One Movie Punch

NARRATOR: “Welcome back to Reign of Terror 2019! 31 straight days of horror movie reviews and interviews. Today’s episode will guest star Marc and Steve of the Moviedrone Podcast, who will be reviewing the 2016 independent slasher, ‘The Terrifier’. A promo will run before the review.”

NARRATOR: “But for now, let’s turn our attention back to the fate of our host, Joseph, in Part One of “FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT”.”

SCENE: Inside a cannon at the circus.

JOSEPH: “I got a bad feeling about this.”

MARC: *Announcer Voice* “Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Podcast Guests and Hosts. Tonight, we have a show that sure to excite and astound! To my direct right, we have a cannon...” 

JOSEPH: “Wait a minute...”

MARC: *Announcer Voice* “...out of which we will shoot one lucky podcast host across the tent, and into a bed of razor sharp spikes, lovingly placed there by Art the Clown!” 

JOSEPH: “WAIT A MINUTE!” 

MARC: *Announcer Voice* “Art – Light the Fuse!”

NARRATOR: “Joseph began trying to scramble his way out of the cannon, but he kept slipping back down to the bottom. The fuse was lit, and the crowd fell silent. The only sound remaining as a drum roll.” 

MARC: *Announcer Voice* “And three... two... ONE!”

NARRATOR: “The cannon exploded, sending Joseph flying high into the air, so high that, as if by chance, he caught a trapeze bar, swinging even further up, but away from the spikes.”

STEVE: *Normal Voice* “Well, would you look at that?” 

MARC: *Normal Voice* “It’s my favorite part, really.”

NARRATOR: “Joseph swung himself up onto a platform, then turned to survey the scene below him. He saw a now thoroughly upset, not happy at all clown, running with a very large knife for the rungs leading up to the platform.”

STEVE: “Ooooo, it’s getting good. Look!” 

NARRATOR: “Joseph looked down at the very angry clown, then across a narrow wire to the adjoining platform, then down at the ground below, hoping to see a net. Art the Clown was nearly halfway up, and with few options, Joseph headed across the wire.”

MARC: “Tenner says he falls.”

STEVE: “No bet.

NARRATOR: “Joseph webbled and wobbled his way across the wire, causing the crowd to gaps as he nearly fell. Had he turned around, he would have seen Art the Clown also watching, waiting for stupidity to finish what he couldn’t, but somehow, some way, he made it, to the cheers of the crowd.”

MARC: “I was hoping he would fall, to be honest.”

STEVE: “You’re turning into a real Marc, you know that?”

MARC: “Well, what did you expect?” 

JOSEPH: “Time to go!” 

NARRATOR: “Grabbing an extra length of wire, Joseph threw it over a support wire, and rode the wire all the way down, past the crowd, and out the tent, into the cold night air, the sounds of the circus fading as he took off running.”

JOSEPH: “I’m out of here..." 

NARRATOR: “And he ran as fast as he could, past the perimeter of the circus, and out ‘Into the Tall Grass’, which is ironically the movie that Andrew Campbell will be reviewing tomorrow, when we find out what happens to Joseph in Part Two of “FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT”!”

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STEVE: “Today’s movie is ‘Terrifier’ (2016), the horror/thriller film written and directed by Damien Leone.” 

MARC: “This film sees David H. Thornton take on the role of Art the Clown and follows him as he terrorizes three young women on Halloween night, as well as anyone else who stands in the way.” STEVE: “There will be a few spoilers ahead but nothing that will reduce the effect of this film!”

STEVE: “If you felt Pennywise was the scariest film clown, you’ve obviously not come across Art. With a face only his mum could love, Art defines Maniacal as he leaves a trail of destruction in his path, hellbent on creating as much human destruction as he possibly can in an amazing array of imaginative kills.” 

MARC: “With a B-movie feel and a budget of only $100,000, David H. Thornton steals the show with his performance of an iconic horror villain that wouldn’t go amiss in a high budget film production. He delivers some of the most uncomfortable scene performances without the need for dialogue.” 

STEVE: “With some stand out scenes that include a victim being hacked laterally through the body and Art wearing a suit made from his victims skin, David H. Thornton puts his all into creating a fantastic lead character.”

MARC: “With a few glaring continuity errors, some questionable acting and a very loose plot this film is a recipe for disaster but somehow delivers camp 80’s feel horror by the bucket. Following many horror tropes this film has a familiar feel to it, but never fails in originality of kills, amount of gore and some gratuitous, and confusing nudity.” 

STEVE: “The quality of the gore effects is astounding considering the budget and the fact this is Dark Age Cinema’s debut production. At 82 minutes long this film is the perfect length for this type of film and goes in with a get in, get out attitude, although it may have benefit ed from some character development to allow the audience to connect with some of Art’s victims.”

MARC: “As it stands we found ourselves rooting for Art, although that may say more about us than the film itself.” 

STEVE: “The end shows, that after the apparent death of Art, he is very much still with us, leading to the question, is Art a supernatural being or just a very resilient villain?”

MARC: “With a crowdfunding campaign underway to raise funds it is clear we will once again see Art terrorizing a new set of would-be victims. Hopefully with a slightly higher budget and more experience, we look forward to seeing if the sequel shows off more of the writer’s imagination and David H. Thornton’s amazing talent, to create another film that all involved should be proud of producing.”

MARC: “If it wasn’t for Steve’s tenaciousness to sift through low budget horror and for his insistence that I watch it, this is one that I would not have seen and we both urge you to give it a chance.” 

STEVE: “This film may be too much for some or frowned upon by others but for us this was a fun watch that we feel is very worthy of a horror fans attention.”

Rotten Tomatoes: 64%

Metacritic: NR

One Movie Punch: 8.2/10

MARC: “Terrifier” (2016) is rated (18) and is available on Amazon Prime and can be purchased on DVD in many good media outlets. Thank you for listening to our review today, if we can do it, so can you. Get in touch with Joseph at One Movie Punch and talk to him about doing your own review!

NARRATOR: “Welcome back to Reign of Terror 2019! 31 straight days of horror movie reviews and interviews. Today’s episode will guest star Dave Horrocks and Chris Phelps of the Comics in Motion Podcast, who will be reviewing the 2004 crossover event, ‘Alien vs. Preadtor’. A promo will run before the review.”

NARRATOR: “But for now, let’s turn our attention back to the fate of our host, Joseph, in Part Five of “COSMIC FARM HOUSE”.”

SCENE: Space station.

JOSEPH: “You know, in retrospect, the immensely long hallways should have been a dead giveaway that this wasn’t an actual spaceship. Artificial gravity could be a thing, but unless this is a holodeck, we have to be underground.” 

NARRATOR: “Oh, speculation. It’s my favorite part of narration, listening to the main character try to work out his circumstances. Joseph’s mind was rotating through the thousands of films he had seen, trying to draw whatever lessons he could to figure out this maddening puzzle. Perhaps he was on the right track. Perhaps not. But this certainly seemed like the time for a plot twist.” 

JOSEPH: “Hallways ends. At a... rock formation. Knew it! Looks like some ancient ruins, actually. Some sort of Proto-Rastafarian religion, judging from the dreadlocks. Face pieces are a nice touch. And man, these folks were huge! Wait, what’s that?”

NARRATOR: “Joseph could hear human voices through the rock formation, working his way along the wall until he could feel some air flow.” 

DAVE: “Is someone there?” 

JOSEPH: “Yes, this is Joseph! Who’s this?”

CHRIS: “Oh, thank goodness! I’m Chris. That’s Dave. Are you also stuck in an ancient temple?”

JOSEPH: “No, I’m actually in a space station. Or what seems like a space station.” 

DAVE: “I think he’s daft, Chris.”

CHRIS: “You might be right.”

JOSEPH: “I think it’s an underground facility, perhaps studying this structure.”

DAVE: “Do you know who built it?”

JOSEPH: “No. Do you?”

CHRIS: “Well, I’m not saying it was aliens, but...”

DAVE: “It was definitely aliens.” 

JOSEPH: “Speaking of which...”

JOSEPH: “Any way to open a way over there?”

CHRIS: “Afraid not.”

DAVE: “We’ve got our own problems.” 

JOSEPH: “Well, I’d love to stay and chat, but I gotta run.”

CHRIS: “Wish we could do the same.” 

DAVE: “Agreed. We’re at the end of the line, I’m afraid. Oh wait, look here!”

CHRIS: “What’s that?”

DAVE: “It’s a sign that says ‘Escape Pod’.”

CHRIS: “Really?!”

JOSEPH: “I have one, too!”

NARRATOR: “Joseph looked down and saw a similar sign, pointing down a previously unnoticed hallway.”

CHRIS: “Good luck, then!”

DAVE: “Here’s to surviving!”

NARRATOR: “Joseph ran down the hallway, to a small tube marked ‘Escape Pod’.”

JOSEPH: “Well, that’s rather explicit.”

NARRATOR: “He fumbled with the wheel that kept it sealed, first loosening it, then opening it all the way. It was narrow, but just wide enough to fit his slightly overweight frame.”

JOSEPH: “Hey, watch it!”

NARRATOR: “He wriggled in feet first, so he could close the door behind him, regretting the last few cheeseburgers he had eaten, and the lack of showering he had experienced.”

CHRIS: “AH! NOOOOO!!!!”

