Open Adoption Project

In this episode, Shaun and Lanette discuss the Family Communication Pattern Theory, by McLeod and Chaffee, and its adoption application. focusing on conformity and conversation orientation, and how these patterns can impact families, particularly in the context of adoption. They analyzed various family dynamics portrayed in movies and TV shows, identifying different communication patterns and their implications. Family Communication Patterns help us understand how childhood family structure impacts adulthood. The model suggests that families fall into four patterns, which vary in degrees of conformity and conversation. The importance of balance in family communication patterns and the need for open dialogue, and the potential influence of parenting styles on children is discussed.

Get the guide, FREE of charge, here: Substance Exposure in Utero: A Guide For Prospective Adoptive Parents

Hi Adoption Friends,

We’re Shaun and Lanette, co-hosts and creators of the Open Adoption Project. We hope this guide is a helpful tool for you as you counsel and discuss how you are able to support and help children exposed to substances in utero. We are so thankful to Dr. Stone for collaborating with us on creating and sharing this guide, and generously offering this resource free of charge through the Open Adoption Project publications.

We hope you’ll check out the Open Adoption Project podcast, where you can learn more about adoption free of charge. On the podcast, we discuss various aspects of adoption. We have a library of over a hundred episodes featuring interviews with adoptees, birth parents, and others. Hosting the show has been immensely educational and impactful for us. We hope that it will be a valuable resource for you as well.

If you want to continue learning, we also offer an openness guide. The Openness Guide for Adoptive Parents: What You Should Know About Open Adoption is available at openadoptionproject.org. All proceeds from this guide go right back into supporting the Open Adoption Project podcast.

We’re thankful to have you here, learning with us and making adoptee-centric decisions. Continually listening to others’ experiences and learning more about adoption has richly blessed our lives and helped us better parent our children. We strongly believe that it will improve your own experiences with parenting and connecting with your children as well, and hope it will also help you build meaningful relationships with birth family members too.

Wishing you all of the best in your endeavors,

The purpose of this research is to understand the context and the decisions women made when deciding to place a child for adoption.

To Participate, need to:

• Be age 18 or older
• Identify as a woman
• Speak & Understand English
• Have placed a child for adoption in the US after ‘94
• Currently reside in the US

Participants will complete: (1) approx. 90 min. interview (in-person or on Zoom). Interview participants will receive a $50 visa gift card.

Participants may participate in a supplemental focus group (via Zoom). Focus group participants will receive a $10 visa gift card.

Website: https://linktr.ee/first.families.project

Email us to get started! Fill out this form or [email protected]

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/people/First-Families-Project/61560684895325/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C7A1-NgLKSf/?img_index=1

Stephen Rowley, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist practicing in Bainbridge Island, Washington. Dr. Rowley's book, The Lost Coin: A Memoir of Adoption and Destiny, was published by Chiron Publications, Sept. 2023. With his background as a psychotherapist and educator, his interest in Jungian psychology and Zen Buddhism, Dr. Rowley discusses what fundamental core experiences adoptees share, how the adopted child reckons with the paradox of a comfortable upbringing and a powerful emotional loss, and how early childhood wounds result in “primitive agonies” that cause disproportionate emotional reactions. He also discusses what relational complexities are especially inherent to most, if not all, adoptees. Learn more at stephenrowley108.com/memoir/.

We also share information about the First Families Project, researching birth mother experiences. To learn more about this research go to https://linktr.ee/first.families.project

Amy Seek shares her experiences with adoption as a birth mom, and how her relationship with her son has evolved. She shares about the importance of transparency and honesty in open adoption conversations and the need for improved ethical practices as we strive to better support mothers and their children.

Amy’s book “God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birthmother”

Other Resources:

Concerned United Birthparents

Saving our Sisters

NAAP First Families support group

Donor Conceived Best Practices and Connections

Right to Know

Untangling Our Roots, an annual summit of adoptees and DCP providing education around best practices for the affected people

Open Adoption: Not so Simple Math

You can reach Amy at [email protected]

Adoptee Lexi Condie shares her experience in this touching episode. Lexi was adopted by Aymee and Reed at age 8 along with her older brother Tyler, who was the son of Reed. Aymee and Reed decided it would be best to let Lexi and Tyler stay in contact with their mother (Stevoni), who was in prison at that time. Over the years Lexi developed a fantastic relationship with Stevoni. Lexi has always been able to lean on her adoptive parents. Lexi is currently working toward her Certified Welding Inspector certification and starting her own business. Lexi loves her career and is working towards making her life her own again. Be sure to listen to our episode with Lexi's mothers, Aymee and Stevoni, for more about how uniting adoptive and biological families in efforts to love and support adoptees can impact lives.

