Pixelated Sausage - Attack the Backlog

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Paratopic, a game I can't quite explain, where jump cuts are plentiful as you play; a game you could finish in just one day, in just one sitting, in fact, I say; a game I recommend despite my haze, for fans of David Lynch, Twin Peaks, and his crazy ways; a game I played, that you can play, so I say, not tomorrow, but today; if I were to give it a grade, I'd quote the Fonz, and give it an aaaaay.

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Terminator: Resistance--aka, Terminator: Resources--the game where you pick up everything you can see because, "Oooo, look, so shiny," and are marked for termination because you never learned that sharing is caring. You also shoot the occasional robot and have awkward sex, but the majority of the game is collecting all the shit you can find so you can craft goods and earn currency for buying goods–goods like ammo, health packs, and explosives–goods you’ll realize once you’ve reached the final mission that you’ve collected way more of than you’ll ever need because just because you could, didn’t mean you should...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about The Walking Zombie 2, a first-person shooter where you go on short missions to kill all the zombies, or missions to collect goods and kill all the zombies, or missions to find buried treasure and kill all the zombies, or missions to defend your home base and kill all zombies, or even missions to rescue kidnapped survivors and kill all the zombies (or sometimes all the bandits), and so on and so forth. It may sound repetitive (because it is), but thanks to missions taking only a few minutes on average and close to, but just shy of ten at max, the loop is a satisfying one and perfect for when you want something to play when listening to a podcast or watching a movie/show.

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Hyper Gunsport, a cyberpunk volleyball game where hands are replaced with guns (not literally) and enjoyment is replaced with the opposite of fun (yes literally). Despite some nice visuals and an alright idea, Hyper Gunsport doesn't live up to its potential thanks to poor controls and a general lack of excitement that left me feeling zero desire to keep playing after completing one run on the circuit. I'm not saying it's a terrible game, but it could have been better and that's what makes it so disappointing. Speaking of disappointing...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Bowser's Fury, the additional content included with the Switch port of Super Mario 3D World, where Mario gets his very own harem of pussy(cats) while also getting his Powers Rangers in super-sized battles against kaiju Bowser in extra large Cat Mario form, all of it set in a moderately-sized open world as opposed to being level-based like your more traditional Mario game. I should have realized this sooner, but with Bowser's Fury, I finally realized something I should have realized long ago: I'm just not that into open-world Mario games.

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Police Chase, a game where you play as the police and chase NO ONE until the last few missions, where you’re stuck chasing super cars in your stupid and slow police van because no one told you you could walk out of your car and into a different, shiny, fast one, except maybe they did and you just weren’t paying attention due to being distracted by all the terrible voice acting, including a waitress who loves singing country music and saying, “Imagine that!” ...Imagine that...IMAGINE IT, DAMMIT!

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about The Crew 2, a game where you can drive, fly, or boat yourself through an incredibly truncated and disproportionate version of the United States, all in the pursuit of completing numerous events that fill the map with more icons than anyone could ever hope to complete because when you say icon, I say, “Icon’t.” And to that point, I love The Crew 2, but not for the reason you might and probably expect, so if you want to know what makes The Crew 2 special for me, give this episode a listen and you may just find a reason to make The Crew 2 special to you, too. Spoilers: it has nothing to do with the band, U2.

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Vampire Survivors, a game that sucks away most of the controls so you can watch numbers explode…eventually…because, oh my, does Survivors start slow. Vampire Survivors is a game that asks very little of you input-wise, but demands all of your attention–a bit of a weird dichotomy–but if you take the time to learn its intricacies and, for the love of god, only play on Hyper Mode (once you unlock it), I think you’ll have a good enough time and, sometimes, good enough is, well...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about The Simpsons: Hit & Run--the game many called, "Grand Theft Simpsons," but is really just, "The Simpsons: Road Rage 2: Now You Can Get Out of the Car, Too," not to rhyme 2 with too, but I did, like I do, so poo of me, and sorry to you. Does that sound like a good time? Do you think I had a good time? All those answers and more can be found with a quick watch or a quick listen, so sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride that is...Attack the Backlog.

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about G.I. Joe: Operation Blackout, "a team-based third-person shooter where you play as your favorite characters from Team G.I. Joe and Team Cobra. Experience the action from both sides as you help G.I. Joe restore order and lead Cobra to world domination." Does that sound like a good time? Do you think I had a good time? All those answers and more can be found with a quick watch or a quick listen, so sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride that is...Attack the Backlog.