DAVE: “GOOD GOD!!!!”

NARRATOR: ”The sounds behind him were gruesome indeed, and his own... *sigh* alien predator? Really?” 

JOSEPH: “I was strapped for time, okay?”

NARRATOR: “Joseph pulled the hatch behind him closed, which turned on some lights. Once he finished closing the hatch, he saw a button marked ‘Escape’.”

JOSEPH: “I guess that’s my ticket out of here.”

NARRATOR: “Joseph pressed the button, and the tube began to move away from the hatch. He began breathing a sigh of relief, until the tube began raising upward, causing Joseph to slide towards the lower portion, no matter how much he tried to hold himself. Soon, the tube was angled upwards, with light spilling in from the opening at the other end.”

JOSEPH: “Wherever out here is...”

NARRATOR: “It was then that he heard the murmurs of a crowd, and what sounded like... a calliope?” 

JOSEPH: “What now?” 

NARRATOR: “A drum roll, apparently, and the call of a circus ringmaster.”

NARRATOR: “Hot snakes for Joseph! Find out tomorrow, when we’re joined by Marc and Steve of the Moviedrone Podcast for a review of ‘The Terrifier’, and we’ll find out if Joseph can survive by running away and joining the circus. Join us tomorrow for Part One of “FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT”!”

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Today’s movie is “Alien vs. Predator” (2004), the Sci-Fi/Action film directed by Paul W.S. Anderson and written for the screen by Anderson, along with Dan O'Bannon and Ronald Shusett. An ancient pyramid is discovered buried deep underground in Antarctica by a team of archeologists and scientists, led by Alexa "Lex" Woods (Sanaa Lathan). The team realize too late that the temple is a hunting ground for young Predators to claim Alien trophies as a rite of passage. Warning: Spoilers ahead!

It was comic publisher Dark Horse who first came up with the idea to crossover the Alien and Predator franchises and they first appeared together in a short story in Dark Horse Presents #34 in 1989. Though “Predator 2” (1990) also hinted at a connection by showing an Alien skull hung up as a trophy Predator’s ship. But it would be another 14 years before we got our intergalactic Royal Rumble on the big screen.

Sigourney Weaver had famously said that she didn’t want any part of this movie and the script sounded awful. But I, for one, was really looking forward to this mashup and I do think it’s a great concept that could have worked really well. But by setting it in the present day and shooting for a PG-13 rating, straight away they were limiting its potential and getting the hardcore fans and continuity police, offside. 

The movie spends a lot of time with the team of human scientists, without getting a great deal of character development. But we do get to find out how the Predators had been vacationing on Earth for years and were worshiped as Gods and released the Aliens for a little hunting trip. 

We get to see a number of humans we don’t really care about slaughtered by the Predators, before we finally get some decent action scenes with the Predators fighting Aliens. Some of the CGI doesn’t stand up too well, but practical effects look pretty good. Although they should, considering the groundwork has already been done for them in the original movies from each franchise.

There are some fun moments in this movie. Some of the action scenes are great and using an Alien head as a shield was pretty darn cool. But the Predator and Lex team up does stretch believability somewhat, and it just isn’t enough to save this movie.

Hard core fans will be driven to distraction by sloppy and contradictory continuity and constrained by the rating it fails to build the tension and fear like the first movies do. But if you’re a casual fan of one or both franchises, and can switch your brain off, and not think too deeply then you could have a bit of fun with this. 

Rotten Tomatoes: 21%

Metacritic: 29

One Movie Punch: 3.5/10

“Alien Vs. Predator” 2004 is rated R, or 15 in the UK, and is available on Amazon Prime, or DVD and Blu-Ray.

NARRATOR: “Welcome back to Reign of Terror 2019! 31 straight days of horror movie reviews and interviews. Today’s episode will guest star Greg and Mike of Top 5 for Fighting podcast, who will be reviewing the 1986 James Cameron power sequel, ‘Aliens’. A promo will run before the review.”

NARRATOR: “But for now, let’s turn our attention back to the fate of our host, Joseph, in Part Four of “COSMIC FARM HOUSE”.”

SCENE: Space station.

NARRATOR: “We last left Joseph running down a space station hallway, with the sounds of... oh, what did they sound like again?” 

NARRATOR: “Oh, that’s right. Like that.”

JOSEPH: “Don’t remind me.” 

NARRATOR: “The sounds were getting closer and closer, but they were no longer the only sounds.”

JOSEPH: “Other people!”

NARRATOR: “Joseph ran towards the voices, coming from an open door up ahead. The sounds behind him, of course, were getting even closer.”

NARRATOR: “He ducked into the room, slapping a button to close the door behind him, and ducking under a table. The other voices went quiet, and the sounds passed them in the hallway.”

JOSEPH: “What the hell is that?” 

GREG: “You don’t even want to know.” 

MIKE: “He clearly wants to know.” 

GREG: “But he doesn’t need to know, does he?” 

MIKE: “I think we all need to know, don’t we?”

NARRATOR: “They looked over at Joseph, who was noticing them for the first time, sitting next to a pile of futuristic looking weapons, freshly oiled and sitting next to a pile of ammunition.”

JOSEPH: “I just want to get off this stupid rocket.” 

GREG: “Rocket?”

MIKE: “We’re not on a rocket?”

JOSEPH: “But, the science officer...” 

GREG: “That guy sucks.” 

MIKE: “It’s one of the few things we agree on.”

JOSEPH: “Well, then where are we?”

GREG: “We’re on a mining colony across the galaxy.”

MIKE: “We’re in an underground maze somewhere on Earth.”

GREG: “That sounds ridiculous.”

MIKE: “Okay, Rocketman.”

JOSEPH: “I saw the rocket, though.” 

GREG: “Yeah, we all saw the rocket. Everyone sees the rocket.” 

MIKE: “But there can’t be that many rockets, right? So, instead of believing thousands of rockets have taken off, I’m thinking underground maze.” 

JOSEPH: “Thousands?” 

GREG: “He’s full of crap. Thousands? Maybe ten.”

MIKE: “Fine, but even ten rockets would be noticed.” 

JOSEPH: “Ten?”

GREG: “Yeah, we’ve met ten other people since we’ve been here.” 

MIKE: “Nine other people. We knew each other beforehand.”

GREG: “Whatever. Anyway, we’re staying put with the weapons. Figure it’s the safest place to be.”

MIKE: “It’d be safe off the ship.”

JOSEPH: “Will you two quit fighting?!”

GREG: “He started it.”

NARRATOR: “Joseph turned away from the two of them, and weighed his options. He could stay here, figure out how to use the weapons, and try to find safety in numbers. But he knew their constant bickering would eventually kill him. But he also knew they couldn’t be in space, unless they had invented artificial gravity as well. So, there had to be a way out.” 

JOSEPH: “All right, guys. I’m looking for the exit.”

MIKE: “Your funeral.” 

GREG: “Probably ours as well.” 

JOSEPH: “You mind if I take one of these guns?” 

MIKE: “Help yourself.”

NARRATOR: “Joseph picked one up, which felt almost weightless in his hand. He had never seen an alloy like this one before, although he was no metallurgist. He was just glad to have something to fight back with.” 

JOSEPH: “Good luck, guys!”

GREG: “Enjoy your death!”

MIKE: “Try not to make too much of a mess!”

NARRATOR: “Joseph left, sneaking down the hallway, padding quiet...”

JOSEPH: “Softly.”

NARRATOR: “Padding softly down the hallway, leaving the two men arguing with one another.”

GREG: “I bet he dies right away.”

MIKE: “I bet he dies before us.”

GREG: “I bet we’re wrong.” 

MIKE: “Game over, man!” 

GREG: “For once, we agree.”

NARRATOR: “Joseph continued running down the hallway, but now he was looking for the way out. And looking down at his dead cell phone, was also looking for a charger of some sort. Join us tomorrow for part five of “COSMIC FARM HOUSE”, when we’re joined by Dave Horrocks and Chris Phelps from the Comics in Motion Podcast for a review of the obligatory crossover film, ‘Alien vs. Predator’. And let’s see if Joseph can survive when we add another extra-terrestrial to the mix.” 

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GREG: “Today’s movie review is ‘Aliens’ (1986), directed by James Cameron and written by Cameron with David Giler and Walter Hill. 57 years after the events of 1979’s ‘Alien’, Lt. Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) is found by deep space salvage team. During a debriefing, Ripley learns that the moon that her ship the Nostromo visited by turned into a terraforming colony financed by the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, but contact has been lost. Ripley, along with a squad of battle-hardened space marines, and a Weyland-Yutani executive Carter Burke (Paul Reiser) and an android named Bishop (Lance Hendriksen) visit the colony to investigate. What they find is a lone human survivor, a nine-year-old girl named Newt (Carrie Henn). Should Ripley be concerned about discovering aliens or Burke’s ulterior motives for the mission?

Spoiler alert: it’s both!”

MIKE: “So, here’s gonna be our review of the movie ‘Aliens’, which we both recently watched to get to rewatch again. And let’s be honest, this movie that has rewatchability written all over it. Super fun movie. I think it does an exceptional job of building suspense with little to no music, basically in this movie, which just adds up to spookiness of waiting to see what’s going to happen or what’s making that noise in the dark hallway.”

