Optimism Vaccine

We're going on a journey to find your inner brooding teen. Close your eyes and think back to when you believed girls would talk to you because you watched Donnie Darko a dozen times and had THINGS to say about it. Maybe it's been a few years since you spent time with the films of Richard Kelly. Maybe it's about time you discovered if Southland Tales is better than you remember. Maybe you should finally watch The Box (someone needs to).

Maybe you should listen to this podcast because we watched the director's cut AND theatrical versions of every R. Kelly film, and dammit that has to be worth something, right? RIGHT?

THIS WEEK: Donnie Darko (2001), Southland Tales (2006), The Box (2009)

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Throughout the 80s and 90s, David and Peter Paul, The Barbarian Brothers, were the ultimate Hollywood triple threat; acting, singing and flexing their way through the world of film and television. Sadly, the beefiest boys to ever grace the silver screen never reached superstar status. Max Nestorowich (Good Brews Bad Views) and Claire Higginbottom join us as we dig deep into Barbarian Brothers lore, explore their filmography, and try to determine if David and Peter are the greatest fashion icons of all time or just a couple of himbos who got to party with Ruggero Deodato and Jon Turteltaub.

THIS WEEK: The Barbarians (1987), Think Big (1989), Double Trouble (1992), and Twin Sitters (1994)

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It's hard out there for an obscenely rich lady with unchecked power and limitless resources. Sometimes you just need to make an utterly tone-deaf film and call it Music. Sometimes you make your main character autistic. Sometimes you research the role by passively watching I Am Sam while you refresh your Twitter feed and consulting a hate group. Normal stuff.

Wouldn't you know it, people got pissed off at Music before it was even released. What a shame!

We decided to do what Sia begged us all to do: Watch her shitty movie before we call it shitty. We also use this very special episode to talk about her career as a dedicated poster and discuss her large adult sons.

THIS WEEK: Music (2021)

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When Albert Pyun's Cyborg was ripped away from him by the studio he did what any self-respecting auteur would do: Re-cut the original film and make his own unofficial sequels. Sure, they're all bogged down by small budgets that can't support Albert's big ideas, but c'mon! Pyun gave us a robot cowboy wuxia and an Eastern European riff on Yojimbo. What more could you ask for?

THIS WEEK: Slinger (2013), Knights (1993), Omega Doom (1996)

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The occasionally great, always ambitious, frequently derided films of Albert Pyun have been a mainstay of late-night premium cable and dusty video store shelves for decades. But who is the man behind the only good sequel to Kickboxer and the best Captain America movie?

Justin Decloux, author of Radioactive Dreams: The Cinema of Albert Pyun, joins us as we explore Pyun's wild filmography and one-of-a-kind cinematic voice.

It's time to get Pyun-pilled, baby.

THIS WEEK: Radioactive Dreams (1985), Vicious Lips (1986), Alien from L.A. (1988), Journey to the Center of the Earth (1988), Cyborg (1989), Deceit (1989), Captain America (1990), Arcade (1993), and Nemesis (1992)

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We're officially squashing all rumors that we antagonize our listeners and never listen to feedback by doing a very special request episode. That's right, we're men of the people. And what do the people want? CROCODILE DUNDEE!

Join us on a journey of self-discovery as we learn about America's obsession with Australia, Paul Hogan's Oscar nomination, Mick Dundee's weird sexual hang-ups, and how we ended up with Larry David-esque Crocodile Dundee movie in 2020.

THIS WEEK: Crocodile Dundee (1986), Crocodile Dundee II (1988), Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001), and The Very Excellent Mr. Dundee (2020)

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We watched the entire Cyborg trilogy and it's definitely better than any franchise without a villain named after a guitar and a Kato Kaelin cameo. You also get a big dollop of brooding Jean-Claude Van Damme AND Jack Palance's mouth. Impossible to go wrong here. You would think watching a film franchise called CYBORG would lead to a few more cyborgs on screen though. Cyborg Week is officially canceled at Optimism Vaccine. These are goddamn androids.

THIS WEEK: Cyborg (1989), Cyborg 2: Glass Shadow (1993), and Cyborg 3: The Recycler (1994)

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Fantasy isn't just your favorite mid-90s Mariah Carey song. It's the place where D&D nerd storytelling collides head-on with oiled-up beefcakes.

For this episode, we're digging into the gorgeous new 4K release of Don Coscarelli's Beastmaster from Vinegar Syndrome. We're also getting way too deep into He-Man lore and proving once and for all that Lucio Fulci can do anything if you give him a bucket of fake blood and a fog machine.

THIS WEEK: Masters of the Universe (1987), Beastmaster (1982), and Conquest (1983)

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Our odyssey into the bizarre corners of pseudo-pornography comes to a close with one of the best (and one of the worst) films we've watched yet. Is a horned up version of The Muppets Take Manhatten enough to finally break the will of Adam Miros? Will a dozen naked French men in the woods drive Jack's wife to smother him with a pillow in his sleep? Possibly!

THIS WEEK: Let My Puppets Come (1976), Liberté (2019), and The Telephone Book (1971)

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What could possibly be better than starting off 2021 with a big juicy batch of porn flicks? More importantly, why are the OV wives saying "you can't hang out with Steve anymore"? Join us as we do a very serious investigation of the concept of smut without smut and destroy the fabric of reality by watching the blooper reel from Final Flesh. Stuff your underpants full of pasta, grab a toilet muffin, and get ready for the apocalypse (or divorce papers).

THIS WEEK: Things to Come (1976), The Dirty Dolls (1973), and Final Flesh (2009)

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