The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: 

The Plague, it ain’t done with us yet. Texas slows its reopening. Crime skyrockets in New York City. The Dixie Chicks lose half their name and NASA is full of sh*t. 

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

The plague ain’t dead yet

Coronavirus is back with a vengeance. According to Axios, nationwide there is a thirty percent rise in infections compared to the beginning of the month. Arizona looks really screwed, with nearly an eighty percent uptick in cases. Seventy five percent in Michigan, seventy percent in Texas and of course, there’s always Florida, making the infection top four with sixty six percent. Heck, even California, the state where every day brings one kind of disaster or another, is seeing an uptick of forty seven percent.

Texas slows its reopening

The Texas Governor, Greg Abbott is putting the kibosh on his reopening plans in the Lone Stare State and ordered hospitals to postpone elective surgeries in four counties, as coronavirus cases and hospitalizations from the plague are on the uptick. CNBC notes Abbott walked back any future reopening plans due to the spread of covid in the state. Well it is Texas, they could always try shooting the virus. 

NYC gets lot’s o’ crime

Things aren’t much better in New York City but the problems there aren’t due to the plague, per se. Crime is spreading faster than the clap in the city that never sleeps. Well, they must do some kind of sleeping, how else do you explain all that clap? NYPD Commissioner Dermot Shea has gone on record saying that the criminal justice system has essentially imploded in New York. NBC New York reports that the homicide rate in the city has hit a five-year high and the number of people shot has jumped over forty percent. New York has been experiencing kind of  a perfect storm of stupidity with judicial system shutdowns, breakdown of the social nets and bail reform laws that many say just release criminals back to the streets straight after an arrest. Sounds like a perfect storm for booting deBlaiso to me. 

Cancel the National Anthem

Let’s see, what’s on tap with the social justice shit show today. According to the Wall Street Journal a group of angry identity grievance politics ding-dongs in, where else, New York  City,  are refusing to sing the Star Spangled Banner at a graduation ceremony and of course, they want it replaced with something else. Something they approve of, of course. I’ll bet NWA’s  Fuck the Police is in their top three.  Personally, I think it should be changed to the Team America theme song. 

Dixie Chicks cancel half their name

Oh, have you heard this one yet? The Dixie Chicks are changing their name to just The Chicks. You know, they better check with their intersectionalist overlords to see if it’s OK to be called “The Chicks.” As ‘chicks’ is a common vernacular for women, and as we all know by now, there is no such thing as gender or assigned sex. Besides, isn’t ‘Chicks’ sexist or something? They would have been better off changing their name to the “Dicks.” I do wonder when they will rename Dixie Cups to just plain ol’ Cups? 

According to the San Francisco Gate, The Chicks' website now says that they, quote. “want to meet this moment.” Oh, it’s a magic moment. Just in case you were wondering, the term Dixie refers to Southern U.S. states. Just to show you how incredibly stupid all this is, the Dixie Chicks play music that has it’s roots in southern culture. Country music. In fact, all historical music that’s of any worth here in the US, comes from the south. Country, blues, jazz, bluegrass, sea shanties. Outside of that, Chicks, you’ll soon learn that you can never virtue signal enough. Sooner or later, you’ll end up on the wrong end of the social justice culture wars. 

Tina Fey pisses off Asians

Just the other day The Overnight Underground reported on Tina Fey wanting all the 30 Rock episodes that contain black face erased. Now the former SNL star is in hot water from the grievance race based intersectionalist lunatics over her portrayal of the Asian community. Yep, the self-righteous Twitter mob is after Fey for her Asian bits from Mean Girls and 30 Rock. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, sooner or later they're coming after you too. Because nothing says schadenfreude quite like racial political virtue signaling. 

NASA needs a new crapper

Hey, NASA needs a new space toilet stat! Futurism dot com is reporting that everyone’s favorite space agency is on the lookout for a space toilet that handles half a kilogram of diarrhea. As you can imagine, taking a constitutional in zero gravity is no picnic. And if you’ve got a case of the crabapple two step, wow, I can’t even imagine. NASA is launching their Lunar Loo Challenge so that when the astronauts head back to the moon, they can park their moon on a better head. NASA is currently looking for designs and are even offering a twenty thousand dollar reward for the best designed zero gravity porcelain god. Twenty grand huh, that’s a lot of Taco Bell. 

The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: 

Biden takes the lead. New York tells Florida to stay the hell away. The Seattle Mayor rains on ANTIFA’s parade. The statue mobs are getting a little handsy and it’s time to stop exercising. 

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

Biden takes the lead in new poll

Don’t look now but Biden has a fourteen point lead in the latest polling. MSN News reports that doddering old political fool number two, Joseph Biden, is making inroads with women and nonwhite voters. All of this is according to a new poll of registered voters by The New York Times and Siena College. Biden leads the poll with fifty percent, doddering old fool number one, Bullwinkle J Trump takes thirty six percent and fourteen percent will vote for “other.” I don’t know about you, but other has my vote too. 

