Pause. And Rewind...

“I've taken this attitude of not to wait. To just do. I can deal with whatever's going to happen. But I don't want to be that person anymore where I’m calculating risks and stuff. Just live.”

This week’s podcast guest Luciana Cousin (she/her) & I chat a lot about the mental toll of having to calculate our daily safety & existence as queer people in this episode. It’s the reason that Luciana & her son Nick launched Bobu - a guide, product & resource equipping businesses & individuals with the tools & courage to show up, take up space & advocate for the safety of self & others. It has a deeply personal story for the pair of them as they refuse to shrink themselves. Luciana is a community builder, entrepreneur & business woman on a mission.

For Luciana, she never had the chance to choose her own life’s path. She was born in Malta in a traditional Catholic family during British colonisation. She went to a convent school and despite a deep interest in law, there were only two options for girls at that time - become a nun or a wife & mother. After marrying young, Luciana found herself living in various countries raising children in an emotionally abusive relationship. One she found the strength to escape from in order to protect Nick - a recurring theme as it was Nick’s bullying in school that led to Luciana’s own coming out - her first step in this was joining a lesbian book club in London.

Towards the end of last year, Luciana made the heartbreaking decision to close the beloved community space & restaurant, Arcobaleno, which she ran in Brighton. The space worked beautifully but the finances did not. “Maybe it was before its time,” Lucia reflects. It was a traumatic but necessary move which she’s now proud of & its led to the creation of Bobu - a venture which has brought both Luciana & Nick new connections & a sense of hope as they set out to build something that centres lived safety free from catastrophising. Something Luciana works hard to steer away from.

We also chat about growing up without representation, spiralling in dark moments, why you should avoid making decisions from a place of fear. Luciana’s love of The Real Housewives & the need to ‘JUST DO IT’. ENJOY!

CHECK OUT BOBU RIGHT HERE & share with EVERYONE you feel might want to take a look: https://www.lovebobu.com/about 

PLEASE NOTE | We cover a range of topics in this episode that some listeners may find triggering including bullying, mental health, alcoholism, abusive relationships & more so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“Regardless of the job or industry, inclusion is everyone's work. Every job I've had has always been about serving others. And I think that actually the work of inclusion is serving others and helping people achieve more than what they really thought they were ever capable of.”

This week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind… is one of the kindest, most generous & patient humans I’ve ever met & that’s Jon-Paul Vicari (he/him). I’m so fortunate that I get to call Jon-Paul, or JP, my colleague, manager & friend. He’s the Managing Director at We Create Space as well as being a massive champion for inclusion & volunteering. We get to work together & chat every day but it felt a bit different to sit down & record an episode of the podcast…

Little Jon-Paul wasn’t too different from the JP we know & love now - loving everyone & always making friends with strangers. He describes his younger self as a teacher’s pet & “the-pleasure-to-have-in-class kid”.  

Growing up, Jon-Paul’s experiences of bullying, loss & a suicide attempt at 15 years old led to a lot of masking & therapy. Whilst difficult to talk about at the time, he feels this is an important topic to shine a light on and it has shaped his mental health & wellbeing advocacy which he is known for. 

There’s so many touching moments during this conversation. Jon-Paul shares the impact of his mother & grandfather, his obsession with Dumbo & some solid parting words of wisdom. We also dive into the topic of vulnerability and chat about Jon-Paul’s two years of travelling - plus how he’s looking forward to settling into London life. Which I’m also super excited about on a personal level. 

When I ask JP what brings him joy, his reply is simply “What doesn’t?” And that says so much about him which I know you’ll take away from this conversation. ENJOY!

PLEASE NOTE | We do cover some challenging topics during this conversation around bullying, mental health & suicide. Please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“It's like I'm not crazy. What I'm saying is correct. And it's correct for people who are Black, like myself, who are trying to find themselves in not 'the man and woman' but are trying to find themselves in the energy.”

I first came across Zee Monteiro (them/them) via a We Create Space article, written in 2022, entitled ‘Being both Non-Binary and a Black Woman’ - a powerful piece of writing & deeply personal self reflection that challenges assumptions around Trans+ experiences. I now gratefully get to work with Zee & share many spaces with them so it was brilliant to chat with them for ‘Pause. And Rewind…’

Zee is a multi-faceted & multi-talented writer, speaker, consultant & facilitator whose work centres largely around anti-racism, intersectionality, queerness & neurodivergence. As a highly-skilled storyteller, Zee used their lived experience & expertise to educate audiences on everything from inclusion, culture & representation.

Little Zee was a very free & active child who loved everyone with an affinity to run towards water. In their teens, they often felt isolated, sad & angry and this led to Zee struggling academically and experiencing periods of depression. And despite failing exams due to personal circumstances, Zee actually undertook an MA purely to piss their teachers off! Their Blackness was centred growing up yet they felt there was a missing focus on their gender - which undoubtedly something Zee now channels through their work. 