GREG: “Typically, that noise in the dark hallway is significantly less scary than these aliens. Creature effects are outstanding. You will not find a better sequel to the original movie with the exception of maybe ‘The Empire Strikes Back’. It’s an age old story that the second one is never as good. That’s completely wrong in this situation. This movie is perfection from top to bottom. There’s very little character development, but you don’t need it. You’re given what they want you to deal with in the beginning of the movie. The acting, the dialogue, comic relief, provided by Bill Paxton, who plays Corporal Hudson. ‘You know what I think we should do. I think we should put her in charge, man.’” 

MIKE: “Yes, agreed.”

MIKE: “This movie does such a good job of building on what it basically gives you up in the beginning. And like you had just said, it doesn’t take itself too serious, or try to be anything that it’s not. It gives you the characters at the beginning, it lays out the summary of what needs to be done, what’s happened, why they’re going to investigate it, and like you had brought up, the effects in this movie, the alien itself, it’s not corny in any way. This is a scary movie monster, probably the scariest and best done. James Cameron is a legend when it comes to making movies, and this was earlier in his career, but this movie is... it’s so hard to find scary movies these days.”

GREG: “Yeah.”

MIKE: “I wouldn’t even say this is scary. This is tense. This is suspense, I think at its best.” 

GREG: “Yeah. I wouldn’t call it a horror movie, either. I would call it a science fiction movie.” 

MIKE: “I agree.”

GREG: “There’s very little blood. There’s not a lot of gore, other than alien blood. Paul Reiser steps out of his wheelhouse and plays a brilliant, smarmy corporate executive who...”

MIKE: “Villain. You call him a villain.” GREG: “A villain that goes so far as to try and impregnate Ripley or Newt with one of the facehuggers so he could sneak them back through quarantine, because he wants an alien weapon that he can use for that.” 

GREG: “The characters in this movie have the perfect amount of action, the perfect amount of wit and quip, except for Henriksen, who plays the android Bishop to perfection. Perfection.”

MIKE: “Playing an android for Henriksen is right in his wheelhouse. He plays that so well. And what I like about this movie is the villain Paul Reiser, Burke. You really root for them. You root for the good guys, which is Ripley and Hicks and you just want to see Paul Reiser bite it, because he does such a good job of playing that, like you said, the scummy government worker, that just wants to weaponize it, which is a time old story in movies, but it’s very effective in the movie itself. It’s incredibly well done, and I highly recommend watching the director’s cut, because it gives you even more of the back story with Newt and her family, are in the director’s cut, which really adds a lot to story of why they find Newt alone.”

Rotten Tomatoes: 99% (CERTIFIED FRESH)

Metacritic: 84 (METACRITIC MUST SEE)

One Movie Punch: 10/10

MIKE: “’Aliens’ is available for streaming on Amazon Prime, iTunes, Google Play, YouTube, VUDU, and FandangoNow. It’s also available on DVD and Blu-Ray at amazon.com.”

NARRATOR: “It’s Episode 603 for Monday, October 7th, 2019.”

NARRATOR: “Welcome back to Reign of Terror 2019! 31 straight days of horror movie reviews and interviews. Today’s episode will guest star Daniel Shaw of The History of Violence podcast, who will be reviewing the 1979 Ridley Scott classic, ‘Alien’. A promo will run before the review.”

NARRATOR: “But for now, let’s turn our attention back to the fate of our host, Joseph, in Part Three of “COSMIC FARM HOUSE”.”

SCENE: Space station.

JOSEPH: *waking up* “What the...”

JOSEPH: “Where am I now?”

NARRATOR: “As usual, Joseph was just full of questions. What the heck? Where am I? Does anyone listen to my podcast?”

JOSEPH: “Hey!” 

NARRATOR: “Sorry, low blow. Because he was right to have questions. Questions like...” 

JOSEPH: “What was a rocket doing at a farm house in the middle of nowhere? Why was I brought there in the trunk of a car? Will I ever be able to watch ‘Back to the Future’ the same again?”

NARRATOR: “Perhaps not that last one. He looked around the room, where similar pods had been left open, because even in space, no one bothers to make the bed. However, it told Joseph there were other people around. He dropped down to the floor, and began walking.”

JOSEPH: “Hello?”

DANIEL: “Hello? Is that our stowaway?”

NARRATOR: “Joseph turned towards the sound, as a humanoid form rounded the corner towards him. He was glad the search didn’t take long, because even though he was relieved, he was also becoming increasingly frustrated.”

JOSEPH: “I guess I am. Who are you?”

NARRATOR: “Joseph stuck his hand out, which was grasped with a surprising strength. He looked down at their grip, noticing for the first time the slightly yellowish, alien quality to his skin.”

DANIEL: “My apologies. I am Science Officer Rook, at your service.”

JOSEPH: “Great, maybe you can help me.” DANIEL: “Yes, but only if you can help me, first.”

JOSEPH: “I guess that’s fair, what do you need?”

DANIEL: “Well, I seem to have lost our ship’s cat.”

JOSEPH: “What’s his name?” DANIEL: “Jones.”

JOSEPH: “And where is this kitty?”

DANIEL: “Just over here in the medical bay. It shouldn’t take long.”

JOSEPH: “Okay.”

JOSEPH: “Where is everyone else?”

DANIEL: “Oh, I’m sure they’re around here somewhere.”

JOSEPH: “Where are we?”

DANIEL: “You’re aboard the Nostradamus. We’re conducting scientific research in deep space. Not sure how you got here, but we’re glad to have you. How did you find us?”

JOSEPH: “Well, I was in a field, and then I heard a noise.”

DANIEL: “What kind of noise?”

JOSEPH: “Kind of like a...”

JOSEPH: “But more like a...”

JOSEPH: “I’m sure it’ll come back to me. Say, this ship seems awfully empty.”

DANIEL: “I assure you, everything is running optimally for the mission.”

JOSEPH: “I guess. Can’t you tell me anything?”

DANIEL: “I’m afraid not.”

JOSEPH: “But why not?”

DANIEL: “I don’t want to interfere with the experiment.”

JOSEPH: “Oh.”

JOSEPH: “Wait, what?”

DANIEL: “What?”

JOSEPH: “Did you just say experiment?”

JOSEPH: “That’s the sound I heard! Do you hear that?”

DANIEL: “No. Not at all. I think you’re hearing things.” 

JOSEPH: “Man, now I can’t get it out of my head!”

JOSEPH: “Like it’s just around the corner. Say, Rook?”

NARRATOR: “But Rook was nowhere to be found. Joseph realized he stood outside of the medical bay, though, and attempted to enter.”

JOSEPH: “What the...?”

NARRATOR: “Another justified question. It was locked.”

JOSEPH: “I wake up on a spaceship, after running from a haunted farm house, transported in the trunk of a car, to get ghosted by some weird science officer? This is so frustrating! I could just... just...”

NARRATOR: “But he couldn’t, because...”

NARRATOR: “No, I’m not reading this.”

JOSEPH: “Yes you are.”

NARRATOR: “Are you serious?”

JOSEPH: “Yes.”

NARRATOR: “Fine.”

NARRATOR: *clears throat* “Because...” *sigh* “in space, no one can hear you scream.” 

JOSEPH: “Yeah, I deserved that.”

JOSEPH: “But not whatever that is. Time to run!”

NARRATOR: “And run he did, down the hallway and away from the sounds of whatever stalked him. Join us tomorrow for part four of “COSMIC FARM HOUSE”, when we’re joined by Greg & Mike from the Top 5 For Fighting Podcast for a review of the James Cameron action horror classic, ‘Aliens’. And let’s see if Joseph can survive another day.”

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Today´s movie is “Alien” (1979), the horror sci-fi film directed by Ridley Scott and written for the screen by Dan O'Bannon. In this ground-breaking movie the crew of the Nostromo, a cargo spaceship, accidentally bring aboard an unimaginably dangerous extra-terrestrial. What follows is some of the tensest horror ever committed to film, as Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) and her crewmates are locked in a deadly game of cat-and-mouse with an unstoppable killing machine. 

“Alien” is a slow burn, but one that rewards the audience with supremely crafted tension and shocking jump scares. And by slow, I mean really slow, with minutes long shots of the ship drifting slowly through space. This measured pace applies to the plotting as well as the cinematography, with the opening scene showing the crew waking up and eating breakfast. The first real scare doesn’t come until about 45 minutes into the movie, which might be a problem for some viewers. This stands in contrast to “Star Wars”, released just 2 years earlier, which opens with a bombastic space battle. In both cases, I think Scott’s decision to take his time pays off, by focusing attention on the ground-breaking set design, and building subtle relationships between what could otherwise by a fairly two-dimensional cast of characters.

You would expect a 40-year-old horror movie, especially one set in space that relies on a hideous monster as the primary focus, to seem dated in the special effects area. Luckily, the skill of the director and the commitment of the cast mean that, despite the reliance on what are effectively big puppets, “Alien” holds up remarkably well. Much of this is down to the set and monster design, which owes its inspiration to the Swiss painter HR Geiger. Geiger’s depictions of bizarre, bio-mechanical nightmares are disturbing but strangely peaceful, with this sense of stillness being carried over into the movie. The horror in “Alien” does not rely on fast-paced action or movement, something which could easily look jerky and dated compared to modern CGI action. Instead, the scares lie in still shots and slow, deliberate motions, as the flickering lights reveal patient primordial horrors in the dark corners of the labyrinthian spaceship. Similarly, Giger’s Freudian undertones are reflected in “Alien”, with much of the imagery focusing on the connections between sex, pregnancy, birth, and death. The fears that this movie taps into are subconscious and timeless, in a way which blood-and-guts horror isn’t.