NY tells Fla to stay away

Three states in the North East are mandating quarantine for Florida visitors. New York, New Jersey and Connecticut have all set a fourteen day quarantine for visitors from the sunshine and pandemic state. Now if Florida could only figure out a way to time travel backwards and keep those obnoxious New Yorkers from migrating to Florida in the first place, it would be a pretty damn good place to live.  NBC News is reporting Florida joins Alabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Washington, Utah and Texas as states with infection rates high enough to warrant the quarantine, so says New York Governor, King and strongman dictator Andrew Cuomo.

Where to pee?

So maybe some states opened up too early and now they’re paying a high price. We’re looking at you Florida and Texas. But with most states only partially reopened, there is still one major pressing issue yet to be addressed. Where the hell do you take a leak? Vice News, that bastard, ah bastion of journalistic integrity points out the obvious, with public and business bathrooms either unavailable or unsafe, the good people of many US cities are whipping it out in public or peeing in their pants. According to one completely un-scientific poll, around fifty eight percent are holding it till they get home and over twenty one percent are just letting it rip in the great wide open. All the rest? Depends. 

Seattle terminates autonomous 

It seems that even the pinko, pansy, bed wetting Mayor of Seattle has finally had enough of the so-called “occupied” protest zone in the downtown area of that former great city. Mayor Jenny Durkan has called for the dismantling of the “Capitol Hill Occupied Protest Zone,” the autonomous six block area of the city. It was just a few days ago when the Mayor likened the protest zone to a new quote: “Summer of Love.” But all that was before the last forty eight hours  saw multiple instances of violence sprouting in the new “Summer of Love” zone with at least two shootings, which left multiple injuries and one dead. The Mayor is calling for the Police to retake the confederate section of the city and re-occupy the abandoned police station in the zone. What will those peaceful protesters do? Here’s what one told ABC 10 news in Seattle after hearing the news. What a shit show. 

The mob in Wisconsin is a little out of hand

The angry statue destroying mobs are starting to get a little sporty. CBS News reports that in Madison, Wisconsin, peaceful protesters there reportedly tore down two statues and threw a beat down on openly gay state Senator Tim Carpenter. To make matters worse, the peaceful protesters who attacked the Senator, also trashed a statue of anti-slavery activist Hans Christian Heg. Heg’s statue was decapitated and thrown into a lake by the protesters. The idiot’s in the mob either didn’t know or care that Heg was an abolitionist who fought on the side of the Union.  Still it’s also true he was a notorious violent carnivore who exclusively used binary pronouns. So yea, he totally deserved it. 

DC send in Guard

All this begs the question, how do you keep angry mobs from tearing down statues? In DC thef are sending in the National Guard. The Hill reports that unarmed members of The Guard are being deployed to the nation’s Capital to lend a hand to Park Police to secure DC’s national monuments. Guard members are expected to stay in The Capitol through the Fourth of July and may number as high as four hundred. Lets just ponder all this for a minute, we’re in the midst of a global pandemic, the President is duller than a bag of Kardashians and millions are out of work. And what are the useful idiots doing? Tearing down monuments. Honestly.

Stop exercising now

You need to stop exercising and you need to stop it right now. A new study out of Japan is noting that daily strenuous activity, such as exercise, might actually shorten your lifespan. According to Study Finds dot org, researchers at the Tokyo Institute of Technology found that Kabuki actors, with very active lifestyles, had shorter lifespans than the lazy Japanese who just sat around watching tentacle porn all day. The researchers believe that the aggressive endurance training necessary for the Kabuki performances neutralizes the usual benefits of exercise. So go ahead, put a little extra mayo on the pizza and pass the pork fat sushi.

The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: 

The EU may ban Americans. Fauchi testifies before Congress. Mel Gibson and Jimmy Kimmel, meet cancel culture. Greta on black lives matter and your cat may be a cock blocker

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

The EU wants you to stay home. 

If you were thinking about traveling to Europe, you better do it quick. News today that EU countries are considering a ban of American’s allegedly due to failure of Merican’ authorities to control the coronavirus. DNYUZ reports that this would lump American’s in with Russians and Brazilians as banned travelers to the European Union. EU officials are currently negotiating over their ban list. Oh heck, with the bureaucracy in the EU, it will probably be next year before they figure it all out. Still, one thing is for sure, they really do hate America, so maybe they can agree on that. 

Fauchi lectures other old white men 

Doctor Fauchi is back, and he’s not spreading good news. Fauchi told Congress basically  that the US is a really big place  and that while some parts of the US are doing better battling the pandemic, other areas are pretty much screwed. Lot’s of FUD from the little infectious Italian man on Capitol Hill. 

Mel Gibson canceled

Today’s celebrity entering the revolving and revolting door of the cancel culture is, wait for it, Mel Gibson. Variety reports that former Beverly Hills shoplifter and all around creepy Hollywood ****  Winona Ryder has accused Mel Gibson of making anti-semetic and homophobic remarks. According to Winona, Gibson allegedly said at a party regarding folks of the Jewish persuasion, ‘You’re not an oven dodger, are you?’ I’ll bet that went over like a led balloon. Of course Gibson denies the whole thing. But what does it matter, in the court of public opinion lorded over by the new orthodoxy and religious dogma of cancel culture, we are all guilty until proven innocent. And by then, it’s too late and you’re already screwed.  In completely unrelated news, Mel Gibson has been replaced in his voice over role in the next installment of the animated feature Chicken Run. How will he cope?!

