“September 11 was very prominent for me. When that happened it really was the first time that I was aware of how society perceived me. As someone with a Muslim name. That's where I started to get a real sense of this injustice and it boiling down to the colour of your skin and the religion that you're practicing.”

‘Pause. And Rewind…’ this week is all about the brilliant Kamran Khan (He/Him). Kam is a Workforce Transformation Consultant and Equity, Diversity & Inclusion (EDI) Specialist. He is currently leading an Elton John AIDS Foundation pilot to deliver life-changing preventative HIV medication (PrEP) and education to under-served communities in Liverpool, Brighton & Hove and West Sussex. Now 6+ months in, they’re seeing incredible results!

Little Kam grew up in North London in a multi-cultural & multi-religious house and he reflects on the bubbling conflict between his mum & dad growing up. His childhood was very ‘active & busy’ and Kam shares how sacrifice & hard work, with immigrant parents, is part of his family’s story. He was an inquisitive child and ‘always a bit of a rebel’ according to his father. Kam shares a fantastic anecdote that speaks to this perfectly!

The move from primary school to secondary was a big shift for Kam which he describes as an ‘insular experience’ which lasted for many years as he worked through realisations around his identity - both internally & through society’s lens.

I know Kam through his work as Volunteer Director for Pride in Education where he works alongside our wonderful mutual friend (& former podcast guest) Laila El Metoui and we chat about our mutual love of volunteering & its importance in our lives. It’s definitely shaped what Kam is doing now but it’s not the route he thought it would be which is something we also explore in depth when discussing Kam’s career. “Uni did not prepare me for the real world,” he shares.

There’s so much in this episode. Kam states how discovering his queerness has been the best adventure & opened up the universe. We talk about the importance of embracing discomfort, his passion for community shines through and joy - especially when it comes to his partner & his two pugs (PugDad life being another commonality we share). 

“Remember, your heart is soft”, Kam urges listeners to keep in mind in his closing words. The world needs to hear that right now - have a listen.

PLEASE NOTE | This conversation includes sensitive discussions around racism, coming to terms with your sexuality, genocide & the general state of the world today. Take care of yourself whilst listening.

“All my team members, who were identifying as men, were looking at me as someone hired only because of their perceived gender and not because of my competencies. And so I knew from the very first day that it would be a fight just to be recognized as a valid researcher among them. This threw lots of doubts on my first year.”

This week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind… is Cécile Deprez (they/them) and in this snapshot of our conversation for the podcast, they’re reflecting on the moment they landed their role as a scientific researcher at the prestigious German Aerospace Center (DLR), with expertise in satellite positioning and orbit determination. Assumptions, expectations & perceptions around gender is a common topic in this episode when it comes to Cecile’s career in STEM as well as their childhood & relationships.

When reflecting on their younger self, Cecile was convinced they didn’t have much of a personality yet clearly recalls their activist inclinations at an early age as they stood up for others. This is no surprise today as Cecile is also a public speaker on topics such as equality, representation & challenging microaggressions.

Cecile shares how they love their family deeply and how their coming out to them was a bit of a flop in the most loving way! Following a long fight against cancer, Cecile’s father opted for euthanasia and they speak about their father’s last wish for unity between their siblings. Their grandmother also chose assisted end of life and it was both beautiful & fascinating to me to hear Cecile talk about these last moments they shared.

I often ask my guests about failures that turned out to be the making of them - and Cecile’s experience of this is a powerful story of resilience & self-awareness. There’s tons more gems here including the importance of therapy, the power of words & Cecile’s adventures with their cat. Enjoy!

PLEASE NOTE | This conversation covers topics such as mental health, euthanasia & loss among other sensitive issues so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“I had no idea of just how pervasive the dehumanisation of disabled people is until I was visibly disabled.”

My first guest to kick off season 5 of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ is a bit of a legend, to say the least. It’s Nancy Kelley (she/her) and this conversation was pure gold. 

Nancy is very much ‘OUT’ in life - in her words. Certainly when it comes to her sexuality having had a very LGBTQ+ focused career - so much so that it often comes as a surprise to people that she came out fairly late which is something we dive into. But more recently, as a disabled person following her cancer journey over the last couple of years - something she’s intentionally being more public & vocal about in order to raise awareness to her own lived experience and the issues faced by many disabled folk, particularly around employment.

We cover a lot around Nancy’s extensive career in the charity & public sectors including her recent appointment as CEO for LGBTQ+ youth charity Allsorts and her incredible ongoing volunteer work with Trans+ Solidarity Alliance. 

Little Nancy had a huge imaginary & vibrant world growing up against the backdrop of a tough childhood, particularly with her mother - an experience we share & reflect on during our chat. Nancy was - and remains - an avid book reader and enjoyed school yet her teenage years & early adult years were turbulent with Nancy recounting “I didn’t think I’d make it through my twenties.” We explore the impact of not feeling safe & lacking aspirations - both of which have shaped how she shows up in the world today.

