Full transcript available at: https://www.stephanieolegario.com/podcasts/plan-be/episodes/2148171118

Contact Stephanie here: [email protected]

Why is feeling worthy a problem?
What happens as w result?
What to do to feel more self-worth?

00:08:12

And it's just how could I allow the good stuff to come if I haven't done enough?

00:08:26

Am I seen as worthy? Do I seem to be seen as valuable so as a child if a 99 wasn't good enough. That means I wasn't worthy or deserving of praise or celebration.

00:09:25

You feel guilty when you start to feel like you have high self worth like.

00:10:00

Somebody is coming in and going, oh, I am worthy of, you know the universal abundance, riches and wealth and freedom, and all these things, and then people are like. Are you sure you are? I mean, there's so many people suffering in the world. Who are you? Who are you to say that? Right? So then you start to feel guilty for wanting more to allow good stuff to happen

00:11:13

Because we have to repay the debts of our parents. We have to give back to them. We're not deserving of their love because they've done more than we could ever ask them for to come here, and we have that in the back of our mind, right? So we will feel guilty if we start to give ourselves something good.

00:11:52

We feel guilty to have that opportunity because things have been handed to us a bit easier

00:12:57

So it's just who am I to receive this good thing when other people can't.

00:13:44

He would always want to remind me how lucky I was to have someone like him to stick around with a person like me.

00:14:48

Those toxic relationships really damage a person's self-esteem. Because if you're fortunate enough to get out of that toxic relationship. You're gonna come out broken. so battered, broken down. And then you're gonna look in that lens and be like, no, no one's gonna want me. And then we hold on to those toxic relationships because you start to believe it, because your self-worth is so low.

00:15:47

A parental figure making you feel like you're not deserving of love or not worthy of being a part of their life like you were a mistake.

00:16:18

I'm 6 years old. My mom and dad don't love me. They wish they never had me. How could a child recover from that?

00:18:44

I am very well reminded about all the things that people want to put on me. My labels.

00:21:11

I'm from Canada. I was born here, but, like just from my like, my ethnicity, my ancestry. I'm invisible.

00:22:46

How could a woman feel themselves as being worthy at an organization or a workplace. if they're not even regarded as equal

00:23:36

You're looking at me as if the woman is the best part to save money for your organization.

00:24:53

But like I've had some shit happen to me in all my workplaces because of my sexual orientation. It's no wonder I was always jumping in and out of the closet all the time, or just didn't feel like it was relevant for people to know and not standing around waving a flag, being very proud

00:26:04

How can a woman. you know, like a fem lesbian woman person of color, right? Feel some sort of self-worth when you're constantly bombarded with all of this. It's hard enough to be strong already given, you know, an upbringing that wasn't so great. But literally we're on a battlefield every day just trying to be. How could I even feel myself as being deserving of all these other things when it's so hard with, you know the childhood upbringing, feeling guilty for wanting more. You know, toxic relationships that just kick you to the curb and make you feel like shit. And then you have these societal influences of of people just treating you these ways because of all these labels.

00:28:01

What happens to you is that you really don't trust anything like you know that saying it's like, if it's too good to be true, it probably isn't. That's like literally your jam, like your whole life.

00:28:12

I hate the fucking saying, it is what it is, and I will talk about it all day, like I used to date somebody whose motto was just, It is what it is, and I'm like, fuck me. I am not going to live my life accepting stuff that I can change. So when people are so beat down and feeling worthless in their life. That's going to be their mantra.

00:31:46

You want to push them away because you're just scared of getting hurt because you've been hurt your whole life, and you can't deal with it anymore. because nothing good can come into your life again.

00:33:04

It’s  so much easier for us to deliberately sabotage something that's good and push them away than to allow us to be vulnerable and allow things to flow. because there's no certainty in that right… It'd be easier for me to be angry with them than for me to allow myself to be vulnerable with the chances of being hurt again.

