One Movie Punch

Hi everyone! 

Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Does whatever a spider can. If you don’t know by now, we love all things Marvel Cinematic Universe, so when the last scheduled film for the year hits the theaters, we’re bringing you the very likely biased review. I finally got a chance to catch “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse” (Episode #381), and it was... amazing, spectacular, sensational, and, let’s go with friendly neighborhood. You should check out Garrett’s review for that film, and catch it streaming on Netflix right now if you haven’t seen it. Or if you want to see it again. And while you’re checking out our reviews, don’t forget “Spider-Man: Homecoming” (Episode #106) and the rest of the films on the Road to Infinity War. I’ll be doing a little compare and contrast in today’s episode, for sure.

Also, speaking of Garrett, be sure to check out his main podcast, Two Views Movies, which just completed their 100thepisode with a special mail bag issue. Carson and Garrett do a great job breaking down the latest films in a spoiler-filled discussion, but they also have spoiler-free written reviews on their website. The promo will run in just a bit.

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Here we go!

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Today’s movie is “Spider-Man: Far From Home”, the latest Marvel Cinematic Universe film, directed by Jon Watts, and written for the screen by Chris McKenna and Erik Sommers. The film follows Peter Parker (Tom Holland), after the events of “Avengers: Endgame” (Episode #469), heading to Europe on a school trip. However, events in Europe require Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) to press Peter into service to fight new threats to the world.

No spoilers.

I always like to place each Marvel Cinematic Universe movie into context, because the major strength of this franchise is how well they use continuity to tell stories. Today’s film was no exception, but before I get into the review, there’s another question that deserves to be asked. What movie could possibly follow “Avengers: Endgame”? I think answering that question sets the parameters for what we should expect for any film that follows what might be the single greatest franchise capstone ever produced, because that’s a mighty high bar, and this film is not only the second film in the planned trilogy, but also acts as an epilogue to The Infinity War Saga. Big shoes to fill in both cases, especially with a devilishly quiet Marvel Studios and all the possibilities with the Disney/Fox merger. Can “Spider-Man: Far From Home” nail the right mixture of both? The answer is yes. Mostly.

“Spider-Man: Far From Home” is a film about misdirection, as one might expect with introducing Mysterio (Jake Gyllenhaal), a character whose entire modus operandi involves misdirection on grand scales. Every geek news site has published detailed histories of Mysterio, pulled from the available source material. Gyllenhall does really well with the character, and his origin stories (yes plural) make excellent use of continuity. From the get go, he’s already too good to be true, and we’re already expecting not to be able to trust him or our senses.

It puts the audience at a huge disadvantage, because we can’t live vicariously through Peter anymore. In fact, his willingness to trust in others is no longer endearing, but annoying, and it’s exploited in probably one of the more ridiculous ways possible. Peter follows his mentor Tony Stark’s footsteps by creating his own problem to solve, and the audience watches it happen in slow motion. No one likes a double cross they are expecting the whole time, and no matter how great the cast is, or how exciting the special effects and action scenes are, the plot feels contrived and predictable, easily the weakest part of the film. Even the marketing campaign for the film is an exercise in misdirection, suggesting the multiverse in a post-merger world, which has been discussed to death online.

“Spider-Man: Far From Home” is probably a better epilogue than a second film in the trilogy. I really enjoyed how they integrated the events and effects of The Snap, right from the start, but also how Tony’s legacy directly influences the plot surrounding this film, both the positive and the negative. The film could also be an extended eulogy for Tony as well. In this sense, the film nails it. Mostly. The post-credits scenes, while both essential and entertaining (and in their own way, another clever misdirection), end up giving us precious few clues as to what the next saga will entail. It was kind of disappointing in that respect. Not knowing the future of the franchise can quickly go from mysterious to just plain annoying. I did like how they tie together all three films released this year, though.

The constant focus on Tony Stark also makes this film feel like an Iron Man film. Stark almost seems way more present in this film than he did in “Spider-Man: Homecoming”, where he only showed up at crucial moments. Between the shadow of Tony Stark, the omnipresent S.H.I.E.L.D., and the inability to trust anything involving Mysterio, there’s almost no time for the important relationships in his school life. And given the ending, there’s probably not going to be a whole lot of time for Peter’s non-hero life in the last film, either. Unless that’s yet another misdirection. 

“Spider-Man: Far From Home” is more Infinity War Saga epilogue than a Spider-Man sequel, struggling to balance the two roles for the film. Great performances and excellent effects, along with fun use of continuity, cannot overcome some built-in difficulties with the plot. Marvel Cinematic Universe fans have likely already seen this film. Everyone else should know that the film leans on continuity quite a bit, and requires “Avengers: Endgame” (and a few other films) as prequels to fully appreciate everything.

Rotten Tomatoes: 91% (CERTIFIED FRESH)

Metacritic: 69

One Movie Punch: 8.0/10

“Spider-Man: Far From Home” (2019) is rated PG-13 and is currently playing in theaters.

Hi everyone!

Welcome back for another week of reviews. I’m as rested as I’m going to get after our recent Big Heads Media Takeover here at One Movie Punch. And the first thing I did after a nap was run to the theaters to catch up on all the films I missed while in captivity. This week, we’ll have three Certified Fresh films in theaters right now, one review from One Movie Spouse. I’ll be reviewing two films I watched while in the bunker, and our good friend Andrew Campbell will be back with another Fantastic Fest feature.

I also want to give a shout-out to Casey Dana, former neighbor on the island next to us, and current friend of the show and the family. She sent along a movie theatre gift card, which I guess technically makes her our second sponsor for the show. If you want to send us anything, reach out to us over social media and we’ll point you in the right direction. Or, if you want to contribute to the show, head on over to patreon.com/onemoviepunch. Subscribing at any level will give you the right to force me to review a film of your choice, as long as it hasn’t been reviewed for the show already, with only a few exceptions. I may even throw in a little audio drama intro. All proceeds go to fund the show, and to help us grow with our audience.

Which brings us to today’s classic review. Writer/director Ari Aster is back in theaters last week with “Midsommar”, which we’ll be covering later this week. It was just about a year ago that One Movie Spouse and I went to see “Hereditary”, which was an incredible and disturbing experience. It felt fitting to run the review again this week. The film current sits at an 89% Certified Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes and an incredible 87 Must See at Metacritic. You can catch the film streaming on Amazon Prime and Hoopla.

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Here we go! !

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Today’s movie is “Hereditary” (2018), the dramatic horror film written and directed by Ari Aster, his first feature-length film. The film follows Annie (Toni Collette) who is struggling emotionally with the recent loss of her mother, along with her husband Steve (Gabriel Byrne), older son Peter (Alex Wolff), and younger daughter Charlie (Milly Shapiro). However, strange and tragic events begin to happen, setting the family against one another, fighting something they can’t define.

Spoilers ahead.

I am so late to the game on this film, as I was with “A Quiet Place” (Episode #127). I was a bit sad when it lost to “Hotel Artemis” (Episode #162), but I’m glad it finally prevailed, especially with the recent mini-backlash from the critics. It tempered my expectations going in, but I’m glad I didn’t pay too much attention, because WOW! So many things to talk about, so let’s dive in.

This film is well-crafted, with an incredible attention to detail. Annie’s miniatures were amazing, obviously painstakingly hand-crafted and works of art within themselves. Details matter a lot in this film, with each set containing little hidden messages, clues, and misdirection, helping to unfold the story in such a way as to keep the viewer guessing. Is it supernatural or hallucinatory or bad luck or something even more sinister? We really don’t know until the final act, when most is revealed. It never feels too long, and maintains the right amount of mystery and tension the entire way.

Toni Collette is amazing as Annie, really nailing her character’s complicated background and relationships, especially as tragedies new and old begin to pile up. The emotion really comes through. Milly Shapiro’s performance as Charlie is also great, although way more on the creepy side. I wasn’t prepared for her character’s fate or lasting impact in the story. She puts on an impressive performance for her first major role.

“Hereditary” (2018) is intense and haunting, the way horror films should be. Ari Aster delivers an incredible debut feature-length film, built on a smart script, detailed sets, awesome art direction, and impressive cast performances. Horror fans and folks who enjoy well-crafted films willing to endure a little fright should definitely check out this film.

