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This passage vividly describes the narrator's descent into a state of delirium and paranoia following a fall. Initially concerned about epilepsy and fearing death, his perception of reality quickly unravels while hospitalized. He believes himself to be under arrest for attempted suicide, interpreting the medical treatments as forms of police interrogation – the hot poultices as "sweating" and the saline solutions as a means to increase his suffering.

His hallucinations extend to auditory experiences, with indistinct voices he perceives as imprecations from both friends and enemies, accompanied by ghostly rappings. The following day, he hallucinates being on a sinking ocean liner, a catastrophe he believes he caused, with trolley cars from outside the hospital transforming into transport on the ship. The sounds of the elevator and speaking-tube further fuel his delusion of the ship breaking apart.

As his delirium subsides, even the shaving of his legs for plaster casts and the court-plaster on his forehead are misinterpreted as signs of degradation and infamy. His mental torment culminates on the day of his Yale class reunion and the Harvard baseball game. Knowing his classmates would pass the hospital, he becomes convinced they intend to drag him out and inflict a painful death upon him for dishonoring Yale. The college cheers, which he had hoped to join, now fill him with terror, highlighting the stark contrast between his anticipated joy and his current state of profound delusion and fear.

Trigger Warning: This passage describes suicidal ideation and intense paranoid delusions. It also includes hallucinations and feelings of medical distress. Reader discretion is advised due to potentially disturbing content.

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This episode tells the intense story of a man after graduating college who feels unwell but starts working anyway. He chases a job in New York and gets caught up in wanting to make money. But his nerves get worse, leading to a breakdown.

He feels new and scary sensations and can barely speak, though he hides it. Convinced something terrible is coming, he destroys old writings and goes home. He feels awful and believes he's going to have seizures, which terrifies him.

Then, he becomes completely sure he is having seizures. Desperate to die before anyone sees him in one, he plans to kill himself. He thinks about drowning himself in a lake and looks for poison.

Finally, he decides to jump from his fourth-floor window. He looks out, hesitates, but then jumps. He hits the ground hard, gets injured, but doesn't pass out.

The shocking thing? The terrible fear that had haunted him for six years vanishes the instant he lands. He never feels that way again. The episode explores his descent into this dark place and the bizarre way his suffering suddenly ended.

Trigger Warning: This episode describes suicidal thoughts and an attempted suicide, which some may find upsetting. Please be aware.

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This podcast episode features an autobiography of a man who suffered a mental breakdown in his mid-twenties, describing it as a "mental civil war." The narrator shares his early life as a sensitive, self-conscious child who masked his anxieties with wit and sarcasm. 

After his brother was diagnosed with what appeared to be epilepsy in 1894, he developed an overwhelming fear that he too would develop the condition. This anxiety eventually triggered a nervous breakdown during his time at Yale. 

Despite his struggles, he managed to achieve his college ambitions, including securing membership in a secret society, becoming editor and business manager of the Yale Record, and graduating on time. The narrator frames his story as a duty to share after surviving a seemingly fatal illness, suggesting the podcast explores themes of mental health recovery, resilience, and purpose.

Trigger Warning: This chapter discusses the sudden and distressing onset of a severe illness (initially thought to be epilepsy) in a family member, leading to intense fear and anxiety about developing the same condition. Reader discretion is advised if these topics are sensitive for you.

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Let's change the world one mindset at a time.

-MarquiseTheCoach