Jimmy Kimmel canceled

But wait, there’s more. Jimmy Kimmel is also on the cancel culture chopping block today. According to HNHH News, Kimmel allegedly said the word which can not be uttered and also wore blackface at one point in his existence. There are also allegations of some kind of silly  inappropriate behaviour with an underage Megan Fox. 

Black face Oh Fey

Let’s see, what else. Tina Fey is doing her best celebrity virtue signaling and requesting that episodes of 30 Rock featuring blackface be erased. My god, isn’t she just a glorious example of Hollywood exceptionalism and sainthood to model our meaningless lives after? Fey said in Variety magazine: "I apologize for pain they have caused. Going forward, no comedy-loving kid needs to stumble on these tropes and be stung by their ugliness." Didn’t someone once say, comedy is not pretty? Tina, just go stick your head in a bucket of creosote and inhale deeply already. 

Thus Spake Greta

Today’s sound byte of the day, comes from the high priest and grand social justice supreme  commissioner of the kindly inquisition, Greta Thornberg, smacking down her two cents on the black lives matter movement. Our lord and saviour, seventeen year old saint Greta Thornberg on the BBC. If you really think about it objectively, people look up and listen to her as if she has the wisdom of Nietzsche or the Dali Lama. When in truth, she hasn’t even finished high school yet, and I should listen to her words of wisdom? But you all go right ahead and enjoy your shared psychotic delusional disorder. 

Apple Watch is watching you masturbate

Maybe you’ve heard that one of the new features of the Apple Watch is that it can now let you know when to wash your hands.  So it begs the question, is the Apple Watch just like ceiling cat, and paying attention to when you masturbate? If so, one has to wonder what the fruity computer company is doing with all of that jerky data. Yea, I know, we do hear there is a fap for that.  Nothing quite says I love you, more than getting an Apple Watch and a Shake Weight for your birthday.

Women hate your pussy, cat

Men, if you have a cat as a pet, the research shows that you’re less likely to get any action. A new study from Colorado State University notes women are less likely to even consider dating some looser who owns a cat. So for god’s sake, don’t put pictures of you and your cat online if you want a right swipe. Men who have pictures online with their pussy are viewed as less masculine; more neurotic and less dateable. CBSN Denver reports that the study points out that, “Women prefer men with ‘good genes’ and that clearly, the presence of a cat diminishes that perception.” Besides, men with cat’s probably sport a man bun. 

The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: 

What if you had a rally and no one cared? NASCAR gets the flag. Great, now there after my pancake syrup. Chicago sets a new record and pennies are the new toilet paper. 

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

President Trump had his first rally following months of quarantine from the pandemic and when all was said and done, the Tulsa venue was only about a third full. I guess The President will have to walk back that boast about all his events never having empty seats. For those with Trump derangement syndrome, it was schadenfreude extraordinaire watching the great orange one have a big failure right out of the campaign kick-off box. For those brainwashed by Trump, who cares, their eyes are still spinning for their great white dope. If you’re keeping track of such things, Trump has a thirty eight percent approval rate.

Speaking of being out of action. You may have noticed last week the Overnight Underground was out to pasture. Yea, I was down with some sort of mystery illness. But good lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, we’re back. 

Confederate NASCAR

Over the weekend, at the Talladega Superspeedway, the race may have been canceled, but that didn’t stop NASCAR fans from showing their disapproval of the recent ban of the Confederate Flag at stock car races. ESPN reported a plane flew above the track towing a banner of a Confederate flag that read, "Defund NASCAR."

Aunt Jemima bad

In other cancel culture news, Quaker Oats may be canceling the  Aunt Jemima brand, but that change isn’t making everyone happy. The family of the woman, Lillian Richard, who was the model and spokesman behind the iconic image on the pancake syrup and mix isn’t pleased with the erasure of their relatives' hard work. That’s a descendant of the actual Aunt Jemima on WIFR TV in East Texas. 

Tear down Robert Moses

The latest statue to get the bullseye for coming down? The man known as the “Master Builder” in New York City is the latest bronze bubba to have protesters call for statues in his honor to be erased. Ten Ten WINS reports the angry mob wants the statue in Babylon, Long Island to indeed kiss the dirt. Hell, why stop there, he was the great architect for New York City, just burn the whole damn city to the ground, now that would be some mighty fine erasin’.

Lenin gets statue in Germany

In a somewhat related story, the citizens of Gelsenkirchen in West Germany won the right to erect a statue of Lenin after a lengthy legal battle. So while here in the US, we’re busy tearing down statues of Lincoln, Grant and Daffy Duck, Germany gets a new statue of the first leader of Soviet Russia. With a death toll under his belt estimated somewhere north of three million souls.

Chicago breaks record

What the hell is going on in Chicago? The Sun Times reports that one hundred and four people were shot over the weekend in the windy city and fourteen died from gunshot wounds. Those deaths included a 3-year-old boy and 13-year-old girl. This is a new record for shooting victims for the year in the windy city. Congratulations to all involved.