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Hi everyone!

Well, it certainly has been an exciting week here at One Movie Punch. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, head back to Episode #516 (“Grass is Greener”) for the beginning of what would be a nearly three-week takeover by Big Heads Media. After being trapped in the bunker for that long, I need a day off to get things organized again. And because One Movie Spouse is so awesome, she’s taking today’s review even though she’s been all over the world gathering the troops to retake the island. We all know who the real hero is around here.

Subscribe to stay current with the latest releases.

Connect with us over social media to continue the conversation.

Here we go! 

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Hello, it’s me, Amy, aka One Movie Spouse. :::mmmwwwaaahh::

So, it’s summer, and you haven’t heard much from me yet, at least in terms of reviews. Happy to say that we’ve beaten back the invaders of the Big Heads Media Podcast Network. WOO HOO! Now that I’m happily in summer mode, I’ve also been busy going to spin class, doing lots of reading, and binge-watching television and movies missed during the school year. In addition to liberating the secret podcasting island base, of course. Teachers really do recharge in the summer, and today’s movie helped to do just that!

Today’s movie is “The Perfect Date” (2019), the romantic comedy film directed by Chris Nelson and written for the screen by Steve Bloom. The film follows Brooks Rattigan (Noah Centineo), who is about to graduate high school, and wishes he could afford college. With the help of his friend Murph (Odiseas Georgiadis), they create an app for Brooks to serve as a plus-one for events, in hopes of raising enough money to afford tuition to his dream school. But what does he learn about himself, society, and success in the process?

No spoilers.

The real strength of this film is the cast. Overall, the cast compliments each other very well, moving between realism and caricatures found in high school coming of age films. Centineo’s Brooks Rattigan, as the lead, falls into his usual “likeable guy” role, as seen in “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” and “Sierra Burgess is a Loser”. However, the characters around him help Brooks consider many questions during graduation, like “Who am I?” and “Who do I want to be?”, and in some cases, such as his friendship with Celia (Laura Marona), holding him accountable for his actions. The whole cast maintains an overall positive message with light-hearted performances.

This film also strikes balance between independence and the changing relationship between parents and children. I could find myself relating to Brooks’ dad, Charlie Rattigan (Matt Walsh), trying to find ways to connect with his teenage son. Even when their relationship was strained, Charlie remained available to support Brooks, even when there wasn’t much that he could do. What’s that, my eyes are leaking. I’M not crying; YOU’RE crying! Seriously though, I got choked up a few times during this film, seeing my own evolving relationship with our teenage daughter (and World News Network anchor).

This film has a similar appeal to the John Hughes films of the 1980s and early 1990s, for me and other thirty- to forty-somethings. You can group “The Perfect Date” along with “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before”, “Sierra Burgess is a Loser”, “Love, Simon”, and “The Kissing Booth” as safe, go-to films for the current adolescent generation to help navigate suburban life. The comedy keeps you laughing, and the positive message and uncomplicated storylines will have you loving re-watching it as much as the first time. My daughter has already watched “The Kissing Booth” four or five times. I suspect she’ll see this one a few times as well.

“The Perfect Date” is a charming, funny, slightly predictable coming of age story with a strong cast, light hearts, and positive messages. It’s sure to delight teens and anyone young at heart. It certainly made me reminisce about my teen years. 

Rotten Tomatoes: 67%

Metacritic: NR

One Movie Punch: 7.0/10

“The Perfect Date” (2019) is rated TV-14 and is currently playing on Netflix.

Joseph: “Last time on One Movie Punch…”

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Garrett: “They seem to slack off after each episode gets released. We should hit ‘em right after the next one.”

Ryan: “Don’t you have some One Movie Punch Bug Spray or whatever?”

Keith: “Seriously! You’ve got an island, a submarine, a plane, a fan fleet, a spyglass...”

Joseph: “Day five of the siege. Not the way I usually spend Independence Day.”

Joseph: “No trailer segments. Not sure how I’m going to capture them... oh, they’re turning the television towards me, and now they’re watching it.”

Joseph: “I really hate these guys.”

Joseph: “Well, I guess with a title like We’re Watching Here that something like this would happen, but I didn’t expect it to be so literal.” 

Amy: “And in three, two, one...”

Amy: “FOR CHEESECAKE!”

Amy: “YES! YES! YES!” 

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Joseph: “On the shores of the One Movie Punch Secret Podcasting Island Base.”

Amy: “The last of the Big Heads Media Podcast Network has left the dock.”

Joseph: “That’s good.”

Ryan: “And the rest of the fan fleet has arrived, bringing in supplies. Including more cheesecake!” 

Keith: “HOORAY!”

Garrett: “I’ll send a few more scouts around the perimeter. Make sure it’s secure for cheesecake eating.”

Joseph: “I want to thank you all for your help. Without you all, I would still be stuck putting out those reviews. Not exactly sure what they wanted, but I don’t think we’ve heard the last of them. Hey, where’s Andrew?”

Andrew: “Right here. Review’s ready to go.”

Joseph: “Cutting it awfully close there, aren’t you?”

Amy: “Well, let’s go party!”

Joseph: “I’ll catch up with you guys. Just need a moment to be outside.” 

Andrew: “So, you’ve done all this with me as your only Patreon sponsor?”

Joseph: “Yep. Pretty amazing, huh? Imagine what we could do if everyone went to patreon.com/onemoviepunch to help fund more projects. We could have a whole archipelago of islands!”

Andrew: “Never knew podcasting was so lucrative!”

Joseph: “I know, right? Now come on, let’s get that review out the door." 

Subscribe to stay current with the latest releases.

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Here we go!

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Hello film fans!

Andrew here, glad to be back with you after our summer hiatus with the latest from filmmaker Terry Gilliam. Gilliam is perhaps best known for being a member of Monty Python, which celebrates its 50thanniversary this year. “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” aired on British television for five years before the troupe transitioned into films, the first of which, “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”, being Gilliam’s first foray into directing. Over the last forty years, Gilliam has directed a dozen films all bearing his same signature style of surreal storytelling and visuals punctuated by extreme camera angles. His career has been plagued by production and budget issues, but has yielded an iconic filmography of works both challenging and polarizing. So when Gilliam was willing to bring the North American premiere of a film thirty years in the making to Fantastic Fest, the programmers paid tribute by making this the very first film to screen at the 2018 festival.

Today’s film is “The Man Who Killed Don Quixote”, written by Terry Gilliam and Tony Grisoni and directed by Gilliam. The film stars Adam Driver as Toby Grisoni (yes, that full name is one letter off from the co-writer, one of the unending meta-gags in this film). Toby is a commercial director visiting rural Spain for his latest shoot for an ad campaign that features 17th-century literary character Don Quixote, a nobleman and wannabe chivalrous knight, and his squire Sancho Panza. 10 years prior, Toby had made a student film telling the original story of Don Quixote from the novel by Miguel de Cervantes. After Toby stumbles across a copy of his early film, he gets reacquainted with a local man named Javier (played by the star of Gilliam’s 1985 film “Brazil”, Jonathan Pryce) who portrayed Don Quixote in that student film, and has grown to believe he remains Don Quixote himself. Adventures and hijinks ensue.

If you didn’t turn the podcast off after that doozy of a plot summary, thanks for sticking around. Here’s what I think is going on as best as I can tell.

Javier thinks that he’s the “real” Don Quixote from the novel, a light-hearted man who travels the countryside with a passion for doing good deeds, but whose fervor gets in the way of his decision making. This character works as a stand-in for writer/director Terry Gilliam, who spent the better part of three decades trying to get this film made, in spite of numerous setbacks, including an attempt twenty years ago that ended in the plug being pulled after filming had begun. (Check out the 2002 critically acclaimed documentary “Lost in La Mancha” for the full story).

Adam Driver, in the role of Toby, represents Quixote’s sidekick Sancho Panza, and in fact, Javier is certain this is his real identity. Panza follows around Don Quixote as he gets himself into a variety of predicaments in search of... I don’t know what. Given the character name, Toby is obviously a stand-in for co-writer Tony who, like Panza, is sucked into an ill-advised quest; in this case: Gilliam’s attempt to make this very film!