“Alien”‘s lasting influence on horror can’t be understated, and much of that comes from how it straddles different genres. It is part haunted house, as the characters find themselves trapped in the desolate, isolated spaceship. It has also been called a “slasher in space”, with the crew being picked off one by one as the seemingly unstoppable killer stalks them. But, conceptually, “Alien” is a monster movie, focused on the titular Xenomorph. In a sense, “Alien” represents a link between the monster movies of earlier Hollywood eras and the slasher films of the 70s and 80s. In the past, cinema created inhuman beasts, like King Kong and Frankenstein’s monster, and asked the audience to identify with them on a human level. In the later slasher movies, we have human killers who we feel little sympathy for, given how senseless and inhumane their violence is. The Xenomorph in “Alien” represents a synthesis of this, meaning that this is a film which covers all the horror bases.

Beyond this, “Alien” also addresses fears which are both timeless and deeply modern by providing a multi-faceted monster. The antagonist is grotesquely monstrous, utterly inhuman, and completely without motivation. Cold and inhospitable to life, just like space. A violent force of nature which is both inevitable and senseless. A literal killing machine, depicted as a horrific melding of bone and gears, reinforcing the fraught relationship between humanity and technology which characterizes much of Ridley Scott's work. Much like the troubled narrator of a Lovecraftian tale, the people who face the Xenomorph are dealing with something which is impossible to understand or reason with, like nature, like the rapidly changing world, like the depths of our own subconscious, creating a truly existential, but very modern, antagonist.

This is a must watch for anyone with an interest in horror or sci-fi, and for me it holds up as one of the greatest movies ever made. If you can get over the slow opening, you will be rewarded with some truly unforgettable scenes. Watch it, but not alone! 

Rotten Tomatoes: 99% (CERTIFIED FRESH)

Metacritic: 89% (METACRITIC MUST SEE)

One Movie Punch: 10/10

“Alien” (1979) is rated R and is available to stream at Now TV, Sky GO and to rent at pretty much every online outlet!

This is Daniel, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off!

NARRATOR: “Welcome back to Reign of Terror 2019! 31 straight days of horror movie reviews and interviews. Today’s episode will be a classic horror movie review from our... let’s call him a hero, Joseph for last year’s ‘A Quiet Place’, the breakout horror thriller from John Krasinski, Bryan Woods, and Scott Beck. Let’s hope he can be quiet today.”

NARRATOR: “Before the review, however, we’ll be running a promo for Sponsor Sundays. If you like what you’re hearing, and want to support future projects, head over to patreon.com/onemoviepunch to support the podcast. All sponsors get to force Joseph to review a movie of their choice, with just a few exceptions. You’ll also find exclusive content, including part one of an interview with Kerry G. Fleming, about 2017’s ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’, written with Victor Millerof the ‘Friday the 13th’ franchise, and directed by Tom Holland, director of the original ‘Child’s Play’.” 

NARRATOR: “Wait, really? That sounds pretty great. Let me just make a note here: check out interview while publicly available for a limited time. At least until Joseph makes it back home. But will he? Let’s turn out attention back to the fate of our host, in Part Two of “COSMIC FARM HOUSE”.”

SCENE: Haunted house exterior.

JOSEPH: “Gotta be quiet...” JOSEPH: “Gotta be more quiet than that...” NARRATOR: “When we last left Joseph, he was just visited by the spectral form of Jason Stone of ‘Mars Attacks!’, but with the voice of the always enchanting and exuberant Amy Dobzynski, aka One Movie Spouse.”

AMY: “You’re so thoughtful!” NARRATOR: “And, of course, Amy was repeating something she often said to Joseph when he got into these situations.” AMY: “WILL YOU LISTEN?!”

JOSEPH: “Listen? Listen to what?”

AMY: “All right, you need to head to the silo in back, and climb to the top. Once you’re there, I can guide you the rest of the way out of here. But you have to be quiet.”

JOSEPH: “Oh yeah, that’s right. And I need to be quiet.” NARRATOR: “Quietly, Joseph crept down a soft, dirt path, quietly towards the farm silo, blowing quietly in the wind. He looked around, quietly taking in what he could of his surroundings, in the quiet rays of the quietly waning moon. Each quiet step lead him quietly through the quiet farm towards the silo quietly...” JOSEPH: “Oh, for God’s sake, GET A THESAURUS!” JOSEPH: “I don’t like the sound of that.” NARRATOR: “Suddenly, Joseph heard something moving towards him, and he turned to run rather loudly towards the silo. Had he stayed quiet, of course, he could have avoided all this.”

JOSEPH: “Oh, shut up!” NARRATOR: “But alas, he wasn’t quiet. The rustling increased, and from multiple directions, but Joseph ran with all his might into the silo...” JOSEPH: “What the...?” NARRATOR: “...which was housing a modestly sized rocket. Crossing the perimeter triggered an alarm of sorts, which immediately began raising metal doors around the silo, blocking out whatever was making the noise.”

JOSEPH: “You know, that sounded an awful lot like...” NARRATOR: “I said WHATEVER was making the noise. What Joseph should have been paying attention to, was a person in a lab coat waving him over to the rocket entrance, where he would be safe from the blast of the rocket launching in mere seconds.”

JOSEPH: “I should probably run over there.”

NARRATOR: “He did run over there. And it was definitely not quiet, but it did the trick. The lab coat couldn’t hear his questions, over the deafening roar of activating machinery. He was simply guided into the rocket, where klaxons warning of imminent launch replaced the cacophony of bangs and gears outside. And when he was shoved into what seemed to be a sleeping capsule, he had mere seconds to process everything before the seductive beauty of hypersleep.” NARRATOR: “Of course, who these people were, or why he had to be quiet, Joseph still didn’t know. Tune in tomorrow to find out, when we’ll be joined by Daniel Shaw of The History of Violence podcast for a review of the 1979 classic, ‘Alien’. Join us for part three of “COSMIC FARM HOUSE”!”

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Today’s movie is “A Quiet Place” (2018), the critically acclaimed horror film directed by John Krasinski and written in collaboration with Bryan Woods and Scott Beck. The film follows the Abbott family, including Evelyn (Emily Blunt), Lee (John Krasinski), Regan (Millicent Simmonds), Marcus (Noah Jupe), and Beau (Cade Woodward), who are surviving a world where predatory creatures with supernatural hearing hunt any life they can hear, including humans.

Spoilers ahead.

I’m confident in saying that this is the best new film I’ve seen this year. It will be the fourth 10/10 review I’ve given, next to Fritz Lang’s “Metropolis” (Episode #014), Barry Jenkins’ “Moonlight” (Episode #037), and the groundbreaking “Captain America: Civil War” (Episode #085). And for me, a film earns that ranking when they do the best version of that particular film, regardless of genre or actors or box office numbers or even other critical scores. In fact, we’ve finally entered a world where entire genres aren’t being snubbed by critics and audiences alike. People are finally taking fantasy and science fiction and horror films seriously again, and we all get to reap the benefits.

John Krasinski has created a masterpiece hidden in a concept film, and one that requires the right kind of audience willing to respect the absolute need for silence to watch this film. The sound editing is superb, amplifying the background noises, making sharp sounds really stand out, and making the usual noise in our life seem so loud. The near lack of spoken dialogue requires you to focus on the subtitles and if you listen close enough, you can hear their breathy whispers. Each part of this film draws you further and further in, so much so that I understand the anger of folks who tried to see the film with a bad audience. 

The film itself is well-paced, broken up into three major events in their family’s struggle to survive after the creatures arrive. The first event sets the tone for their film, where an innocent mistake leads to the death of their youngest, creating literal and figurative unspoken tension within the family. The second event involves a scare about a year later, when the family is getting ready for the coming of another child and nearly give their position away to the creatures within the vicinity. And then the last act, when the family is separated and Evelyn goes into labor after injuring herself, stalked by the local predator, building steam until some major sacrifices need to be made. Everyone is great, but Emily Blunt is spectacular and believable, and I want a GIF of her cocking the shotgun as soon as possible.

“A Quiet Place” (2018) is an exquisitely crafted concept film that treats the genre and the audience with respect. The ending quite literally left me speechless, full of complex emotions and a huge sense of admiration for Krasinski. I cannot recommend this film enough, and I encourage everyone to see it before it leaves the theaters. Just be quiet, sit back and watch real movie magic happen.

NARRATOR: “Welcome back to Reign of Terror 2019! 31 straight days of horror movie reviews and interviews. Today’s episode will guest star Amy Dobzynski, aka One Movie Spouse, from right here at One Movie Punch, who will be reviewing Peter Jackson’s classic horror film... ‘The Frighteners’? By God, was that really Peter Jackson?” 

NARRATOR: “In lieu of just running the One Movie Punch promo, however, we’ll be running a promo from our friends at the Movie Geek and Proud podcast. Every two week, Rob and Shawn serve up a fun episode discussing movies that people are proud to like, no matter what others think. A promo will run before the review.” 

