Don't trust the new girl, she could be an alien. We're streaming this on Amazon. Say 'yes' to Scat, and be wary of everyone.

When your ancestors are greedy dicks and sink a ship for their riches. Maybe stay away from home. We're streaming this on Amazon Prime. Listen to your local DJ and stay as far away from the coast as possible.

The true sequel the original writer wanted. We're streaming this on Amazon. If your name starts with a K...good luck.

When a lovesick voodoo practitioner does a spell on a recliner and a rabbi has a vision of a Jewish demon, it's probably a demon summoning witch. We're streaming this on Amazon Prime. So just use a beanbag and call it a day.

I'm tired of these motherfucking sharks in this motherfucking ocean. We're streaming this on Netflix. So don't experiment on sharks, and stay out of the water.

Always follow the second in command who knows the meaning of protocol. We're streaming this on Amazon. Let's hope there's no facehuggers while you are in quarantine.

Make sure you double filter your water at home in case any military experiments crash your water system, and listen to the best sheriff and deputy in this small town. We're streaming this on Hulu. Grab your bottled water and escape to your nearest fallout shelter for a crazy time.

If you get a flat tire in a small town where they offer you a free place to stay, just say no thanks. We're streaming this on Hulu. So grab your mop and your PUNCH for a kick ass good time.

Don't watch the meteor shower; just stay inside. Here we go again. We're streaming this on Amazon. Grab your poking sticks and your salt water squirt guns.

Do you really need the money that badly? We're streaming this on Amazon. Be careful with shady politicians. So set up your booby traps and roll around in your 5K. Happy 4th of July!