Parental Development

This episode finishes our conversation about bias, inclusion, and how our brains are wired for sameness , making these changes hard.

In order to start to change our unconscious beliefs, we first have to bring it into our conscious awareness so we can then override those that are unhealthy, dangerous, wrong, etc.

We have to consciously choose to access the parts of our brains that challenge our biases and help us develop new pathways regarding people and situations that are "other." 

Interactions with "others" gives opportunities to challenge our unconscious beliefs about them

Our brains default to the easiest, fastest associations possible, to preserve energy. Sometimes this makes us rely on stereotypes and deny experiences that might challenge them. 

I want my kids' beliefs to be based on their actual experiences with people who are other than them instead of relying on the fear or discomfort associated with being near different people. 

Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!

Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!
Facebook
Instagram

This episode talks about what can sometimes be a taboo or hard topic: bias, diversity, and race. We utilize science to talk through how our brains are wired for sameness and build bias into our system, in order to protect us.

For more information about this topic, check out this book, that we used to start our conversation. Understanding the science can help take the shame and judgment out of this topic, which can then make it easier to have productive conversations.

Our brains are designed to identify and empathize more with people who look like us. Our conscious beliefs and what we would say about people who are different than us, are often different from the unconscious signals our brains send us when we are exposed to differences.

It's not possible to not have any biases; it's built into our brains!

All of our experiences are either lessening or strengthening the biases we have naturally. As a parent, I want to pay attention to how I talk about "others," so my kids don't pick up on my biases and so it won't reinforce the differences their brain is recognizing. 

Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!

Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!
Facebook
Instagram

Guess who's back!!! We're slowly getting back into the swing of things with our first episode of the new year! This episode talks about several topics and situations we encountered over the last few weeks and different approaches and suggestions for dealing with them.

Anxiety isn't something that we can simply overpower. It has to be managed and processed in a way that honors it, validates it, and teaches our kids ways to manage it on their own.

Forcing kids to repair with their peers can teach them to ignore the fact that they were mistreated. This isn't the goal for parents, and we want our kids to avoid being hurt by their friends, but it's also important for them to learn how they should be treated, how to communicate that, how to take a break, and the importance of leaving relationships that aren't healthy.

The abuse of children does not discriminate. It can reach every race, religion, gender, socioeconomic status, and more. It's important that we as parents stay vigilant and do what we can to keep them safe and also develop relationships that are strong enough to combat any abuse that might happen to them. 

Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!

Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!
Facebook
Instagram

It's our last episode of 2023!! This one talks through various topics, including lying, managing big behaviors, and managing different opinions of family members.

You can hear our episode on lying here and the episode when Lincoln had a hard interaction with his teacher here.

Bottom line: Give people grace and approach behavior with curiosity.

If you're looking for more information on parenting differences, that one can be found here.

What are your non-negotiables? What is reasonable to expect from others?

It's also important to remember the difference between boundaries and requests or demands. Boundaries are something I do, in response to something else. Requests or demands are things I ask of other people. Imposing a boundary requires nothing from the other person. Requests or demands expects others to change their behavior.

In a perfect world, we would have an open dialogue full of information sharing and discussion of perspectives, in order to both feel comfortable parenting our kids. If it's not, we can set a boundary with other people.

Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!

Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!
Facebook
Instagram

Last week was all about learning what our attachment style is, now this episode takes about what to do about it.

We have no control over how our attachment is developed. We do have control over how we adjust moving forward.

Attachment healing can only happen within relationship.

To change attachment the patterns first have to come into our awareness.

Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!

Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!
Facebook
Instagram

This episode talks about adult attachmen styles, which is important for us to learn, so we can understand how we relate to others, including our children.

We need to normalize all attachment styles, while also understanding that we can work toward being secure.

Our comfort level with and willingness to allow  closeness and intimacy determines our attachmen style in adulthood.

Recognizing how our insecure attachment can be so easily passed down to our kids through our interactions, and deciding to try to do things differently even a little bit, is how generational cycles are broken and we actually achieve better for our kids.

If you're interested in learning what your own attachmen style is, take this quiz here.

If you're interested in more information about this topic, check out this episode here, here, here, and here.

Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!

Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!
Facebook
Instagram

This episode dives deeper into the relationship between parents and adult children.  What do those relationships look like now? What if parents aren't able to do what you need? How do you know if you're ready to have hard conversations?

For adult children, true healing can only come when we stop being dependent on our parents for our validation, regulation, and wellbeing. If our parents weren't able to meet those needs in our childhood, it's unlikely they'll be able to do it differently when we're adults. 

We're created to want connection with our attachment figures, even if that isn't terribly healthy, safe, or secure.

As adult children, we can often see our parents' patterns and challenges more clearly, but that doesn't mean they can see it the same way. Seeing this clearly can make us more empathetic but can also increase our anger and misunderstanding because they're not doing what we think they should.

For many parents, the thought of unpacking the generational components and trauma feels overwhelming, so it becomes easier to just avoid it completely.

We have to get to a point where we believe: I don't need it; I'm not dependent on it; I will be ok without it; I will heal without it.

When we feel ourselves slip into old, unhealthy attachment patterns, we need to be able to step away and return later.

Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!

Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!
Facebook
Instagram

This episode is a little bit of everything, all based on situations happening in Leah's house.

How do we validate anxiety without contributing to it? How do we challenge unhealthy thoughts without being invalidating? How do we just sit in the discomfort with them?

Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!

Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!
Facebook
Instagram

All parents desperately want to protect their kids, which is a great and noble goal. At the same time, overly protecting our kids in certain areas can stunt their growth and development in important ways.

Many times the concept of protection allows us to control behaviors in ways that make us feel more justified.

Areas in which we protect our kids in inappropriate ways:

• Physical - find ways to let your kids explore and engage in risky behaviors
• Social - it's part of relationships to be hurt, rejected, and criticized. Protecting kids from these experiences prevents them from learning how to manage
• Information - I'd rather talk about information my kids hear as opposed to trying to control the type or amount of information they get
• Emotions - Hard emotions are a part of life and kids have to experience them to learn how to navigate them
• Problems & Consequences - Kids can only learn problem solving, communication, strategies, and more if they face problems head on and we help them learn how to figure out an appropriate solution.

Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!

Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!
Facebook
Instagram

This one is for parents of adult children, who might be learning about this type of parenting and information for the first time. How do you talk about what you wish you'd done differently? How do you repair what you now see as ruptures?

Ultimately, everyone wants to be validated, which is not the same as acceptance. We all have our own experience, and just because it's different than your experience, doesn't mean it's wrong.

1. Validate
2. Listen to understand
3. Guard against defensiveness
4. Apologize when appropriate

These conversations can be really healing if both parties come to the table with positive intent.

Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!

Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!
Facebook
Instagram