NARRATOR: “But for now, let’s turn our attention back to the fate of our host, Joseph, in Part One of “COSMIC FARM HOUSE”.

SCENE: Haunted house exterior.

JOSEPH: “I really don’t like these options.”

NARRATOR: “Why would he? Joseph looked quickly down the road in either direction, seeing nothing. He then turned back to look at the dilapidated structure in front of him, the only source of shelter, and potential assistance. Sunlight was rapidly fading around him.”

JOSEPH: “Well, let’s see what’s behind door number one.”

NARRATOR: “Joseph should have also known to leave the punchy dialogue. Door number one? Honestly.” 

JOSEPH: “Hello?” 

NARRATOR: “He listened, waiting for an aural response, perhaps from another human being, but instead, he was only answered by the slow creak of the door opening before him.”

JOSEPH: “Oh, that’s not disconcerting. Not at all.”

NARRATOR: “It was quite disconcerting, even though normal people didn’t talk like that. Joseph pushed his way in, searching, but failing to find a light switch. The remaining sunlight was filtering into the dark, mostly shuttered interior. Joseph looked around, until he began to hear footsteps upstairs.”

JOSEPH: “Hello?” 

AMY: “Joseph, is that you?” JOSEPH: “Amy?! Thank goodness!” AMY: “I’ll head down there!”

JOSEPH: “Finally! What are the odds?” NARRATOR: “Joseph moved to the stairwell, but instead of seeing the beautiful and talented Amy Dobzynski...” AMY: “Stop it, you’re making me blush!” NARRATOR: “...Joseph saw the spectral form of Michael J. Fox descending the staircase.”

JOSEPH: “Uh, Amy?” AMY: “It’s me.” 

JOSEPH: “But you look like Michael J. Fox!” AMY: “I know, but I need you to listen.” 

JOSEPH: “Like, Alex P. Keaton from ‘Family Ties’!”

AMY: “Yes, but...” JOSEPH: “Like Marty McFly from ‘Back to the Future’!” AMY: “Please just listen, we don’t have time!”

JOSEPH: “Like Scott Howard from ‘Teen Wolf’!”

AMY: “WILL YOU LISTEN?!” JOSEPH: “Sorry, it’s just disconcerting.” NARRATOR: “Even Amy sighed at the use of that word.”

AMY: *SIGH* JOSEPH: “Okay, I’m listening.” AMY: “All right, you need to head to the silo in back, and climb to the top. Once you’re there, I can guide you the rest of the way out of here. But you have to be quiet.”

JOSEPH: “What’s going on?”

AMY: “Well, it turns out that its actually...”

NARRATOR: “And conveniently, or perhaps inconveniently for Joseph, the spectral vision of Michael J. Fox decided to evaporate, leaving Joseph in the middle of a house slowly getting darker and darker.”

JOSEPH: “I guess I head to the silo. Quietly.” NARRATOR: “Of course, why he had to be quiet, and what was waiting for him at the silo, Joseph didn’t know. Tune in tomorrow to find out, when One Movie Punch will be re-running a review for “A Quiet Place” (2018). Join us for part two of “COSMIC FARM HOUSE”!”

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Hello, It’s me Amy AKA one Movie Spouse back for this month’s spooky review for Reign of Terror 2019. Since the inception of One Movie Punch over two years ago, I have seen many films with Joseph, several of which were well-outside of my rom-com, dramedy, Bollywood, musical, animated, and suspense favorites. Ok, so I have a lot of favorites, but horror films have never been on that list... until recently. All of that changed when I saw “A Quiet Place” with Joseph on Mother’s Day weekend when it debuted in theaters. Since then I’ve started exploring the horror genre a bit with films such as “Get Out”, “Hereditary”, “Halloween”, and “Us” to name a few. While excessive blood and gore are NOT my thing, I’m open to exploring parts of the horror/thriller/suspense subgenre, and today’s film is a flashback to one I missed seeing in my teens.

Speaking of which, today’s movie is “The Frighteners” (1996), the fantasy comedy horror film directed by Peter Jackson and written for the screen in collaborations with Frances Walsh. After a tragic car accident kills his wife, Frank Bannister (Michael J. Fox) discovers he can communicate with the dead, and begins using it to con people. However, when a demonic spirit appears, he may be the only one who can stop it from killing the living and the dead.

NO SPOILERS!

Watching the trailer for this film, my first thought was “Oh, it’s like ‘Ghostbusters’ - a cheesy action film.” But before we go any further, I want to say this is definitely NOT “Ghostbusters”, even though it’s still an enjoyable and entertaining film. It definitely appears to be trying to capture that audience, however, having a similar 1980s flair, complete with grainy video quality, and cheesy action/terror scenes. The more we get to know Frank Bannister as a character, the more he began to remind me of James Roday’s portrayal of Shawn Spencer in “Psych”. In fact, perhaps the best description for today’s movie is “Ghostbusters” + “Psych” – a likeable guy using his deception to make a living. Of course, the difference is that Frank can actually see ghosts, and that makes it all the more fun.

I chose this film for Reign of Terror 2019 because I thought it would be fun to do a “classic retrospective” I had not already seen. Of course, today’s film turned out to be way more of a comedy film than a terror or a horror film. Some scenes were thrilling and/or terrifying but were limited in their “scare factor” due to the special effects limitations of 1996. Being choked and/or tripped by a demonic spirit hiding in your wallpaper or carpeting is a very creepy thought, and if it were redone using today’s special effects, and with Peter Jackson’s impressive production company, it could be truly terrifying, and would easily tip the balance between comedy and horror. As it is, the film is a fun ride, but it feels more like a “one and done” experience.

One more similarity to “Ghostbusters” is the effect of the rating system on the film’s success. “Ghostbusters” was given a PG rating, despite including some very questionable and directly implied content. No PG-13 rating existed at the time, and the panel couldn’t or wouldn’t give the film an R-rating. As such, many more children went to see the film than probably should have, and many more saw the film at home when it was released. By contrast, “The Frighteners” was given an R rating, although I would liken it more to a PG-13 rating by today’s standards - not suitable for young children, with some scenes of violence and usage of adult language. I can only imagine receiving this rating really hurt trying to capture the same broad audience of “Ghostbusters”.

“The Frighteners” is a ghost horror comedy that attempts to recapture the audience of “Ghostbusters”, delivering a fun ride, but also receiving a more restrictive rating than it probably should have. This film is filled with comedy, tragedy, and supernatural activity – a perfect film for Halloween! Fans of Michael J. Fox’s early work, and fans of cheesy horror/action/comedy films may enjoy this film. 

Rotten Tomatoes: 63%

Metacritic: 52

One Movie Punch: 6.0/10

“The Frighteners” (1996) is rated R and is available on VOD.

NARRATOR: “Welcome back to Reign of Terror 2019! 31 straight days of horror movie reviews and interviews. Today’s episode will guest star Andrew Orsie from the Good Game, Great Game Podcast, who will be reviewing Wes Craven’s classic franchise sequel sequel, ‘Scream 3’. A promo will run before the review.” 

NARRATOR: “But for now, let’s turn our attention back to the fate of our host, Joseph, in Part Three of “A SPACIOUS TRUNK RIDE”.

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SCENE: Car trunk interior. The sounds of the highway are heard outside.

JOSEPH: “Worst. Car ride. Ever.” 

JOSEPH: “OW!”

NARRATOR: “Joseph had been chastising himself for the last hour or so, after hanging up on a telemarketer. A well-meaning telemarketer, but still a telemarketer. He didn’t like the way things were going so far.”

JOSEPH: “I really don’t like the way things are going so far.”

NARRATOR: “Joseph was a man of many words, but even he was speechless to understand what was going on outside that trunk. Twitter refused to believe him, outright mocking him, especially this @lordkhadow fellow.”

JOSEPH: “What a dick.”

NARRATOR: “And the driver still wasn’t answering.” JOSEPH: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” NARRATOR: “All he could do was wait for the third and final call.”

JOSEPH: “Oh no. Where’s the phone?”

NARRATOR: “Just needs to pick up the phone!” JOSEPH: “Darn it!” 

NARRATOR: “As if his life depended on finding the phone...”

JOSEPH: “FOUND IT!” JOSEPH: “Hello?”

ANDREW: “Yes, is this Joseph?” JOSEPH: “Look, if this is another prank call...” ANDREW: “No prank. This is Detective Mark Kincaid.”

JOSEPH: “Really? You don’t sound like Patrick Dempsey.” ANDREW: “Sir, I understand you’ve been taken captive.” 

JOSEPH: “Yes, that’s correct.”

ANDREW: “All right, I just need to ask you a few questions...”

JOSEPH: “Let me save you the time. I don’t like Mary Voorhees, or prairie hoodies, or cherry goodies, or wary groupies!” ANDREW: “Sir, please remain calm. I’m not asking any silly questions like that.”

JOSEPH: “Okay, good.” ANDREW: “But I do need to know...”

JOSEPH: “Yes?” ANDREW: “If you...” JOSEPH: “Yes?!”

ANDREW: “Like scary movies?!”

JOSEPH: “ARE YOU KIDDING?”

