Student Story: Katie

A healthy conversation is supposed to be a give-and-take exchange. But in a tech-savvy generation conditioned to Instagram and texting, is anyone really listening? This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston presents one key truth and some practical tips to transform every conversation with your teen.

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You’ve heard me talk about the importance of connecting with your teen. But when he refuses to look you in the eye, where do you start?

Okay, we’re gonna get really practical today. These are some of the tactics I use when I engage with teens and I hope they’ll bring life into your own conversations.

First, simply share something about yourself. Show your child that you’re human. Confess a couple stupid mistakes you made when you were younger.

Second, remember that you don’t always have to be right or know all the answers.

And finally, keep the judgment to yourself. Your teen will inevitably say some foolish whacky things. But when you demonstrate patience and grace you create an atmosphere of trust.

Lighten up. Get real. And above all, listen.

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I know you already have plenty of weekly time commitments, but I’ve got one more thing to add to your plate.

Now, don’t panic—this is a fun thing. I want you to find a place in your schedule once a week to meet with your child. It doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as it’s one-on-one, and it becomes a routine.

You see, it’s better to develop a relationship with your teen when the “weather” is quiet.   Because trying to establish a connection when there’s conflict is like trying to hang wallpaper in the middle of a hurricane.

It’s time to add a new weekly event to your calendar. Invest in a relationship with your son or daughter, before the turbulent years strike.

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Parenting is about a lot of things. But one thing rises above the rest.

Parenting is about turning a dependent child into an independent adult. It’s about preparing him for the hardships of life. But more than anything else, parenting is about relationship.

After decades of working with teens and their families, I’ve learned a few lessons. For example, a discipline problem usually stems from a relational problem. A disconnect in communication? It probably goes back to a relationship issue. Also, a child is more likely to recognize wisdom from his parents, when he first has a relationship with them.

Are you starting to see a pattern? Relationship isn’t just one important aspect of parenting. It is the most important aspect of parenting.

When in doubt, pursue your son and daughter, and preserve the relationship!

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Thousands of years ago, men constructed cities and pyramids with little more than primitive tools made out of rocks and bones.

Without a doubt, those ancient tools served a good purpose, and got the job done. But now, we’ve got better tools to use for do-it-yourself projects.

And the same thing goes for parenting. The old techniques that our own parents used with us, are rarely as effective in today’s world. Relying on those antiquated methods would be like constructing a skyscraper with a stone chisel.

Is your tool belt a little outdated? Find yourself relying on the past? Here’s my hope for you, as your kids move through their teen years, keep your tactics up-to-date, and continue finding new ways to relate.

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Do you realize that right now, you’re one of the star players on a team? I’m not talking about hockey or football. I’m talking about the home!

Mom, dad, on your family’s team, you are one of the MVPs, and that stands for Most Valuable Parents. You guys are the dynamic duo. So when your family is heading toward a crisis, how can you make sure the team sticks together?

First, present a united front to your children, and insist that they treat you both with respect. Second, don’t blame each other for the trouble you may be experiencing with your teen. And finally, as much as possible, make decisions about your teen together.

Remember, parenting is a team sport, and you two are on the same team!

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Parent Story: Mickie

You’ve heard the phrase: “Hurt people hurt people.” So if you’re still harboring unhealed wounds yourself, how can you help your teen get past their own pain? This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston explains how being honest about your pain can bridge understanding and encourage openness with your teen.

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There’s no doubt about it, a family crisis can take a toll on even the most committed marriages.

Over the years, I’ve learned that family conflict has a tendency to amplify the true condition of a relationship. It doesn’t cause new problems, but merely calls attention to areas of existing weakness.

If a family crisis is bringing to light the messier side of your marriage, here’s my advice: don’t expect your spouse to change. Instead, focus on changing yourself.

When you make yourself stronger and healthier through things like counseling and spiritual growth, the environment in your home will change.

So if you start seeing flaws in others, by all means, hope and pray for change. But don’t expect it. Because the only person you can change is you.

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When a teen is in crisis, parents want to bring them safely to the other side. But before diving in headfirst, be aware that dealing with a struggling teen can be hard on your marriage. Really hard!

Your teen is already in trouble. And a marriage failure in the midst of the turmoil would lead to even more dire consequences. So how can you dodge these destructive forces?

Above all, know that teens in crisis are experts at pitting one parent against the other. They work to create a wedge between mom and dad in order to deflect attention away from their own bad behavior.

Do you and your spouse feel more like opponents than teammates? Remember, stress is the real rival.

Maintaining a united and healthy “us” is key to saving a teen who’s spinning out of control.

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When a teenage son or daughter is careening in the wrong direction, the pain can bond parents together, or rip the seams of their marriage in two.

Naturally, parents want to help their teens when they’re in trouble. But they also want to know how to keep their marriage from taking the same turn.

One thing I encourage husbands and wives to do is to build in some fun times together. No matter how stressful the situation with your teen is, it’s okay to still have fun. Especially with your spouse. Laugh and have fun together as often as you can, because there are many miles to go!

So what are you doing tonight? Yes, tonight! Mom, dad, go have a little fun.

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.