Pennies new toilet paper

Here’s something you didn’t expect. Forget the toilet paper shortage, the US is now in a coin shortage. NPR reports that American banks are running low on pocket change. It seems that due to the pandemic, what else, the Federal Reserve has been forced to ration nickels, dimes, quarters and yes even pennies. When the banks shut down their lobbies from the rona’ virus, those unused coins in your piggy bank backed up (excuse the pun), leading to a shortage nationwide and pennies becoming the new toilet paper. Wasn’t it just last week that chickens were declared the new toilet paper? Personally, I don’t want to wipe my ass with either one of them. Bringing new meaning to the phase, “Change we can relieve in:”

Eel’s and rectum do not go together 

Speaking of... We’re back to another story about another Chinaman sticking inappropriate things in places where the sun don’t shine. According to that bastion of journalistic integrity, the Daily Mail, a man in his fifties in Guangdong, sauntered into the hospital complaining of abdominal pain. In a million years you will never guess what the doctors found? It seems Mister Mensa had inserted a 16-inch live eel into his to quote; 'treat his constipation.' Now before you try anything similar, Mister Gere, this Chinese idiot in question underwent emergency surgery after having his colin torn apart by the slimy creature. 

The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: 

The great statue war of 2020. Fawlty Towers falls. Starbucks not woke, woke. Band Aids woke. Lawlessness in Seattle and three tales of the po po. 

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

The Great Statue War

Get ready for the first weekend of the great statue war. In London, they’ve completely encased the statue of Winston Churchill so protesters can’t deface and topple the statue of a man that just a few scant years ago was voted England’s greatest Britton. British Prime Minister Boris Johnson.  Christopher Columbus, Cecil Rhodes, Robert the Bruce in Scotland and Belgium’s King Leopold have all been the targets of angry mobs of woke il-liberals. 

What’s the end game? Well, now English protesters are calling for the destruction of the Great Pyramids of Giza in Egypt and in the US, CNN talking head Angela Rye has called for statues of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson to be torn down. Like we didn’t see that coming. Meanwhile, across the pond, Nigel Farage resigned from his radio show with, quote “immediate effect” on Thursday. This comes following Farage’s comparison of the statue demolishers to the Taliban. Referring to the destruction of the two thousand year old Buddhas of Bamyan by the Talaban in 2001. Well, if the shoe fits. 

Cancel everything

Just how absurd can all this get? Well, an episode of the classic TV comedy “Fawlty Towers has been removed from UKTV. So far John Cleese, the Monty Python star who played Basil on the series, hasn’t commented on the move. Not to be outdone, the Nick Jr. cartoon Paw Patrol is being targeted by activists. It seems that the positive slant of the police dogs portrayed on the cartoon are just more than the offended woke mob can deal with. 

Starbucks Black Lives (don’t/do) Matter

Just as news came in from burnt coffee giant Starbucks that they will be closing some four hundred stores in North America, the Seattle brown liquid proprietor released a statement that workers in its store will not be allowed to wear pro black lives matter attire. Although Starbucks has gotten on the corporate bandwagon of virtue signaling their support for BLM, they just don’t want employees showing their political colors on the job. All of this comes from that bastard, uh bastion of journalistic integrity BuzzFeed, who has posted an internal Starbucks memo online. The memo states that BLM flair does not conform to Starbucks dress code policy banning pins representing “political, religious or personal issue[s]” All I can say is, ’m sure the mob is coming for you next, despite your corporate virtue signaling. OK, forget everything I just said, Starbucks just caved. According to CNN, Starbucks is reversing the position prohibiting employees from wearing paraphernalia, such as T-shirts or pins supporting BLM. Wonder if this new policy includes all political paraphernalia? Expect someone to get fired for wearing a Trump hat or Goldwater pin and lawsuits to commence forthwith. Me thinks Starbucks just opened their own bag of whoopass.

Band-Aid gets woke

Let’s see, what else we got here. Band-Aids are becoming more inclusive. According to an article on KVUE-TV, Band-Aid is expanding products for all skin tones. The company is set to launch bandages in light, medium and deep shades of brown and black skin tones. That should fix just about everything. 

Seattle Autonomous Zone Update

We got a couple three police stories for you. In the continuing saga of Lawless in Seattle, the police chief has now gone on record that city officials in the people's republic of Seattle left the po po out to dangle in the wind during the recent riots and protests.  Well, even though she’s black, she isn’t towing the woke Seattle intersectionalist agenda, so she can probably kiss her job goodbye. As a side note, Trump continues his Twitter war of words with the Seattle and Washington State political machine. Tweeting Friday morning, quote: “Seattle Mayor says, about the anarchists takeover of her city, “it is a Summer of Love”. That’s Seattle Mayor dingbat Durkin. Trump continues: “These Liberal Dems don’t have a clue. The terrorists burn and pillage our cities, and they think it is just wonderful, even the death. Must end this Seattle takeover now!” I wonder what he’s really thinking? 