The acting in this film is uneven and uninspired. Adam Driver is engrossing in every role he takes on, and performs well in the opening act as the high-strung and excitable Grisoni. As the plot goes on to become more surreal, the film swallows him up a bit; perhaps both he and his character become worn out by Gilliam’s machinations. Jonathan Pryce dedicates himself with fervor to portraying the deluded Don Quixote, but at age 70 during filming he seemed to struggle pulling off some of the more physical scenes. During the failed production of this film in 2000, a nearly 70-year-old Jean Rochefort in the Don Quixote role suffered a herniated disc and had to depart the film, which was later scrapped altogether.

What makes “The Man Who Killed Don Quixote” fantastic? For Gilliam fans, the fact that this film ever got made has to be a minor miracle, but with a budget around $18M dollars, and a tepid interest outside of his core fan base, the end result is nearly as disastrous as the story of its creation. For a very select audience of patient viewers that can tolerate outlandish stories told at a glacial pace who also happen to be fans of the original centuries-old novel, this film may be a dream come true.

“The Man Who Killed Don Quixote” (2018) is a singular vision from an auteur filmmaker committed to a modern retelling of an influential novel. Fans of dreamy adventure stories like Gilliam’s own “The Adventures of Baron Munchausen” and “Time Bandits” might enjoy this film.

Rotten Tomatoes: 63%

Metacritic: 58

One Movie Punch: 5.8/10

“The Man Who Killed Don Quixote” (2018) is not rated and is available on VOD and DVD.

Come back next week and we’ll take a look at “Hagazussa: A Heathen’s Curse”, a gothic folk tale out of Germany in the vein of “The Witch”. “Hagazussa” was finally released on Amazon Prime and Shudder after making its world premiere at Fantastic Fest nearly two years ago. It’s just one bad review shy of a perfect score on Rotten Tomatoes, so let’s find out if this is the next cult horror gem.

See you then.

Joseph: “Last time on One Movie Punch…”

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Ryan: “Goodness, all the humidity and bugs around here. What is this, Tampa?”

Keith: “Kind of surprised they all docked at the same pier down the beach, leaving this clear access point available for us.”

Andrew: “Think it might be a trap?” 

Garrett: “Quiet, Admiral Ackbar!”

Joseph: “Let’s just see what’s on this one. Pretty small file. Hope the audio quality is okay.”

Joseph: “Guys, you know... I don’t even think this qualifies as a movie. It’s barely thirty minutes long. I mean, I dig The Lonely Island, and... oh, now I get it.”

Mike: “This is Massive Late Fee with Mike and Mark!”

Mark: “But, uh, yeah. We've taken over this island, and you can’t have it back, so One Movie Punch is dead, and long live Massive Late Fee.”

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Joseph: “Just outside the One Movie Punch Secret Podcasting Island Base Bunker...”

Amy: “Okay, so Garrett’s canvassed the camp, and has given us a review of their habits.”

Garrett: “They seem to slack off after each episode gets released. We should hit ‘em right after the next one.”

Amy: “Good plan. Keith, you and Ryan take the south side. Garrett and Andrew, head over the north side. I’ll distract them from the middle. Standard pincer attack.”

Ryan: “Better than all these pincer movements from these bugs. Don’t you have some One Movie Punch Bug Spray or whatever?” 

Keith: “Seriously! You’ve got an island, a submarine, a plane, a fan fleet, a spyglass...” 

Amy: “Maybe next time. Any final thoughts?” 

Andrew: “Do I still need to have my review ready for tomorrow?”

Amy: “Yes.”

Andrew: “Crap. It’s gonna be a long night.”

Amy: “Very likely. Now, let’s spread out and wait for the signal.”

Joseph: “Meanwhile, in the bunker...”

Joseph: “Day five of the siege. Not the way I usually spend Independence Day. I can hear them watching it out there, on the One Movie Punch Home Theater System. I was saving those burgers and hot dogs for today as well. But, you know, if you put a beef stick between two granola bars, it sort of... oh, they’re coming.” 

Joseph: “Here’s the fifth movie... on a flash drive. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Arlington Road? Well, at least this one fits the format. No trailer segments. Not sure how I’m going to capture them... oh, they’re turning the television towards me, and now they’re watching it.”

Joseph: “I really hate these guys.”

Joseph: “Two hours later.”

Joseph: “Well, I guess with a title like We’re Watching Here that something like this would happen, but I didn’t expect it to be so literal. Time to finish putting this one together.”

Subscribe to stay current with the latest releases.

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Here we go!

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Today’s movie is “Arlington Road” (1999), the psychological thriller directed by Mark Pellington, written by Ehren Kruger and starring Jeff Bridges, Tim Robbins and Joan Cusack. In ‘Arlington Road,’ a history professor grapples with the belief that his neighbors might indeed be domestic terrorists about to unleash an attack. This review contains spoilers.

Released almost exactly 20 years ago, on July 9, 1999, “Arlington Road” stars Jeff Bridges as Michael Faraday, a history professor at George Washington University whose research specializes in domestic terrorism. Michael has a personal link to the subject; his wife was an FBI agent killed during a raid gone wrong. In the film’s opening sequence, Michael comes across an injured boy wandering his subdivision and takes him to the hospital; he soon learns that boy belongs to his across-the-street neighbors, Oliver and Cheryl Lang, played by Tim Robbins and Joan Cusack. The neighbors form a quick friendship, but it’s not long before Michael begins to grow suspicious. Could his salt-of-the-earth, God-fearing neighbors actually be hatching an anti-government plot right under Michael’s nose?

There’s an interesting idea here, and Ehren Kruger’s script is strongest when it puts the paranoia on hold and explores the terrifying idea of extreme fringe groups ready to go to war with the government. In the 1990s, this would have been a current fear, coming in the shadow of FBI standoffs in Waco and at Ruby Ridge, and also after the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City. True, our attention shifted to more international threats after Sept. 11th, but the fears in Kruger’s screenplay still echo in an age of radical right-wing extremism, much of which hinges on fear and distrust of the government.

But the movie plays differently in a post-Alex Jones world. Its repeated hints that stories of lone-wolf attackers are covers for complex conspiracies and media cover-ups left me feeling a bit queasy in an age where unproven rumors can spread like wildfire on social media and people have turned even tragedies like Sandy Hook into far-fetched conspiracy theories that hurt and demean victims and their families.

All that to say that what was a subject ripe for a nasty, tense little thriller in 1999 feels much weightier in 2019. Were “Arlington Road” made today, it wouldn’t be a Hitchcockian suspense tale, but a story that had to grapple with its themes and treat them with emotion and weight.

Instead, Kruger’s script uses political tension and ripped-from-the-headlines scenarios as a jumping off point for your typical “the neighbors are not what they seem” subplot, which has been done before, much better I might add, in movies like “Rear Window” and “The Burbs”. In “Arlington Road”, Kruger is too eager to get to the big moments to layer in the slow burn that a good suspense film requires. There’s no uneasy tension that builds between Michael and the Langs; after one scene, he immediately becomes suspicious and it’s not long before Michael is conning his way into their house to rifle through drawers and check for suspicious blueprints.

The plot requires immense leaps of logic, and Kruger is fond of creating moments that are suspenseful on the surface but make no sense when you stop to think about them. In one scene, Oliver stops by Michael’s university just to say hi and walks in at the moment Michael is checking out microfiche on him. The two don’t work together - they work on opposite sides of town - and who stops by their neighbor’s office just to see if they want to get a drink? The moment only exists to build suspense.

Similarly, there’s a moment where a minor character just happens upon Oliver in a nondescript parking garage, just as he’s participating in a suspicious drop off. The coincidence is laughable, but the fallout from it - which results in the character’s death - is completely ludicrous, and pushes the movie nearly into slasher movie territory. 

The cast, I have to say, navigates the ridiculousness as best they can, Bridges in particular. The erstwhile Dude is believable as a smart, liberal professor, and Bridges balances Michael’s mourning and anger with his intellect and solid moral compass. He’s also particularly good in the scenes where Michael appears to be losing his grip on reality. Hope Davis, in a minor early role, gives more personality and depth to Michael’s grad student girlfriend than is actually on the page. Cusack and Robbins basically play off their roles as likable actors, their over-the-top niceness creepy in itself.