ANDREW: “Sorry, sir. Couldn’t resist. Now, can you see a dangling tab in the trunk, there? All the spacious trunks have them.”

JOSEPH: “You mean this glow in the dark thing that’s been shining at me the whole time?”

ANDREW: “That’s the one. Now, if you just pull down on that.”

JOSEPH: “I’m free!”

ANDREW: “Yes, you are. Now, you’ll just have to be careful, because if you hit the wrong bump...”

JOSEPH: “AHH!”   ANDREW: “...you might get knocked out. Are you still there, Joseph?” 

JOSEPH: *groaning* “Yeah.”

ANDREW: “Now, it looks like your GPS is turned off on your phone. Do you know where you are?” NARRATOR: “Joseph looked up where he had fallen out, right in front of what looked like an abandoned farm house. One he had never seen before. The rural landscape around him could be from anywhere.”

JOSEPH: “No clue.” ANDREW: “Okay, well, stay put and we’ll try to zero in on the...” NARRATOR: “Of course, it was at that moment the phone decided to drop signal, leaving Joseph alone once again. But where was he? Tune in tomorrow to find out. It’ll be... okay, this time, it’s not going to be a ‘Scream’. But we will be joined by the incredibly beautiful and charming Amy Dobzynski, aka One Movie Spouse, for part one of “COSMIC FARM HOUSE”!”

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Today’s movie review is of “Scream 3”, a 2000 follow-up to Wes Craven’s “Scream” and “Scream 2”. It touts itself, even within the film, as the closer to the trilogy, though the series would be revived for one more film in 2011. The film once again follows Sydney Prescott (Neve Campbell) and her attempts to grapple with both her mother’s murder from years past, and a new Ghostface killer who has made their way onto the scene, literally, cause we’re in Hollywood this time!

No spoilers.

In what was likely intended to be a new take on the Scream series’ meta approach to the slasher film, this third installment puts us into the shooting of a movie-within-a-movie, where the cast of “Stab 3” is finding themselves being actually murdered by the new Ghostface killer, in a sort of twisted method acting that none of them signed up for.

Ehren Kruger takes over the writing reins in this film. Unfortunately, save for a cameo from Jamie Kennedy as Randy Meeks on a brief video tape, this means we leave behind a lot of the quick-witted, nuanced satire in the dialogue that Kevin Williamson gave us in “Scream” and “Scream 2”, and lean more heavily on Kruger’s scenario-based comedy and over-the-top caricature performances for the humor, and this falls flat in the face of prior installments.

This isn’t to say that there aren’t some fun moments and laughs. Parker Posey, Emily Mortimer, and Deon Richmond all give great stabs (pardon the pun) at making these movie-in-a-movie actors funny and likable. We get a couple “Oh!” moments in cameos from Kevin Smith and Carrie Fisher as an actress who was passed up for Princess Leia. But the scares never really get off the ground in this one. Besides Jenny McCarthy’s Ghostface chase sequence, the pursuits and kills largely lack proper suspense here. Couple that with characters who never quite manage to get enough attention for us to care about them with any depth, and you’ve got a solid recipe for this fright fest to be mediocre at best on the scare front. 

Perhaps one of the more remarkable things about looking back on “Scream 3” today comes from Lance Henriksen’s portrayal of John Milton, the sleazy Hollywood producer behind the “Stab” franchise. In one scene, he talks a great deal about producers using women in Hollywood, giving the typical, cringeworthy response of “It was a different time back in the 70s”. It’s unclear exactly how pointed Craven and Kruger intended this scene and dialogue to be, but in a post-Harvey Weinstein modern day, there’s a whole new flavor to these discussions and your skin crawls even more seeing Weinstein’s name as the credits roll.

Ultimately, the setup of the film is strong and many of the performances are still very good. But a solid Act 1 and 2 for the most part are let down by a rather messy Act 3. In trying for meta commentary on a trilogy, we are instead served with an overload of contrived coincidences and spectacle moments in a series that has been better served by simplicity. And its cardinal sin? Making a “Scream” movie where Sydney Prescott feels unessential. By shifting the main focus to Dewey and Gale in this film (and this is certainly not to say that David Arquette and Courteney Cox weren’t wonderful as always), “Scream 3” leaves behind its heart and soul in Sydney Prescott, and can only fail to properly close a trilogy.

“Scream 3” is an unintentionally clichéd horror slasher that, while trying to satirize elements of scary films as well as its predecessors did, falls into some of those very traps. That said, fans of the franchise, or even slasher films in general, will still find things to enjoy in this installment.

Rotten Tomatoes: 39%

Metacritic: 56

One Movie Punch: 6.1/10

“Scream 3” (2000) is rated R and is available on Netflix, YouTube, Amazon Prime, iTunes, Vudu, and Google Play.

NARRATOR: “Welcome back to Reign of Terror 2019! 31 straight days of horror movie reviews and interviews. Today’s episode will guest star Kelly Senatra from the Donna Martin Graduates Podcast, who will be reviewing Wes Craven’s classic franchise sequel, ‘Scream 2’. A promo will run before the review.”

NARRATOR: “But for now, let’s turn our attention back to the fate of our host, Joseph, in Part Two of “A SPACIOUS TRUNK RIDE”.

SCENE: Car trunk interior. The sounds of the highway are heard outside.

JOSEPH: “How long have I been in here?”

NARRATOR: “It had been about two hours since the last call. Joseph had been exploring the phone he found, with its limited options. He had immediately taken to Twitter, but no one believed him. Not after the Big Heads Media takeover earlier this year.”

JOSEPH: “Nice audio drama, Joseph? I’ll give YOU an audio drama!”

NARRATOR: “There were also the attempts to get the driver’s attention, but perhaps his technique was not the best.”

JOSEPH: “You pull this car over right now! I’m going to kill you, you !”

NARRATOR: “Joseph wasn’t getting out of the trunk any time soon. But he was due for another call." JOSEPH: “FINALLY!” JOSEPH: “Hello?” KELLY: “Yes, I’m... I’m looking for Joseph.”

JOSEPH: “Yes! This is Joseph! I’m so glad you called! I need help!”

KELLY: “Okay. We’ll just need to verify a little information first.” 

JOSEPH: “Ummm, okay. But first, can you call the police?”

KELLY: “I can help you with that after verification.”

JOSEPH: “Okay, just ask the questions.”

KELLY: “Okay. First question.” 

JOSEPH: “Go on.”

KELLY: “Do you like...”

JOSEPH: “Oh no. Not again.” KELLY: “HAIRY FOODIES?”

JOSEPH: “Wait, what?”

KELLY: “Like, food snobs with beards?”

JOSEPH: “Stupid telemarketers.”

NARRATOR: “Of course, it didn’t occur to him that she had been his only link to the outside world. At least, not until right... about...”

JOSEPH: “CRAP!”

NARRATOR: “It was the second call he would receive trapped in that trunk, and soon, would come the last. Tune in tomorrow, to find out where this trunk ride of terror is going. It’ll be a... ‘Scream’?” NARRATOR: *evil laugh* NARRATOR: “Actually, it will again be a ‘Scream’. ‘Scream 3’ to be precise, with Andrew Orsie from the Good Game, Great Game podcast, a podcast dedicated to reviewing the latest video games. Tune in tomorrow for part three of “A SPACIOUS TRUNK RIDE”!” 

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Today’s movie is “Scream 2” (1997), the horror film directed by horror master Wes Craven, and written for the screen by Kevin Williamson. Two years after the Woodsboro Murders, just as the movie based on their lives, “Stab”, is released, Sydney (Neve Campbell) and Randy’s (Jamie Kennedy) idyllic college campus is rocked by a string of brutal murders. The murders bring the survivors from Woodsboro together, but will they all make it out alive? 

Spoilers ahead. 

“Scream 2” is a horror sequel that exists in a world that understands the familiar tropes of horror movie sequels. We are introduced to our first trope through Maureen Evens and Phil Stevens, played by Jada Pinkett Smith and Omar Epps, both African Americans. Maureen comments that “the horror genre is historical for excluding the African American element.” And then they are both ceremoniously murdered by someone in a ghost mask during a screening of “Stab”. Maureen’s death scene is particularly gruesome, but also reflects the desensitization of the American population. She stumbles, bloody, through the crowd, who assume it is a publicity stunt and cheer her on. And that is all before the opening credits. 

This new rash of murders bring the media in droves to the university, including tabloid reporter Gale Weathers, played by Courtney Cox and her red highlights. Deputy Dewey (David Arquette) rushes to protect Sidney and assist in the investigation, while newly free Cotton Weary (Live Schreiber) seeks to extend his fifteen minutes of fame. Randy, now a film student, compares the current drama with the time worn clichés in previous horror movies: the body count is bigger, the death scenes more elaborate, and he himself says, the movie far inferior. The movie is peppered with celeb cameos; including Laurie Metcalf as ambitious and always on the scene Debbie Salt; Jerry O’Connell as Sydney’s pre-med boyfriend Derek, Timothy Olyphant as Derek’s video loving best friend, Duane Martin as Gale Weathers’ beleaguered camera man, Sarah Michelle Gellar as sober sister CiCi, and Portia De Rossi and Rebecca Gayheart as vapid sorority girls. Since Dewey reveals that the killer is probably already in Sydney’s life, we have a long and diverse list of suspects.

