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How we treat ourselves—our self-talk, our self-criticism, and the attributions we make about our emotional state—is one of the most significant determining factors that affects our emotional well-being and our functioning in life. Over the course of three seasons of Peace, Love, & Psychology podcasts, we have discussed how to understand and address issues such as emotions, cognitions, trauma, relationship patterns, communication, forgiveness, and more. This episode focuses on what is often the missing ingredient in breaking free of negative patterns and beginning to experience healing on a deeper, lasting level: unlocking the true potential of our imagination.

First, we review the role that emotions and cognition play in providing crucial feedback about our needs and desires in real time. We discuss how we can tap into the information our feelings provide about what might be missing or going wrong in our lives. We discuss how we can identify repetitive thoughts in order to better understand ourselves.

Next, we explore how unexpressed emotion and undisciplined thinking often work together to create and perpetuate unhealthy patterns in our lives. We discuss how this interaction leads to a narrowing of our viewpoint, creates a false sense of control and mastery, and leads us to shut the door on possible solutions. We examine why recovery from any number of problematic habits often starts with admitting that we may not have all the answers, By approaching our predicament with humility, we open ourselves up to fresh perspectives and input, paving the way toward freedom from old patterns.

Finally, we discuss the critical role that our imagination plays in breaking free from negative cycles. In our modern culture, imagination is often seen as a childish activity that is synonymous with escapism and distraction. We dig into the roots of imagination as a concept in order to unleash the enormous potential power for positive change it offers. We highlight some practical applications in order to harness the power of your imagination for positive change

By cultivating a deeper understanding of and appreciation for the potential contained in our imagination, we can leverage this gift to break through unhealthy patterns, bring balance to our emotions and cognitions, and finally fix our broken relationship with ourselves.

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A very common issue many of us struggle with is the apparent conflict between our logical minds and our feelings. There are times when the tension between what we think is logical or right and what we feel is like a perpetual tug-of-war. In this episode, we discuss the classic struggle between head and heart.

We begin by discussing the dimensions of the conflict. We explore how we might know that a particular course of action is the right thing to do, but we struggle with desires or feelings that oppose that course of action. The result is an internal conflict that often leaves us doubting and second-guessing ourselves no matter which path we choose. We examine how this internal struggle can lead to conflict in our relationships. When emotion overrules logic, we might say or do things that can lead to hurting others and feeling guilty. When logic overrules our emotions, we sometimes run the risk of building up resentments toward other people.

In order to make peace within ourselves, many instinctively choose to side either with logic or emotion. Unforntunetly, neither of these strategies lead to internal peace or interpersonal harmony in the long run. There are negative consequences to choosing sides and using a winner-take-all approach.

The answer to ending the war between logic and emotion is to replace this broken either-or model with a more accurate and useful model. We must understand the proper role and function of systematic thinking, and we must contrast this with an understanding of the proper role and function of emotions. This understanding helps us see how the two faculties are designed to provide us with different tools for grasping and navigating reality.

With a proper understanding of each, we can learn to use our executive functioning to integrate our logical mind with our emotions. By learning and practicing the skill using our executive function, we become better at listening to our feelings and integrating that information into our decision-making process. 

A deeper understanding that appreciates the differences between systematic thinking and feelings can empower us to make better use of each faculty, leading to an improved ability to make decisions and bringing a lasting peace between our mind and our heart.

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The issue of narcissism has found its way into the culture as a popular topic in the realm of intimate relationships, work relationships, and family dynamics. In this episode, we examine the topic from the perspective of what it means to be parented by someone with narcissistic traits.

We begin our exploration with an overview of what narcissism is. We review the criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders that determine whether or not an individual meets the standard to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We then discuss where narcissism fits within the spectrum of human development over the lifespan and highlight periods in a normal life where people might be excessively focused on themselves. We will briefly touch on the role narcissism plays in psychopathy and the 'Dark Triad' before examining the root that underlies the very concept of narcissism, the Myth of Narcissus. This first part of our journey brings us to a more useful way to approach the topic of being parented by a narcissist by clarifying its functional definition.