A good suspense film, especially one hinging on ideas of paranoia, needs a careful command of tone and a long, slow build. We have to be eased into the world that is going to slowly grow crazy and it requires a confident management of tone. But director Mark Pellington doesn’t understand how to gently and confidently manipulate his audience. From scene one, the movie is pitched at a 10. The movie is too quick to envelop us in a nightmare, too eager to shock. Pellington’s music video background is a hindrance here; as the threat should be building subtly and organically, he’s too busy trying to plunge us into a visual nightmare full of canted angles, harsh lighting, all punctuated by a soundtrack that seems to want to pulverize the audience. If Hitchcock manipulated his audience, Pellington grabs it by the neck and shoves its face at the screen. 

By the time we get to a scene set at a backyard party where Oliver reveals his true self to Michael, Pellington has no more intensity to build while still keeping the film grounded in reality, so he goes the opposite direction. He turns Oliver into a supervillain. The entire scene feels false and disconnected from reality, even laughable, and it sets the stage for a final 30 minutes that is so eager to shock that it forgets to think.

I mean, if “Arlington Road” is remembered by anyone today, it’s likely due to its ending. And I’m not going to spoil anything directly, but I will allude to some plot events. The film ends with a twist, a “Seven”-style gut-punch of an ending that in the moment feels shocking, even horrifying. And I remember sitting in the theater watching the movie thinking, “Man, people are going to talk about this ending forever.” 

Except, they’re not. So, what happened?

Well, on one level, 1999 happened. Two months after “Arlington Road” debuted, “The Sixth Sense” premiered, delivering one of the most emotional and effective twist endings in movie history. Two months after that, we got “Fight Club”, with another great ending. At that point, “Arlington Road” couldn’t help but seem like a cute try in comparison. Because here’s the thing: While it’s shocking and emotional, “Arlington Road”’s twist ending is also utterly ridiculous, an absurd leap in logic that abandons any semblance of reality in its desire to make our heads spin.

After seeing the movie, consider how much had to go right for the villains’ final plan to work. The amount of timing, good luck and dependence on human behavior is absurd. The only way for any of this to be pulled off is for the villains to be psychic, or have some other supernatural ability. There is a way to tell this story, with this devastating twist, and make it work, but it requires a lot more legwork on Kruger’s part to see the motivation and to see the process in there. It’s just not there in the script.

I mean, are the final minutes shocking and devastating? Sure, and in a post-9/11 film, the final moments carry new horror and new resonance. But the moment you start to ask questions about it, the shock turns into confusion and frustration. Twenty years ago, maybe we could have accepted this as a silly twist in a dumb, but somewhat entertaining film. Today, it feels more like a sick joke, and its failure to be responsible with its main twist feels offensive. 

In the end, “Arlington Road” is a 50 out of 100. It’s worth seeing if you are a fan of Bridges, Robbins or Cusack, and some of the ideas at play are still potent; this is a movie that might actually meet the criteria of being a remake candidate. The idea is there; it just needs a bit more finesse and care in the execution.

Rotten Tomatoes: 63%

Metacritic: 65

One Movie Punch: 5.0/10 

Arlington Road (1999) is rated (R) and is available for rental and streaming on Amazon, iTunes, YouTube, Playstation and Google Play!

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Amy: “All right, ready?”

Garrett: “Affirmative.”

Keith: “Sure.”

Ryan: “Let’s Go!”

Andrew: “...”

Amy: “Andrew?”

Andrew: “Yeah, yeah, sorry, just putting the finishing touches on my review for tomorrow.”

Amy: “Okay, and in three, two, one...” 

Amy: “FOR CHEESECAKE!”

Joseph: “Last time on One Movie Punch…” 

///// 

Anchor: “Breaking news today, somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. The World News Network has received a cryptic video press release, from Amy Dobzynski.” 

Amy: “Good afternoon. As many of you know by now, One Movie Punch has been taken over by the Big Heads Media Podcast Network." 

Amy: “All I can think about is him all alone, in that bunker, being forced to put out movie reviews, and wondering just how much he’s suffering.”

Garrett: “Along with guns.”

Keith: “How many guns?”

Garrett: “ALL THE GUNS! GIMME ALL THE GUNS!”

Andrew: “Guys, the press release...”

Joseph: “Here’s the third movie... on a VHS tape?”

Joseph: “Well, whatever you want, Retro Late Fee. And I imagine the late fee on this one is quite extensive.”

Mark: “Now I suppose we should move on to our Blockbuster Pick of the... WHAT IS THAT?!” 

Carol: “Oh my God!”

/////

Joseph: “Near a hidden lagoon on the One Movie Punch Secret Island Base...”

////

Amy: “So much for the fan support. I mean, sure, likes and retweets, but you ask them to join one little military mission.”

Garrett: “Cowards. All of them.”

Ryan: “God, all the humidity and bugs around here. What is this, Tampa?”

Keith: “Kind of surprised they all docked at the same pier down the beach, leaving this clear access point available for us.”

Andrew: “Think it might be a trap?”

Garrett: “Quiet, Admiral Ackbar! Look! Amy, get the spyglass!”

Amy: “Looks like four or five of them. Can’t really tell from this distance. I can see they’ve set up some kind of terminal into the land lines. That must be why we haven’t heard much. And... oh no.”

Ryan: “What is it? Are they torturing him?”

Amy: “Worse. They’re eating my cheesecake.”

Amy: “All right. Let’s rest tonight, and we’ll storm the gates tomorrow. Just one more day, Joseph.” 

/////

Joseph: “Meanwhile, in the bunker...”

/////

Joseph: “Day four of the siege. If I have to eat one more beef stick, or another goddamn apple, while smelling the barbecue out there, I’m going to freak out. Peeked through the slot earlier. Can’t believe they’re eating the cheesecake. Saved up two months worth of cheat days for that. Oh, they’re coming back over.”

Joseph: “Here’s the fourth movie... on a flash drive. Finally, thanks guys! Easy conversion. Let’s just see what’s on this one. Pretty small file. Hope the audio quality is okay.”

Joseph: “Guys, you know... I don’t even think this qualifies as a movie. It’s barely thirty minutes long. I mean, I dig The Lonely Island, and... oh, now I get it.”

Joseph: “Well, I won’t do it. I’ve been eating nothing but beef jerky, granola bars, and filtered water. I don’t even care about the podcast anymore if this is what I’m doing. So, unless you got something to sweeten the pot...”

Joseph: “Cheesecake, huh? Well, since you’re forcing me and all, I guess... I guess I’ll... I’ll do it. Talk about Stockholm Syndrome. I hope Massive Late Fee appreciates the sacrifice. I also hope Amy never finds about about this cheesecake.” 

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Connect with us over social media to continue the conversation.

Here we go!

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>

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This is Massive Late Fee with Mike and Mark...

Mark: “Well, hello everyone! Welcome back to Massive Late Fee. My name is Mark. With me as always is my co-host, Mike. How you doing, Mike?” 

Mike: “Not too bad. How about yourself?”

Mark: “Doing good. We've taken over this island, and uh, I think we're going to have to be the stars of this entire takeover, seeing as we also went back in time and grabbed Retro Late Fee's thing. I don't know why we couldn’t have just grabbed a regular copy that still exists in the future but..” 

Mike: “Yeah, I don't know.”

Mark: “That’s what we did. Today we are talking about “The Bash Brothers Experience”, a comedy film directed by Mike Diva and Akiva Schaffer, and written by The Lonely Island. I'll tell you, this podcast island is going to be a pretty lonely island when we're done with it. We're going to kill this guy. Anyway, so...”

Mike: “Geez.”

Mark: “Mike, uh, do you have any considered praise for The Lonely Island?” 

Mike: “I like them in general. I'm a big fan of their SNL digital shorts. When they came out with their second album, maybe the first as well, they had quite a few, you know, like, uh, videos or release. I enjoy almost all of them that I see.”