No pee at Berklee Five Oh

The Berklee College of Music is apologizing for allowing the Boston Police to use their facilities to relieve themselves during the recent unrest in the city. According to Fox News, the school apologized for, quote:  “perpetuating feelings of oppression, silencing and marginalization” after it let Boston Police use its bathrooms. You know, you just can’t make this shit up.  

San Fran surrenders

Meanwhile, in San Francisco, the Police have announced that in accordance with the current political climate of calls for defunding the po po and to limit unnecessary confrontation between the police department and the community, the San Fran boys in blue will no longer respond to non-criminal calls. The web site Watch our City reports Mayor London Breed also noted that the city will ban the use of military-grade weapons and divert funding to the African-American community.

Murder over dog poop

Now this is one fucked up story. A woman in Denver was shot and killed because she was talking to her dog, trying to convince the pooch to do its duty. According to the Denver Post,  twenty one year old Isabella Thallas was walking her dog with a friend near Coors Field when a verbal altercation ensued with someone in an apartment,  over her telling her dog to hurry up and poop. Thirty six year old  Michael Close then allegedly opened fire on the couple shooting Thallas dead. Police later nabbed the reputed shooter Wednesday driving on a nearby highway.  A rifle and a handgun were found in his car. A GoFundMe page has been set up for the woman’s family to cover funeral expenses. 

The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: 

A confederacy in Seattle. Statues fall everywhere. If you’re bald don’t get covid. Hot pants are back. NASCAR bans it’s unofficial symbol and you computer may be a slave owner. 

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

Seattle goes full retard

Not sure if you’ve been keeping up on the continuing saga of protesters and their confederacy happening in Seattle. But here’s a brief rundown. A group of protesters have taken over a six block area in downtown Seattle and christened it the “Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone.” Included in this area is a police station, which the Seattle police have abandoned and surrendered to the protesters. The new leaders of the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone have renamed the police precinct the “Seattle People Department.” Although the protesters say it’s all about peace and love, there have been alleged instances of violence, profiling and shakedowns of business in the new Zone. The Police and city government have decided not to react to the rebellion and the Governor said during a news conference that he didn’t even know the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone even existed. Wait, you’ve got a group setting up an autonomous government in your states largest city, and you don’t even know about it. Trump has called for the Mayor and Governor to act and they have tweeted back that they think the President is a nincompoop or something. Trump has threatened to send in his own goon squad to liberate the area from the current goon squad and take back the city. Now comes news that in Portland, a group there is attempting to set up their own Autonomous Zone. Come on, it’s not anarchy, they’re just setting up a new HOA.  The whole thing is a total shit show. 

Statues next on the cancel culture chopping block

The cancel culture has turned up the cancel to eleven. Statues are coming down in the US and England faster than you can say critical race theory. A statue of Confederate President Jefferson Davis was ripped from it’s plinth in Richmond and  statues of Columbus in Boston, Miami and Virginia have been vandalised.  In England, there even after a statue of the head of the Boyscouts. In Portsmouth, Virginia, a statue of Confederate President Jefferson Davis seriously injured a protester as it fell and whacked said protester squarely on the noggin. The pronoun is reportedly in critical condition. In England a statue of Queen Victoria was sexualized and defaced with black lives matter graffiti. I’ve got an idea, let’s tear all the statues down, everywhere and replace every single one of them with statues of our lord and savior George Floyd. Mount Rushmore, George Floyd. Lincoln Memorial, George Floyd. Will that make you happy?  Didn’t think so. 

Leave it to cleaver

You ever notice that every couple of days there’s some Chinese human that ends up with something lodged in their or some other uncompromising or unfortunate body part. The Daily Mail reports, complete with footage available to watch at the overnight underground website, of a man in the Hubei province walking into a hospital with a meat cleaver squarely implanted in his skull. According to the article the mishap took place after a heated argument. Probably over MSG. 

Bald men suffer more, from coronavirus

Well here’s the latest piece of science you can probably ignore. According to Professor Carlos Wambier of Brown University, bald men may suffer more from coronavirus. The New York Post reports that the follically challenged may have a much higher vulnerability to the disease. In one study, almost eighty percent of coronavirus patients in three Madrid hospitals were bald. I wonder how they explain all the women dead from the disease. Maybe it’s time to buy stock in Rogaine, Trump will undoubtedly start touting it as a cure any minute now. 

Hot pants make comeback

Well here’s some good news No really! Hot pants are back in fashion. Yahoo is reporting that those butt huggin’ short shorts are back and just in time for the steamy summer weather. Because in today’s political climate, nothing says liberation quite like the objectification of women. 

Other cancelations

Just in case you were wondering, Coachella and the StageCoach 2020 festivals have been officially canceled.

Sound byte of the day

Here’s my favorite sound-byte of the day, it’s a protest in a Seattle municipal building .Someone got told. 

NASCAR surrenders the flag

NASCAR has banned the flying of the Confederate flag at its races. Makes you wonder, what are the rednecks going to wear? They all gonna’ go naked? There is no truth to the rumor that the hammer and sickle sidgel are the new official colors for NASCAR. After all, the drivers have only been turning left for decades now. On next year's NASCAR schedule, the Compton 500. 