At 22 wheb starting university, Zee started to come into their own when surrounded by others who also felt different. Their early venture into social work & delving into the community projects shaped the trajectory of Zee’s professional output & grounding in inclusion as they reflect “Inclusion was always at the centre of my work - I just didn’t include myself in it.”

We chat about the moment Zee first applied testosterone on their skin and how their transition has been the best journey of their life so far. During the conversation, Zee emphasises the need to “dance with fear”, reveals a big ambition of theirs & explains how rest brings them joy - largely through a love of the outdoors & saunas.

Zee is one of the coolest, wisest people I know - you’ll understand why when you listen in. ENJOY!

“I love the fact that I don't fit into one thing. I don't believe in conforming. I believe in the fact that I can just be myself. I am not your regular, schmegular woman. And I don't intend to be a regular, schmegular woman.”

Hands up… I am a fangirl of Janae Rochelle Owyn (she/her). We met earlier this year at the Diva Awards where I got to see her recognised for her work as a content creator, plus-sized model & podcaster. But I’ve followed Janae online for ages and I am hooked to what she puts out there into the world. It’s authentic, bold & funny AF! So when she said yes to being my guest for an episode of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’, I was HYPED.

Widely known as the CurvyBlackWitch online, Janae describes herself as “a multidimensional spiritualist, healer, and unapologetic truth-teller who walks boldly in her magic.” She’s committed to self-love, empowerment & liberation especially when it comes to Black women & femmes to embrace their wholeness & embody their own magic.

We chat about Little Janae being full of beans but also feeling both misunderstood & undiagnosed growing up in the 90s and navigating bullying, racism & finding her safety bubble within her family, mainly provided by her grandparents - her heroes, as she affectionately calls them. 

Janae reflects on her first crush & realisations around queerness including experimentation, denial, fear & coming out. Much of which is in stark contract to the Janae we know now as a loud & proud Black Neurospicy Jamaican Lesbian - all intersections she brings into her content. She’s now six seasons into her podcast Lez Vibe which provides a much needed fix of representation & entertainment as it dives into the experiences & escapades of Black Queer women, providing both hilarity and raunchy vibes!

As we cover the topic of parenting, Janae shares the joy that her daughter brings her - she’s her rainbow baby & has shown her what true love means.

We chat about Janae’s ambitions & goals as well as the importance of authenticity. “Always be supernatural. Not superficial.” I hope you love this conversation as much as I did - ENJOY.

“There are certain base levels of respect that you must have for each human being. You know trans people are some of the most marginalized in society. Where is your humanity? Where is our collective humanity?”

A poignant & timely question from this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ 

Oscar Davies (they/them) is the first publicly recognised non-binary barrister and a sought out speaker and advocate specialising in discrimination, education, employment, and human rights law. And it’s been a huge year for them! Oscar has just won the King’s College London Distinguished Alumni ‘Changemaker of the Year’ 2025 award for their advocacy on trans and non-binary rights - take a wander outside the Strand Campus & you’ll see their photo featured alongside historical change makers. And in 2024, Oscar was named LGBTQ+ Champion of the Year at the Legal 500 ESG Awards.

This was my first big proper conversation with Oscar and we covered A LOT of ground from the power of the queer community when it comes together through to the way they use their privilege & expertise as a way of giving the Trans+ community a sense of hope. We discuss Oscar’s social media profile as the @nonbinarybarrister being quite a deliberate move too.

Describing Little Oscar as “a precocious child”, Oscar shares how they embraced their individualism & ‘fruity angles’ - including being cast as Elizabeth I in a school play - during their younger years but later chose to repress themself in order to excel academically. With a strong self of self & core values from a young age, it’s no wonder that Oscar is doing what they’re doing right now - despite initially wanting a career as a pop star.

We chat about Oscar’s professional & work-life balance, ADHD, owning their fabulousness and being called a dying swan by a hater - an amusing insult that Oscar leans into. And there’s more exciting things coming up for Oscar too with their forthcoming book which seeks to furnish queers with their rights so they can use them in any situation as well as a documentary about them.

“Individualism is so much weaker than synthesis.” Oscar is deeply invested in the communal self & radical love for others… with a passion for dancing & justice. I loved this conversation - I’m sure you will too!

PLEASE NOTE: We do cover some sensitive topics including the current landscape for the Trans+ community so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“It’s Ali being Ali.” And that’s exactly why this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ is so so loved! 

Ali Hendry (she/her) trains coaches across many different areas including relationships, holistic life coaching and mentoring as well as being a coach herself in many of these areas including DEI & public speaking. She also hosts the Diva Relationship Room on Instagram every Thursday at 6pm (check it out) & writes a monthly column for Diva too.