Mark: “Yeah, this current incarnation, not of the actual Lonely Island but this film is a visual rap poem about the Oakland A's Bash Brothers, Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco, in coordination with the 30th anniversary of the Oakland A’s 1989 World Series Championship. So, this is quite an interesting and funny movie. Obviously, there's a lot of in jokes about steroids, about Mark McGwire’s sort of vanilla personality, a lot of it is just, this is the kind of stuff that I think The Lonely Island does incredibly well.”

Mike: “It's a really weird concept. I mean, no one is thinking really thinking about, you know, the 1989 World Championship Oakland A’s.”

Mark: “Yeah.”

Mike: “Actually, there’s a lot of material of Jose Canseco alone, and Mark McGwire to some degree. But yeah, it just takes it from the top. You know, it’s, uh, basically, the first thing. The entire thing, there’s no break from the music, there’s these weird little black and white shots of them doing some introspective thinking throughout, which are very odd. And he sounds very similar to Steven Seagal, which I think is deliberate.”

Mark: “I agree. Yeah, it's like a meditation on life and dying, and it's it's really, really weird. But, it also, it just, I don’t know, it adds something, I think, to the overall kind of structure of its, where it, you know, it’s broken up in that way, but I think it's hilarious.”

Mike: “Yeah, I really enjoy it. I mean, I don’t think any of the, there's probably five or six songs, maybe more. It's basically like an entire long, like an entire album, but in video form, like a concept EP about the Bash Brothers, that’s basically what this is, and this is the video to it.”

Mark: “Yeah, exactly. And, it... one thing it does really well, I think, is kind of satirized the late 80s culture to a degree.”

Mike: “Oh, for sure, there's multiple references. Like Miami Vice. There’s commercials, like the “Where's the Beef?” Lady, that sort of thing.

Mark: “Yeah, exactly. Maya Rudolph appears in it at one point. Where are they at? What parking lot? The Waffle House parking lot? Is that what it is?”

Mike: “I don’t remember. I don’t think so. It looked more like a diner-type place. But it could have been a Waffle House.”

Mark: “I just think they do a tremendous job. I love most everything that they do. And, they, they nailed it again, in my opinion.”

Mike: “I wouldn’t say any of the individual songs are, are of their... I mean, I don't think the songs are great. I mean, there’s not a single one that I like better than any of the other Lonely Island songs I’ve heard. Like, I mean, it’s obviously very limited to what you can do when you’re just focusing on a specific two-year period where Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire dominated. I would have liked to have seen Ricky Henderson in there, too, a little bit. That would have been fun.”

Mark: “Oh yeah. That could have been there could have been something to add. Ricky Henderson was obviously a big part of that team. Yeah, that would have been that would have been a fun cameo to have.”

Mike: “Dennis Eckersley and his hair?”

Mark: “Yeah, the songs are... you know, the one song, I believe it’s the first song, where he’s like: MY NAME’S JOSE! And he’s like: AND I’M MARK! That was, that to me, was probably the funniest song of them.”

Mike: “Yeah, I would agree, although the last one is really catchy, like, the one, you know, right before, they like, and this is kind of weird too, the whole thing leads up to the ’88 championship, when they lost to the Dodgers, and then just like that, almost like an epilogue, just a title parentheses, oh yeah, by the way, they win the next year. So like, what?”

Mark: “They don't focus on the actual winning of the World Series.”

Mike: “Yeah, you would think they would have been able to focus on both years, if at all, or even just the championship year. Why you would put the championship as like an epilogue, like a twenty-second title card is beyond me. I don’t really understand that.”

Mark: “Yeah, I agree. But, you know, I wonder if they, if it’s just, they thought it was funny. I mean, that's my, that’s my best guess.” 

Mike: “That seems to be their style. I mean, they have a really interesting sense of humor. Very goofy, very wacky, but also kind of shocking and vulgar as we see in this a bit. But one of my favorite parts, although again, I don’t think the music is great, which is unfortunate, because this is like a thirty-minute music video.”

Mark: “Yeah." 

Mike: “I thought the songs in Pop Star Popping or Keep on Popping, or Don’t Stop Stopping, I can’t remember the name, the full title, I like those songs a lot, but there’s some really clever, you know, songs in that one, and obviously, their Lonely Island EPs are pretty good, or LPs, whatever you call them. This, I mean, again, the songs aren't terrible, but it’s like eh... like you said, the first one is easily the best song on the whole, you know, movie or whatever it is.”

Mark: “So, basically, I'm here to tell you that I guess if I had to identify a target audience for this movie... fans of The Lonely Island, I guess?”

Mike: “Yeah, I would think, like, you know, Andy Sandberg super fans? The third member of The Lonely Island, Jorma, was in there for maybe five seconds. I mean, I think they have really weird schedules now, because Andy Samberg does the uh “Brooklyn 9”, I don’t know, is it “911”?”

Mark: “99.”

Mike: “Okay, so he does that. And I know the Akiva guy, he does, uh, at least at one point, he was doing quite a bit of directing, and the Jorma guy is acting, and I don’t know if he directed this or not, but... Or if he directs, I don’t think he does anything, he just acts. Jorma is like barely in this, like maybe five minutes at best.” 

Mark: “Uhhh, so, this is, uh, I mean, I guess they're calling it a TV show. We call it a movie, it's a movie, but it's rated TV-MA.

Mike: “Oh yeah, you can definitely see the MA rating on that.”

Mark: “It got... it got... it only has one review on Metacritic from a critical standpoint, so it's, it's average, they don't even have an average because of that. But it’s got an, uh, 67 on there. It has a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s IMDB score is 7.1/10.”

Mike: “Yeah, I would say that’s, and the Metacritic one you said earlier, that’s about where I would rate it. Six or seven out of ten. It’s not bad. It’s very fun in parts. The opening track is hilarious. You’re getting ready for this crazy experience, but it ever really fully delivers the experience you might be expecting. It never gets much better than the first one.”

Mark: “Yeah, I agree. The opening is the best part of it. It's almost like a digital short, kind of like you were talking about, that's, you know, maybe a five-minute digital short that just goes on for 25 more minutes of stuff that's not bad, I mean, it's not, you know, it's not bad in any way. But like you said, they've done better before, especially with the music. They've done catchier songs before.” 

Mike: “And there's so many jokes you could make about I'm on steroids and it's the 80s, which is basically, every song on this is “Hey, I’m a baseball player and I’m on steroids.” 

Mark: “Yeah, exactly. That is our episode. If you want to support us you can go to @MassiveLateFee on Twitter. You can email the show: [email protected]. Check out, do @late_mike to find Mike on Twitter.”

Mike: “I think it’s @latefeemike now. I’m pretty sure it’s @latefeemike.”

Mark: “All right. @latefeemike on Twitter. We've taken over this island, and you can’t have it back, so One Movie Punch is dead, and long live Massive Late Fee.” 

Mike: “Geez.” 

Mark: “Have a good day, everyone! Bye!”

Mike: “Unlike the people we murdered, have a good day!”

Joseph: “Last time on One Movie Punch…”

/////

Amy: “All right, we’ve reached 30,000 feet. You can now unfasten your seat belts. I’ve put the plane on autopilot to rendezvous with the fan fleet.”

Keith: “An island? A plane?” 

Garrett: “So, what’s the plan when we get there?”

Amy: “Well, first we’re going to try negotiations. And a press release.”

Ryan: “You know, this script could use a lot of work.”

Keith: “A fan fleet? I thought it was just some guy at a card table in a loft somewhere.”

Amy: “We’ll be there soon, Joseph!”

Joseph: “You know, when I said I would podcast for food and water, I didn’t expect more of the same things I’ve been eating for two weeks.”

Joseph: “Oh, very funny, guys!”

Joseph: “I guess I have the Super Media Bros to thank for this one.”

///// 

Joseph: “And now, broadcasting live from the fan fleet...”

/////

Anchor: “Breaking news today, somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. The World News Network has received a cryptic video press release, from Amy Dobzynski, aka One Movie Spouse, the better half of the internationally-renowned podcast, One Movie Punch.”

Amy: “Good afternoon. As many of you know by now, One Movie Punch has been taken over by the Big Heads Media Podcast Network. In addition to the special broadcast, Joseph has been forced to put out reviews for their shows. “The Craft” was fine, but...” 

