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We recorded this episode six months after my medical retirement. I wanted to share it in case you wanted more context. And, if you're looking for more wisdom, here's a link to the 90 Proof Wisdom YouTube channel. https://youtu.be/zoAPvpgGo50?si=pQpY_lQWZ0msqPJa

See the below episode description created by AI for more details:

What happens when a firefighter who built his identity on physical strength suddenly loses that ability? Evan Fitzgerald's journey takes us through the transformative power of trauma, first as a 7-year-old boy watching first responders try to save his father after a farming accident, then as a veteran firefighter whose career ended when a burning tree struck him during wildland firefighting.

Evan candidly shares how childhood trauma shaped his approach to life, driving him toward firefighting while developing innovative wellness programs for departments across Utah. His passion for helping first responders manage stress, sleep deprivation, and mental health challenges became his mission—until his own devastating injury changed everything.

Following the accident, Evan developed post-concussive syndrome and eventually a rare autoimmune disease called relapsing polychondritis, which attacks cartilage throughout the body, including the airways. This forced medical retirement sent him spiraling into what he calls "the dark night of the soul," challenging his very sense of self-worth and purpose.

The conversation delves into deeply personal territory as Evan reveals his struggles with the medical system, financial uncertainty, and profound identity crisis. Yet amidst this darkness emerged unexpected light—a renewed understanding of compassion, vulnerability, and human connection. Through writing poetry, developing children's programs on emotional resilience, and embracing a new definition of strength, Evan is crafting a powerful second act.

This episode examines how the fire service brotherhood supports its own, the challenges facing first responders in today's world, and the sacred journey of discovering who you truly are when everything you thought defined you is stripped away. Evan's story reminds us that our deepest wounds often become our greatest teachers, and that finding purpose in pain might be the most heroic act of all.

This episode is a heartfelt exploration of how holding the tension of opposites, a concept inspired by Carl Jung, can help us find peace amidst the chaos.
We venture further into the tension between expectations and Reality, drawing wisdom from Viktor Frankl to understand the crucial space between stimulus and response. Sharing personal stories, we explore how inner work and meditation have supported us in moments of emotional turbulence, allowing us to show up with compassion for loved ones in crisis. We discuss how past experiences shape our present and how Grace, understanding, and compassion transform our relationships.

In the final part of our conversation, we delve into the delicate dance of intimacy, accountability, expectations, and self-awareness. Through personal stories, we highlight the nuances of nurturing deeper connections with ourselves and others, emphasizing the importance of accepting help and goodness in diverse forms. Through stories of resilience and growth, we discuss the power of releasing preconceived judgments to embrace Life's unexpected beauty and gifts, ultimately revealing our capacity to rise above adversity with grace.

Here are the book and meditations referenced in the episode.

Wheel of Awareness - Dr. Dan Siegel
https://drdansiegel.com/wheel-of-awareness/

An Invitation to Love by Thomas Keating
https://www.audible.com/pd/Invitation-to-Love-20th-Anniversary-Edition-Audiobook/B0BPT4WYRY?source_code=ASSGB149080119000H&share_location=pdp

Monique's story is a testament to resilience and the indomitable human spirit. Raised by a single mother in challenging circumstances, Monique's childhood was a whirlwind of frequent moves and heavy responsibilities. Yet, her mother's unwavering strength and positive outlook profoundly shaped her attitude toward life's adversities. Monique's experiences reflect the universal challenges of growing up in an imperfect yet loving household, emphasizing how such a background can cultivate resilience and the ability to face hardships head-on.

Facing unimaginable physical and emotional challenges after being struck by a drunk driver, Monique's journey through recovery is both heart-wrenching and inspiring. The accident left her grappling with severe injuries, compounded by the isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic. Through prayer and divine guidance, she navigated her complex emotions and found a renewed sense of purpose in her suffering. 

Forgiveness and healing are at the heart of Monique's story, particularly when confronted with the moral dilemma of showing leniency to the drunk driver who changed her life forever. Her journey through the medical system reveals significant frustrations and the vital importance of resilience and self-advocacy. As she shares her methods of coping, including the use of prayer, meditation, and even cannabis for pain management, Monique's story becomes a powerful message of finding strength through community, creative outlets, and self-discovery. Join us as we explore how Monique's remarkable journey can inspire us all to find purpose and resilience in the face of adversity.

