Spinning off from last week's episode, it's the brand new sister series "One Track Mind", the only commentary podcast that matters because it's the only one that exists!

Every week we cover a bad or at least misunderstood movie through the prism of its audio commentary, that magical home video bonus feature that birthed the podcasting world.

On this pilot episode, the centerpiece of The Criterion Collection's (?) 2000 release of "Armageddon"!

Michael Bay lays bare his intentions for this sweaty turd of a blockbuster and makes any number of unfortunate statements that someone in legal somehow approved for mainstream release. Plus? Ben Affleck shows up to rip his future "Pearl Harbor" director to shreds.

The series will return in earnest later this fall, but until then, enjoy possibly the angriest thing your wonky yet affable host has ever written!

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The clips featured in this podcast were for critical review and parody, which are protected under the Fair Use laws of the United States Copyright Act of 1976. All rights are reserved and acknowledged.

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/coolnesschronicles)

We have David Warner Sign!

The History and Legacy of “Mystery Science Theater 3000”, Chapter 12: Well-Oiled Machine.

Wrapping up Season 9 with the finale, "Quest of the Delta Knights", and the final Sci-Fi era special, the "2nd Annual Blockbuster Review". 

What can you expect? David Warner in a dual role, shots fired at the 1998 "Godzilla", Goombah Leonardo Da Vinci, pumpkin-flavored soft drinks, and the first reference to Anne Heche in "Volcano" that any podcaster has ever made. The coast is toast.

All that, plus a deep dive into Michael Bay's "Armageddon", a sweaty turd of a disaster movie, and a prelude to a new spin-off podcast debuting next week!

For every single episode at least a week early and great bonus episodes, become a Patreon subscriber. For only $5 you can help keep the show alive and enjoy some quality laughs in the process: https://www.patreon.com/coolnesschronicles

This Week's Recommendation: "El Camino" (2019)https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles/id1431611476https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles?refid=stprhttps://open.spotify.com/show/0sONU9Bdsq35PwO8mE3jVThttp://www.buzzsprout.com/200242Twitter: @coolnesspodryan, Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coolnesspodryan Theme Music by: Bildschirm (bildschirm.bandcamp.com) The clips featured in this podcast were for critical review and parody, which are protected under the Fair Use laws of the United States Copyright Act of 1976. All rights are reserved and acknowledged.

"Walking in Memphis" by Marc Cohn. ℗ 1991 Atlantic Recording Corporation for the United States and WEA InternationalSupport the Show.

Eat your heart out, Sharktopus!

The History and Legacy of “Mystery Science Theater 3000”, Chapter 12: Well-Oiled Machine.

What other podcasts can you name that would dare to jump from Lamberto Bava "Jaws" ripoffs to seminal claymation television series AND ALSO the tragedy of a cardboard box containing the head of Goop founder Pepper Potts?

"Devil Fish" brings us Europeans poorly posing as Floridians, dolphins aligning with electricians, and Sci-Fi Channel tastefully obscuring a glimpse of male genitalia.

"The Screaming Skull" has absurd fright releases, sub-William Castle sensationalist marketing, and a score that recalls "My Sharona".

All that, plus deep dives into Art Clokey's Gumby and David Fincher's "Seven". Join your affable yet wonky host!

For every single episode at least a week early and great bonus episodes, become a Patreon subscriber. For only $5 you can help keep the show alive and enjoy some quality laughs in the process: https://www.patreon.com/coolnesschronicles

This Week's Recommendation: "Vox Lux" (2018)https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles/id1431611476https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles?refid=stprhttps://open.spotify.com/show/0sONU9Bdsq35PwO8mE3jVThttp://www.buzzsprout.com/200242Twitter: @coolnesspodryan, Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coolnesspodryan Theme Music by: Bildschirm (bildschirm.bandcamp.com) The clips featured in this podcast were for critical review and parody, which are protected under the Fair Use laws of the United States Copyright Act of 1976. All rights are reserved and acknowledged.

"Feel Flows" by The Beach Boys. © 2012 Brother Records IncSupport the Show.

Today is a special anniversary, so we're celebrating by answering a question.

This season on the History and Legacy of Mystery Science Theater 3000 can't go on forever (even if it feels like it might), so what happens next?

In 2021 The Coolness Chronicles will be no more. In its place? The Shirley Chronicles, chronicling the funniest movie ever made ("Airplane!") and its legacy of cinematic anarchy.

Fear not, it gets more complicated from there. 2021. Stay tuned!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles/id1431611476https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles?refid=stprhttps://open.spotify.com/show/0sONU9Bdsq35PwO8mE3jVThttp://www.buzzsprout.com/200242Twitter: @coolnesspodryan, Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coolnesspodryan Theme Music by: Bildschirm (bildschirm.bandcamp.com) Support the Show.

