Helping Children, Preteens, & Teens with Secure & Confident Comebacks

Children need to know what to say as an alternative from sinking low, playing in the mud, lowering themselving and entering into the negative.  Instead, what is a secure and confident comeback in the face of being mocked?  

As parents, we have to overcome our histories to be excellent.  If you were raised in anger, you have to overcome that reinforcement history and respond in different ways than how you were trained.  If you grew up regularly criticized, you will have to overcome a tendency on your part to find the negative and overreact with the heavy hand of criticism.  

Ambivalent soothing and ambivalence in the attachment relationship is a very tough thing to overcome.  But, consistency is the goal!  

It is important to teach children how to validate emotion.  Interestingly, it helps kids to remind them that they don't even have to agree when they validate emotion.  An apology requires sincerity with minimizing.  

Balancing Privacy and Protection With Teenagers' Social Media

1) Encourage Transparency

2) Smart Technology

3) Social Media Family Standards (and Limits)

Balancing Privacy and Protection With Teenagers' Social Media

1) Encourage Transparency

2) Smart Technology

3) Social Media Family Standards (and Limits)

Sports has three goals for kids: 1.  To learn how to follow directions from somebody besides your parent; 2. To develop character which including learning to be unselfish; 3. To have FUN!  

In this brief podcast, I identify a key book that every sports parent should read.  John Tauer's book, 

Why LESS is MORE for WOSPs (Well-Intentioned, Overinvolved Sports Parents): How to Be the Best Sports Parent You Can Be

You can Agree

Or

You can Negotiate

The goal of negotiation is three-fold:

• Develop PUP – poise under pressure

This is a large topic.  Some of the keys include what parents can do and what teachers can do.

Besides psychological treatment, let's discuss some things parents can do.  I remind us of the behavioral rehearsal, specifically the goodbye ritual.  Another reminder of healthy attachment with two moments of warmth per day.   A reminder of the importance of speaking good into our children / and calling good out of them.  

Some things for teachers to consider, besides parents open to their words and influence, thus maintaining open communication with parents to give them that chance, and open communication with the counselor, include scaling anxiety and safe zones - while sensitive of potential for avoidance.  

This is a large topic but I wanted to give you some quick solutions.  First, we need to be aware of how the meltdown may be behavioral, emotional, or an attachment issue.  Second, we want to address the issue of reinforcement - there are things we do that reinforce tantrums.  "You must go to the coffee appt."  "You must go to the job interview."  Or, the child needs to go to school.  

I provide an example of a goodbye ritual that can make a difference.  

We have an extensive video on our youtube channel that articulates the five golden coins of loving angry children!  Check us out at www.parentingdoctors.com

This podcast focuses on the key points in a few minutes.