One Hard Thing Substack Podcast

So I’m talking more here about the Imaginal Realm, as watery, chaotic, dark and scary, but also the place where inspiration, hope, faith, and eventually even love find their birth. We came from water, but we live on the land. It’s my experience that there is far more that we don’t know than we do know, but…we know enough to do some things. And I think that is love, when we do them, whether or not they work out as we “hoped,” or “believed” they would.

The story I refer to, is found in Matthew 14:22-33, among other places.

I also reference C.S. Lewis’ works: The Magician’s Nephew, and The Great Divorce. While one is for children, and the other for adults, both are excellent always. Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series was abortively put to film (loved Rosamund Pike’s portrayal of Moiraine, but yeah, the adjustments to the story were a little suspect overall), however the book series is one I’ve enjoyed (a few times!), if not for very 3D characters, then for the breadth and depth of plot and world-building.

Really the Imaginal Realm as a fluid dreamscape of possibility is probably reflected in most stories that have a quest in them (which is to say - maybe 90%?), and if that’s not evidence enough as to its reality (although it is of course unseeable by definition), I don’t know what is.

Anyway, my experience is: it’s good to know it’s there, maybe good to reach in once in a while and get a little wet, but keep a line firmly tethered to dry land. This sea is worthy of a bit of…respect.

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I love thinking and talking about this stuff. It’s nice to pair with a ramble outside, and makes even this bleak landscape and weather kinda fun.

I’m basically continuing to talk about the implications of an “imaginal space” between what we think we know, what we can know for sure, and what we pay attention to (which is, of course, very affected by what we “believe”).

While this may seem ridiculously theoretical and even metaphysical, I truly believe having this sort of concept in my vocabulary is helpful in the real world. I need to make constant decisions. All day. And interactions with humans (not to mention animals, who can’t “talk”) are always affected by this intermediary space of my belief as to what is going on. The story I’m telling myself, in other words.

And, as I also conclude, my image of myself, which is entirely imaginal, is crucial to what happens next in my little world of choice.

How much of what you “know” is, in fact, in this fluid, chaotic, possibility-filled space between subjective and objective truth? How much are you basing on bridging theories, interpretations that stretch data, and flat out guesses as to other people’s intentions and likely next actions?

I don’t know :) Of course. But I know for me there’s a lot of my world that is overlapping this pool, this tossing sea, this subconscious realm of the underworld that isn’t quite reachable except through stories.

Anyway, come for a morning walk with Kyrie and me. I won’t let you get much of a word in edge-wise, but you’re welcome to respond in the comments.

See ya.

This is what happens when I try to record a “short podcast.” Sorry about that.

Anyway, this one touches a nerve for me, and may for you as well. Issues of justice and tragedy and fault and pragmatism in the face of all, are tough. I’ve had a difficult week, and the various flavours of suffering I’ve experienced have got me thinking about how blaming is a salve for pain, but it doesn’t address the real problem. And addressing the real problem requires an ability to correctly assess the size, and scope, and temporal reach of the “problem,” which is often more like a set of problems, echoing forward and backward.

Ironically, I believe it is more honest and requires more integrity to choose to set aside blaming, and instead focus on mapping. This is a shift in the direction and type of energy I use in the face of clear and ongoing injustice. Mapping and describing and working to comprehend, rather than simply apprehend, is far more intensive, but it creates space for action, without adding to the destruction that has already occurred.

Anyway, that’s the fence I find myself on today. Join me if you are okay with a fairly frank discussion of some hard things.

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This was such a gentle, non-eventful, soft little walk with our beautiful Paint mare, BlueJay. It was an experiment (again!) for me in non-resistance rather than the normal pushiness I like to inhabit. BlueJay’s “aura” is pure goodwill, and she thoroughly enjoys being loved, and petted, and made much of, but most especially she enjoys getting more attention than the other two.

It occurs to me that I also (or parts of me) enjoy being made much of, and a chance to simply wander around without worrying about new, different, scary, adventurous, or slipping on the ice.

So often my love affair with horses has been so closely tied to the anxiety I have around doing what is slightly more than I’m comfortable with. Having very little opportunity for expert coaching or mentorship has made me unable to start small. It’s been an all or nothing sort of venture. Now, at this end, it feels kind of funny to go to the beginning of a relationship with a horse and just, you know, do a nice greeting, a little introductory sort of walk, a short check-in, rather than diving into my plans for using her to achieve Big Goals.

I have figured out (thanks in large part to absolutely unbreakable limits) that the small, unimportant, mundane, routine, moderately sized interactions add up. Gentleness and a slow conversation are extremely friendly to trust.