Your computer is racist

I’ll bet you didn’t see this one coming. In light of the current politically correct climate, CNet is reporting a growing movement to update terms used with hard drives, camera flashes and databases. There is a growing howl from the woke circles in tech to erase the terms "master" and "slave." The terms are used to describe the relationships between two computer hard drives and other hardware relationships, such as camera flashes. Come on, just admit it, it really is getting ridiculous isn’t it. 

The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: 

The cancel culture just keeps rollin’ along. Disney and Paramount targeted are with the cancelation bullseye. Boris Johnson brings back sex to the Brits. New York offers coronavirus sex advice and the Republicans are moving to Florida, well, not all of them. 

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

The Cancel Culture update

Well we’re still keeping tabs on everything the social justice pharisees have banned or canceled in the last 24 hours. Let’s see, HBO Max has ‘temporarily’ removed the movie “Gone with the Wind” from their streaming service. I guess HBO believes the film adaptation of Margaret Mitchell’s book is just too vile for us uneducated pleb’s to view. The network said that it will reinstate the classic film with an updated statement on racial depictions within the film. That should be ok. They believe long as I watch it with the proper explanation from a corporation that gives me a dispensation to view it with their objective viewpoint of right-think, it will all be good. Frankly HBO. 

Cops gets canceled

Let’s see, what else, the show Cops has been canceled. Paramount has canceled the show after over three decades of cop chases, meth busts and toothless hooker arrests. A spokesman, wait, can we say ‘man’ is that still allowed? Anyway a spokespronoun said, quote: "Cops is not on the Paramount Network and we don't have any current or future plans for it to return." Viewers of the show also issued a statement, "now that Cops is not on the Paramount Network, we don't have any current or future plans for us to return to the network." 

The show “Live PD” also looks like it may soon get the axe.  However the host of the show, Dan Abrams, Tweeted, the show will return, despite an uproar over their filming and subsequent erasure of a black man’s death during a 2019 Texas police stop. Of course resumption of Live PD assumes that the US will have any remaining police departments for the camera crews to follow around after the current mass hysteria for defunding and abolishment of the popo. 

Disney cancelations in progress

Oh and there are calls to have Disney shut down Splash Mountain. The kerfuffle is due to the ride being themed to the now anathema Disney movie “Song of the South.” Advocates have set up a petition to force the mouse house to change the attraction. I know, how about Space Splash Mountain, Where Imperial Stormtroopers force you take a tTurkish steam bath at gunpoint with Jabba the Hut, just  to prove your not racist or something. 

Boris brings back sex

Today British Prime Minister Boris Johnson introduced and new term for sex, the “support bubble.”  I wonder if this means porn hub premium isn’t free anymore? I think this move by the Brit’s is primarily for those who can’t keep their c@ck down during lockdown. Who knows, maybe for those over fifty,  “support bubble” is slang for erectile dysfunction drugs. 

Sex in NY

Meanwhile across the pond in New York CIty, city health officials have delivered updated guidance for sex in the big apple, and other places too. The advisory advises to, quote:  “Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact.”  So are they saying glory holes are OK?  If social distancing isn’t your thing, the advisory recommends “well-ventilated spaces” for group sex. And who doesn’t. And don’t forget to bring along alcohol-based hand sanitizer. Yea’ gotta’ keep those hands clean, you don’t know where they’ve been. 

Washington drones

According to U.S. Customs and Border Protection commissioner Mark Morgan, the drones used during the Washington protests slash riots were not used to spy on protesters. Morgan told ABC News that, quote: "We were not providing any resources to surveil lawful peaceful protesters. That's not what we were doing," That’s totally believable. Maybe they were being used to tag speeders. 

Republican convention to move to Florida

Rumor has it today that the Republicans will move their convention to Jacksonville. According to multiple sources including US News and World Report, the RNC is planning a two-part convention which will take place in two separate locations with the big shindigs taking place in Jacksonville. Even though Jacksonville has plenty of hotels and venues for the convention, the RNC may have a hell of a time finding anything big enough to house Trump’s massive ego. Jacksonville huh, That reminds me of the old joke: What has 8 legs and three teeth? The night shift at the Jacksonville Waffle House.

It’s time for the Overnight Underground News Podcast.  I’m John Ford.  

George Floyd fest

Ah, it’s kind of a boring news day today, but that could all change in a flash. On Monday there was a viewing of the body of our lord and savior George Floyd and of course today is the wall to wall coverage of the George Floyd funeral. Democrats staged one of those take a knee moments for eight minutes and 46 seconds in DC on Monday. Nancy Pelosi had a hard time getting back up as her knees gave out. Probably not the first time for that. The Democrats pushed their Justice in Policing Act and Republicans said no, police are friends not food. The whole damn thing feels just like an endless and perpetually annoying kabuki theatre. Just turn it off already and step away from the TV and Twitter if you know what’s good for you. 