Armed with a working framework, we then turn the conversation toward characteristics that accompany being raised by a narcissistic parent. When a parent is excessively focused on their own needs over the needs of their children, certain patterns emerge. First, we look at typical behaviors that a parent with these traits will engage in as they raise children. All parents will make mistakes during child-raising, but parents with narcissistic behaviors tend to fail at effective parenting in certain predictable ways. We look at seven of the most common ways a narcissistic parent can hamper healthy childhood development. Second, we look at how these typical, maladaptive parenting behaviors can affect an adult who was raised by a narcissistic parent. We discuss several characteristic outcomes we may face in adulthood when one or both of our parents suffered from narcissistic traits and behaviors.

Finally, we turn to consideration of the key domains that are often a focus in psychotherapy with an adult who was raised by a narcissistic parent. These areas represent normal developmental milestones and the key information and skill sets that the adult child of a narcissistic parent may have missed out on. It is encouraging that, as healing begins in any one of these domains, it has a positive effect on all of the other areas. Recovery can be swift and profound as a person learns to incorporate new understanding and an effective set of skills. As an adult, a person can access a rich array of resource materials on how to cope with having been raised narcissistic parent and begin their healing journey on their own or in psychotherapy with a trusted professional.

Even those adults who were exposed to the most toxic levels of narcissistic parenting can learn to navigate life challenges and relationships with more confidence and experience greater freedom and joy in life. 

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In this episode we continue the discussion about recent advances in understanding and treating neuroplastic pain. Pain can exist on a spectrum between purely structural and purely neuroplastic, and many types of chronic pain might involve elements of both. We explore different clinical indicators that can point to the role of learning and neuroplasticity in the development of chronic pain. Although there is not currently a reliable survey or measure to definitively distinguish structural pain from neuroplastic pain, the presence of any of these indicators suggests that there may be a significant neuroplastic component to a patient’s pain experience, which likely means that a person would benefit from psychotherapeutic interventions designed to reset the neurophysiological alarm system and help that patient un-learn being in constant pain and discomfort.

Next, we briefly review the role that pain management techniques can play in helping a patient learn to cope with the stress of being in constant pain. Unfortunately, the process of seeking care for chronic pain can strain a person’s support system and their relationships with family, friends, and the medical team that is treating them. Pain management therapies seek to reduce the stress associated with the role of patient and empower the person to advocate for better and more effective support from the important people in their life.

We then turn our attention to pain recovery therapies by discussing the cutting edge of pain psychology, Pain Reprocessing Therapy. We provide an overview of three of the main phases of PRT by discussing the important role of initial psychoeducation, the subsequent training of the patient to engage in somatic tracking, and the management of relapses. Psychoeducation helps the patient understand why they are experiencing chronic pain and provides them with evidence that supports the use of the PRT techniques. Somatic tracking, a technique used in several other mind-body approaches, is a central strategy in PRT. The way it is applied in PRT consists of learning to practice the skills of mindfulness, safety reappraisal, and positive affect induction.

When a patient is trained in these skills and begins to practice them, they typically experience a reduction or cessation of their chronic pain. However, there may be a time when a person experiences a new injury or when their pain returns in some form. Relapses are so common that clinicians have recognized that there are three distinct stages involved. We will examine the stages of relapse and explore how these events can actually be leveraged to reinforce the positive effects of re-training the brain to respond differently to pain signals. Paradoxically, relapse episodes often serve to strengthen the long-term effectiveness of pain recovery techniques.

Exciting new developments in neurophysiology  have paved the way for cutting edge psychotherapy techniques that can help you to better manage the effects of chronic pain and in some cases to reduce or eliminate chronic pain entirely.

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Recent developments in the area of neuropsychology have highlighted the role of neuroplasticity in the perception of chronic pain. In this episode we will first examine current research about neuroplasticity and how it relates to the perception of sensations within the body and the interpretation of these sensations as chronic pain. The long-standing neuroscientific principle, “neurons that fire together, wire together,” will be explored in its application to the phenomenon of ongoing pain.

Next, we will take an in-depth look at what pain is. We will discuss the differences between acute and chronic pain and explore what the purpose of pain is in terms of its function in human survival. Contrary to popular belief, there is not one “pain center” in the brain that is responsible for our experience of it. Recent research has highlighted over 40 different regions of the brain involved with sensing, interpreting, and either increasing or decreasing our perceived level of pain. As the acute pain of an injury begins to resolve and becomes chronic pain that persists over time, different regions of the brain become involved. From this recent research we have begun to understand the role that narrative, meaning-making, and attention play in facilitating the persistence of chronic pain. The dramatic case of a worker being injured on a job site will be discussed as it highlights the role of narrative in shaping our experience of pain. 

