Parenting In The Thick Of It with Louise Clarke

Has anyone ever told you to just “let it go”? Or have you found yourself saying “why can’t I just let it go?” And were you able to let it go? In this episode, I discuss just what this means and why it is so hard to do. When we think we need to let go of something, it’s because it no longer serves us or we no longer want it right? But when we no longer want something, we are effectively resisting it and we all know that what we resist persists which is why it makes it so darn hard to let go of. In trying to let it go, we are in fact encouraging it to stay! It seems like a bit of a vicious circle but it doesn’t need to be. There is something you can do and I explain what. Tune in…

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In Chapter 7 (“Interpersonal Intuition”) of the amazing book “The Gift of ADHD” by Lara Honos-Webb PH.D, the author discusses how we can channel and enhance our child’s interpersonal intuition and emotional sensitivity into a deep connection with others. It can be very hard for your child to know what else to do other than be “defiant” especially when they have been labeled this for years. How can they not identify with this and find themselves caught in a downward behavioral spiral? Dr Honos-Webb equips you with wonderful exercises which will help your child become aware of their emotions and whose emotions he/she might be picking up on and what to do with them. And the most exciting thing of all is that I will be interviewing Dr Honos-Webb on the podcast in a few weeks. Stay tuned…

The Gift of ADHD by Lara Honos-Webb, PH.D 

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https://amzn.to/2Sqgsgp

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 In today’s episode, I talk about what Lawnmower parenting is and why this parenting “trend” might be wreaking havoc on our kids. One of the hardest things a parent can face is to have to watch their child trip, fail, come up against obstacles, and face tough challenges. It’s so hard. But what happens when we clear the way for them and effectively eradicate the obstacles and challenges they should and need to face, and solve their problems for them? They fail to develop the very skills that we want them to have: perseverance, confidence, a sense of capability, self-agency, self-efficacy, self-reliance. Tune in, it’s super important…

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When you can’t control what’s happening in front of you, the only way to deal with it is to first challenge yourself to take full control of yourself. If you find that your child is being controlling, meeting their control with control simply won’t work. When you try to control your crying child, they will not be able to calm down. When you try to control your defiant child, they will ramp up the undesirable behavior. So what do you do? The only way in which we can support our children through their emotional outbursts is by holding the space for them to experience their emotions and in so doing, create an environment where they feel safe. They are after all having the meltdown because they are scared - they don’t know how to tolerate NO, take their turn peacefully, be told what to do and they respond with big heartfelt emotions which then scares us! 

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When we show up aligned with our values and standing in our truth, we need no approval from the outside because we are being authentic to who it is we are. It is so vital that we role model this to our kiddos so that they can do the same but to do this, we need to help them understand that they have to approve of who it they are and not look to others for approval or try to be someone they are not (particularly important for our teens and tweens and the influence of social media on their developing "identity". This is a delicate balance to achieve when parenting because there are certain things that we have to approve of when it comes to leading and guiding them, but there are also many things that they do not need our approval for. We have to be able to see our kids as being the uniquely spirited individuals they are and let them stand in their own truth. Tune in...

This episode was inspired by Dr. Rebecca Ray from her Daily choices instagram poster. You can find her at: @drrebeccaray

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When is the last time you went outside and sat in Nature with the sole intention of just sitting there? I highly recommend it because it is quite remarkable just what it can do to lift your spirit, motivate and inspire you!

Tuning into Nature’s vast silence and stillness is so restorative and grounding. The gratitude I have for the wonder that is Mother Nature is beyond anything else. I have always felt a deep, deep connection to her.

As I sat outside today, I felt myself filling up on Nature’s offerings and the more grateful I was, the fuller I became. When I just sit and take in the enormity of it all and realize that I am ONE with all of that, it is one of the most inspiring things I can do. I need to remind myself to do this more than I do and hope that this is a reminder to you to add more of this into your life. It will be richer for it and the impact that it will have on your ability to stay non-reactive and more cool, calm and collected with your kiddos is the cherry on the top! Tune in as I share my moments today… 

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In Chapter 6 (“Showing the Way: Ecological Consciousness) of the amazing book “The Gift of ADHD” by Lara Honos-Webb PH.D, the author discusses how you can use your child’s innate love of Nature as a way in which to tap into his attention and focus building skills. What I love about this book is the author gives practical exercises for you to try with your child, each of them orchestrated to meet the goal of the chapter. Research now strongly indicates and demonstrates the positive impact of time spent in nature on attention in general and ADHD specifically.  

Dr Honos-Webb really helps you appreciate the power that the environment can have on your chid’s behaviour and finding ways in which you can create environments that are a good match for your child’s differences and gifts. It is a sad sign of the times when there are public service announcements advocating the health benefits to children for playing outside and recommending a prescribed daily dose of outside time. Tune in… 

The Gift of ADHD by Lara Honos-Webb, PH.D 

Amazon.com link to the book here:

https://amzn.to/2Sqgsgp

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When I finally understood the real benefit of chores, not the actual chore itself, but what kids develop within themselves from doing them, I made more of an effort to holding my kids accountable to doing them. It can be all too easy to let the chores slip and just do them ourselves but this does our kids no favours whatsoever. In fact, I believe that kids not doing chores can have a negative effect on them and rob them of the opportunity of them developing some much needed skills. Tune in as I discuss it all...

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There are few things more frustrating than being met with resistance. Especially when it comes to asking your kids to do something that you know they are perfectly capable of doing for themselves and should be doing for themselves. So what do you do? How do you not fuel the fire? And more importantly, how do you stay non-reactive in all of it? Tune in...

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In the rush, busyness and chaos of life today, it is all too easy to lose our patience for things including our kids. When we are rushed, frazzled and pushing ourselves to the max, and our kids need us to be patient, they often get a very different thing - impatience and being "pushed" to get from one thing to another. Until we can learn to be more patient with ourselves, and let go of pushing ourselves to do just one more thing, we will not be able to respond to our children in the way they need us to - with patience. Tune in...

The title for this episode was inspired by a beautiful Daily Choice post I saw on Instagram by Dr. Rebecca Ray who is a writer, speaker, and clinical psychologist. She has just published a wonderful looking book called : "The Universe Listens To Brave" which you can pre-order via her website here:

https://rebeccaray.com.au/

You can also follow her on Instagram at: @drrebeccaray

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