Ryan: “If you can’t go on...”

Amy: “No, no... But, “Cloverfield”? What’s next? “10 Cloverfield Lane”? “The Cloverfield Paradox?!” How much can one man take? All I can think about is him all alone, in that bunker, being forced to put out movie reviews, and wondering just how much he’s suffering. We’re calling on the entire One Movie Punch fan fleet to publicize these episodes, sharing and retweeting them wherever possible, to raise awareness.”

Garrett: “And shortly, our forces will be storming the island, trained in Indonesian fighting techniques, along with the guns.” 

Keith: “How many guns?”

Garrett: “ALL THE GUNS! GIMME ALL THE GUNS!”

Andrew: “Guys, the press release...”

Amy: “Right. We’re on our way, Joseph! Stand Strong!”

///// 

Joseph: “Meanwhile, on the island...”

/////

Joseph: “Day three of their reviews. Not looking forward to today’s review, whatever it might be. Finished the three books I brought a week ago. And the first thing I’m doing after this siege is moving the massive One Movie Punch Movie Library into the bunker here. Or maybe extend the bunker to include our massive library. Now, that seems like a good idea...”

Joseph: “Here’s the third movie... on a VHS tape?”

Joseph: “I mean, of course I have a converter, but why would they go to all the trouble to submit the review on VHS? And it looks like it’s brand new, freshly pressed and recorded VHS tape without an overwrite tab? I’ll admit I’m intrigued. Let’s see what’s on this one...”

Joseph: “It almost looks like it hasn’t been played. So that’s what these folks look like. Did they make a set from the 1990s as well? And the movie is... oh COME ON! Not the first one or the second one, but third one? Are you serious?! I mean...”

Joseph: “FINE! You want to review this movie? Let’s put it together. Exporting the audio now. Do you have any idea how hard it will be to cut in the trailer portions? Off a VHS? Well, whatever you want, Retro Late Fee. And I imagine the late fee on this one is quite extensive.”

Subscribe to stay current with the latest releases.

Connect with us over social media to continue the conversation.

Here we go!

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>

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Intro: Welcome to Massive Late Fee and now your hosts, Mark and Carol.

Mark: Well, hello everyone! Welcome back to Massive Late Fee. My name is Mark, with me as always is my girlfriend Carol. How are you doing Carol?

Carol: Hey what's up?!

Mark: We've had a good week here today. The movie we're reviewing is Beverly Hills Cop from 1994 obviously.

Carol: Beverly Hills Cop 3

Mark: Yes, Beverly Hills Cop 3, an action comedy film directed by John Landis and written by Steven E. DeSouza. Be warned, that we are going to go through the plot of the movie so, if you haven't seen it, you're going to be spoiled. Carol, why don't you go through the plot of the movie.

Carol: Okay, so when his boss is killed, Eddie Murphy's character, detective Foley finds evidence that the murder has ties to a California amusement park called Wonderworld. Returning to Beverly Hills once more, he reunites with Detective Billy Rosewood, and they solve the crime along with Billy's new partner John Flint (Hector Elazando). And they discover that the security force of Wonderworld is actually part of a counterfeit money operation headed by park manager Orin Sanderson (John Saxton).

Mark: Oh, the... the legendary John Saxton.

Mark: Carol, what did you think of Beverly Hills Cop 3?

Carol: Well, let me tell ya, I loved Beverly Hills Cop 1.

Mark: Very good movie.

Carol: I kinda liked Beverly Hills Cop 2.

Mark: Pretty good.

Carol: They should have stopped there. I mean, this movie just made me sad. It’s like a taunting from my childhood. You know, like, hey, look at this great guy do these great adventures and... they just pooped all over it.

Mark: The original is obviously hilarious. And it has a great fish-out-of-water premise. The fish-out-of-water premise has run dry at this point. Eddie Murhpy seems so Beverly Hills anyway in his personality anyway at this point, that it's sort of not believable. The big failing of this is the screenplay, I think.

Carol: Yeah, yeah, the whole thing, it's just not a good story.

Mark: The Judge Reinhold who plays, what’s his name, Rosewood?

Carol: Yeah, Billy Rosewood.

Mark: Billy Rosewood and Alex Foley, obviously played by Eddie Murphy, they’re great in the movie. They both are good actors. They both have good comic chops. They have good chemistry together.

Carol: Yeah. 

Mark: Which is nice. But the words they're given to say are not great. There are a couple funny jokes in the movie, the whole thing with when he goes to the police department, press two if you have homeless people on your lawn. 

Carol: Yeah, that was funny.

Mark: But, for the most part, it's fairly devoid of comedy, and there's not much action at all.

Carol: Yeah. It was kind of funny to see him in that suit though, that elephant suit.

Mark: Oh, yeah, that was funny. One thing that they did right, or not necessarily right, but one thing they did successfully was that the sets, the costuming, the fact they used a real theme park and everything in some of the chase sequences. That was well filmed and well choreographed, so that was good. But, for the most part, the film kind of falls on his face. 

Carol: Yeah. Yeah, they’re just, like you said, wringing it out, they are trying to squeeze blood out of a rag, here. Why do they have such a hard time letting things go?

Mark: Money.

Carol: *sigh*.

Mark: But I think, I think, what would have been more interesting to me is, is put him in a different location. 

Carol: Yeah! 

Mark: Take him somewhere where he's more than a fish out of water.

Carol: Yeah, like the South or Europe or, yeah, there could have been lots of, yeah, that’s a good idea, you should write that.

Mark: They could have taken him to Russia. They could have taken him to the Middle East. Something like that. I think that would have made a more interesting movie. You could have still have brought Judge Reinhold in there somehow. You know, some kind of vacation together. You could have worked it out. Or maybe, his partner, his boss gets killed, and he can't trust anyone in the Detroit Police force, so he goes to he can trust, Billy Rosewood.

Carol: Right, and he was actually killed in the Middle East, so they have to go there to solve the crime.

Mark: Exactly. 

Carol: Yeah.

Mark: So, they could have done something like that. You know, it would have been a little more topical, with the Persian Gulf War being only a couple of years ago. I think that would have been a better thing to do. This movie doesn't have anything original to say, and it doesn't have anything original to do.

Carol: Right.

Mark: Basically, they said, “Hey, we have access to a theme park, so let's use it!”

Mark: That was their, uh, it’s the “Jaws 3” mentality, where “Jaws 3” takes place inside a Seaworld type thing, and they thought it could be fun like that. And “Jaws 3” is where it really started to get bad. 

Carol: This movie is like my two-year-old niece who made a joke and keeps telling it over and over and over to get the laughs that just have to stop coming.

Mark: Absolutely. It’s the law of diminishing returns. And it doesn’t appear more than in this film. If someone were forcing us to give it a score out of 10. I guess I would give it a 4.8 out of 10. That seems appropriate.

Mark: Now I suppose we should move on to our Blockbuster Pick of the... WHAT IS THAT?! 

Carol: Oh my God!

Mark: Okay, everyone, here in our recording studio, my basement, a weird blue light has appeared.

Carol: I'm scared, hold me.

Mark: I think there’s... something’s moving inside of it. What is that?

Carol: I don’t know and I don’t want to find out. 

Mark: There's a hand with a piece of paper. I'm gonna grab it. What is this? It says... there’s a bunch of writing. Rotten Tomatoes. Meta Critic. IM-DA-BUH. What? He’s saying something. Just read it?

Mark: So, uh... Beverly Hills Cop 3 is rated R.

Rotten Tomatoes: 10%

Metacritic: 16

IMDB: 5.5

Mark: Um, you can see it on YouTube, Amazon Prime, like the river, VuDu,

Carol: Like a voodoo doll? 

Mark: And Google? Like the number? A google is a one followed by a thousand zeros, I think.

Carol: How are you trying to figure out what a google is when there's some guy waiting to kill us or something?

Mark: Google Play. I have no idea what any of this means. Wait, what? No, this is our... this is our...

Carol: What? 

Mark: He wants the tape.

Carol: Give it to him!

Mark: Okay, everyone, I'm going to eject the tape and give it to him. It looks a little like my friend Mike. 

Carol: Like an old Mike.