00:36:44

But then, when I responded to her, I said, I've never been someone's priority. I'm going to let this sink in because I want to feel me saying that for a second, and I want you to say it too. if you feel that same way.

00:37:21

when I think about like family stuff, or sometimes with friends, or like people that have come and gone. And then it's just like I don't know if I've ever been important to somebody. Until I met her I was always parked behind somebody else's wants and needs.

00:38:19

how could you feel worthy or deserving if no one has ever thought of you as important?

00:38:45

Sometimes some people need to see it either through actions or words. and people need to feel like they matter. and it's not about external validation. It's just that sense of knowing, you know.

00:41:01

It's so hard. When you are beaten down, you are like hurt from so many people, and then, when that person or people come into your life, and they're so great, and they're genuinely good. It's still a journey for you to allow them to do that.

00:47:20

Because we are the gatekeepers and we're stopping from this good flow to happen

00:50:30

We just might be holding ourselves back from something that's so transformational in our life. You don't have to perpetuate this. this abuse that you've been experienced your whole life like where you felt like you were unworthy, and you were told that you weren't worthy. You can be the person who brings that worth into your life.

00:56:58

Because this is your life. Do you want to choose to live, you know. of another decade in this prison that we create for ourselves.

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Does this resonate with you? Let me know.

Please email me with any episode topics that you would like to hear about or feedback at [email protected] 

Contact Stephanie here: [email protected]

Understanding Hustle Culture
Productivity Shaming
Cycle Breakers
Pep-Talk

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Does this resonate with you? Let me know.

Please email me with any episode topics that you would like to hear about or feedback at [email protected] 

Full transcript available at: https://www.stephanieolegario.com/podcasts/plan-be/episodes/2148090703 

Join the free Meetup - Harmony Collective: https://www.meetup.com/the-harmony-collective/

Contact Stephanie here: [email protected]

Why are people feeling lonely
How can we be more connected
How to cope with feeling lonely
Join our community – Harmony Collective

00:01:07

Loneliness is an epidemic.

00:01:49
We are connected digitally more than ever, in a way that we could be more responsive by the second. And yet we're so separate. We're so separate…

00:02:17
We're talking about really serious disconnection. But we're craving connection. So that's why today's episode's really important. We're going to go over. This whole idea about loneliness is an epidemic right now. A lot of people are experiencing it silently suffering.

00:05:40
But it's that longing for that human connection. We love that feeling and anyone can say that they're like, I don't need this…we still do. Why else are we still looking around for something that feels that way?

00:15:09
Nothing is ever static. The only thing that's consistent in life is change.

00:18:35
But people start to feel lonely when they feel like they don't belong, and they can't have people who vibe with them.

00:19:08
Sometimes relationships have a time and place. And there's lessons to be learned during that time and place, but it also has a time to end or it could be outgrown.

00:20:33
If change and transitions are part of life, so is loneliness. We're always going to be in pursuit of that sense of belonging: that sense of feeling seen and heard and understood by others. And once you acknowledge that we're always gonna have this in her life. There's going to be times in transition periods where we're going to have to find it new people.

00:22:40
Sometimes we expect people to fill that void of loneliness in ourselves. 

00:24:51
It starts with us to fill that void of loneliness. 

00:25:54
if I have that void within myself, and feeling that loneliness within. Will anybody ever be good enough for me to fill it?

00:26:35
Loneliness is a serious epidemic right now. A lot of people are going through it.

00:30:06
We’re setting ourselves up for more loneliness by the way that we set up our lives. What might be convenient like on demand? Quick answers, texting like rapid fire responses like getting things done that way, sending an email. There's no connection.

00:30:58
We're losing that sense of connectedness with human beings.

00:34:13
This is human connection, community feeling, that sense of being seen, heard, understood, a sense of belonging and feeling. Community dies when people are too self-sufficient. Communities help lift you up, make you feel good, grow, feel a sense of belonging. feel a sense of purpose like you're contributing to something.