Wes Craven’s crisp editing style and use of sound, or lack thereof, create suspense in rather mundane areas. Kevin Williamson’s script is sharp, comical, and painfully self-aware. Both Maureen Evans and Joel comment on the fate of people of color in horror movies, sober sister CiCi talks on the phone about “Bailey” and “Sarah”, a nod to the show that made Neve Campbell famous, Gale Weathers complains about a nude photo of her that is on the internet, featuring her head and Jennifer Aniston’s body, and when the killer, or killers, is finally revealed, (s)he says that the motive for the rampage is the effects of violence in cinema. A horror movie killer blaming horror movies for their killing? How meta. 

“Scream 2” was a fun, irreverent, well-directed addition to the Scream lexicon. Although it wasn’t as fresh, and the kills not as gory as its predecessor, it still manages to take the familiar tropes of the horror movie sequel genre and provide its audience with a thoughtful, self-aware interpretation.

Rotten Tomatoes: 82% (CERTIFIED FRESH)

Metacritic: 63

One Movie Punch: 8.0/10 

“Scream 2” (1997) is rated R for language and violence, and is available for rent or purchase at PlayStation Vue, Microsoft, Apple, Google Play, Amazon, and Vudu.

NARRATOR: “Welcome... to Reign of Terror 2019! 31 straight days of horror movie reviews and interviews. Today’s episode will guest star Lindsey Morse from the Fab Figmentals Podcast, who will be reviewing Wes Craven’s franchise classic, ‘Scream’. A promo will run before the review.”

NARRATOR: “But for now, let’s turn our attention back to the fate of our host, Joseph, in Part One of “A SPACIOUS TRUNK RIDE”. 

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SCENE: Car trunk interior. The sounds of the highway are heard outside. 

JOSEPH: “What the... where am I?” NARRATOR: “While most stories begin at the... well, the beginning... our story will begin in the middle, or perhaps more correctly, inside the surprisingly spacious trunk of an unknown vehicle.” JOSEPH: “How did I get here?” NARRATOR: “It is a difficult question to answer. Of course, when we last left Joseph, he had just finished up another quarter of One Movie Punch, your daily movie review blah blah blah, and closing up the One Movie Punch Secret Volcano Lair when...” JOSEPH: “Now I remember.” NARRATOR: “Of course, that still didn’t answer his question, but it was at least an answer. And, as often as not, that usually leads to more questions.”

JOSEPH: “OUCH! What the ?” NARRATOR: “It was just one of many questions floating around in his head, trapped there in that trunk, with his hand tied behind his...” JOSEPH: “Freed those, already.” NARRATOR: “...with his free hands, fumbling around the interior until he stumbled across a tool.”

JOSEPH: “A cell phone?” NARRATOR: “Not so much a smart phone, but a dumb one. After a quick exploration, it was only capable of receiving calls, and for some reason, interacting on Twitter. It was an oddly specific set of limitations, but it had the one he needed. If only it would ring.” JOSEPH: “Yes!”

JOSEPH: “Hello?” LINDSEY: “Why don’t you want to talk to me?” JOSEPH: “Uh, you called me.” LINDSEY: “You tell me your name; I’ll tell you mine.” JOSEPH: “Uh, Joseph.” LINDSEY: “I’ve got a question for you, Joseph.” JOSEPH: “You do?” LINDSEY: “Yes.”

JOSEPH: “And the question is?” LINDSEY: “Right. I mean...” LINDSEY: “Do you like...” JOSEPH: “Yes...” LINDSEY: “DAIRY SMOOTHIES?!” JOSEPH: “Wait... what?” LINDSEY: *No Effects* “You know, like a healthier milkshake?” JOSEPH: “I... I think you have the wrong number.”

LINDSEY: “Oh. My apologies, Joseph. Would you like to answer the question anyway?” JOSEPH: “No.” LINDSEY: *No Effects* “Okay, bye.”

JOSEPH: “Wait, I’m...”

JOSEPH: “OW! Stupid trunk.” NARRATOR: “It was the first call he would receive trapped in that trunk. But it wouldn’t be the last. Tune in tomorrow, to find out where his trunk ride of terror is going. It’ll be a ‘Scream’…” NARRATOR: *evil laugh* NARRATOR: “Actually, it will be a ‘Scream’. ‘Scream 2’ to be precise, with special guests from the Donna Martin Graduates podcast, a podcast dedicated to Donna Martin on Beverly Hills 90210. Anyone volunteering to tell her about Tori in the first film? Yikes. Awkward!”

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Today’s movie is 1996’s “Scream”, the American slasher film directed by Wes Craven and written for the screen by Kevin Williamson. “Scream” follows Sydney Prescott, played by Neve Campbell, a small-town high-schooler who becomes the target of a killer called Ghostface. The horror movie-obsessed Ghostface, famous for his black cloak and iconic white mask, stalks Sydney and her friends throughout their home town of Woodsboro, California, calling students on the phone and demanding they correctly answer horror movie trivia questions… or else.

No spoilers. Well, maybe some little ones, but I’m not gonna tell you whodunnit.

“Scream” opens with an iconic, oft-spoofed scene: Casey Becker, played by a blonde, bob-haired Drew Barrymore, is home alone. Never a good place to be at the start of a horror movie, let’s be honest. While cooking popcorn, she receives call after call from an anonymous caller whose seemingly flirtatious questions take a dark turn. When Casey mentions that she’s about to sit down to watch a creepy flick on TV, the caller spouts out what has since become one of the most famous movie lines of all time: “Do you like scary movies?” Aaaand let the murder begin. From here, our killer starts wreaking havoc on poor Casey. If she wants to save her boyfriend — who’s tied up outside and just waiting to get slashed — she must correctly answer some horror movie trivia. Mini spoiler alert, she fails, both she and her boyfriend are killed, and welcome to Scream.

The curtain for our main act opens on Sydney Prescott, the young heroine of our story, who is trying to balance normal teenage life while coping with the recent murder of her mother. But, as you may have guessed from the bloody opening scene, Sydney’s life isn’t about to get any easier. Sorry, Syd. Instead, over the course of the following hour and a half, we get to watch Sydney face off against Ghostface, who clearly wants to add hers to his body count. But, luckily, Sydney has a plucky crew of sassy youngsters in her corner — like Billy Loomis (Skeet Ulrich) as the brooding boyfriend, Stu Macher (Matthew Lillard) as the popular party boy, Randy Meeks (Jamie Kennedy) as the horror movie-obsessed nerd, and Tatem Riley (Rose McGowan) as the smoldering gal pal. Sydney is also aided by is-she-friend-or-foe newswoman, Gale Weathers (Courteney Cox), and local sorta-bumbling policeman, Deputy Dewey (David Arquette). All together, they have great cast chemistry, delivering snappy quips and witty banter with gusto. If there’s one thing not to like about “Scream”, it’s that the film is perhaps a little TOO clever, and that the regular horror film references and discussions about genre clichés make the film a bit too self-aware. Some critics have certainly complained that the film bypasses “fun” on the way to “annoying.”

But there’s no denying that “Scream” is a cult classic. I was a freshman in high school when “Scream” was released, and I remember it being an absolute phenomenon. The movie was released at Christmas time, but despite the seemingly odd timing, everyone who was anyone rushed to see it. Crank calls mimicking the killer’s telephone voice were all the rage, and Ghostface costumes quickly flew off the racks the following Halloween. The costumes were even banned in the halls of my high school; I guess a bunch of teenagers running through the halls wielding rubber knives got really old really fast. And it’s not difficult to see why the film was such a phenomenon: it’s snappy, smart, and a super fun ride. It was probably one of the first horror movies I saw in the cinema, and over 20 years later, it’s still one of my favorites.

“Scream” oozes love for the genre it satirizes, and it fully deserves its spot in the cult classic hall of fame. This iconic slasher film is darkly funny, clever (though some might say tooclever), and entertaining as hell. If you haven’t seen “Scream”, go see it now. If you have seen “Scream”, maybe it’s time you see it again.

Rotten Tomatoes: 79% (CERTIFIED FRESH)

Metacritic: 65

One Movie Punch (that’s me!): 9.0/10 

“Scream” (1996) is rated R and available on Amazon, Netflix, Vudu, iTunes, and FandangoNow.

Thanks so much, Joseph, for letting me take over today's episode.

And, for the record, I DO like scary movies.

Hi everyone! 

Welcome to Reign of Terror 2019! 31 straight days of horror movie reviews and interviews with yours truly, our team of critics, and a host of other podcasts. That’s pretty much it. I’m sure since we’ve pre-loaded this episode weeks ago that nothing has happened to me, or that I’ve been kidnapped or anything horrible like that.

Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to say how excited I am to feature today’s review of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” or “Rock, Paper, Dead” depending on your region. This film features a veritable who’s who of horror films from the mid-70s through the late 80s. I’m talking directed by Tom Holland. No, not that one, the director of “Child’s Play” (1986). I’m talking co-written by Victor Miller, the brainchild behind the “Friday the 13th" franchise. I’m talking featuring John Dugan, or Grandpa from “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre” (1974), in an equally chilling role. And while I don’t get to speak with any of them, I do get to speak with Kerry G. Fleming, co-writer of “Rock, Paper, Scissors”.