I was vacuuming the other day and noticing how easily I get frustrated and take it out on the “tool” - the central vac with its long hose that tangles and pulls and catches and generally is less than perfectly cooperative. I yank, and start to move more fiercely, clean more savagely, until all of the furniture and rugs are thoroughly scared into submission. It’s so very easy to think of animals as tools. It’s even easy to think of other people as tools. It’s definitely not a stretch to think of my body, my mind, or my heart as simple objects - to be yanked and pulled and shouted into place.

Anyway, that’s the tone and slow idea of this video. It left me feeling peaceful, grateful, and safe. I felt a good deal of reflected contentment from this lovely mare. Not a long or difficult challenge, but it kinda made my day…

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Moral superiority is a drug that is entirely legal, readily available, and is often even cast as virtuous. I doubt anyone has not partaken, and wow, does it feel amazing. In the short term, anyway. It does leave a long shadow, though, and can itself become difficult to untangle from who we think of as our own selves. Trying to get free from its grip can look like cognitive gymnastics worthy of Cirque du Soleil, wherein we attempt to pretend others’ behaviour is not morally outrageous, or their beliefs patently untrue, or their perceptions (as expressed) not dangerously one-sided or oversimplified.

There’s a middle ground I’ve landed on, accidentally, but with increasing gratefulness for its ability to create both clarity, and compassion, while not clouding any of what I myself believe, or perceive. It’s the concept of “othering” what is harming another human.

I love the imagery of the “uncanny valley,” and this is where I now almost physically push the "monsters” of distortions, assumptions, problems, and abstract, ethereal enemies to life which I (in this story) see as everywhere and nowhere, impossible to grasp, but very much affecting the situations I walk into, or through, or even that I carry with me into the situations I’m walking into, or through.

If you love someone who is acting or speaking in ways you find disturbing, dismaying, or dangerous, and you don’t know how to direct your anger and grief and sense of wrongness, maybe this podcast will give you a way to navigate in love, in truth, and in congruence with obvious reality, while not latching on to moral superiority as your only possible weapon. Ugh. That one is in itself quite liable to become monstrous.

We all fight them, and yet many of them remain in the shadows, unnamed, unnoticed, even defended as friends. They’re not friends. They are monsters.

Fridays are for fence-sitting; this one is the divide between what is useful, helpful, friendly, and what is most definitely not. I hope this affirms, or maybe suggests, a story to tell yourself when you badly need a villain you can fight with all the strength you have. Not other humans. Not yourself. One hard thing: name the enemy. Fighting it is much easier when it’s categorized as apart from what is human, worthy, and good. (You!)

That’s pretty much it.

Okay, well, the summary is more about how chaos is all around, and it’s ineffective in the extreme to try to control it. However, we do have significant ability to use our energy with lots of positive results if we stick to the little circle of space and air and intention we inhabit. If I can manage that “home base” then I’m safer for Tundra (and maybe even other people) to be around.

Hoping that bad things won’t happen, or that I’m going to be strong enough to reverse them when (not if!) they do, is not really wise. You can only get so far with that intention and worldview. Trust me. However, using my mind and body and heart to purposefully do the things that will make my home space safer, clearer, calmer, and more congruent with reality - that has the extremely beneficial effect of allowing me to travel within the chaos, and choose my response from a platform of stability. I like that a lot. It’s possible.

You can join me for the whole walk and talk if you like - there are swans! Also it is just an amazing day out. Such gifts, each one in November. Whatever you choose is fine by me. I’m here, and you are welcome to come alongside, with your circle of control intact and secure and comfortable to be with.

Happy Wednesday!

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I’m sitting atop the divide between what’s visible to others as our personality and persona and general appearance - and the vast unexplored (in my case, anyway) country inside. The interior is larger than the exterior, as is the improbable theme of so many good stories, and I’m exploring how this could perhaps give us a different source of inspiration when we become depleted.

Here’s the visual I refer to as a model informing occupational therapy:

The circle in the middle labeled “spirituality” is seen in this case as informing and directing our occupations. I am calling this circle the “soul” and my idea here is that maybe it isn’t just a small circle on a primary-coloured chart. Maybe it has (we have) more depth than that. Perhaps there are wellsprings of…life? love? hope? the grand possibilities of innocent childhood still lying there like the “empty” prairies before fences made them fields.

I don’t know, but that’s the divide for today. There’s the outside of us, where we busily put our best foot forward. And then there’s what we’re so earnestly and diligently protecting. Possibly even forgetting its mystery and purpose…

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I’ve always been so distressed by others’ distress that I’ve sailed in and “fixed” problems before the “other person” really even registered a problem.

