Orange is the New Crack

Hey my fellow Trashmericans: Babylegs (aka Katelyn) here. We’re living in a Brave New World, and it’s time once and for all to get all our grievances out. That’s why I teamed up with my Partner Across the Pond Redmeph (aka Robin) to talk, as TrashTalkTVingly as possible, about this crazy election, this circus of a year, and what’s to come for our fair nation. So if you’ve got 45th President jitters, or if you’ve got a 45th President woody, I invite you to sit back, relax, and let it all go. Besides, it’s better than fighting with your relatives this Thanksgiving! Sound quality is a little shaky, but then again, so’s everything nowadays.

Hey inmates! Robin and Katelyn here, and we’re bustin out of this joint! Yep – our time is UP. In our final episode we talk Poussey, the future of the show, and how cosmically fucked the population of Litchfield is. So as we waltz on outta here in our standard issue sweatshirts and jeans, before we get dumped at the bus stop, we just want to thank you for listening. We went through a lot PTSD, pet interruptions, internet connectivity issues, and booze to bring you this podcast, and it was an utter delight. Thank you for listening! Now get back to work; that dead body in the mess hall isn’t going to lift herself. Here, finally, is Season 4 Episode 13: Toast Can’t Never Be Bread Again.

Hey inmates! What the bejeezus do you think you’re doin up on that damn water tower? You get your sweet monkey asses down here before we call your parents! Besides, we’ve got one long doozey of en episode to cover in this edition of Orange is the New Crack. Join Robin and Katelyn, two angels that would never go so far to pull the kind of stunts you jive turkeys are up to, as they discuss Season 4 Episode 12: The Animals.

Hey inmates! You wanna come over and play Mario Kart? Forget about your boring term paper on Mark Twain, we can torture my dog! Besides, we’re all locked up here anyway according to my Sakio watch. So hunker down and join Robin and Katelyn as they talk Orange is the New Black, Season 4, Episode 11: People Persons.

Attention inmates: tonight’s film presentation will be 1978’s seminal classic The Wiz. No bitchin, Skinheads! All are invited to partake with the exception of the cafeteria statues, Aleida, and Sister Jane, who has been asked to discontinue performing pap smears on herself. Join Robin and Katelyn as they talk Season 4 Episode 10: Bunny Skull Bunny Skull.

Hey inmates. What took you so long? We’ve been waiting for hours. I really need you to fix this toaster oven. Ever since you unplugged it my muffins have been coming out tasting all stale and sour. Like over at the Mac Donalds where all the urban youths are. Goodness they scare me. Also can you please take a look at the AOL? Doris sent me a funny cat video but I can’t watch it because the damn interwebs isn’t going. I called the Geek Squad at Best Buys to send one of their little Oriental fellows to come fix it but they can’t be here for three hours and that’s just unacceptable. Whatever happened to good service in this country anyway? While you’re up grab me my Coumadin. I’d like to take it with a drop of Drambuie. On the rocks. Try not to drown it. Then join Robin and Katelyn as they talk Season 4, Episode 8: Turn Table Turn.

Put your faces on, inmates, because we’ve got a new work assignment for you. It involves a shovel, a hard hat, and the inspiration behind basically the entirety of Salt-N-Pepa’s musical portfolio. Linda teaches something about home security, Morello worries about what’s going on at home, and Alex and Nicki give our podcast title a whole new literal meaning. Join us, won’t you, as Robin and Katelyn discuss Season 4 Episode 8: Friends in Low Places. Stick through till the end when Katelyn comes out as a mental person who believes in magic.

Hey inmates, they’re coming for you. Delete all your files. Forget everything you know. Take up a new name. Move to Albuquerque. Start a new life. Because they know. They’re watching. The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Ima let you finish, but Beyoncé had the best video of all time. Because we want our children — and all children in this nation — to know that the only limit to the height of your achievements is the reach of your dreams and your willingness to work for them. Wait. What? Oh, sorry. The voices, you know. Anyway, join Robin and Katelyn as they discuss Season 4, Episode 7 of Orange is the New Black: It Sounded Better in My Head.

Attention inmates: Club Fair will be kicking off in the all-purpose room in approximately 15 minutes. If the daily rigors of federal incarceration have you feeling a little restless, come see what Judy King’s got in store for you in her world-renowned cooking mixing class. Maria and the Latinas have an exciting business venture for you, and the white supremacists are in search of carers for the Community Carers program. Amateur detectives are on the case in the janitorial department, and liars be lyin’ at AA. Robin and Katelyn take on Season 4 Episode 8 of Orange is the New Black: Piece of Shizz.

Hey inmates! We just got back from CorrectiCon and boy do we have some treats for you. Diva cups! Laser guns! Stolen Ferraris galore! To be fair, we got pretty lucky in Baltimore which is why we’re in such a generous mood. Robin and Katelyn hid the stash in the warden’s office. When you get there use the password SIDEBOOB RULEZ. Join us, won’t you?