We’ll have a bit of a format switch for today. Instead of the usual trailer segments, we’re going to run the whole trailer audio for “Rock, Paper, Scissors” prior to the review. Throughout the review, I’ll be interspersing segments from our interview where appropriate. And if you want to hear the full interview, it will be available in two parts in October as another pair of Patreon exclusives. Unless someone has accidentally made all our Patreon media free while I’m stuck in the aforementioned hypothetical kidnapping situation. 

We will be publishing weekly exclusive content going forward, which you can only get by signing up with a monthly donation at patreon.com/onemoviepunch at any level. You’ll also be invited to request one movie review from yours truly, as long as we haven’t reviewed it yet, with just a few exceptions. All support goes to pay our expenses and to help us grow with our audience.

Here’s just a taste of what you’ll be missing:

KERRY: “If you feel natural doing that, then I think you look natural on the screen. We’ll see. Out of all the reviews, no one’s hammered me, so..." 

JOSEPH: *laughs* “I guess that’s a certain kind of praise.”

KERRY: “If everybody said, ‘Oh my God, I loved everything, but who the hell is that knucklehead in there? What was he doing in there?’ I’d probably have second thoughts, then.”

Subscribe to stay current with the latest releases.

Sign up at Patreon for exclusive content.

Connect with us over social media to continue the conversation.

Here we go! 

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Today’s movie is “Rock Paper Scissors”, the slasher horror film directed by Tom Holland and written for the screen by Kerry Fleming and Victor Miller. Peter Harris (Luke MacFarlane) was locked away by Doyle Dechert (Michael Madsen) for a string of brutal serial killings earning him the title “The Doll Maker”. Ten years later, he’s released after completing treatment at an asylum, and now he’s being stalked by Doyle and Ashley Grant (Jennifer Titus), the sister of one of Harris’ victims.

No spoilers.

In an age where Hollywood is diving deep back into the well of classic horror franchises, anyone who loves horror films should be excited by a project that includes Victor Miller, Tom Holland, and John Dugan. This year, we saw the debut of another “Child’s Play” reboot, the announcement of a new “Friday the 13th" reboot despite the legal quagmire involving the franchise, and another “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” film in 2020. So, when I heard about this film, I was excited.

The absolute strength of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” is its story. Anything that can pull Victor Miller out from his retirement is definitely worth considering. I can’t imagine being lucky enough to work with Victor, so I had to ask Kerry about the process.

KERRY: “It was a really interesting and unique process. Many years ago, I was introduced to Mr. Miller through a mutual friend. And, at first, he started off as my writing coach.

KERRY: “It was about... now, probably about five years ago, where I came up with the original concept for what was to become ‘Rock, Paper, Dead’, and we just started out with throwing ideas back and forth at each other through e-mails. There was no commitment from Victor because he had been officially retired from all writing and working, actually. Then one day we had a moment where we connected some of the scenes together that we thought would be really interesting to include in a screenplay and Victor said that he was in.” 

Their combined passion for the project shows. I love hearing about their shared commitment. The writing process can either be frustrating or fun, and in this case, it seems like it was mostly fun. The beautiful part about the writing process is that the sky is the limit. Then imagine finding out Tom Holland wants to be involved.

KERRY: “Through our main producer, Amy Williams. She had a friend who connected her to Vince Gaustini, our special effects guy. She might have known him prior to that, but I don’t think so. And Vince read the screenplay, and then he sent it to Tom Holland’s son, and said, ‘You need to get this to your dad!’ And then Tom read it, and next thing, Victor and I know, Tom’s calling us up wanting to have a script session to talk character arcs, character development, and he had some really good ideas of some of the minor character arcs behind the story. That was a lot of fun. You get to have a Skype session with a legend like Tom, and just knowing that everything he’s telling you is based on his experience, and his success.”

A finished script linked with two horror film legends seems like a perfect sales pitch to take around the industry, which eventually leads to funding. However, in the case of “Rock, Paper, Scissors”, this is where things begin to go wrong.

The film industry can be divided into tiers based upon the amount of money which can be invested into a project by a studio. Top-tier studios like Marvel Studios can invest up to $500 million dollars into a single feature. Below that colossal level, there’s the standard mainstream features, anywhere between $10 million and $50 million. Below that, your independent films between $1 million and $10 million, and so on, all the way down to the most guerilla cinema, which we’ll be covering later in the month with our interview episode on “Blood on the Reel” (Episode #612).

“Rock, Paper, Scissors” is in that nebulous area of low-budget cinema that has surprisingly high production values, the kind where you can afford to capture high quality video. However, independent, lower-budget cinema is a process, usually heavily constrained by funding. If you want high production values, other choices have to be made, as Kerry found out early on in the process.

KERRY: “But from the finished script product to even the shooting script, had changed because we kept getting feedback from our line producer and our first assistant director that for scheduling purposes, some things weren’t working, and they couldn’t get locations that were in the original script, so they wanted to get that changed, and Victor and I actually wrote through all those changes.” 

KERRY: “We got to the end, but even Tom would tell you to this day if we shot the script that we wrote, it probably would have done even better in terms of user reviews and critics’ reviews. It was on another level. So we were somewhat hamstrung by the budget and availability of certain locations in and around Los Angeles.”

KERRY: “Even to this day, there are a couple of edits that I don’t like. I have to ignore it, or look in the other direction. And it was worse. We actually got to clean some of it up well after post, right before they went to the distributor, and we were able to fix some of it. But I think if we had those extended scenes in there, that would have laid out more of the opening, and it would have given the audience much more understanding of where we were at.”

Sometimes constraints can work to the favor of independent cinema, but that wasn’t the case with “Rock, Paper, Scissors”. The film opens very well, with the FBI raiding Harris’ basement, just after a restrained woman has been killed. And then within five minutes, there’s a trial, confinement to an asylum, and ten years later, he’s being released. Key scenes to build character development were cut completely, which derails the remaining picture from being anything more than another low-budget slasher flick. And as often happens with lower-budget cinema, when higher-budget cinema comes calling, unless you’re contractually obligated, you have to take those opportunities.

KERRY: “But also there was some special effects visuals that we had to pull at the very end, because they couldn’t get them to look right. We had a money crunch, and our special effects genius had to go to South America for another shoot, and we just couldn’t wait for him to come back, so we had to make some really difficult choices in cutting some of those out.

Of course, there are still many strengths to this film. Luke MacFarlane is good as Harris, bringing his classical training to a difficult role on an underfunded project. The cuts to Harris’ character development hamstring the audience’s ability to appreciate his deceptively complex performance. MacFarlane’s performance is almost too much for the character without the additional development. The same cuts also affect the performance of Jennifer Titus as Ashley Grant, who seeks revenge against Harris. However, what Titus brings to the role seemed to fill in the gaps of Ashley’s story, which is why she is probably my favorite character in the film.

Between these two poles, the rest of the cast is a mixed bag. Michael Madsen is underutilized as Doyle Dechert, who originally busted Harris, and is now harassing him after his release looking for his own revenge. Tatum O’Neal is pretty lackluster in her role as Harris’ doctor, Evelyn Bauer. The best supporting performance, by far, was John Dugan, who plays the abusive Uncle Charles that helped make Harris’ the way he is.

KERRY: “I will also say that John Dugan blew everybody away. He was friends with Victor, and he was a relative unknown because prior to that, most people just knew him as Grandpa from the original ‘Texas Chain Saw Massacre’. But he also was classically trained, and I knew that it was a role that he could easily handle. In the beginning, Tom Holland had some doubts, but after speaking with him on the phone, his doubts dissipated. And first day on the set, when they said, ‘Roll!’, what John gave us as Uncle Charles was incredible. People were stopping what they were doing and watching him in the monitor in total disbelief that this nice, Irish guy who you want to go and have a beer with, and he turned into a monster.”

So, does this mean “Rock, Paper, Scissors” is a bad film? I don’t think so. I think we have to be forgiving of budget constraints, particularly when it comes to this tier of cinema. However, I do think that it is a film that has unrealized potential. Ideally, I think the film should be reshot with a sufficient budget to match the story. I can’t see how it doesn’t turn a major profit when given the correct funding, if not domestically, then definitely overseas. However, we’re also seeing the beginnings of the great content contraction, so perhaps that’s thinking too much. But that doesn’t mean there might not be hope.

KERRY: ”We have extended scenes that were supposed to be added to the US English version Blu-Ray, and Lionsgate... uhh... forgot.” 

JOSEPH: *laughs*

KERRY: “I mean, they literally said, ‘Oh, we forgot to do that. We’re sorry.’" 

JOSEPH: “Geez.”

KERRY: “But now I can tell you that Japan will have those extended scenes as part of their DVD.”

JOSEPH: “That would be nice to see.”

KERRY: “And I’ve talked to Tom since, and we’ve discussed the possibility down the line of making a director’s cut which would put the extended scenes back in.”

“Rock Paper Scissors” is a slasher brought to you by a few horror legends, and the lucky writer who got to work with them. The film definitely has its problems, but those problems are outweighed by its quite visible potential. Lower-budget horror fans, especially slasher films, should definitely take a look at this film. Just be ready for a few rough spots. 

Rotten Tomatoes: NR

Metacritic: NR

One Movie Punch: 5.4/10

“Rock Paper Scissors” (2017) is rated Rand is currently playing on VOD.