I have the privilege of knowing Ali as a colleague, an activist, a TEDx coach and a fellow sober raver on the dance floor so it was great to spend time diving into her origin story - and we share A LOT in common!

On her first day of school, Little Ali was off & running through the school gates - her love of people & education is very much part of Ali’s story from a young age. Despite leaving school at 16 to work in a bank to earn money believing further studying wasn’t for her, Ali went on to do A-Levels & a Psychology degree. Her career has taken many twists & turns and she shares the story of how she found herself in the coaching world.

Creating a sense of belonging is fundamental to who Ali is through all of her work. I found it fascinating that she was able to pinpoint the definitive moment in which she found her grounding in inclusion with a commitment to continued learning & understanding the experiences of others. Especially those that ‘colour outside the lines’. Ali possesses a unique finesse when it comes to blending her professional expertise with her own lived experience whether that’s talking about ageing, menopause, neurodivergence, parenting or polyamory - it’s all part of her story & Ali truly believes that storytelling accompanied by authenticity, empathy & vulnerability changes hearts & minds.

When I ask her about her neurodivergence, Ali also delivers a cracking statement to reflect on things “The more we queer life, the more we open to its magnificence.” BOOM.

We reminisce fondly  about London’s glorious 00’s scene & many of its lost venues - and Ali’s foray into performing, curating events & workshops for gay women. Ali also shares how she’s worked her way to a phenomenal work-life balance today.

You’re in for a beautiful conversation. Enjoy! And if you haven’t already seen it, check out Ali’s TEDx talk ‘The Survivor’s Guide to Jealousy’.

“‘If there's something you want to do, go and do it. Seize the day, make sure it happens. Do everything you can to make it happen. So my advice to you, young man - literal words - seize the day.’ And that's actually how Out There was born.”

This life changing exchange at Angkor Wat in Cambodia between this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ and a stranger changed the course of his career & life.

Uwern Jong is Experientialist®-in-Chief  - a fantastic & actual trademarked job title -   of OutTherethe multi-award-winning luxury and experiential travel media brand rooted in values of diversity, discovery and discernment. A storyteller at heart and strategist by trade, Uwern co-founded OutThere to champion authentically inclusive, underrepresented and narrative-led travel stories. Under his leadership, the brand has grown into one of the most respected independent voices in luxury travel. I met Uwern at his recent ‘Icons of Inclusion’ conference and he really is a well-loved figure in his field.

Born in the UK with Malaysian Chinese heritage, Uwern and his family returned to Malaysia for his primary school years which sparked somewhat of an identity crisis whilst straddling two cultures. Something which was further impacted later with his queerness. A soft & sensitive child, Uwern was a non-conformist from the get go and shares a brilliant anecdote about colouring in pink outside of the lines which speaks to the Uwern we know today brilliantly. He found his confidence when he joined a military cadet school.

Despite not pursuing a vocational profession and opting for a creative life, Uwern’s parents are & always have been supportive of his choices and he believes that he has become what he wanted to be. Our conversation explores the ‘happen-stances’ of Uwern’s early career, how he thrives on people & the lessons the pandemic taught him too. Naturally, we also dive into the transformative power of travel & becoming the lead character…

Uwern describes himself as a ‘glass half-full person’ and his positivity is infectious. Listen in to grab a dose! Enjoy.

“I’m most proud that I gave myself a chance. Because so many opportunities came to me and there was always that person on the left side of your shoulder telling you ‘that's not for you. Sit back, know your place’. But then there's that other side of you that's like ‘who else if it's not you?’ So I constantly give myself chances. Even when I fell off. Even when I relapse. Even where I didn't deserve it’.

Timon (he/they) is the Personal Assistant to Lady Phyll, Co-Founder & Executive Director of UK Black Pride as well as being an activist & DJ. As someone known for being on the quiet side, I was thrilled when Timon said yes to being a guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ I’ve got to know Timon over the last couple of years and this year particularly, I’ve seen them shine. It’s something we delve into right at the start of this episode where Timon describes their world right now as limitless. Timon also shares their journey of Transness & healing so beautifully - it’s a truly enlightening conversation!

Timon, or Little Su as he affectionately refers to his younger self, grew up in a loving home in Kenya. With 6 brothers, Timon wanted to dress & play rough like them. Much to his mother’s dismay who often asked ‘why don’t you behave like a girl?’ as the neighbours referred to ‘Little Su’ as TomBoy - so much so that Timon actually thought his name was Tom at one point. Growing up in a big family meant Timon often didn’t feel heard and when they were subjected to sexual abuse by a local man on the estate, 

Discovering himself is a fundamental part of Timon’s origin story. From being shown the word ‘homosexual’ in a dictionary by a friend & thinking it was cool through to embracing the power of NLP in ‘healing Little Su’, Timon shares how ‘healing is a mess’ but how authenticity, grace & softness have played crucial roles in this and led to the person he is now.