In this episode, we learn about the experience of foster care alumni Cadon Riley, including his experience being adopted and later returning to the foster care system. Cadon and Shaun discuss some of the challenges Cadon has experienced, and his hopes for how our community can improve experiences for other youth in care and in need of support. Cadon Riley is a Foster Care & Child Welfare Advocate. Cadon was adopted at birth into a transracial family. At the age of 15 Cadon was placed back into the foster care system, aging out at 18. Cadon made it his goal to become an advocate to help others from similar backgrounds. Cadon is currently pursuing a bachelor's degree in Psychology from Utah Tech University, intending to obtain his Ph.D. in Clinical Neuropsychology. Cadon’s continuous advocacy has landed him the opportunity to speak on Capitol Hill and become a Congressional Leadership Academy Delegate with the National Foster Youth Institute. Cadon’s extensive involvement in local and national advocacy aims to improve and inform the child welfare system through the power of lived experience.

Kaira Dark is a birth mom who placed her son for adoption about 20 years ago. The adoption began as semi-open, and became open later. Kaira shares about her struggles with the trauma she experienced and how her experiences and perceptions have shifted over time. We love hearing from birth moms and really enjoyed learning from Karia's experiences.

In this episode, Lanette and Alisha discuss establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries, both in open adoptions and when caring for children in foster care. We address some frequently asked questions regarding this subject, including how to create healthy communication patterns and how to mediate challenging situations.

There are two kinds of openness in adoption—structural and communicative. Both are important in supporting identity and development of adopted individuals, as supported by academic research. We discuss the differences between structural and communicative openness and tips for adoptive parents for practicing openness in a more adoptee-centered way. This episode is part of our series where we discuss frequently asked questions regarding open adoption. We address many of the fears adoptive parents might voice as they consider openness in this discussion.

Learn more in The Openness Guide for Prospective Adoptive Parents: What You Should Know About Open Adoption

Sources:

Brodzinsky, D.M. (2005). Reconceptualizing openness in adoption: Implications for theory,

research, and practice. In D.M. Brodzinsky & J. Palacios (Eds.), Psychological issues in adoption: Research and practice (pp. 145-166). Praeger.

Brodzinsky, D. (2006). Family structural openness and communication openness as predictors in the adjustment of adopted children. Adoption quarterly, 9(4), 1-18.

Brodzinsky, D. (2015). Understanding and treating adoptive families. Contemporary families: Translating research into practice, 35-52.

Berge, J. M., Green, K. M., Grotevant, H. D., & McRoy, R. G. (2006). Adolescent sibling narratives regarding contact in adoption. Adoption Quarterly, 9(2-3), 81-103.

Grotevant, H. D. (2020). Open adoption. The Routledge handbook of adoption, 266-277.

Grotevant, H. D., McRoy, R. G., Elde, C. L., & Fravel, D. L. (1994). Adoptive family system dynamics: Variations by level of openness in the adoption. Family process, 33(2), 125-146.

Grotevant, H. D., & McDermott, J. M. (2014). Adoption: Biological and social processes linked to adaptation. Annual review of psychology, 65, 235-265.

Grotevant, H. D., Wrobel, G. M., Fiorenzo, L., Lo, A. Y., & McRoy, R. G. (2019). Trajectories of birth family contact in domestic adoptions. Journal of Family Psychology, 33(1), 54.

Neil, E. “Making sense of adoption: Integration and differentiation from the perspective of adopted children in middle childhood.” Children and Youth Services Review 34, no. 2 (2012): 409-416.

Neil, E., Beek, M., & Ward, E. (2015). Contact after adoption: A longitudinal study of post adoption contact arrangements. Coram BAAF.

Wolfgram, S. (2008). Openness in adoption: What we know so far—A critical review of the literature. Social Work, 53(2), 133-142.

Wrobel, G. M., Ayers-Lopez, S., Grotevant, H. D., McRoy, R. G., & Friedrick, M. (1996,

October). Openness in adoption and the level of child participation. Child

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Wrobel, G. M., Kohler, J. K., Grotevant, H. D., & McRoy, R. G. (2003, October 1). The Family

Adoption Communication (FAC) model. Adoption Quarterly, 7(2), 53–84.

Scherman, R. (2016). Openness and intercountry adoption in New Zealand. In Intercountry Adoption (pp. 309-318). Routledge.

Vandivere, S., Malm, K., & Radel, L. (2009). Adoption USA: A chartbook based on the 2007 National Survey of Adoptive Parents. US Department of Health and Human Services, Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation.

MacDonald, M., & McSherry, D. (2011). Open Adoption: Adoptive Parents’ Experiences of Birth Family Contact and Talking to Their Child about Adoption. Adoption & Fostering, 35(3), 4-16.