In this thought-provoking podcast episode, we delve into the complex topic of hope and its various dimensions. The discussion begins by questioning whether hope is inherently good or bad, taking inspiration from the myth of Pandora's box. This narrative leads to an exploration of different definitions of hope, from dictionaries that offer a neutral perspective to various public figures and scholars who have attempted to redefine this multifaceted emotion.

The Duality of Hope

The podcast delves into the duality of hope, pointing out that hope can exist on a spectrum between certainty of success and certainty of failure. Hope, it argues, emerges when there's uncertainty about achieving desired outcomes. This provides the foundation for an intriguing exploration of hope in different contexts.

Authors and Philosophers Who Tried to Redefine "Hope"

The episode introduces quotes from influential figures like Vaclav Havel, Greta Thunberg, and David Feldman, who challenge conventional definitions of hope. They offer their unique interpretations, suggesting that hope is more about finding meaning and purpose rather than simply expecting positive outcomes.

Hope vs. Optimism

A distinction is made between hope and optimism. Hope is described as a specific emotion directed at a particular event or situation, whereas optimism is a broader attitude toward life, expecting the best possible outcome. This distinction highlights the nuanced nature of hope.

The Dark Side of Hope

The podcast explores the potential downsides of hope, including feelings of failure, unrealistic expectations, and the tendency to live in the future rather than embracing the present. It also addresses how hope can sometimes blind us to challenges and inhibit effective problem-solving.

The Two Kinds of Hope

The episode introduces the concept of "wise hope" as distinct from ordinary hope. Wise hope is portrayed as an active force, embracing uncertainty and suffering, while ordinary hope is often driven by desire and unrealistic expectations.

Positive Visualization

The discussion touches on the power of positive visualization, suggesting that it can motivate individuals but should be balanced with concrete actions to avoid complacency.

Snyder's Hope Theory

Dr. C.R. Snyder's Hope Theory is introduced, emphasizing that hope involves three key components: goals, agency, and pathways. This theory provides a framework for understanding hope as a skill that can be developed and is a powerful predictor of success.

The episode ends with a beautiful poem by Jennifer Welwood, inviting listeners to embrace the complexities of hope and dance the wild dance of no hope.

In a world where hope is often seen as a universally positive emotion, this podcast challenges us to think deeper about the multifaceted nature of hope and encourages us to navigate it with wisdom and a clearer understanding. It's a thought-provoking exploration that leaves us pondering the true essence of hope in our lives.

See Also

1. Disturbing The Peace (1991), by Vaclav Havel
2. I Want You to Panic (2019), Greta Thunberg's speech to world leaders in Davos
3. Hope Is not Optimism (2022), by David Feldman
4. Goal-Specific Hope Scale (2009), by David Feldman
5. The Audacity of Hope (2006), by Barack Obama
6. Speech to the Democratic Convention (2004), by Barack Obama
7. To Heal a Fractured World (2005), by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
8. The Mythology of Hinduism, by Alan Watts
9. When Things Fall Apart (2016), by Pema Chödrön
10. Yes, We Can Have Hope (2022), by Roshi Joan Halifax
11. The Dark Side of Hope (2011), by Karen Krett
12. The Science of Hope (2021), by Jacqueline Mattis (podcast)
13. Positive Fantasies About Idealized Futures Sap Energy (2011), by Heather Barry Kappes & Gabriele Oettingen
14. Handbook of Hope (2000), by C.R. Snyder

Copyright

Music: Eastern Thought by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3692-eastern-thought

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Music: Umbrella Pants by Kevin MacLeod

Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/4559-umbrella-pants

Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Music: I Knew a Guy by Kevin MacLeod

Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/3895-i-knew-a-guy

Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Music: Desert Night by Sascha Ende

Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/480-desert-night

Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Music: Wide Landscapes Of Middle East by MusicLFiles

Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/7467-wide-landscapes-of-middle-east

Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

The expression "getting your just deserts," according to Merriam-Webster, means receiving the punishment that you deserve. This episode looks at rewards as well as punishment. The idea is to explore whether we can be said to deserve something or not. I explain that there are three separate meanings for this notion: 1. Merit — What we earn through talent and effort 2. Civil Rights — What our culture, society, and laws say we are entitled to 3. Intrinsic Deserts — What we imagine is inherently ours from the simple fact of being human See Also 1. The Tyranny of Merit (2020), by Michael J. Sandel 2. Dependent Origination, in Buddhist Philosophy 3. Not What Should Be, by Alan Watts 4. Changing Attitudes on Same-Sex Marriage (2019), by the Pew Research Center

Today's topic is about the word "want." Even though we spent the last two episodes talking about how having preferences is a healthy alternative to imposing "shoulds" or "needs" upon ourselves. I present here three reasons why we fall into some thinking traps when we use the word "want." Those reasons are:

1. We don't really know what is best for us.
2. We tell ourselves that we want one thing, when evidence points to the contrary.
3. We mainly know what we don't want, rather than what we do want.

See Also

1. Stumbling on Happiness (2006), by Dan Gilbert
2. The Old Man and Death, by Aesop
3. Buddha's Brain (2009), by Rick Hanson

Music: Eastern Thought by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3692-eastern-thought License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

In this second part of a miniseries on the words we say to ourselves that create tension and distress, today's word is "Need." Today we talk about:

• The psychological theories of needs, which are in fact theories of human motivation.
• Byron Katie's radical approach to needs.
• The fallacy of speaking in terms of absolute needs.
• How to use the word "need" in a relative context.

Practice

• Semantic Method — replacing "need" with "It would be nice if…" or "I would prefer it if…" and remembering that the use of the word "need" implies the subordinating conjunction "in order to" (relative contextualization).

See Also

1. A theory of human motivation (1943), by Abraham Maslow
2. Self-Determination Theory (2008), by Edward Deci & Richard Ryan
3. Loving What Is (2001), by Byron Katie

Music: Night on the Docks - Sax by Kevin MacLeod Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4129-night-on-the-docks---sax License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Are you "shoulding" all over yourself? The word "Should" happens to be one of the most insidious in the English language. In today's episode, we talk about how:

• Psychoanalyst Karen Horney called "The Tyranny of the Should" this tendency to create an idealized self and a rejection of the real self.
• Albert Ellis spoke about the three kinds of "musts."
• Using the word "should" is conveying criticism, like "scolding" oneself (or others).
• The value statements implied by that word are arbitrary and relative.
• The laws of Nature do not follow any "should," but instead are what they are, and we don't get a vote.

Practice

1. Rephrasing — replacing "should" with "is" or "does" or "I would prefer it if…"
2. Reattribution — considering the alternative causes of events and behaviors.
3. Positive Reframing — acknowledging that Should Statements come out of a very good place in you, that they reflect positive attributes and values, and that there is a helpful side to holding those beliefs.

See Also

1. The Tyranny of the Should, by Karen Horney
2. The Three Major "Musts", by Albert Ellis
3. shall (v.), the Online Etymology Dictionary

Byron Katie likes to say that there are only three kinds of business in the world: mine, yours, and God's. God's business refers to the forces of Nature or to events that are beyond human control. Your business, is someone else's life, including what they feel, think, and choose to do. My business is what's left, that is, what is within my control.

In his popular book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey describes the notion of Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence. We add here the Circle of Control, where

Circle of Control = What I choose to do and can directly manipulate. Circle of Influence = What is not directly within my control, but can be affected by what I do. Circle of Concern = What I mentally worry about, whether or not I can do anything about it.

We're taking a left turn, today, from cognitive theory, and we are going to talk about spirituality and the place it occupies on the path to peace.

I refer to Sam Harris's book, Waking Up, and I quote from an episode of his podcast, Making Sense. The book Ashrams, by Arnaud Desjardins, is probably out of print. So is Spiritual Awakening, by Ram Dass.