Army may rename bases

The Army has announced they are ready to surrender to cancel culture and the politics of victimhood. Army brass yesterday said they are considering changing names of forts and bases that are named after Confederate generals. Among those bases that are being considered for name change are Fort Bragg in North Carolina, Fort Benning in Georgia and Fort Hood in Texas. That one could just become Fort Boys in the Hood. That would work. There is no truth to the rumors that some of the names being considered as replacements for the racist, offensive, objectionable and mean fort names are:  Fort Looser, Fort Surrender, Fort Politically Correct, Fort Pu**y, Fort White Flag, Fort PornHub, Fort McFortyface, Fort Gomer, Fort Social Justice Warrior, Fort Honorable Elijah Muhammad, Fort Duchebag and of course Fort A**hole. 

Cancel culture of the day report

Here’s some more cancel culture news. Adam Rapoport, The Editor in Chief over at Bon Appétit has stepped down. No it wasn’t because he ordered fried chicken. It seems an old Instagram post with Rapoport in brownface surfaced on Monday, and of course, that calls for erasing him from existence. The Wrap reports that Rapoport said he is, quote: “stepping down as editor in chief of Bon Appétit to reflect on the work that I need to do as a human being.” As opposed to work he did in the past as what? A gerbil, fish, a wallaby?  It seems it’s just too much for anyone to take after the picture of Rapoport surfaced from a Halloween costume he wore 16 years ago. Honestly, I’ve seen the picture and he just looks like your typical douche  bag Yankees fan. But here’s something I always wondered. Why is it not acceptable to dress in black or brown face, but it’s perfectly acceptable for men to dress as women in drag wearing the most ridiculous makeup and clothes that many would say are demeaning women. HI mean, there's even top rated TV shows dedicated to this misogyny. Makes no sense to me. But then none of this cancel culture, social justice, neo-marxist postmodernism does. 

No more streaming Little Britain for you

Oh hell, let’s just cancel TV shows while we're at it. The Guardian reports the TV show Little Britain has been axed from all UK streaming platforms.  The erasure is due to concerns about the use of blackface by its two stars, David Walliams and Matt Lucas. The BBC Ministry of Truth said, quote: “Times have changed since Little Britain first aired, so it is not currently available on BritBox.” I say it’s time to target All in the Family next. Archie Bunker must be canceled. 

North Korea throws a hissy fit

North Korea is back in the news. According to multiple reports, North Korea has cut all communication channels with their neighbors in the South. This latest move from the North comes as it escalates pressure on South Korea for failing to stop activists from floating anti-Pyongyang leaflets, money and thumb drives with movies and music across the border. According to the Guardian, North Korea said it will make Soul suffer for its actions. Isn’t having to live next to North Korea suffering enough. 

I’d report on more, but honestly, I’ve just had enough for today. I need to keep a little bit of my sanity.

The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: 

Refund the police, oh wait, that’s defund the police. In New York the murder rate is on the rise. The cancel culture racks up at least three over the weekend. Your Sims may have STD’s and no donut discounts for the po po in Rhode Island. 

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

Bad cop no money

The city of Minneapolis has come up with a novel way to deal with rioting, looting and what now seems like perpetual protesting, they’re going to disband the police department. Come to think about it, what better way to lower crime rates than to dismantle and defund the police. No police, no reported crime. Minneapolis Council President Lisa Bender told CNN  Wait, that’s the wrong Bender. That's Minneapolis Council President Lisa Bender, saying the same thing twice. I wonder how many times she rehearsed that? So what do they do next without a police department? According to Bender, the city will move police funding toward community-based strategies and the city council will hold discussions on how to replace the current police department. Wait, she’s admitting they’re scrapping the police department and they don’t know what they’re actually going to replace it with? Hey, there’s been a homicide, quick, send in the social workers. I wonder how Walmart and Target will feel about rebuilding their stores in Minneapolis, with them being guarded by the city council and social workers?

Murder rates rise in New York

Meanwhile in New York City with the protests and lootings of the last week, shootings and murders rose dramatically in the big apple. The New York Post reports that compared to the same period last year murders nearly tripled  From Sunday to Monday there were thirteen murders in New York city and forty shootings. At least one shooting in the city was allegedly attributable to looting when one alleged looter was shot by another alleged looter, allegedly in SoHo during the alleged rioting and looting in New Looterville, allegedly formerly known as New York. Allegedly. 

New York Times cancels editor

The cancel culture has been working overtime in the media over the weekend. At the New York Times the Editorial Page Editor, James Bennet, resigned following the paper publishing an op-ed from Republican Senator Tom Cotton. According to The Hill, the newspaper’s announcement of the resignation did not mention the controversy over the Cotton op-ed. The Times must think we’re all idiots not admitting that the two aren’t related. 

Philadelphia Inquirer cancels editor

The top editor of The Philadelphia Inquirer also resigned over the weekend. Stan Wischnowski fell on his sword following the printing of an article with the headline “Buildings Matter, Too.” Maybe they should have titled it “Black Buildings Matter, Too”.The paper printed an apology and said they were sorry because some found the article offensive. I agree, it’s time to put an end to printing anything that might possibly offend someone, it’s just criminal. I’d say they should be arrested, but once we abolish the police, who’s going to arrest them? I know, send in the social workers. 