There IS beer on the sun!

The History and Legacy of “Mystery Science Theater 3000”, Chapter 12: Well-Oiled Machine.

Today we discuss two experiments that couldn't be more different.

In "The Touch of Satan", Robert Easton returns to burn a poor young witch at the stake, after last seen being shoved into an alien spider's butt. Our points of conversation include the icky implications of the film's title and the surprising creative pedigree behind the camera, like Jordan Cronenweth, whose lensing defined genre cinema in the 1980's.

In "The Final Sacrifice", Canada finally receives the superhero it deserves: hard-drinking, jean jacket-wearing, mullet-sporting former cultist Zap Rowsdower. We'll talk about the surprising late-career of director Tjardus Greidanus and bask in the glory of living Yosemite Sam/Rowlf mash-up Pipper, who supplies the greatest 5 minutes in the entire Sci-Fi Channel Era.

For every single episode at least a week early and great bonus episodes, become a Patreon subscriber. For only $5 you can help keep the show alive and enjoy some quality laughs in the process: https://www.patreon.com/coolnesschronicles

This Week's Recommendation: "Where'd You Go, Bernadette" (2019)https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles/id1431611476https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles?refid=stprhttps://open.spotify.com/show/0sONU9Bdsq35PwO8mE3jVThttp://www.buzzsprout.com/200242Twitter: @coolnesspodryan, Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coolnesspodryan Theme Music by: Bildschirm (bildschirm.bandcamp.com) The clips featured in this podcast were for critical review and parody, which are protected under the Fair Use laws of the United States Copyright Act of 1976. All rights are reserved and acknowledged.

"Working Man" by Rush. ℗© 1974 The Island Def Jam Music Group Inc.Support the Show.

The History and Legacy of “Mystery Science Theater 3000”, Chapter 12: Well-Oiled Machine.

We celebrate 52 lukewarm episodes with another heavy dose of nonsense!

Since this week's discussion is all about "Gorgo", in which a sympathetic lizard destroys a metropolitan area, we're taking a reverse Detour through the saga of a sympathetic monkey who destroys New York: "King Kong".

Because movie studios were craven capitalists even in 1933, there is a terrible sequel. And a remake in 1977. And a sequel to that remake in 1986.

But all hope is not lost. Universal Studios used these franchise building blocks to bring the world Kongfrontation. Your wonky yet affable host may cry ugly tears of mourning, so bring a tissue.

Trivial Theater: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgC9OqKpBaU&feature=youtu.be

For every single episode at least a week early and great bonus episodes, become a Patreon subscriber. For only $5 you can help keep the show alive and enjoy some quality laughs in the process: https://www.patreon.com/coolnesschronicles

This Week's Recommendation: "Obvious Child" (2014)https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles/id1431611476https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles?refid=stprhttps://open.spotify.com/show/0sONU9Bdsq35PwO8mE3jVThttp://www.buzzsprout.com/200242Twitter: @coolnesspodryan, Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coolnesspodryan Theme Music by: Bildschirm (bildschirm.bandcamp.com) The clips featured in this podcast were for critical review and parody, which are protected under the Fair Use laws of the United States Copyright Act of 1976. All rights are reserved and acknowledged. 

"Ape Man" by The Kinks. ℗© 2018 Sanctuary Records Group Ltd., a BMG CompanySupport the Show.

The History and Legacy of “Mystery Science Theater 3000”, Chapter 12: Well-Oiled Machine.

We celebrate 51 amazing episodes with a typical hour!

Brave Rick Sloane's "Hobgoblins", the only movie to convince Mike and the Bots to jump ship before the credits! Enjoy a discussion of the movie Sloane ripped off ,1984's "Gremlins" and, most importantly, the greatest sequel ever made: Joe Dante's "Gremlins 2: The New Batch". 

Robert Picardo will romance a mythical creature. "Hellzapoppin" will be shouted out. Ted Turner and Donald Trump will take their lumps. And Leonard Maltin will be strangled by puppets.

For every single episode at least a week early and great bonus episodes, become a Patreon subscriber. For only $5 you can help keep the show alive and enjoy some quality laughs in the process: https://www.patreon.com/coolnesschronicles

This Week's Recommendation: "Hearts Beat Loud" (2018)https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles/id1431611476https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles?refid=stprhttps://open.spotify.com/show/0sONU9Bdsq35PwO8mE3jVThttp://www.buzzsprout.com/200242Twitter: @coolnesspodryan, Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coolnesspodryan Theme Music by: Bildschirm (bildschirm.bandcamp.com) The clips featured in this podcast were for critical review and parody, which are protected under the Fair Use laws of the United States Copyright Act of 1976. All rights are reserved and acknowledged. 

"Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung. © 2002 Geffen RecordsSupport the Show.

The History and Legacy of “Mystery Science Theater 3000”, Chapter 12: Well-Oiled Machine.

We celebrate 50 amazing episodes with a very special hour!

Sure, "The Deadly Bees" and "The Space Children" are discussed. My favorite David Lynch cinematographer comes up. The Professor from "Gilligan's Island" is in fact killed in his sleep by a giant jelly brain from Heaven. MC Hammer does factor in somehow. All of these things are true and acknowledged.

But the most special part? A huge conversation about "The Addams Family" (the original series and two awesome movies). How did Raul Julia's portrayal of Gomez help your wonky yet affable host feel represented in American culture? Why are the Addams' the most well-adjusted family in television history? You'll have to listen to find out! 

For every single episode at least a week early and great bonus episodes, become a Patreon subscriber. For only $5 you can help keep the show alive and enjoy some quality laughs in the process: https://www.patreon.com/coolnesschronicles

This Week's Recommendation: "De Palma" (2015)https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles/id1431611476https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles?refid=stprhttps://open.spotify.com/show/0sONU9Bdsq35PwO8mE3jVThttp://www.buzzsprout.com/200242Twitter: @coolnesspodryan, Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coolnesspodryan Theme Music by: Bildschirm (bildschirm.bandcamp.com) The clips featured in this podcast were for critical review and parody, which are protected under the Fair Use laws of the United States Copyright Act of 1976. All rights are reserved and acknowledged.

"Too Legit to Quit" by MC Hammer. ℗© 1991 Capitol Records, LLC
"Addams Groove" by MC Hammer. © 1996 Capitol Records, LLCSupport the Show.

The History and Legacy of “Mystery Science Theater 3000”, Chapter 12: Well-Oiled Machine.

This week is obsolootely fah-sinating.

We cover the work of the Persian Ed Wood (IMDb's description, not mine) but mostly just 1996's "Werewolf". Flagstaff is invaded by impossibly gorgeous Europeans, lines are delivered phonetically, lycanthropes drive cars, and bobby soxer musical numbers are belted out.

Pick your favorite haircut and color! Join your affable yet wonky host right now!

For every single episode at least a week early and great bonus episodes, become a Patreon subscriber. For only $5 you can help keep the show alive and enjoy some quality laughs in the process: https://www.patreon.com/coolnesschroniclesThe 2020 Journals: https://ryanscoolnesschronicles.tumblr.comhttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles/id1431611476https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles?refid=stprhttps://open.spotify.com/show/0sONU9Bdsq35PwO8mE3jVThttp://www.buzzsprout.com/200242Twitter: @coolnesspodryan, Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coolnesspodryan Theme Music by: Bildschirm (bildschirm.bandcamp.com) The clips featured in this podcast were for critical review and parody, which are protected under the Fair Use laws of the United States Copyright Act of 1976. All rights are reserved and acknowledged.

"Tusk" by Fleetwood Mac. ℗ 2015 Warner Records Inc. All Rights Reserved. Marketed by Warner Strategic Marketing. Printed in U.S.A. © 2015 Warner Records Inc. All Rights ReservedSupport the Show.

The History and Legacy of “Mystery Science Theater 3000”, Chapter 12: Well-Oiled Machine.

We have Donald Pleasance sign!

This week we cover the most well-known comic book superhero in his epic feature film debut. Yes, it's finally time for The Pumaman to pounce on unsuspecting criminals and disappear into walls or whatever the hell it is he's supposed to do.

Also on the docket: the less successful but still somewhat notable 1978 Richard Donner indie movie "Superman". And a visit with the clumsiest cape-sporting schmuck this side of Metropolis, "The Greatest American Hero".

For every single episode at least a week early and great bonus episodes, become a Patreon subscriber. For only $5 you can help keep the show alive and enjoy some quality laughs in the process: https://www.patreon.com/coolnesschroniclesThis Week's Recommendation: "That's Entertainment II" (1976)https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles/id1431611476https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-coolness-chronicles?refid=stprhttps://open.spotify.com/show/0sONU9Bdsq35PwO8mE3jVThttp://www.buzzsprout.com/200242Twitter: @coolnesspodryan, Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coolnesspodryan Theme Music by: Bildschirm (bildschirm.bandcamp.com) The clips featured in this podcast were for critical review and parody, which are protected under the Fair Use laws of the United States Copyright Act of 1976. All rights are reserved and acknowledged.

"Heroes and Villains" by The Beach Boys. ℗ 2012 Capitol Records, LLC © 1967 Capitol Records, LLCSupport the Show.