Peak Viewing

Remember the Titans? We saw them play this week, and even we barely can. Join us for the fourth episode in our Denzel Washington miniseries as we discuss several hot and controversial topics, including: high school football not being that good, treacly movies like this generally aging terribly, and the subpar naming of Kansas City’s two premier soccer teams. Also, can we solve racism by giving up all our awards?

We’re taking control back from Gene Hackman this week with 1995’s Crimson Tide! This tense thriller might be one of the most watchable films we’ve covered so far, but is it even the best submarine movie? Where do all the officers belong on the alignment chart? Should we cover Tony Scott?! All that, plus some shocking implications for our oldest president!

For the second film in our Denzel Washington miniseries, we’re heading to the streets of Philadelphia. This episode has everything: tangents about wine prices, punny Halloween costumes, where to sit while watching this movie, and our thorny feelings about this ostensibly being a movie made for straight people. Nothing we say is advice!

What better way to start our next miniseries than with maybe the greatest biopic ever made? Look, nobody needs our opinions on Malcolm X, both the film and the person, but we’re gonna give them to you anyway! Spike Lee is directing his ass off, Denzel Washington is disappearing into his role, and we’re patenting ideas on how to break up long movies (The Popcorn Pause™).

Listen up all you vault hunters, it’s time to travel to Pandora! No, not the moon with blue people, the desert hellscape where that forgettable 2024 movie Borderlands takes place! This might be the ultimate “dead dove do not eat” of bad movies, but Samuel’s here to provide us with all the Borderlands video game knowledge, including all the shocking ways this movie changes major aspects of characters. Plus: our video game movie rankings, and the announcement of our next miniseries!

It’s time for the third and final treasure hunting movie in our video game adaptations series, 2022’s Uncharted. This might be the ultimate forgettable Covid movie, but there’s enough charm here that Henry’s got a theory on the likability behind these actors. Other topics discussed include the optics of treasure hunting, the storytelling shortcuts in this film, and the “honor among thieves” stakes feeling about as serious as a game of Monopoly. This episode is brought to you by Papa John’s.

Get your Sherlock Holmes hat and about five cups of coffee, it’s time for Detective Pikachu! Are the visual effects remarkable in this thing or what? Is Ryan Reynolds shtick painfully bland? Do you have to be a Pokemon fan to enjoy this movie? Is Torchip a thing? All that, plus all the reasons why Henry did not have a peak viewing experience this week.

Here’s the video Samuel recommended at the end!

Two weeks ago Angelina Jolie was playing Lara Croft, and this week it’s Alicia Vikander’s turn! The 2018 adaptation of Tomb Raider might be the new barometer for a Just Fine Movie, but that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about how it relates to the 2013 game, British money sounding made up, proper procedure for stab wounds, and of course, color puzzles.

2007’s Hitman might be the worst video game adaptation we’ve covered so far, but it’s almost unfair to call it a video game adaptation when this film is clearly more inspired by *cough* Bourne *cough* something else. What’s the deal with these inconsistent city title cards? Is Nika the worst female character in cinema history? What makes the Hitman video games the perfect sandbox? All that, plus our recommendations on hitman movies that are actually good.

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider is probably not the worst video game movie, but it might be the silliest? While covering this semi-forgotten 2001 action movie, we’re counting frames, checking out packages, and discussing Lara Croft’s BBE (Big Batman Energy)! Where’s your head at?!