Finally, we will take a look at the pain/fear cycle. We will discuss research that highlights key aspects of the epidemic of chronic back pain, which is the leading cause of disability designations in the United States. We will also briefly touch on several excellent resources that are recommended if you would like to learn more about chronic pain the role of neuroplasticity, and current thinking about effective treatment for chronic pain.

A better understanding of the role neuroplasticity plays in the perception of pain facilitates the effective use of psychological interventions for managing and potentially recovering from chronic pain.

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Now we will take an in-depth look at one of the most controversial and difficult emotions for most people to experience: anger. Anger directed either at ourselves or in relation to other people is often at the core of many different issues that people bring into therapy. In today’s episode, we will start our exploration by delving first into the question, What is anger? We will consider how it is a primary human emotion that is observed across all cultures and across the lifespan. We will discuss what anger represents emotionally as well as what happens to our neurophysiology when we experience anger.

Next, we will discuss how anger as a universal emotion is directly linked to the nature of needs fulfillment. We will discuss how the idea of fulfilling our competing needs drives the very organization of society. We will observe briefly how all cultures must come to terms with the interaction between anger and needs. We will also explore the distinction between righteous anger and selfish anger.

Bringing the focus back to our personal lives, we will next explore how anger and its expression takes on personal meaning in each of our lives. We discuss how we are each trained to cope with our needs, and thus how to express anger, based on our earliest childhood experiences and in the countless interactions with our caregivers and environment. Next, we will explore how these early childhood experiences lead to several different, distinctive presentations of anger in adulthood. Anger often comes into the therapy room in one of several characteristic ways, and we will unpack these presentations and discuss what they tell us about our personal orientation to the emotion of anger and to getting our needs fulfilled.

Finally, we will discuss how we can begin to develop ways of dealing with our anger that will allow it to fulfill its proper and healthy function and not to pose a threat to our well-being or our relationships.

The emotion of anger is the natural response to recognizing that our needs are not being met. We can learn to manage this emotional activation and create new and healthy ways for us to identify, express, and negotiate in order to have our needs met in life.

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In this episode, we explore two fundamental principles in Clinical Psychology that have far-ranging implications for the way we feel, think, and relate to other people. These ideas are simple to understand, but they play an important role in diagnosing and treating a wide variety of mental disorders.

First, we discuss the concept of Needs Fulfillment. All living organisms are engaged in a lifelong struggle to meet their needs, and human beings are no different. We examine the array of needs humans have using the famous model developed by Psychologist Abraham Maslow. We explore the levels of his famous Hierarchy of Needs and explain how the concept of levels is relevant to understanding the ways in which we go about getting our needs met. We discuss how the concept of needs fulfillment provides a framework for understanding the most basic questions people bring into therapy: Why do people do what they do? and, Why do I do what I do?

Second, we introduce and examine the concept of Neuroplasticity. This exciting frontier in medical science unifies long-standing theories of learning with the most recent advances in brain imaging, which demonstrates how the structures of the brain adapt and re-shape themselves in response to the demands we put on them. Our brains are always learning, and what we pay attention to and practice over time shapes our brain to facilitate more efficient thinking patterns. Advances in neuroplasticity help us answer fundamental questions about how human beings learn and how we can understand and change our habits.

Then, we explore how these two simple ideas can come together to help us understand many of our most pressing questions about ourselves and other people. We discuss how a firm grasp of these principles can free us from taking things so personally and can give us a framework for shaping behavior in a more positive way.

While human behavior is complex and may seem impenetrable and mysterious, a familiarity with the fundamental principles that shape it can empower us to make radical and positive changes in the way we understand ourselves and other people. Knowledge truly can empower us to improve our lives.

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In this episode, we address the topic of Emotional Hijacking, a process where our emotions are stirred up in a way that we may struggle to make rational, healthy choices or engage in effective planning for our long-term benefit.

We examine the meaning of the phrase, and we review and explain the neurophysiological basis behind the process. We explore how systems that are designed to protect us in the face of danger can become a liability when the dynamics of a situation stir up strong emotions. Because of the way our brain and body function when in a crisis, we may not be able to think clearly or solve problems effectively when we are upset, angry, confused, or emotional.