Mark: Ouch! Wait, who’s that next to him? Hey, that looks like me. Okay, we’re ejecting the tape now, and giving it to them.

Carol: Don't hurt us!

Joseph: “Last time on One Movie Punch…”

/////

Amy: “Hello! Hello! This is One Movie Punch, broadcasting on all secret frequencies. Would someone please pick up?”

Ryan: “It’s certainly not funny. I have all these reviews to go!”

Andrew: “Andrew checking in. Me too. What’s happened?”

Amy: “Big Heads Media have taken over One Movie Punch!”

Keith: “So, you’re saying the review can wait?”

Garrett: “Well, I guess I can hop in the car and head to California.”

Andrew: “I thought that was all stock sounds!”

Joseph: “Been stuck in this bunker for two weeks waiting to hear anything.”

Joseph: “Another note. Let’s see what they want now.”

Joseph: “Let me just write back here. I accept. Will podcast for food and water. Send first review." 

/////

Joseph: “And now, somewhere over the Pacific Ocean...” 

/////

Amy: “All right, we’ve reached 30,000 feet. You can now unfasten your seat belts. I’ve put the plane on autopilot to rendezvous with the fan fleet.”

Keith: “An island? A plane? A fan fleet? I thought it was just some guy at a card table in a loft somewhere.”

Amy: “Joseph always said the most effective camouflage was the craziest.”

Garrett: “So, what’s the plan when we get there? I need to know which action films to watch in order to prepare.”

Amy: “Well, first we’re going to try negotiations. And a press release.”

Ryan: “You know, this script could use a lot of work.”

Amy: “Tell me about it. It’s like we’re working under deadlines or something.”

Andrew: “So, I’m notgoing to be back for work on time?”

Amy: “Like a terrible joke, I’m a frayed knot.”

Amy: “You’re right, Ryan. The script needs a lot of work. Let’s work on that while we travel. We’ll be there soon, Joseph!”

/////

Joseph: “Meanwhile, on the island...” 

/////

Joseph: “You know, when I said I would podcast for food and water, I didn’t expect more of the same things I’ve been eating for two week. I know we have other supplies out there, but I’m sure they’re helping themselves. Gonna need some bathroom supplies in a little bit.”

Joseph: “Here’s the second movie... on a SIM card? I mean, sure, I have a reader around here somewhere. Looks like some choppy video, and... hey, you guys know this is an audio podcast, right? That I’m gonna have to strip all this video, not that my stomach can probably handle it?”

Joseph: “Oh, very funny, guys! I’m glad you’re living it up. You’re lucky I like this film. I guess I have the Super Media Bros to thank for this one. Are you guys sure it’s not Super Moo... no, definitely not them. Got it.”

Subscribe to stay current with the latest releases.

Connect with us over social media to continue the conversation.

Here we go! 

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>

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Today’s movie is “Cloverfield” (2008), the American found-footage monster film directed by Matt Reeves and written for the screen by Drew Goddard.

The plot follows NYC residents fleeing the city from a massive monster that attacks during a farewell party. 

Minor Spoilers ahead!

The movie takes its cue from “The Blair Witch Project” and amplifies the concept by adding a kaiju to the fold. While giving the audience the “found-footage kaiju” mixture, the film also adds in elements of fear and horror during the ride to truly invoke terror during the NYC crisis post 9/11.

The film reaches heights of claustrophobic intensity by having the story told from a point-of-view perspective via Hudson aka “Hud” (T.J. Miller). This approach literally takes the audience through the chaos in real time with the main characters, as Rob (Michael-Stahl David) searches for his ex Beth (Odette Yustman). As the chaos above continues, the tension amongst the party commences; whether it’s the pitch black-to-night vision subway tunnel excursion that gives everyone even more creatures to fear, or the extremely tense medical camp scenario where we lose Marlena (Lizzy Caplan), to an infectious parasite reminiscent to the chest-bursters in the beloved Alien franchise.

The film’s closing moments may be the most frightening, as the monster is finally revealed when it consumes Hudson, just as he, Rob, and Beth have seemingly survived. Adding to the terror, a hammer-down protocol is put in place by the U.S. military, where Manhattan is to be wiped off the map via nuclear strike to ensure the monster is stopped.

One of our favorite takeaways from this film is the slow reveal of the monster. While most films basically hand you the creature within the first half of the film, “Cloverfield” teases you with well shot scenes of the pursuit of the beast. Being able to glance at the tail or foot here and there via camcorder POV develops a whole different character of realism and horror all the way through the film up until the final moments.

The movie strongly delivers multiple-genre experiences with an outside-of-the-box presentation. The worst part about seeing it for us is that you can never see it again for the first time. So, drop what you’re doing, grab the camcorder, and go tail this monster of a film!

Rotten Tomatoes: 77% (CERTIFIED FRESH)

Metacritic: 64

One Movie Punch: 9.0/10

“Cloverfield” (2008) is rated PG-13 and is currently playing on Prime Video.

Joseph: “Last time on One Movie Punch…”

/////

Andrew: “Joseph what up?”

Joseph: “Didn’t mean to eat the finger.”

Joseph: “Those jerks!”

Joseph: “Been stuck in this bunker for a day so far."

Joseph: “I wonder if they’ve blocked the dedicated modem line to our dial-up server. Is it possible that... it works!”

Joseph: “I’m sure it will take no time at all to send this file by modem, and will in no way take a week to finally post.”

/////

Joseph: “And now, somewhere outside the communications barrier...”

/////

Amy: “Hello, this is One Movie Punch, broadcasting on all secret frequencies. Would someone please pick up?”

Keith: “Oh, hey Amy, it’s Keith. If this is about this week’s review, I’ll have it to him tomorrow.”

Amy: “No, it’s much worse than that!” 

Garrett: “This is Garrett. What’s going on with the podcast? I saw the special episode, and figured it was some sort of joke.”

Amy: “Oh, it’s no joke.”

Ryan: “Ryan here. It’s certainly not funny. I have all these reviews to go.”

Andrew: “Andrew checking in. Me too. What’s happened?” 

Amy: “Big Heads Media have taken over One Movie Punch.”

Keith: “So, you’re saying the review can wait?” 

Amy: “No! I’m saying I need your help to reclaim the podcast!”

Garrett: “Well, I guess I can hop in the car and head to California.” 

Amy: “That’s a good start. From there, I can take you to the One Movie Punch Secret Podcasting Island Base.” 

Ryan: “Wait, we have an island base? Why wasn’t I told we had an island base?”

Andrew: “I thought that was all stock sounds!”

Amy: “Just get to California, and I’ll pick you up from there. I’m afraid of what might come next..." 

/////

Joseph: “Meanwhile, on the island...”

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Joseph: “Been stuck in this bunker for two weeks, waiting to hear anything. They’re blocking all incoming transmissions on the land line, and stopping all outgoing transmissions, even the modem line. Took a week to send one tiny little podcast file. Nearly run out of granola bars, beef jerky, and bottled water in here. Luckily we had that bathroom installed.” 

Joseph: “Another note. Let’s see what they want now. Uh-huh. Looks like the only outgoing transmissions must contain their reviews. You know, we have Takeover Tuesday for this very thing, but, well, I guess this works as far as they’re concerned, too. Let me just write back here...”

Joseph: “I accept. Will podcast for food and water. Send first review.”

Joseph: “And now we wait...”

Joseph: “That was quick. What’s the first movie... let me read the note. How I Met Your Friends. The Craft. 1996. Well, I can already tell you didn’t do your homework correctly. Sure, I graduated high school in 1996, but I didn’t meet my friends in a coven of witches. Oh, wait, there’s another side to the note... How I Met Your Friends Podcast. Two friends, two epic shows... oh, it’s a podcast. One Movie Spouse would probably love it. Well, time to get to work.”

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Here we go!

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Hi, this is Julie from How I Met Your Friends Pod, and this is my review of “The Craft”.

Today’s movie is “The Craft” (1996), the drama film directed by Andrew Fleming and written for the screen by Andrew Fleming and Peter Filardi. The Craft centers on a group of four teenage girls, Sarah (Robin Tunney), Nancy (Fairuza Balk), Rochelle (Rachel True), and Bonnie (Neve Campbell), at a Catholic high school in Los Angeles, who find solace and friendship through witchcraft. The film also stars well-known 90s actors Skeet Ulrich, Breckin Meyer, and Christine Taylor. This review may contain spoilers, and this movie deals with domestic abuse, rape, racism, and suicide.