In this episode of Pain's Purpose Podcast, we unravel the secrets to maintaining a positive outlook and a peaceful lifestyle despite chronic medical issues. We talk about blending natural remedies with traditional medicine and how to find that individual balance. In caring for the soul we harness Chuang Tzu's timeless teachings to show that unlearning and submitting to the Ultimate Reality can lead to profound peace and abundance. We'll also share practical tips on practicing gratitude and enjoying those precious moments of energy through daily meditation and mindfulness.

Balancing self-care and giving to others can often feel like walking a tightrope. We explore how cultivating awareness and being present can transform even the most mundane activities into opportunities for joy and reflection. Through true personal stories, we highlight the impact of chronic unhappiness stemming from over-fixation on specific life aspects and share strategies to break free from this cycle. You'll hear about the importance of self-care for overall well-being, benefiting both yourself and those around you.

Lastly, we delve into the transformative power of self-care within the family unit, particularly for caregivers. Drawing from personal experiences with family members who have Down syndrome, we discuss how self-reflection and understanding past struggles can enhance relationships and contribute to a nurturing home environment. We'll also introduce various meditation practices, such as Thomas McConkie's integral polarity practice and the Buddhist practice of Tonglen, emphasizing the importance of finding your unique path. 

We hope you enjoy it! Thank you for listening.

Thomas McConkie Still Point Practice - https://lowerlightswisdom.org/

https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Way-of-Chuang-Tzu-Second-Edition-Audiobook/B07M9CPVWZ?action_code=ASSGB149080119000H&share_location=pdp

Above the entrance to St Paul's monastery in Mount Athos in Greece reads the inscription: "If you die before you die, then you won't die when you die."
Sarah and Evan Discuss why this has been a critical aspect of maintaining peace despite painful life circumstances.

This is How Richard Rohr said it:

"Death is not just our one physical dying, but it is going to the full depth, hitting the bottom, going the distance, beyond where I am in control, and always beyond where I am now. 

No wonder it is scary. Such death is called “the descent into hell” in the early Apostles’ Creed, while in other sources, “the pit,” “the dark night,” “Sheol,” or “Hades.”

We all die eventually; we have no choice in the matter. But there are degrees of death before the final physical one. If we are honest, we acknowledge that we are dying throughout our life, and this is what we learn if we are attentive: grace is found at the depths and in the death of everything."

The Book title by Sue Monk Kidd was misnamed, the correct title is, "When the Heart Waits."
https://www.audible.com/pd/When-the-Heart-Waits-Audiobook/B0CD8C3FR9?action_code=ASSGB149080119000H&share_location=pdp

The other book that was recommended is entitled, "The Middle Passage" by James Hollis
https://www.audible.com/pd/When-the-Heart-Waits-Audiobook/B0CD8C3FR9?action_code=ASSGB149080119000H&share_location=pdp

Sarah and Evan discuss grief and love in detail as they share the story of their little girl Taya.

This episode explores how we build trust within ourselves by not abandoning our bodies and minds when they're overwhelmed with pain. As we choose to become aware, freedom naturally manifests. Sarah and Evan share their experiences of questioning and deconstructing core beliefs, as well as their processes of rebuilding them.

In this episode, Evan and Sarah discuss how they relate to their life circumstances, how this has highlighted the need to heal their ability to relate, and how this has rippled into every relationship. 

Sarah and Evan continue discussing the ongoing question, "Where do you source your energy?" Returning to their roots to reestablish access to abundance, inherent to each of us, was a critical first step to finding lasting nutrition that sustains peace. 

We refer to a podcast done with Jeremy Barker on 90 Proof Wisdom. Here's the link:

https://youtu.be/-D_we82BnpA?si=Mf2SOK8OS2hZiwpH

Sarah and Evan discuss the ongoing question, "Where do you source your energy?" Returning to their roots to reestablish access to abundance, inherent to each of us, was a critical first step to finding lasting nutrition that sustains peace. 

We refer to a podcast done with Jeremy Barker on 90 Proof Wisdom. Here's the link:
https://youtu.be/-D_we82BnpA?si=Mf2SOK8OS2hZiwpH