarah solve that confusing door riddle make any sense at all? And how traumatized was that baby actor after being surrounded by all those disgusting goblin puppets? The Old Millennials dive into all that and much more, because this movie is overstuffed with quests!

Whatever you think about "Labyrinth," we can probably all agree on the two best elements. 1. David Bowie. 2. The real dog that carries around the puppet dog but is also occasionally a puppet for the close-ups. So sometimes it's puppet-on-dog and sometimes it's puppet-on-puppet. Either way, it's (expletive deleted) awesome!

So grab your Hoggle, strap that Ludo, wash your Ambrosius, clear your Didymus and check out our episode on "Labyrinth!"

Also discussed on this episode of Old Millennials Remember Movies

The Harder They Fall (2021)

Nine Days (2021)

Free Guy (2021)

It: Chapter 2 (2019)

The Curse of Frankenstein (1957)

Horror of Dracula (1958)

The Mummy (1959)

Legacies (TV series)

Curb Your Enthusiasm (TV series)

Check out these related past episodes of OMRM:

The Dark Crystal - 1982 - episode 58

Willow - 1988 - episode 60

The NeverEnding Story - 1984 - episode 5