OneSharpSword

Chris Miller had what he calls the Harvard Complex, suit and tie job. And, like so many of us that pursue a path for the sake of stability and “supposed to” - we move beyond the ego-based, “look at me; I landed a big-boy job.” And once there, we must question, what’s it all for?

That’s where Chris and I connected on this podcast. I’ll likely do a blog about the idea of leaving your partner at home while you’re out on required business travel making the absurd claim, “I love you so much I’m not at home. I’m doing this all for you.”

Chris gave up his corporate job to become a writer, podcaster, and producer. During our time together, we connected around VALUES. Chris notes, “there has to be a well” to dip from, your values and beliefs are the key.

We diverted into talking about the loneliness crisis and referred to the definition of loneliness as the perceived feeling of lacking a needed social connection. That is, you could be in a room full of people and feel lonely. Or you could be by yourself and feel fully content. It’s about perception of the need.

Presence and attention were discussed as essential for building any relationship. And we then uncovered that “community” can be the connection with just one other person. Think about the relationships you have, how you co-construct conversations in them, and how doing so with real attention gives you the much needed community.

Social Links:
Website - talktopeoplepodcast.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaiHIZ7AIERZnOFVe6fQOLw
Apple Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/talk-to-people-podcast/id1657323271?mt=2&ls=1
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/talktochrismiller/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/talktopeoplepodcast
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/talktopeoplepodcast/

What can an attorney tell us about peace-making?
A lot!
His big claim: In 90 seconds he can extinguish any argument (and teach you to do the same).

What is leadership level listening?
        •  Type One Listening is to get information that you can use and then close out the conversation
        •  Type Two Listening is about validating the other person, making the other person feel heard.

When you’re flooded with emotions, yours or someone else’s, try Affective Labeling.

A leader’s job is to provide Focus, Direction, and Safety.

We can only identify others’ emotions if we’re calm.

There are several layers of emotions that act as triggers. These include:
        •  Anger
        •  Disrespect
        •  Fear
        •  Disgust
        •  Shame
        •  Abandonment

To get to the heart of another person, get them to tell you their story.
Ask open ended questions.
Seek to observe four non-voluntary responses:
        •  Head
        •  Nod Verbal Responses
        •  Relaxed Shoulders
        •  Sigh

Doug’s book: Deescalate: How to Calm Anyone in 90 Seconds or Less Reach out at: www.DougNoll.com and directly at [email protected]

R-E-S-P-E-C-T (sing it) Dr Julie Pham brings us her story from joining her refugee parents at 2 months old to earning her PhD at Cambridge. She’s been in operations and has found that relationship building is a positive path to success.

In this podcast, Dr Julie and I speak about resilience and how to thrive, being creative and resourceful, and using hope and optimism.

We also discuss The Seven Forms of Respect
Each of us has a preferred style where/how we desire and demonstrate respect.

Curiosity is about learning and being respectful of the other person.
In any organization, you can ask, “Do you think you can learn from other people here?”
If yes, great! What can you learn?
If no, help them move on!

Curiosity is a practice! It’s about self awareness.
Relationship Building is about reciprocity and respect.
And Clear Communication is always important.

Be aware of power balances.

The “Rubber Band Rule” says be flexible and know your personal boundaries (aka breaking points).

Look at these seven areas for respect:
        •  Procedure
        •  Punctuality
        •  Information
        •  Candor
        •  Consideration
        •  Acknowledgment
        •  Attention

Find Julie Pham PhD on LinkedIn
And look for free assessments on her website www.CuriosityBased.com

Chad Hufford is in the financial world now. He was picked on as a kid, used adversity to drive him, went on a pre-med path in taking up biochemistry, became an athletic coach, and let all of that background simmer together to help people make changes and stay on a path toward financial success.

He’s in Anchorage, Alaska, and that’s not a typical kind of culture that any of us would be used to. He’s learned a lot in being there and brings his insights.

