People's Church

Dysfunctional: Why Dating Is Not Working

Romans 12:2 “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (NLT)

There’s the world ways and there’s the words way

4 Ways Of The World

1. If you’re not dating something is wrong with you

1 Corinthians 7:38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better. (NIV)

2. Dating someone is going to make me whole

3. Dating is purely for fun 

3A. You date people who are not Christ followers

2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (NIV)

3B. You engage in sex

1 Corinthians 6:19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; (NIV)

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. (NIV)

4. You overlook the warning signs 

4 Ways Of The Word

1. Have a dating plan 

Psalms 20:4 May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. (NIV)

1A. Plan for when you will start dating

1B. Plan for who you will date

1C. Plan for how you will date

1D. Plan for the physical 

Song Of Solomon 2:7 Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right. (NLT)

2. Go slow and get to know 


Matthew 7:16-20 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. (NIV)

2A. Get to know the person 

2B. Get to know their friends

Proverbs 13:20 Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. (NIV)

2C. Get to know their family


2D. Get to know their money management

3. Focus on becoming the right person not finding the right person 

Romans 12:2 “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (NLT)

4. Surround yourself with wise people

Proverbs 15:22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. (NIV)

Dysfunctional: Why Dating Is Not Working

Romans 12:2 “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (NLT)

There’s the world ways and there’s the words way

4 Ways Of The World

1. If you’re not dating something is wrong with you

1 Corinthians 7:38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better. (NIV)

2. Dating someone is going to make me whole

3. Dating is purely for fun 

3A. You date people who are not Christ followers

2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (NIV)

3B. You engage in sex

1 Corinthians 6:19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; (NIV)

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. (NIV)

4. You overlook the warning signs 

4 Ways Of The Word

1. Have a dating plan 

Psalms 20:4 May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. (NIV)

1A. Plan for when you will start dating

1B. Plan for who you will date

1C. Plan for how you will date

1D. Plan for the physical 

Song Of Solomon 2:7 Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right. (NLT)

2. Go slow and get to know 


Matthew 7:16-20 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. (NIV)

2A. Get to know the person 

2B. Get to know their friends

Proverbs 13:20 Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. (NIV)

2C. Get to know their family


2D. Get to know their money management

3. Focus on becoming the right person not finding the right person 

Romans 12:2 “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (NLT)

4. Surround yourself with wise people

Proverbs 15:22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. (NIV)

Dysfunctional: Seven Relationship Side Effects

7 Relationship Side Effects

1. We blame each other 

Genesis 3:12-13 The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done? ” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (NIV)

2. We deal with out of control angry

Genesis 4:5 but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. (NIV)

Genesis 4:8 Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. (NIV)

3. We deceive and lie to one another

4. We hold people’s past against them

Luke 15:28-30 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’ (NIV)

5. We are jealous of one another


6. We betray and hate one another

2 Timothy 3:3–4 They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. 4 They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. (NLT)

7. We are not faithful to one another

7A. People are not faithful in marriage

7B. People are not faithful to their families

Malachi 4:6 He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.” (NIV)

Matthew 10:21 “Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. (NIV)

7C. People are not faithful in friendship

Proverbs 18:24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (NIV)

7D. People are not faithful to build God’s Kingdom together

2 Timothy 4:9–10 Do your best to come to me quickly, 10 for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus to Dalmatia. (NIV)

Dysfunctional: Seven Relationship Side Effects

7 Relationship Side Effects

1. We blame each other 

Genesis 3:12-13 The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done? ” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (NIV)

2. We deal with out of control angry

Genesis 4:5 but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. (NIV)

Genesis 4:8 Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. (NIV)

3. We deceive and lie to one another

4. We hold people’s past against them

Luke 15:28-30 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’ (NIV)

5. We are jealous of one another


6. We betray and hate one another

2 Timothy 3:3–4 They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. 4 They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. (NLT)

7. We are not faithful to one another

7A. People are not faithful in marriage

7B. People are not faithful to their families

Malachi 4:6 He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.” (NIV)

Matthew 10:21 “Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. (NIV)

7C. People are not faithful in friendship

Proverbs 18:24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (NIV)

7D. People are not faithful to build God’s Kingdom together

2 Timothy 4:9–10 Do your best to come to me quickly, 10 for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus to Dalmatia. (NIV)

The Best Day Ever

1. It was my best day ever because my sins were forgiven

Romans 8:1 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. (NLT)

Acts 2:41 Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day. (NIV)

Acts 8:12 But when they believed Philip as he proclaimed the good news of the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. (NIV)

Acts 8:38 And he gave orders to stop the chariot. Then both Philip and the eunuch went down into the water and Philip baptized him. (NIV)

Acts 9:18 Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, (NIV)

Acts 16:33 At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his household were baptized. (NIV)

Acts 22:16 And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name.’ (NIV)