And yes, this goes back to feeling unsafe and responsible, as a child, for managing others’ large emotions. However, it’s no longer necessary. It’s a great skill in its place, but that place is not on a walk with my quite calm and collected horse!

I’m working here on trying to overturn a strong pattern in myself by slowing down, asking rather than controlling, communicating my needs with more clarity and less blame (hopefully no blame!), and calling out my own tendency to want to over-manage everyone else’s actions.

Interestingly, the behaviour I’m using as a lesson for myself is Tundra’s choice to try to eat while on a line with me. Normally I use pulling energy (Draw) to communicate my disapproval. I swap this out for pushing energy (Drive), which keeps the lead rope loose and asks her to respond, rather than forcing her to respond. So much easier for me, kinder to her, and ultimately appropriate energy for the communication, if I’m speaking “horse.”

And yes, another beautiful day out here in mid-Saskatchewan! Each one is a gift right now. I’ll take them. Come for a walk with me.

So first off, here’s that chart I keep coming back to:

The boundary or fence I’m sitting on today is that line just between the purple row - Edgy and Anxious, and the one below it - the spring green of Just Right, or Fun.

I’ve spent a LOT of my life in the Scary and Edgy storeys of the tall building of stress. Coming down is possible, with the work I’ve done, the supports around me (now), and the diminishing of some significant crises. The thing is, it’s hard to actually make the journey. This fence, or trip down a set of stairs, or whatever, is kinda freaking me out a little. Rational? No. But when are humans actually rational? Not that often, that’s when.

Anyway, if any of you out there have spent way too much time in the higher realms of stress, and you have the opportunity to perhaps get to safety, and then stay there a while, and you find that shift unaccountably difficult…I get you. That’s what I’m looking around and talking about today.

Have a listen and tell me what you think. Is increased calm and lowered productivity and so on perhaps a little…threatening in a weird and counter-intuitive way?

We can do this. We can change our brains. We can move from a place of less internal order and safety, to one with more coherence, congruence, and connection. Lots of times, we have more choices than we want to believe.

Fridays are for fence-sitting, and this one is a Really Big Deal. For me, for my inner team, and for everyone who has to watch me live my life in the real world - yeah, it’s definitely time to come down a storey or two.

Once again, I’m creating these videos not at all expecting them to be useful to horse owners everywhere. This is far more about people relationships than anything else, with Tundra standing in for the many humans we rub shoulders with (literally and figuratively) and who may occasionally edge into “our space.”

I’ve spent a fair amount of energy attempting to control those sorts of invasions through unbalanced Drive or Draw methods. These look like (in the people world):

* sudden aggressive reactions to what I perceived as a hostile move (often taking everyone by surprise, as sometimes it really wasn’t meant to be hostile at all)

* moving away, away, away, and away in a “you can’t locate me” sort of Tag, or Hide and Seek energy

* forging forward with so much speed and energy that no one could, or would want to, “keep up”

* becoming as large and threatening as I could, while at the same time edging backwards - providing a stew of mixed messages that no one could possibly decode or respond to with any clarity

* inviting people in via placating or false friendly tones, so as to neutralize (hopefully) any threat they might pose despite my discomfort with their position

* ignoring people who got too close, so that they would forget about me and move away on their own

* becoming passive aggressive - continuing on as if I wasn’t feeling invaded, but occasionally pushing back with a little more force than was friendly

* chasing people away - if they moved back, following them and pushing them again, even though they were clearly no longer in my “bubble”

* attempting to control exactly where people (plural!) were relative to me in all directions like a conductor or dance choreographer, except without those titles or skillsets

I hope you can see how the act of negotiating a walk with a horse has all sorts of meaning for me in terms of how I could (now, with a lot of work on my own energy) create a safe perimeter in a similar walk (or work project, or adventure, or conversation) with a person.

It’s not about controlling others. It’s all about simply creating a safe distance I would prefer them to keep relative to me, communicating this clearly, and then letting us both go ahead together with trust and the least force necessary to maintain this awareness on both our parts. Not to mention me respecting their equivalent messages!

This was great fun, as I finally felt safe to move with a happy, forward, fun sort of walk through our yard, without worrying about escalating Tundra into a place where she might have done harm to herself, to me, or to the connection we had going on. It was a little bit of work to create and communicate my boundary, for sure, but not nearly as much as micro-managing Tundra’s four feet as well as my own.

Energetic balance is a Good Tool! I hope this gives you some ideas for walking with your favourite people (two or four-legged).

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