Life is very different now which Nancy does not take for granted. Nancy & her family moved to Brighton last year - a far cry from growing up in Grimsby and her time in London - and they’re loving it. She shares how her best adventure is motherhood to her two kids alongside her partner of 20 years.  Consistency & safety are fundamental to her parenting... which amusingly has resulted in her being labelled ‘the homework witch’.

Nancy is “very good at joy” and this episode is swimming in it. Have a listen & let us know what you think!

“Behind the clapback queen, I just want a soft life. I'm actually meant to be a really nice person, but we're not allowed to be soft because the fucking world is so hard on us. And we've had to make these bravado kind of characters to defend ourselves.”

Wrapping up ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ for the year with Charlie Craggs (she/her) was an absolute TREAT! Charlie is an award-winning content creator, activist & campaigner. She’s been described as “a powerhouse transgender activist” and British Vogue labelled Charlie as “the voice of the community.” When she set up ‘Nail Transphobia’ back in 2014 - an outreach project tackling transphobia through manicures and the power of conversation - it was picked up by Vice Magazine. Despite her initial reluctance, the subsequent article massively boosted her profile and over the last 10 years, Charlie has published a book, fronted a documentary, featured in numerous brand campaigns & partnerships, built up a huge following, made her debut acting appearance in the Dr. Who audio series and much more. All whilst relentlessly advocating for the Trans+ community.

Little Charlie was a sweet, soft kid and the topic of softness comes up a lot during this conversation as well as resilience. Growing up on a council estate and going to an all-boys Catholic school in West London, as an out teenager, Charlie experienced bullying from both fellow students and teachers. We reflect on a shared need to fight back at a young age and a refusal to be victims.

Charlie opens up about the ongoing challenges & fears of being an influencer, public speaker & freelancer and shares some great advice for anyone in a similar situation - particularly when it comes to the fickle nature of working with brands. She reflects on how Big Brother’s Nadia Amalda & Pete Burns and shaped her as well as her acceptance of being Trans, being an anti-hero, future career & life ambitions and the return of her Charlie’s Angels self defence classes. 

There’s so many laughs & touching moments right here for you to listen too. And on Charlie’s social media platforms too. Check it all out & ENJOY!

PLEASE NOTE | We cover a range of topics in this episode that some listeners may find triggering including bullying, physical assault & online harassment & the current landscape for Trans+ folk so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“At this grand age of 60, I am filled with honesty, transparency, and living my best life. There are so many things that I'm celebrating and I am not going to sit here and be apologetic for all of the beautiful things that I have gained in 60 years.”

Ageing is a beautiful & privileged experience and this conversation was a timely conversation with this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ Reverend Jide Macauley (he/him) recently celebrated his 60th birthday and I got to sit & chat about ALL the things he’s celebrating including some other milestones including his queerness, Blackness & almost 20 years since Jide founded House of Rainbow.

House of Rainbow is a faith-based community that celebrates the diversity of all God's people and it was founded on the vision of inclusion - providing a safe and affirming space for Black, African, Caribbean, and other ethnic minority LGBTIQ+ individuals, as well as their allies. What began as a place for fellowship now carries out work around leadership development, health & stigma reduction and global advocacy. It’s all part of Jide’s journey of reconciliation of faith & sexuality and a huge leap since Jide asked himself ‘Could there ever be a church where LGBTQ+ people feel safe?’. As well as sharing his own origin story, it was fantastic to hear about that of House of Rainbow too which began in Nigeria and now sees London as its home.

Little Jide couldn’t wait to enter the world and knew he was different from around 5 years old. He experienced bullying during school for his physical appearance & being effeminate. His home life was a loving one until his father became homophobic and Jide shares how their relationship remained strained into his adulthood. Yet Jide’s mother always showed acceptance & support when he needed it and even attended House of Rainbow for worship & community during the early days.

There’s a lot packed into this episode. Jide talks about his seven year marriage, the separation and the estrangement from his children - again as a result of homophobia - as he states “that is something that I am not going to sit down and tolerate.” His personal experiences fuel the work he does with his congregation including young people.

Jide also shines a bit of light on his challenges as a current minister in the Church of England and how he protects his resolve through that. And much more including exploring the themes of queer theology, toxic masculinity & authenticity. “I’d rather be hated for who I am than to be loved for who I am not”.

Long may the birthday celebrations! I loved this chat and I know you will too. ENJOY!

Find out more about House of Rainbow here | https://www.houseofrainbow.org/about-us

PLEASE NOTE | This episode contains talk around homophobia & suicide so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“Confidence is a choice, not an emotion. You have to wake up every day and say ‘“I exist out of the social norms & I’m going to do that boldly. Loud. Empathetically’”.

