In more than thirty years of working with families… I’ve seen a lot of over- protective parents!

Moms commonly spoil and dote over their children.  It’s pretty normal for mothers to “baby” their sons through the elementary school years.  As a son moves on to middle school, it’s appropriate to protect him from bullies.  However, by the time he turns fourteen and becomes a young man… it’s time to let him look after his own interests.

During the teen years, too many parents… moms especially… don’t want to let go.

Hey, it won’t be easy to back off… but smothering your teenage son will surely backfire.

Moms, show your love for your son in a new way.  As he becomes a young man… let him grow into an independent, mature adult.  Let go.

 

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When kids are young, parents spend a chunk of time correcting behaviors.  You know… “don’t touch the stove” …or “share your toys.”  But as that kid grows up, the communication style needs to grow up, as well.

If your kids are now thirteen, fourteen, or even older… and you’re still correcting like you used to… something has to change.  Mom and Dad, it’s time to move from constant correction to encouraging independent thought.  Short, demanding statements will no longer deliver healthy results.  Instead, your goal should be to train your kids to think for themselves… to act with discernment… and to navigate through a crazy world.

As your interaction style grows… you might be surprised that your relationship with your teen will grow, as well.

 

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At our ranch in East Texas, I have a pet donkey named Toy.  Toy is stubborn.  I can try and get her to do something, but she has a mind of her own.  No amount of commanding, pushing or yanking can get her to do what I want!

To some of you, Toy the donkey sounds a lot like a your teen.  You want good things for him, you want to keep him from harm… but the more you push, pull, yank and argue, the harder he digs in his heels.

Next time try a different tactic.  Instead of ruling with an iron fist, try coming alongside and spend time charming him.

Your son or daughter isn’t exactly like my donkey… but of this I’m sure… they’ll respond much better to relationship than authority!

 

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When I tell parents “don’t be perfect” …they sometimes come back at me and say, “Well, of course I’m not perfect!”

I’m not ignorant of the fact that we all have deep flaws.  No one is perfect.  But I meet too many moms and dads who like to act like they’ve got it all together.  Or… worse yet… demand that their teens have it all together!  The standards are so high that no human can reach them… especially no awkward, gawky teenager!

So… when I tell you “don’t be perfect” …think about what you’re expecting of others.  Are you ready to walk away if your son makes a mistake?  Are you worried that a misstep in your daughter’s behavior will reflect poorly on you?

Cut ‘em a little slack.  Give yourself some slack!  No one is perfect!

 

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

Student Story: Koral

Parents want their teens to grow up and make wise decisions. But it’s hard to watch them make bad ones in the meantime!

This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston suggests a gradual plan for transferring over control and giving teens the freedom to make mistakes.

 

 

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In his book, The Weight of Glory, C.S. Lewis said this:  “The present is the only time in which any duty can be done or any grace received.”  

C.S. Lewis, in his eloquent way, is saying this… you have the present moment to do your responsibilities, to handle what’s been given to you, and to experience the grace of God.  You can’t live in the future, you can’t live in the past… you have right now.

When it comes to raising teens, you may wish you were at a different point in life… that the kids were past this stage… but in reality, today is exactly what God has given you.

What are you gonna do with today?  Mom, Dad, live in the moment!

 

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

How are you at asking questions?  Have you mastered the art of drawing someone out of his or her shell?

There’s a skill that every parent needs to learn.  It’s the simple art-form of asking questions.  Thoughtful questions have a remarkable way of getting teens to think outside the box.  They make a young person evaluate what’s really going on inside.  And… when asked a thoughtful question… a teen feels valued.

So… Mom and Dad… do you want to connect with your son or daughter today?  Are you ready to show that you value them?  Try asking a good question.  Not a yes or no question … but one that really makes them think.

Then …wait for the answer!  And listen.

 

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

Moms and Dads often bear the brunt of anger unleashed by their teen.  Like a son who’s set off by the dumbest things.  Sound familiar?

Anger is often the impulsive emotional response from a kid who’s denied what he wants.  When your teen is frustrated, he flies off the handle!

Well, boys truly want to grow up to be men… but that process is often hampered by parents who aren’t ready to hand over freedom.  Moms and dads who nag less and let a young man make choices actually transfer responsibility to their kids.

Mom, Dad … he’ll never grow up if you keep spoon feedin’ his every desire.  Let your son, your daughter, make their own decisions.  Their painful mistakes will teach them lessons they could never learn from a lecture.

 

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

As an adult, you’ve learned to wait.  You wait in lines, you wait for the promised phone call, you wait for your favorite TV show.

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.

Even if you and I get antsy from time to time… we’ve learned how to wait.  But… there’s something inherently difficult about waiting on God.  Have you been praying for your teen lately?  Are you anxious about how he’ll grow up? … or if she’ll ever grow up?  Do you find it hard to trust the Lord when your teen breaks all the rules?  When she openly defies your directives?

Look… relinquishing the outcome and giving up control won’t be easy!  But have patience with the Lord’s sovereign plan.  He loves your children even more than you do!

 

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When it comes to our digital lives, privacy is a big issue.

Adults know the importance of keeping our bank accounts, our passwords and our emails secure.  But for moms and dads with teens under their roof, privacy takes on a new look.  How much latitude do we allow teens on the computer and with their smart phones?  Are parents supposed to pry?

Okay, a few hints.  First, determine what you will or won’t allow in your home.  When it comes to online behavior, make the boundaries age- appropriate!  Then …communicate your expectations… and stand by the consequences!  If you need to, monitor Facebook or texts.  But do it for the health and safety of your child… not just to control them!

Privacy is a luxury.  But an involved parent is essential!

 

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.