We cover Timon’s early rapping days, and the move to the UK that led to him landing a position as administrator at Kaleidoscope Trust that changed his life. You’ll also get to hear Timon share some very recent exciting news plus the meaning behind the three perfect words Timon uses to describe himself & his origin story | Luo. Black. Atman. His final words… “Dream Big”. Enjoy!

PLEASE NOTE: This episode contains conversations about sexual abuse so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“I've never shied away from my past, I've never hidden anything. I don't believe in sugarcoating, what's happened to me. Because the reality is that my life's turned out amazing. I've been able to use my trauma to actually help heal other people as well as myself. I'm still learning every day and I've never forgotten my roots.”

Powerful words from Saba Ali (she/her) - this week’s guest for ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ Saba is one of the most consistent, engaged & supportive humans I have the privilege of knowing. She’s an award-winning advocate & consultant with a broad range of expertise in areas with marginalised groups  around intersectionality, race & sexuality, violence against women & girls and cultural abuse. She’s worked extensively with the Met & Crown Prosecution Service and she’s the Safety and Met Liaison Manager at UK Black Pride, Interim Chair for the Ban Conversion Therapy Coalition & LGBTQIA+ Network Lead for the Royal Society of Arts. 

It’s been quite a year for Saba. Back in April, she was awarded the Role Model of the Year at the Diva Awards 2025 - a thoroughly well-deserved & proud moment I got to witness. And very recently, Saba & her affectionately described ‘partner-in-crime’ Eva Echo recently won a long, drawn out tribunal case against some TERFS. We reflect on these moments & before diving into Saba’s origin story.

Little Saba didn’t have the best start to live and often daydreamed of a fantasy world to escape childhood trauma & cultural abuse. With her mother as her perpetrator, she found it difficult to make sense of the world & felt a lot of anger. She looked for love in the wrong places & drug abuse followed.

Finding herself in priority housing, nudged along by the support of a former colleague, Saba began her journey of healing - something she attributes to therapy & closure when her mother passed when Saba was in her early 40s. Her chosen words ‘defiant, compassionate & humble’ make a lot of sense for her origin story.

Today, Saba shares how she lives life day to day and describes her world as a happy one. We chat about her love of community, the people who have shaped her, finding her way into inclusion & discovering her identity. Oh and her cats! There’s a few laughs around her belief that people are ‘just so stupid’ - Enjoy!

PLEASE NOTE: This episode features conversations around cultural abuse, drug use & challenging family circumstances to please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“When people think about diversity & inclusion, they don’t often think about sex workers but they’re some of the most marginalised people globally in different communities so it feels natural to consider them.”

Alex Feis-Bryce (he/him) is an award-winning third sector leader, campaigner and policy adviser with a track record of driving social change and services to support some of the most marginalised and oppressed people in society.

 He’s the CEO of Diversity Role Models, a charity that delivers anti-bullying & diversity training in schools to students, staff & governors as well as parents & careers. His incredible career spans working as a political advisor, co-founding sex- worker safety charity National Ugly Mugs and working internationally advising organisations supporting sex workers and LGBTQ+ people. 

Alex describes himself as a “weird little kid”who was rather eccentric & chose to wear big glasses! He even created his own history museum in the garden shed. This was stifled during his teenage years which he found frightening but it’s something he lent into more during the freedom of sixth form colleague and today. Throwing himself into football as a way of fitting-in has resulted in a love of the sport which brings him peace & joy.

Alex’s work has also been hugely shaped by his personal experiences. On his first night out in Manchester after starting university, Alex was raped & during this conversation, he shares how he dealt with this in his own way, the positive responses he’s received from talking about his experience and how this led to his roles with Survivors UK and We Are Survivors.

Contrary to how many other CEOs are perceived, Alex shared how he veers towards being conflict avoidant in work & relationships where he tends to focus on meeting the needs of others. A trait says a lot about the way Alex shows up in the world, his values & compassion.

We talk about his early political career & the MP who had a huge influence on him, a mutual love of the book ‘The Dice Man’ by Luke Reinhart & the importance of Diversity Role Models for young people today. Their work is under threat due to pulled government funding. Their crowdfunding campaign, with a target of £100k, is crucial in ensuring they can continue their anti-bullying workshops in schools & collegues. So if you can donate, it would be hugely appreciated and you can do so here: https://www.iglyo.org/opportunities/drm-fundraiser-2025.

His contribution was recognised earlier this year when he was named in the Pride Power List which celebrates the 100 most “powerful, dedicated and wonderful people within the LGBTQIA community who do everything in their power to make LGBTQIA life that little bit brighter.” You’ll hear why during this episode.

PLEASE NOTE: This episode contains conversations about sexual abuse & rape so please take care of yourself whilst listening.