Stephanie Lynnette (she/they), my guest for my Trans+ Awareness Week episode of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ is ON FIRE during this conversation and I am here for it! Stephanie is the Events Manager for London Trans Pride (the largest in the world don’t ya know which this year saw a groundbreaking 100K+ attendees) as well as being a content creator & activist. She’s also has just taken an unexpected career shift into Trans healthcare as a patient champion & peer support worker - a move we dive into that has undoubtedly been shaped by Stephanie’s own 10 year transition journey.

Little Stephanie felt a mismatch in her gender identity at a young age and took the brave step to start her transition during secondary school in rural Cornwall the day before her thirteenth birthday. She was very aware of the doubt from her family & medical teams and so she knew she had to ‘hit the ground running at 110%’ to be taken seriously & prove that this was what she wanted. Her stubbornness as she calls it borne a confidence that has served her well. We dive into the topic of safeguarding children a fair bit from both a medical & healthcare perspective and the tendency for parents to project their insecurities onto Trans+ kids. Stephanie also shares how she refers to her pre-transition self as her little brother who exists as a separate entity.

In her teenage years, Stephanie became a self-confessed attention seeker & trouble maker as she shares “my extensions were long. My hems were short”. It was starting college and a 1.5 hour commute that alleviated this and brought with it a freedom to carve out her identity free from shame. It’s a journey she’s rightly proud of. & she isn’t going back.

We cover Stephanie’s career from retail to the arts & now healthcare, being outed during colleague, moving from insecurity to assurance and her polished public-facing influencer persona on socials vs. day-to-day reality. The topic of palatability comes up a fair bit too which is super interesting as Stephanie embarks on more focused content around body positivity & taking up space - and urging others to do the same. We bond over our mutual love of Kesha AND a very mutual loathing of our home towns too… Honestly, there’s so much in this episode - LISTEN IT & ENJOY!

Follow Stephanie on Insta @supersizedsteph or catch her content on YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/stephanielynnette.

PLEASE NOTE | This episode contains talk around mental health and sexual & physical assault so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“I've taken this attitude of not to wait. To just do. I can deal with whatever's going to happen. But I don't want to be that person anymore where I’m calculating risks and stuff. Just live.”

This week’s podcast guest Luciana Cousin (she/her) & I chat a lot about the mental toll of having to calculate our daily safety & existence as queer people in this episode. It’s the reason that Luciana & her son Nick launched Bobu - a guide, product & resource equipping businesses & individuals with the tools & courage to show up, take up space & advocate for the safety of self & others. It has a deeply personal story for the pair of them as they refuse to shrink themselves. Luciana is a community builder, entrepreneur & business woman on a mission.

For Luciana, she never had the chance to choose her own life’s path. She was born in Malta in a traditional Catholic family during British colonisation. She went to a convent school and despite a deep interest in law, there were only two options for girls at that time - become a nun or a wife & mother. After marrying young, Luciana found herself living in various countries raising children in an emotionally abusive relationship. One she found the strength to escape from in order to protect Nick - a recurring theme as it was Nick’s bullying in school that led to Luciana’s own coming out - her first step in this was joining a lesbian book club in London.

Towards the end of last year, Luciana made the heartbreaking decision to close the beloved community space & restaurant, Arcobaleno, which she ran in Brighton. The space worked beautifully but the finances did not. “Maybe it was before its time,” Lucia reflects. It was a traumatic but necessary move which she’s now proud of & its led to the creation of Bobu - a venture which has brought both Luciana & Nick new connections & a sense of hope as they set out to build something that centres lived safety free from catastrophising. Something Luciana works hard to steer away from.

We also chat about growing up without representation, spiralling in dark moments, why you should avoid making decisions from a place of fear. Luciana’s love of The Real Housewives & the need to ‘JUST DO IT’. ENJOY!

CHECK OUT BOBU RIGHT HERE & share with EVERYONE you feel might want to take a look: https://www.lovebobu.com/about 

PLEASE NOTE | We cover a range of topics in this episode that some listeners may find triggering including bullying, mental health, alcoholism, abusive relationships & more so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“Regardless of the job or industry, inclusion is everyone's work. Every job I've had has always been about serving others. And I think that actually the work of inclusion is serving others and helping people achieve more than what they really thought they were ever capable of.”

This week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind… is one of the kindest, most generous & patient humans I’ve ever met & that’s Jon-Paul Vicari (he/him). I’m so fortunate that I get to call Jon-Paul, or JP, my colleague, manager & friend. He’s the Managing Director at We Create Space as well as being a massive champion for inclusion & volunteering. We get to work together & chat every day but it felt a bit different to sit down & record an episode of the podcast…

Little Jon-Paul wasn’t too different from the JP we know & love now - loving everyone & always making friends with strangers. He describes his younger self as a teacher’s pet & “the-pleasure-to-have-in-class kid”.  