This is one of my favorite movies of all time. I was 15 when it was released in the theaters and I was obsessed, not only because it was chock full of 90s apparel, hair, and music, but because I could relate to every character. And in watching 23 years later, I’m happy to say that I think those qualities hold up, with maybe one or two issues arising.

First, the characters. Sarah is kind and just wants to make friends at her new school. She’s possibly a little naïve and too trusting, and with a history of depression and a suicide attempt, she’s a sensitive soul. Nancy is the leader of the coven Sarah meets at school. Nancy is “white trash” being raised by an alcoholic mom and “stepdad” (though this is never explained to us), and she wants control. Rochelle is bullied by Laura Lizzie (Christine Taylor), who hates her because Rochelle is black. Bonnie is shy and quiet, and dealing with scars from a traumatic accident as a child. Each of these ladies embodies something any teenager in 1996 or 2019 is dealing with.

Second, the story. When Sarah falls for Chris (Skeet Ulrich), the popular football player, he spreads rumors about her, that further isolate her in this new school, and drive into the circle that Nancy, Rochelle, and Bonnie are dying to complete. After all, you need four to call the corners. Sarah joins the group, though she seems wary, and they introduce her to their local magic shop, run by Lirio (Assumpta Serna), who senses Sarah is not like the others.

(Fun Fact: Fairuza Balk bought Panpipes Magickal Marketplace in LA so that it wouldn’t be turned into a restaurant. It’s sadly not open anymore.)

The four girls combine their talents, call the corners, and begin to cast spells to improve their lives: Sarah casts a love spell, Bonnie casts one to heal her scars, and Rochelle casts one to stop Laura’s bullying. What they don’t realize is that magic must balance itself in nature, and they will get back what they sent out, threefold. The tipping point comes when Nancy invokes the spirit of Manon (described as the stadium in which God and the Devil would play football — weird, but ok). Nancy’s newfound power corrupts an already unstable mind, and she seeks revenge against Chris after he tries to rape Sarah. Sarah’s attempt to fix it results in a battle against Nancy, Rochelle, and Bonnie, testing Sarah’s will to fight back and find her inner warrior.

(Warning: if you hate snakes, insects, and rats, this will get you.)

Third, how the movie has aged. There are several issues — Chris telling everyone he had sex with Sarah, Laura Lizzie using a racially insensitive word to Rochelle — that feel especially disgusting in 2019 but, for me, that illustrates why I believe this move has aged well and is still relevant. Watching it again gave me as much joy as it did dozens of times I’ve watching it with friends. 

As 90s teen cult classics go, I think “The Craft” is one that deserves a comeback. The themes of teen bullying, racism, sexual assault, and peer pressure are all relevant, and the characters and script are so well-written and acted that 2019 teenagers and adults will find it a good watch.

Rotten Tomatoes: 57%

Metacritic: 80

One Movie Punch: 9.0/10

The Craft (1996) is rated R and is available on Crackle, YouTube, Amazon Prime, Google Play, and Vudu.

Joseph: “Last time on One Movie Punch…”

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RECAP AUDIO

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Joseph: “And now, locked within the One Movie Punch Secret Podcasting Island Base Bunker...”

Andrew: “Joseph. What up? I’m late. But I got it. Here we go...” Joseph: *groggy groan*

Andrew: “The human-driven body-horror of 2016’s Raw...”

Joseph: “Mmmphdhmmm... blood everywhere...”

Andrew: “Joseph, when are we getting a review of this one?”

Joseph: “Muuhhh... didn’t mean to eat the finger...”

Andrew: “Your patron demands it...”

Joseph: *waking* “GAH! What the... those jerks!”

Joseph: “Been stuck in this bunker for a day so far. Nothing yet from Amy, but depending on how far they’ve blocked communications, probably can’t even get a signal out. Door held the initial assault, as designed, but now it’s a classic siege. Beef jerky, granola bars, and filtered water for me. I still have access to some cleverly hidden cameras, and have been watching their activities. Still not sure what they want. I’ve tried every method of communication, except...” 

Joseph “I wonder if they’ve blocked the dedicated modem line to our dial up server. Is it possible that...”

Joseph: “It works! I’m only going to get one shot at this. Now, which movie should I...” 

Andrew: “Your patron demands it!" 

Joseph: “Okay, okay. But I want you to think long and hard about the emotional trauma I’m going to experience re-watching this film in the bunker. I’m sure it will take no time at all to send this file by modem, and will in no way take a week to finally posted. Saving this recording for the review.”

Subscribe to stay current with the latest releases.

Connect with us over social media to continue the conversation. 

Here we go!

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Today’s movie is “Raw”, the spectacular horror cannibal film written and directed by Julia Ducournau. The film follows strict vegetarian Justine (Garance Marillier), a first-year veterinary student struggling to fit in at her older sister’s school. After a few hazing rituals, one of which involves her eating meat for the first time, Justine discovers she has an uncontrollable hunger for meat, along with some secrets within her family’s past and present. 

No spoilers.

Too many horror films, and quite a few other genre films, can usually only deliver a single-viewing experience. Once the film is “spoiled”, there’s usually no reason to return to the film, other than introducing it to others. One and done films normally leverage any of the built-in structures to deliver a decent, but standard experience. Tension, surprise, relief. Wash, rinse, repeat. And without that twist or surprise, there’s really nothing else to offer in the film. However, the best horror films are the ones where you can give away nearly all the plot without taking anything away from the film. I’m not saying walk someone through a film before they go and see it; the initial viewing is a precious and unique experience. I am saying, though, that the film generally has so many other great elements and themes that any spoilers worth mentioning are actually secondary to the experience. And let me tell you, “Raw” is saturated with great elements and themes.

Julia Ducournau’s cinema debut is not so much a horror film as a deftly concealed coming of age film. Justine’s journey to veterinary school comes at a time of great transition for college-bound adolescents, stepping out from underneath their parents’ wings, questioning their lives and their identities, and discovering so much about themselves, their parents, and the world. These themes form the core of the film, to which Ducournau weaves in the supporting horror elements. The real horrors of college hazing represent the often jarring entry towards independent life. Red blood on white lab coats represent the loss of identity and/or virginity. The divergent horror of cannibalism represents the conflicted feelings of sexual awakening, particularly from puritanical households. Marillier is excellent as Justine, navigating her journey from a naïve, innocent young girl to a much more confused and conflicted young woman, ultimately finding an identity she neither wants nor can run away from. Marillier dominates her performance so much that everyone else around her almost falls into the background, my one complaint about the film.

It’s not just a great script and excellent acting, however. Ducournau’s use of primary colors and lighting, particularly red and white, nearly always provides support for the underlying themes. You can really tell Ducournau has a unified vision for the film, making great effort to make sure everything harmonizes well and complements each other. This unified vision only intensifies the viewer’s willingness to suspend disbelief, and accepting all the events as they are happening, and with a deadly seriousness. Very few scenes linger longer than they need to, and tight spaces are used very well, especially in the final scenes. Every time I go back to the film, I appreciate it from a different angle, or for a different reason, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be for Ducournau to write anything else that could feel as connected as this film ends up being.

“Raw” tells a coming-of-age story disguised as a horror story, wrapped in a college setting, and sprinkled throughout with themes about identity, family, food, and much, much more. Ducournau creates a prism, seeing different perspectives as the film turns, but still retaining the foundational themes with an excellent cast, well-paced storytelling, and complementary sets, costumes, and lighting. Horror and independent film fans have probably already seen this film, but if you haven’t yet, what are you even doing? Everyone else, if you don’t mind a little cannibalism, then the rewards are well worth the costs.

Rotten Tomatoes: 91% (CERTIFIED FRESH)

Metacritic: 81 (MUST SEE)

One Movie Punch: 9.2/10 

“Raw” (2016) is rated R and is currently available forrent or purchase at major digital outlets.

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TAKEOVER AUDIO PROMO 

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