It’s one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make. Can you guess?

Rules and consequences. It’s never easy to find the sweet spot between the two. Which is probably why I’ve seen so many families avoid the issue altogether and never establish a clear system in their home.

One of my friends, Dr. Shannae Anderson, said this on a recent radio program: “Teenagers need to push against something to propel them out into the world. If there are no boundaries around them, they’ll never have the internal equipment to be able to live a responsible, healthy life.”

And boy, did she hit the nail on the head!

When you communicate boundaries with love and patience you give your teen the tools they need to become mature, independent adults.

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

Ever had your boss ask you to come into his office for a “chat”?

It’s awful. That awkward and intimidating stroll into a threatening setting. You know you’re there for one reason. Criticism. Yuck! No one likes to hear about failure and letting the boss down.

And guess what? It’s no different for teens.

Parents wonder why kids can’t wait to flee the household to hang out with friends. Or park in front of a computer screen to play video games. Hey, sometimes they’re trying to escape the disapproval they feel from teachers, peers and parents, too.

Would your teen see your home as a place of rest? Or just another source of criticism?

Hey, it’s okay to take a break. Lighten up. Your teen will thank you.

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

Recently, one of my good friends asked, “Mark, what does my teen need from me?”

My answer was, “They need you to be imperfect.”

Not what you were expecting, right? Let me explain. Teens long to connect, engage, and have meaningful relationships. But here’s something I’ve realized after decades of working with kids.

They don’t give a rip that I write books. They aren’t impressed that I speak around the country. And they couldn’t care less about my big mustache. But they do connect when I share my struggles, my hurts, and my stupid mistakes.

So what does your teen need from you today? They need you to be imperfect. Because once you’re both on the same playing field, then true connection can flourish.

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

I love what Miles Kington said about the difference between knowledge and wisdom. He said: “Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad.”

Right! Knowledge and wisdom are different. For moms and dads, it’s like teaching and training.

For example, you can teach your teen how to paint her room. But until you hand over the brush and bucket of paint, all that knowledge is pointless! The training begins when your teen grabs hold of the brush and actually starts painting.

So, are you living like a teacher or a trainer?

Remember, our kids need to know important stuff. But nothing’s more valuable than wisdom. So hand your son or daughter the brush, and let the training begin!

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

Student Story: Dylan

It takes time for any person to work through grief and loss. But with teens, it’s sometimes hard to tell they’re struggling until they’ve crossed from sadness into despair. This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston teaches parents how to recognize signs of depression and help their teens cope.

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

Recently, a dad came to me with his dilemma: “Our daughter spends tons of time with her friends. But … I gotta say … we don’t like them or trust them! What should we do?”

No parent wants to see their kids get tangled up in the wrong crowd. But here’s the thing. We’ve welcomed over twenty-five hundred teens to Heartlight over the years. And I’ve yet to meet a “bad kid.” There’s no such thing as a teenager who’s beyond hope.

So don’t advise your child to ignore the problem kids. Instead, consider turning your home into a safe and loving place to hang out. You’ll not only provide an environment for fun, but those kids will be under your careful watch and protection.

And who knows? You might become a mentor for kids who desperately need you.

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

Some people see change as a reason to worry. But in certain situations, it’s actually a cause for celebration.

Every individual was born with a need for self-expression. And as teens grow and mature, they begin to break away from mom and dad and become their own person.

Individuality expresses itself in many forms, like different clothes, new music, or more time spent with friends. And while parents sometimes find these changes alarming, these little assertions of self are actually healthy signs that your teen is blossoming into an independent adult.

Is your child developing a unique sense of style or pursuing an interesting new hobby? As long as they don’t violate your core beliefs, it’s cause for celebration. And let me be the first to say: Congratulations to the proud parents of an emerging young adult!

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

When I was a kid, I remember thinking that coaches, police officers, and preachers were admirable human beings. But today’s teens are growing up with a different view.

The younger generation is losing respect for people in power. As reports emerge about abuse and failure, kids are getting cynical about authority. And that means they’re losing respect for your totalitarian parenting styles, too!

See, rules and commands don’t work very well with kids anymore. Now, I’m not saying that parents need to be their kid’s best friend. Parents should be parents. But if we want to connect with our teens, we need to offer them a relationship not a dictatorship.

Lead your kids with strength. Not power.

Earn their trust through integrity. Not idle threats.

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

Ever been out with your teen when someone said, “Wow, you and your kid look so much alike!”

Looking at your son or daughter can be like looking in a mirror. They’ve got the same eyes. The same chin. Same lopsided ears.

It’s easy to see how physical appearance is passed from one generation to the next. But behaviors are passed down, as well!

Was your son caught cheating in school? Maybe you’re communicating a need for perfection. Is your daughter rebelling against the household rules? It could be time to start loosening the reigns.

So take some time to study the reflection. Looking at your teen can be like looking in a mirror. Maybe when you see their image in yours, you’ll start cuttin’ them a little slack, and show ‘em some grace.

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

You ever play hide and seek as a kid?

When you’re young, hide and seek is a great game to play with friends and neighbors. You always check the usual hiding places first. And if no one is there, you go look somewhere else.

Well, sometimes our teens can feel like they’re playing a game of hide and seek with the things they need the most, like love, relationship, and value. They first try at home with mom and dad. And if they can’t find what they’re looking for there, they start looking someplace else.

Are you giving your son or daughter the love, relationship, and value they need today? If they don’t get it from you, they’ll step outside the home until they satisfy their needs somewhere else.

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.