Growing up, Jon-Paul’s experiences of bullying, loss & a suicide attempt at 15 years old led to a lot of masking & therapy. Whilst difficult to talk about at the time, he feels this is an important topic to shine a light on and it has shaped his mental health & wellbeing advocacy which he is known for. 

There’s so many touching moments during this conversation. Jon-Paul shares the impact of his mother & grandfather, his obsession with Dumbo & some solid parting words of wisdom. We also dive into the topic of vulnerability and chat about Jon-Paul’s two years of travelling - plus how he’s looking forward to settling into London life. Which I’m also super excited about on a personal level. 

When I ask JP what brings him joy, his reply is simply “What doesn’t?” And that says so much about him which I know you’ll take away from this conversation. ENJOY!

PLEASE NOTE | We do cover some challenging topics during this conversation around bullying, mental health & suicide. Please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“It's like I'm not crazy. What I'm saying is correct. And it's correct for people who are Black, like myself, who are trying to find themselves in not 'the man and woman' but are trying to find themselves in the energy.”

I first came across Zee Monteiro (them/them) via a We Create Space article, written in 2022, entitled ‘Being both Non-Binary and a Black Woman’ - a powerful piece of writing & deeply personal self reflection that challenges assumptions around Trans+ experiences. I now gratefully get to work with Zee & share many spaces with them so it was brilliant to chat with them for ‘Pause. And Rewind…’

Zee is a multi-faceted & multi-talented writer, speaker, consultant & facilitator whose work centres largely around anti-racism, intersectionality, queerness & neurodivergence. As a highly-skilled storyteller, Zee used their lived experience & expertise to educate audiences on everything from inclusion, culture & representation.

Little Zee was a very free & active child who loved everyone with an affinity to run towards water. In their teens, they often felt isolated, sad & angry and this led to Zee struggling academically and experiencing periods of depression. And despite failing exams due to personal circumstances, Zee actually undertook an MA purely to piss their teachers off! Their Blackness was centred growing up yet they felt there was a missing focus on their gender - which undoubtedly something Zee now channels through their work. 

At 22 wheb starting university, Zee started to come into their own when surrounded by others who also felt different. Their early venture into social work & delving into the community projects shaped the trajectory of Zee’s professional output & grounding in inclusion as they reflect “Inclusion was always at the centre of my work - I just didn’t include myself in it.”

We chat about the moment Zee first applied testosterone on their skin and how their transition has been the best journey of their life so far. During the conversation, Zee emphasises the need to “dance with fear”, reveals a big ambition of theirs & explains how rest brings them joy - largely through a love of the outdoors & saunas.

Zee is one of the coolest, wisest people I know - you’ll understand why when you listen in. ENJOY!

“I love the fact that I don't fit into one thing. I don't believe in conforming. I believe in the fact that I can just be myself. I am not your regular, schmegular woman. And I don't intend to be a regular, schmegular woman.”

Hands up… I am a fangirl of Janae Rochelle Owyn (she/her). We met earlier this year at the Diva Awards where I got to see her recognised for her work as a content creator, plus-sized model & podcaster. But I’ve followed Janae online for ages and I am hooked to what she puts out there into the world. It’s authentic, bold & funny AF! So when she said yes to being my guest for an episode of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’, I was HYPED.

Widely known as the CurvyBlackWitch online, Janae describes herself as “a multidimensional spiritualist, healer, and unapologetic truth-teller who walks boldly in her magic.” She’s committed to self-love, empowerment & liberation especially when it comes to Black women & femmes to embrace their wholeness & embody their own magic.

We chat about Little Janae being full of beans but also feeling both misunderstood & undiagnosed growing up in the 90s and navigating bullying, racism & finding her safety bubble within her family, mainly provided by her grandparents - her heroes, as she affectionately calls them. 

Janae reflects on her first crush & realisations around queerness including experimentation, denial, fear & coming out. Much of which is in stark contract to the Janae we know now as a loud & proud Black Neurospicy Jamaican Lesbian - all intersections she brings into her content. She’s now six seasons into her podcast Lez Vibe which provides a much needed fix of representation & entertainment as it dives into the experiences & escapades of Black Queer women, providing both hilarity and raunchy vibes!

As we cover the topic of parenting, Janae shares the joy that her daughter brings her - she’s her rainbow baby & has shown her what true love means.

We chat about Janae’s ambitions & goals as well as the importance of authenticity. “Always be supernatural. Not superficial.” I hope you love this conversation as much as I did - ENJOY.