Variety cancels editor

Meanwhile, over at Variety,  Editor in Chief Claudia Eller has been placed on administrative leave. This comes after a heated exchange on Twitter, wait is there any other kind, over the lack of newsroom diversity. I’d give you the gory details, but let’s just say someone is offended and angry over something and blah, blah, blah ad infinitum ad nauseam. 

JK Rowling called on carpet over belief in biological sex

JK Rowling is next on the cancel culture weekend list. It seems the  Harry Potter author has stopped her tiptoeing around the mirky pseudo-scientific world of biological sex. Rowling Tweeted over the weekend, among other things, that “ If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased.” Needless to say the Trans community, was, wait for it, offended. Yea, the twitter outrage squad have called the tweets “anti-trans” and “transphobic.” I know, let’s force her to get a hysterectomy and buy her a pair of truck nuts and start calling her Joe, that will teach that f**king TERF. My question is, if biological sex isn’t real, why do people feel the need to transition from one unreality to another? 

https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/1269382518362509313

Sims catch STD’s

Your Sim’s may have the clap. A new update to Sims 4 has apparently given urinating sims flaming pee. The gaming website RPS notes the latest update does indeed give Sims depending on how you look at it, either a new superpower or an STD, fire piss. It seems that it doesn’t matter if you stand up or sit down to do your duty, the fire is still there. That’s what she said. Some redditors have noted that the fire pee seems to happen if the bathroom and hence the toilet is above the kitchen. Maybe it’s a gas leak or something. Either way, shit, or in this case, piss, does indeed roll down hill.  

Chinese man’s butt is fishy

In China, a man recently had to have a fish removed from his rectum. The Daily Mail reports a 30-year-old man had doctors remove a whole fish from his rectum after he said he sat on it by accident. The doctors made the fishy discovery after the man was admitted to the hospital for severe abdominal pain. I wonder if it was billy bass? Then he’d really be talking out his ass. 

Cops to pay full price for diabetes

In Rhode Island it really is bad cop no donut time. Allie’s Donuts, in North Kingstown, Rhode Island, recently announced via Instagram that they will no longer be offering discounts to police officers or members of the military. Why? Because of recent accusations of racism and injustice against the local police department of course. It goes without saying that people are outraged and hurt all the way around. Me, I have a dream that one day that it will become self-evident that all of God's donuts are created equally delicious. Until then, no crullers, no peace, no discount for the police. 

Assault by burger

Wait, this might be a new one, assault by hamburger. TSG reports that a Florida woman assaulted her beau with a burger that started with an argument over an open window in the couples trailer. Wow, there is so much wrong with that sentence I just wouldn’t know where to begin. Anyway, according to the report, 47-year-old Tanya Cordero denies the assault by burger, but the cops say there were still hamburger remnants in the alleged assaulted man’s  ear when the cops arrived. Cordero was charged with domestic battery and later released from jail on her own recognizance. It’s not the first time Cordero has been in trouble with the cops for assaulting her partner, in January, she was convicted of battering her boyfriend over their children’s Halloween costumes and served three months in jail.

The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines: 

There’s good employment news today. White folk get bigger job gains but blacks and hispanics, well not so much and a tale of two mayors.  

Today on the Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

Good news for Jobs

Hey, here’s some. No really, it actually is good news. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics the US unemployment rate has actually fallen. The index fell to  thirteen point three percent, and the economy actually gained two and a half million jobs despite the damn plague. Needless to say, Wall Street latched on to the jobs report and was up around   seven hundred points at market open. The good economic news comes during the phased reopening of businesses across the country.  

Dentists lead the way

The Week reports that ten percent of the employment gains were due to dentists. Just under a quarter of a million of the job gains came from dentists' offices, as dental patients were less down in the mouth about the safety of returning to the dentist. There is also further proof now that reports are inherently racist. Bloomberg notes that while white employment rose, that wasn’t the case for black folk. The unemployment rate for black American’s rose to sixteen point eight percent. Latino’s fared the worst, with just over seventeen and a half percent unemployed.

Cleveland gets a new city motto

In the past Cleveland has had one or two regrettable monikers. There’s the “Mistake by the lake” and of course the unofficial motto of Cleveland, “Hey, at least we’re not Detroit.” Thanks to the mayor of Cleveland, they now have a new one. Well bless his heart. Yep, that’s Cleveland mayor Frank Jackson from an interview on The Appeal. Let me tell you, I spent a month in Cleveland one weekend, and outside of the burning river, it wasn’t that bad. 

Simi Valley mayor is full of sh*t

Simi Valley don’t take no shit. On Monday, Simi Valley Mayor Pro Tem Mike Judge posted a meme on Facebook, which read, “Wanna stop the riots? Mobilize the septic tank trucks, put a pressure cannon on ’em, and hose ’em down.” Today, many are calling for him to resign. Judge, a near 30-year veteran with the LAPD,  said the meme was a joke. Well, joke or not, it’s 2020 and if you haven’t gotten the memo, the world is officially a no joke zone. A lot of people were offended, and that is the new unforgivable sin, so the Mayor must be canceled. Well, at least he didn’t call the city the There is that.