The bar is having a battle of the bands. The ladies decide to enter as a group. Fighting and frustration quickly take over. Joy leaves the band to join Rick and his weasels. At the battle, Rick throws the ladies under the bus. Does Joy come to the rescue?

It's group birthdays again. Each lady want's a certain guy. Elka is the only one who gets who she wants, but then doesn't want him. Victoria only requests that her date does not have man boobs. Melanie wants a laid back guy. Joy wants some impossible British guys. All the dates turn into disasters, but who's is the biggest disaster?

Victoria informs everyone that a prison pen pal she had is being released. The catch is that he thinks Joy is Victoria. Victoria is furious. There's also a suspected intruder. He gets shot accidently. It turns out he is Joy's son. Does the paroled felon come after Joy? Does Joy's son recover from being shot?

The ladies are on the hunt for Elka. It appears she is making a run for Canada, however, they find her in Amish country. Melanie winds up with a beard and Victoria decides she likes Amish country. Do they get Elka to come back? Does Victoria stay in Amish country? Does the Governor's wife help Elka or Joy or both?

Elka's trial is not going well. One juror is flirting with her. Elka considers "jury tampering." Joy and Victoria are at the governor's house, where Joy is asked to fix is eyebrow problem. Someone thinks she's a hooker instead of an eyebrow specialist. Does Elka commit another crime and tamper with this member of the jury? Does Joy get deported because people think she's a hooker? To be continued in part 2.

Victoria does a segment with a local gardener. She falls for him but his kids hate her. Melanie gets Joy to volunteer with her making healthy food for seniors. However, Joy thinks its so disgusting she adds flavor and makes the food horribly bad for seniors. Elka misses Max, who's in Florida. He stops in for a visit. Does Victoria get to be with her gardener? Does Melanie and Joy's volunteering turn into a nightmare? Does Elka get her Max?

Melanie gets the hots for a Cavaliers coach who comes to the bar. She winds up dating him, sort of. Joy decides to marry a homeless man to get her green card. Victoria can't get a job because she is unlikeable. Does Melanie blow it with the coach? Does Joy's green card plan send her packing? Can Victoria be likeable?

Elka has brought a dog home from the shelter. Victoria wants to make a sex tape with Melanie. Joy finds love at her therapists office (another patient, not the doctor). What can go wrong?

Susan Lucci is in the hospital. She is going to make a full recovery from being squished by Victoria. She decides to play a trick on her so Victoria thinks she is dying. Back on set, the truth comes out when Susan Lucci comes back on set to exact revenge on Victoria. Elka is still hunting down Robert Redford. How does the feud with Victoria Chase and Susan Lucci end? Or is it now worse?

Victoria lands a gig on All My Children with Susan Lucci. The whole group go to LA with her. Elka is trying to hunt down Robert Redford. Joy is trying to keep Victoria from killing Susan Lucci on set. In this process the two get locked in a bathroom. Victoria climbs over and falls on Susan Lucci, crushing her. Does Elka find Robert Redford? Has Victoria killed Susan Lucci?

Marked explicit due to a quote.