We consider situations in which emotional hijacking may come into play. In the domain of our intimate, primary relationships, there may be an unhealthy cycle in which one partner becomes upset and the other partner ends up getting their way. In contrast with a collaborative and open approach to communication, emotional hijacking can cause a corrosive build-up of mistrust and resentment.

The process of emotional hijacking can also come into play in the broader domain of our societal relationships. In a negative way, some actors in a society may stir up strong emotions in order to induce people to act in a particular way that may not be in the best interest of all members of that population. During contentious political campaign seasons, exposure to media that inflames our passions may not set us up to calmly and rationally assess which policy approaches would be best for ourselves, our families, and our society. Finally, we discuss self-defense strategies against emotional hijacking, both personal and societal.

We can learn to monitor our level of emotional activation in order to calm ourselves down. We can implement personal strategies to manage our level of emotions and make use of our broader faculties in order to make better decisions about our personal and societal future. 

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I recently asked a group of people familiar with the podcast what subjects they would like to hear addressed in a future episode. With little hesitation, two people suggested the topic of Religious Trauma. This is a topic that comes up fairly regularly in therapy sessions. As a trauma specialist, I have met people who have been through all kinds of difficult situations, and a sizable number of them have been injured at the hands of someone who is in some way identified with a particular religious or spiritual group.

In this episode, we explore the topic from several angles. First, we will discuss working definitions of what Religious Trauma is. The conditions of Religious Trauma are often complex, and the specific injuries people suffer are varied. There are different ways people describe this phenomenon, and their perspective is often a product of their own agenda and belief system.

Second, we will look at what accounts for the injuries sustained when someone has been victimized in the name of a particular religion or belief system. We will discuss why Religious Trauma is a real trauma, and we will look at the impact of the particular agent of injury.

Third, we will look at some of the ways victims of Religious Trauma present in therapy. We will explore the general reactions people have when they have been injured in this specific way, and we will discuss how this form of trauma injures people by distorting the very natural human drive to make meaning of our lives and our place in the world.

Fourth, we will then discuss some approaches to begin healing from this devastating form of trauma. Of course, there is not one specific technique or approach for all people due to the complexity and variety of ways people could be affected, but there are sound principles of healing that will help anyone who is struggling with this kind of injury.

Finally, we will close the discussion with a message of hope about what healing looks like. It is our birthright as human beings to explore our place in the world and to ultimately achieve a level of understanding and acceptance that brings peace and joy back into our life. 

If you or someone you know has been victimized by a religious group or a person acting in the name of a religious group, this episode of Peace, Love, & Psychology can help you along in your healing journey.

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It is impossible to go anywhere in life if we do not know where we want to go. In this episode, we explore a famous technique used throughout the history of psychotherapy to help people clarify their direction in life. Known by many names, this exercise is commonly referred to as the “Lottery Question.” By practicing this technique, even if we are not currently in therapy, we can bring our core values into focus, analyze what is most important to us, identify what would bring purpose and meaning into our life, and set a course toward a more fulfilling life.

We first examine why this exercise is so useful in many different kinds of therapy, and we consider why it is so difficult for us to focus on what we truly want in life. We explore some common reasons for this process of self-censoring, and in so doing, we set the stage for making the most of this technique. We discuss how this exercise, when approached with the correct intent, helps us to move beyond the pleasure-centered thoughts and fantasies we all entertain and to identify the deeper values that can guide us toward living a life of meaning. We briefly describe how this exercise—a form of free writing—engages a process similar to the free association technique used in classical psychoanalysis.

We then discuss the procedure and guidelines for making the most of the lottery question exercise. The goal is to equip the listener with concrete information that will allow them to engage in the exercise with confidence.

We then explain how to interpret the results of the exercise. We point out what to notice about the results of the technique by observing the recurring themes and looking out for responses that are surprising. By reviewing the results and grouping them into common themes, we can begin to discern among desires that may be material in nature, relational desires, self-development desires, career or educational desires, and aspirations to serve others and connect with our community. By noticing our inner reaction to the values-based goals, we can narrow down our many responses to a handful of options that energize us and fire our imagination. We can then work through a reverse-engineering process that links our most-cherished aspirations with our current situation in life. This process of working backwards from the future to the present will suggest a number of steps we can begin to take today toward our goals.

Living with purpose involves clarifying our core values and then engaging our imagination to envision future activities that can be powerful expressions of these cherished values. Practicing the lottery question technique is practical way start the process of aligning our daily schedule with activities that will bring higher levels of meaning into our life. 

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