organized chaos (theory)

SAPPHIC EROTICA OH SAPPHIC EROTICA

how I love you so

I get real goofy and real deep in this episode so buckle up & enjoy! 

ALSO point to note if you've gotten to poem #3's backstory...

I WAS NOT READY!

I FAFOed HARD!

reality is a bitch but I love it here bc I love the truth

even if it hurts I'm a masochist soooo

anyway mercury retrograde did not come to play y'all 

I don't read poems as they unfold but true to my instinct, this was just a stopover reconnection

soon after recording this episode I had to break things off bc as much as this nigga had changed... those aspects of their personality that were lingering brought more confusion and second guessing into a situation that was already facing some power struggles. I concluded that their intention was to waste my time from how they were behaving and I moved my ass on outta there.

I know that they stopped by to show me that I was accepting less than I am worth... that there's a gap between what I know I deserve and what I'm allowing in the name of being an understanding person. 

yk its funny bc I've spent most of my life feeling misunderstood and what that eventually taught me is that no one can truly understand me but me. I've lived this life anyway... no one else has.

from now on that applies to everyone else. NO I don't get what you were intending to do when you repeatedly hurt me despite multiple conversations about the same damn thing. the version of me that understands others to the point of betraying myself is DEAD. so move! call me a bitch... call me a villain... you know I love that shit!

here's what else I took away with me:

- trust what people do... NOT what they say. that's why they're called SWEET NOTHINGS.

- when sb has the emotional capacity for you, you will feel it and eventually be reassured in it despite your probable anxiety about the situation.

- some people will look at what you're asking and say "HIYO TU? You deserve even more."

- sometimes you're just asking the wrong people... it doesn't mean they're bad, it just means they're not right for you at that point in time.

- a stranger can teach you so much about yourself even if they're not meant to stay in your life.

- more is out there! do not settle for less. you will resent yourself and the person you settled for.

- confusion is a message, uncertainty is an indicator... not that you should prove yourself or push or force... NO! sit down and be honest with yourself if the other party won't be honest with you (or themselves)

- if sb doesn't know themselves, they will not be able to distinguish the truth from their own lies. you will believe those lies because they believe them themselves. in that case, it's up to you to observe and act accordingly.

- being self-aware is not enough... practising embodying better > just knowing things about oneself.

it's been a while my lovelies...

I hope you've missed me as much as I've missed you

I AM back!

refreshed, rejuvenated & reborn

tbh I'm just a-yappin away on this episode

some new moon musings if you will

a pleasure-based life is within my reach 🪬

it is within yours too

this is a spell to remove blocks and restore motivation in your life

readiness is best approached as an intentional decision instead of a fleeting feeling

it has been specially designed for the root chakra which is blocked by fear

through my loving words and energy, I empower you with the ability to take risks and stand at the edge of the cliff with excitement rather than petrification

feel the blood rushing through your limbs... you are ALIVE

& most importantly, you CAN close the gap between gravity and becoming.

tips for use:

1. repetition rewires the debilitating conditioning of the mind
2. best in the morning or before tasks/projects/endeavours/journeys that require spiritual intervention
3. visualise your blood washing you of fear/hesitation... start from the top (back) of the head down to the base of your spine, where the debris is discarded from your body... let the waterfall of blood form a loop, rejoining the top (front) of your head... repeat until you feel lighter

if possible: red candle for risk-taking, white candle for obstacle-clearing

Happy Lesbian Visibility Weekend! If you catch a moan or grunt or two... that's my gift to the lesbians (｡･･｡)

I swear I'm not farting, I have a new setup... ignore my chair, she's gassy

I don't think I'll be able to watch spider-man across the spider-verse for a while...

especially the part where Mona Lisa by Dominic Fike comes on

*proceeds to say "god help me" and listen to the song five more times than necessary*

I hope this goofball never finds my podcast... I'd be mortified

some people should remain memories of the creativity journey after all

the million-dollar question this episode poses is... IS IT BECAUSE I'M AFAB OR IS IT BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!

lemme clarify that the weather changes were extreme in every way

too cold when it's cold = I usually run cold so PAIN so much PAIN (muscle aches)...

too hot when it's hot = eczema flare-ups

my body hated it there, I had to leave

uni was a pro tho, no harassing lecturers but smelly STEM guys are EVERYWHERE

I have found no escape yet

Disclaimer: I am not of the opinion that anyone shouldn't make the move abroad. This is my experience & my journey to authenticity involves honouring my truth. I just want to see my country & the rest of Africa unshackled from neocolonialism and the slavery of the colonial mindset. We are rich, always have been, we just have a bunch of leeches sucking us to the bone.

I only stayed as long as I did cause of those scrumptious hugs...

oh and not being sexualised or objectified lol

that was lovely.

this women's history month, we are reminded of the might of the matriarchy...

& the truth of Africa's history.

Check out the Limited Series "African Queens: Njinga" on Netflix

DELULU LANEEE... I'M BACK BABY!

with an extra sprinkle of cringe for all my lovely listeners ;)

thank you so much for lending me your ears!

you can have them back in a few minutes ;* (after you watch the music video {trust meee})

Music Credit: “Landline” by Binki

when you want what you've never had, in the end, it's never really clear whether you're just running away from what you know or you actually know what you want!

it’s a messy beautiful life!

this queer history month, we sit with the fierce & quietly radical life of Bessie Head

a woman shaped by exile... a mother navigating survival... a writer who carved entire interior worlds out of displacement & doubt

through her novels & short stories, Bessie examined power, belonging, race, desire & the fragile architecture of identity

her work remains sharp, intimate & unsettling in the best way

this episode honours her voice, her contradictions & the legacy she left stitched across African literature

the photograph referenced: https://porfinenafrica.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/bessie-head.jpg

books referenced: When Rain Clouds Gather (1968), Maru (1971), A Question of Power (1973), The Collector of Treasures and Other Botswana Village Tales (1977)