2. It was my best day ever because I now had the power to overcome sin

Romans 8:2–4 And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. 3 The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. 4 He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit. (NLT)

3. It was my best day ever because of all the blessings that followed salvation

Romans 8:23 And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us. (NLT)

The Best Day Ever

1. It was my best day ever because my sins were forgiven

Romans 8:1 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. (NLT)

Acts 2:41 Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day. (NIV)

Acts 8:12 But when they believed Philip as he proclaimed the good news of the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. (NIV)

Acts 8:38 And he gave orders to stop the chariot. Then both Philip and the eunuch went down into the water and Philip baptized him. (NIV)

Acts 9:18 Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, (NIV)

Acts 16:33 At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his household were baptized. (NIV)

Acts 22:16 And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name.’ (NIV)

2. It was my best day ever because I now had the power to overcome sin

Romans 8:2–4 And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. 3 The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. 4 He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit. (NLT)

3. It was my best day ever because of all the blessings that followed salvation

Romans 8:23 And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us. (NLT)

1. The trap of busyness 

John 4:4 Now he had to go through Samaria. (NIV)

Mark 16:15 He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. (NIV)

2. The trap of rejection

John 4:7–9 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) 9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) (NIV) 

3. The trap of not knowing enough 

John 4:11-12 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?” (NIV)

John 4:20 Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.” (NIV)

5 Life Giving Ways To Share Your Faith

1. Don’t judge people love people 

Romans 2:4 Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? (NLT)

2. Initiate a conversation not an argument  

3. Talk about something you have in common 

4. Find an attractive way to talk about Jesus

John 4:10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” (NIV)

John 4:13–15 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” 15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” (NIV)

5. Remember that one changed life leads to more changed lives 

John 4:39–42 Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” 40 So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. 41 And because of his words many more became believers. 42 They said to the woman, “We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.” (NIV)

1. The trap of busyness 

John 4:4 Now he had to go through Samaria. (NIV)

Mark 16:15 He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. (NIV)

2. The trap of rejection

John 4:7–9 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) 9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) (NIV) 

3. The trap of not knowing enough 

John 4:11-12 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?” (NIV)

John 4:20 Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.” (NIV)

5 Life Giving Ways To Share Your Faith

1. Don’t judge people love people 

Romans 2:4 Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? (NLT)

2. Initiate a conversation not an argument  

3. Talk about something you have in common 

4. Find an attractive way to talk about Jesus

John 4:10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” (NIV)

John 4:13–15 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” 15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” (NIV)

5. Remember that one changed life leads to more changed lives 

John 4:39–42 Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” 40 So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. 41 And because of his words many more became believers. 42 They said to the woman, “We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.” (NIV)

1. He relied on his own strength

Matthew 26:31 Then Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: “ ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’  (NIV)

Matthew 26:33  Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.” (NIV) 

Matthew 26:35 But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the other disciples said the same. (NIV)

2. He reacted without thinking

Matthew 26:69–70  Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she said. 70 But he denied it before them all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. (NIV)

3. He caved to the crowd

4. He went backwards instead of forwards

John 21:3  “I’m going out to fish,” Simon Peter told them, and they said, “We’ll go with you.” So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. (NIV)

4 Catalysts To A Comeback

1. Choose to reflect over regret

A part of reflecting is grieving

Matthew 26:75 Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly. (NIV)

Reflecting is also how you learn from it

2. Choose community over isolation

John 20:2–3  So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!” 3 So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. (NIV)

3. Choose the voice of Jesus over the voice of the enemy

3A. I am not shocked by your setback

3B. I am praying for you

Luke 22:31–32  “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. 32 But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” (NIV)

3C. I still believe in you and your comeback

Luke 22:32  But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” (NIV)

Proverbs 24:16 for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes. (NIV)

1. He relied on his own strength

Matthew 26:31 Then Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: “ ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’  (NIV)

Matthew 26:33  Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.” (NIV) 

Matthew 26:35 But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the other disciples said the same. (NIV)

2. He reacted without thinking

Matthew 26:69–70  Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she said. 70 But he denied it before them all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. (NIV)

3. He caved to the crowd

4. He went backwards instead of forwards

John 21:3  “I’m going out to fish,” Simon Peter told them, and they said, “We’ll go with you.” So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. (NIV)

4 Catalysts To A Comeback

1. Choose to reflect over regret

A part of reflecting is grieving

Matthew 26:75 Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly. (NIV)

Reflecting is also how you learn from it

2. Choose community over isolation

John 20:2–3  So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!” 3 So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. (NIV)

3. Choose the voice of Jesus over the voice of the enemy

3A. I am not shocked by your setback

3B. I am praying for you

Luke 22:31–32  “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. 32 But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” (NIV)

3C. I still believe in you and your comeback

Luke 22:32  But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” (NIV)

Proverbs 24:16 for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes. (NIV)