Some of the key points made in this program include (and listen in for them all):
        •  Optimism isn’t ignoring reality, nor is it a stepwise process.
        •  Have a goal and a destination (and note that the goals can be fluid)
        •  Have a willingness to learn
        •  What are you doing (input) to get the outcomes (output) you actually want?
        •  Consistency is key!
        •  Depersonalize rejection - it’s not about YOU.
        •  Sustainability over Optimization!
        •  Think about the process, we don’t tend to scale back, but we quit. Don’t quit!
        •  Not starting is the other place where people simply fail before they give themselves a chance
        •  Leverage your resources - most people don’t know what resources the already have
        •  Redefine failure - perfect is the enemy of done
        •  Automate good habits
        •  Chad talks about Sacrifice - I say, “Let go of the things that no longer serve you.”
        •  What is your risk tolerance? There’s no such thing as No Risk.
        •  Volatility is temporary ambiguity. Stable isn’t about safety.
        •  Comfort is the antithesis of success.

Find more at www.VeritasAlaska.com
Reach out at [email protected]
Find Chad Hufford (Veritas) on LinkedIn

Braith Bamkin is an expert at making connections. On today’s episode we discuss Intention, Purpose, and Connection.

He highlights a couple of key questions for growing your business: Who do you want to do business with, and why?

We talked about so much on this quick hour, some of the key take-aways were:
      •   Care enough to help others first
                   ○   Doing so engages the law of reciprocity (but don’t do something in order to get back - that
                        just means you’re coming from a place of taking, not giving)
      •   If you want to feel better about yourself, do something nice for someone else.
      •   Being “busy” shuts down opportunity
      •   Set a “calling hour” on your calendar; open your contacts, scroll, and call. Reach out with no                      agenda!
      •   When you’re clear about your avatar, who you’d like to do business with, it makes calling easier.           •   Connection happens when you’re living in your purpose, have intention, and come from a place of             personal values.
      •   Analysis paralysis happens when people are trying to decide the “right” course of action. (Hint: just            take a step and course correct from there.)
      •   If you’re feeling “off” from your business, write a love letter to it. That’ll land you in gratitude and                you’ll feel better all around.

Find Braith at www.BraithBamkin.com.au and on all social sites.

Podcaster’s note: During this podcast which was recorded in August of 2023, we mention the fires in Hawaii and reflect briefly on other disasters.
The devastation that resulted from the fires in Hawaii turned out to be one of the state’s worst disasters (if not the worst recorded disaster) and our hearts go out to those affected. Though a very brief portion of the conversation, we want to honor those who bravely fought the fires and offer condolences for those who lost so much.

What can you learn about leadership and culture from a guy whose background is in music and dueling pianos? A LOT!

Greg Offner talks about The Tip Jar culture coming from corporate HR and risk management, he noticed what really got people engaged at work and at the dueling piano bar. His lessons serve us all.

Key points for leaders to ponder:
       •   Work is a performance. We perform a task. We are in service to others.
       •   Show up from a place of service pondering, “What do they need from me to make sure this
           performance goes well?”
       •   Your job as a leader is to remove the friction, anything that can get in their way of doing a good
            job.
       •   Your title or rank is simply a validation, not a reward. It’s a tool of authority. How will you use that
            tool?
       •   Know that by working together, we elevate the experience of everyone! Beware of misaligned
           incentives.
       •   Note that you can’t create engagement. You create an experience.
                 ○  When team members choose to engage or disengage, a decision was made to do just that.
       •   The culture shifts to creating impact vs. trading hours for income.
       •   Create shared values -
                ○  Allow people to opt in
                          ◘  Create actionable steps for them to do so.
                          ◘  Teach them how to fit in so there’s a sense of ownership

As the host of OneSharpSword, I loved this interview. Greg Offner is a master presenter and he speaks to a pet of mine, building a Culture of Caring, from such a unique perspective.

Reach out to Greg on all social media.
Find more at www.GregoryOffner.com

From ADD and Sugar Addiction to Rock Climbing, Parenting, and Holistic Wellness, today we welcome Adam Hart who addresses Nervous System Regulation.

Nothing in this podcast is intended as medical or other professional advice. Please see a medical professional for your specific situation and symptom management.

In this episode you’ll hear about anxiety that developed from an emotionally absent father. The question of worthiness crops up (as it does for most people) and Adam offers a simple solution as an exercise to try. Breathing!

Adam found that a certain breath routine allowed him to control his nervous responses to rock climbing. And the side benefit of that was not being emotionally hijacked as a parent.

Listen in as he talks about the idea of Co-Regulating the Experience (for a child or anyone who is in a super-stressed state).

Here’s his methodology for regulation through breath, and he says it takes just 33 seconds three times a day: Breathe in through your nose to the count of four; breathe out through your mouth to the count of seven.