See Also - A Mind at Home With Itself, by Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell - Tao Te Ching, by Lao Tsu, translation by Stephen Mitchell - Ego, by Alan Watts - The Perennial Philosophy, by Aldous Huxley - The Brain's Default Mode Network (2015), by Marcus Raichle. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 38(1), 433–447. - Why Buddhism Is True, by Robert Wright

If you are in the same situation as me, you are mostly staying home with the members of your household, except for necessary outings like getting food, gas, or just getting a breath of fresh air. Many of you may also be working from home, as I am. As a result, you may be feeling rather isolated. And that's where I wanted to make my point. Had this virus hit 25 years ago, we wouldn't have had all the technology to connect with each other like we do now. We only had telephone and maybe email for some. Now, we can see each other on a big screen TV and talk to friends and relatives who live on the other side of the globe. That's pretty much what I have been doing during these past couple of weeks. My cousins and sisters live in Europe and elsewhere. We created this chat group on WhatsApp, last year, and we had been using it to keep each other up to date. But now that we're all stuck at home, we have been ramping it up, sharing silly videos of ourselves, singing out of tune and doing crazy dance moves... And before anybody asks: No. I will not be posting those in the show notes!...

Social isolation is known to affect physical health, mental health, and longevity. Some studies even suggest that isolation has similar impact on your health and mortality as smoking, high blood pressure, or obesity. Research also indicates that loneliness may contribute to poor cognitive performance, faster cognitive decline, more negativity, more depression, and an increasing mistrust of our fellow human beings, leading to a vicious cycle of isolating even more. This is why it is even more critical at this time to overcome any tendency to cut yourself off from others, even if just out of laziness. It may not be as easy for you to reach out, now. Or maybe it is. Some of us have grown accustomed to checking in with each other via electronics, while others are more face-to-face kinds of people. For the latter, it may be a good idea to let go of that preference, for the time being, and embrace electronic means of communication.

But there is a notion of "hanging out" that may need to be developed more in this new context. When I'm home with my family, that's what we do. We just "hang out." That means we do our thing, sometimes by ourselves, sometimes together. We read, text, cook, eat, wash, send emails, pet the dog, call a friend, watch TV, water the plants, sweep the floor... Sometimes we talk to each other, sometimes we don't, sometimes we just talk to ourselves with the awareness that others are within earshot. That's what hanging out looks like in the physical presence of others.

When we make a phone call, a FaceTime call, a Skype call, a Zoom call, we often make the assumption that we need to have something to say in order to check in, and when we're done with our back-and-forth exchange, we have to hang up. What if you called your parents, your child, your sibling, your best friend, and tell them to just keep their video session open while you go about your business around the house, and they do the same. It's like having company without them being physically there. Every now and then, you can go, "Hey, mom, I just remembered, I talked to Bob, last night. He said he's doing fine..." Why not use this multitude of video platforms that connect us via the internet as an extension of our living room into someone else's? And then, we could learn that we can be with each other in silence, that communication does not always mean words. Once things return to normality, as they always do, even if it's the new normal, the practice of being with each other without the expectation that we need to keep a conversation going could also be part of the new normal.

I think that this pandemic has a lot to teach us. We may decide to learn those lessons, or we may not. But if you are listening to me, I know that you are one of those souls who have chosen the path of transformation. I would be delighted to hear from you and to read about the insights that today's situation has led you to.

The next 4 Thinking Traps are grouped under the category Personalization. We commit these distortions when we cannot step outside of our own egocentric perspective.

Thinking Traps: Personalization

1. Personalization (Me, Self-Blame)
   • Helplessness
2. Blame (Them, Other-Blame)
   • Always Being Right
3. Emotional Reasoning (Naïve Realism, Affective Realism)
4. Should (Should Statement, "Musturbation")
   • Perfectionism
   • Comparison
   • Fallacy of Fairness

Antidotes

1. Reattribution
2. Acceptance Paradox
3. Semantic Method

The next 4 Thinking Traps I am going to talk about are grouped under the category Arbitrary Inferences. They consist of making interpretations without having examined all the data.

Thinking Traps: Arbitrary Inferences

1. Jumping to Conclusions (also: Inference-Observation Confusion);
2. Fortune Telling;
3. Mind Reading;
4. Labeling (also: Mislabeling)

Antidotes

1. Examine the Evidence
2. Consider Alternate Possibilities
3. Keep a "Don't-Know" Mind
4. Survey Technique
5. Let's Define Terms