This formula has been around for ages, and Adam puts his own spin on it.

He invites you to join him in his Heart Flow Breath Practice at www.ClearImpact.io
Watch how this helps you connect you to presence, true presence. You then become a conscious human being holding space for coregulation of another.

Be sure to go to www.ClearImpact.io
And reach out to Adam at [email protected]

Tim Shurr helps uplevel people from their old ways of thinking to a higher quality of life by noting that you’re just One Belief Away from having the life that you want.

Tactical Strategies for changing your life are truly just One Belief Away. (By the way, that’s the name of the book he co-authored with Joe Vitale. I just ordered it myself.)

We discussed Tim’s upbringing and how that affected him. His response, “yes, we turn our messes into our message.”

Big T and little t traumas.
Little t are those like being embarrassed.
Big T are those like a major loss, huge health issue, or violence.

Stories develop from both and the world seems unsafe. Our response to those stories, how we gave meaning to an incident, is what gets anchored.

Began studying hypnosis; recognized that your mind can create barriers while the subconscious is running the show to keep you “safe.” Tim quotes some great authors and notes how the mind works by having made judgements based on limited information.

The quality of your beliefs and the questions you ask yourself determines the quality of your life! Think about what your subconscious does to give you the answers to these:
      •   How could I have been so stupid?
      •   How did I get this lucky?

Program for coaches:
www.practiceamplifier.com is just $48
www.TimShurr.com

Look for Tim’s books
And find Tim Shurr on all the social media platforms

Keagen Hadley is a doctor of Occupational Therapy and psychiatric clinical researcher specializing in acceptance and commitment therapy and the holistic care of joint injuries. Keagen notes that his role is to bridge the gap between the physical and psychological, as most people only focus on one or the other.

He follows a path that’s similar to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). His is Acceptance And Commitment Therapy, the basics of which are to use your experience as basis for learning and then committing to changing what’s not working.

Six pillars to consider:
         •   Diffusion - separating your thoughts from your self, as a person
         •   Acceptance - the understanding that life has ups and downs and you’ll get to experience them.              •   How you choose to interpret them matters.
         •   Mindfulness - a reminder that living in the moment, every moment, matters
         •   Using your Self as a context = looking at what mask you choose to wear for a public role vs. the
             true you that you are
         •   Taking Purposeful Action - Life is grand and plans are good, but you have to move from where
              you are to make anything happen
         •   Values - Goals need to be tied to values.
This last one is particularly important to me. In my Exponential Success Summit, we dive into the need for getting super clear about your Values first, then being able to set your goals from there.

Tips for mindfulness: No one on One Sharp Sword is prescribing activity or remedy. If you need assistance consult a medical/psychological professional. Keagen discussed a methodology called progressive overload wherein you give your body something it’s not used to for a short duration of time, then come back and incrementally increase the exposure, whether that’s an ice bath or lifting weights at a certain level. He suggests paying attention to your thoughts as you increase the time you give yourself to engage in the activity.

For more information look for The ACL Therapist
Go to www.TheACLTherapist.com
And look for Keagen’s book, TORN: Overcoming the Psychological Challenges Post ACL Injury

Melissa “Liss” Kirby has been changing lives as a management consultant for the past thirteen years. Based in Melbourne, she consults internationally and is tied to Q5Partners, located in the UK.

With a background in business, psychology, and political science, Liss began paid internships at some major organizations. Now, several years later, she runs the Melbourne extension of q5partners.

Trust and Being Entrusted were key threads of our conversation. As a management consultant, you’re an entrusted advisor. She notes that the “wins” gained in this position aren’t about her; “...you’re always a back-up singer.”

Organizational health begins by defining why you exist - what’s your Purpose? I love this question as a place to start because it’s the essence of the existential dilemma for every individual. As an individual, it’s hard to know until you’re really living your life in Flow. As an organization, it needs to be defined.

Liss asks leaders two key questions:
     •   How do decisions get made?
     •  What happens in a crisis?

Though leadership and organization focused, these concepts can relate to each person, as an individual, as well as couples and families.

Then, Q5 looks at:
     •  Purpose and Strategy
     •  Organization Design
     •  Development and Culture - an area that I personally think is fundamentally vital
     •  Transformation and Change

Liss offers us insight into culture shift and how it is to be co-designed and not dictated.

Contact her at [email protected]
And check out www.Q5Partners.com