00:35:37
You're numbing out every day, because you feel so lonely watching all this TV binging on episodes, seasons of things, playing video games and just putting the headphones on and not listening, you know.Being overstimulated and finding things to keep busy keeping busy with stuff to make you busy. You're like. Oh, no, no, no, I can't go and hang out, because I'm so busy doing this stuff just to make you so feel like you're doing something. But really you're lonely inside.

00:41:05
If you don't do the self-awareness work and inner work. You'll always feel lonely because you'll always continuously be adapting yourself to someone who you are not, and you will be more disconnected to not only other people, but disconnected to yourself, because you won't be able to have those meaningful relationships and have quality. When I say quality it's in your perspective of quality, social connections because they will never be true. They will be based off of some facade that isn't real.

00:46:45
It's not that a lot of people who are independent want to be doing it on their own. We've been so ingrained and glorified that being self-sufficient is the way to be.

00:47:01
Community dies when we don't need each other anymore. But when we don't need each other anymore, we're dying of loneliness and isolation. We need community. We're social beings. We need the people to help. We share the load with each other. And that's what communities were like before.

00:50:05
But you want to find your people. People who are like you, or you can feel, seen, heard, belong. Be vulnerable and accepted as you are

00:51:20
Every single relationship takes work. So you got to show up as much as you're expecting them to show up for you. and then it will help with feeling that sense of feeling seen, heard, and a sense of belonging, understood

00:55:28
it's just so sad with the world being so technologically connected. We're so separate.

00:56:40
We need each other. And even if there's a little bit of human community like connection and having a sense of community, even just a little bit each week when you've had none.

00:56:55
Because we're not meant to live our lives alone. We are social beings. We thrive with community. Find your community, find your support system.

00:57:18
it's time to not live your life so alone. It's time to feel that sense of belonging, that sense of purpose, that sense of being needed? When was the last time you felt that sort of human connection?

00:58:10
I know you just want to feel seen, heard. understood. feel like you belong somewhere without having to compromise who you are, be somewhere where you can just be you.

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Does this resonate with you? Let me know.

Please email me with any episode topics that you would like to hear about or feedback at [email protected] 

Full transcript available at: https://www.stephanieolegario.com/podcasts/plan-be/episodes/2148070696

Contact Stephanie here: [email protected]

Who is Stephanie?
Why Plan Be and Why is it Important?
What is a People Pleaser?

00:03:37
So growing up my whole life in terms of that part. It was hard to straddle both worlds. you know. It's like..living in between two different types of cultures, the Canadian culture…what is it like to be Canadian enough in how to navigate this society and just being here and then coming home and then juggling. What is it like to be, Filipino? What does it mean to be Filipino enough?

00:04:52
Coming in as a second generation Canadian. I was raised that hard work was the most important thing. It was so important to work hard with your grades at school, being busy doing other stuff and then eventually having multiple jobs.

00:08:15
It makes you feel inadequate, and whatever you're doing is never enough.

00:08:26
And growing up really with the pressure as a woman, as I'm trying to navigate my body image. having the pressure of being either too skinny or too fat, and nothing was good enough either. so the whole concept of not being good enough. using fear, shame, and guilt to fuel me to become the person that I was, you know, in my 20 s. And 30 s.

00:09:18
Because I was trying to feel validated by somebody because other places in my life. I didn't feel acknowledged or seen or heard, so you know, when you feel unworthy, you end up getting into toxic relationships, hoping that that person would give you that thing you actually needed.

00:10:33
And I remember some nights when I know they didn't want to go to one of the jobs. I stay up as late as I can just to hold on. You know, to that piece of freedom before I go to that place where I feel like my soul is being crushed

00:11:13
It's funny when you sit down and recall. You know exactly what you've been through, because we're so focused on thinking about the future. Maybe we dwell on the past, but we never really sit down. And look how far we've come.

00:12:43
I mean, everybody's good at putting on a face but deep within me. I couldn't feel.

00:13:20
I couldn't feel sadness and just felt numb

00:13:45
I had this deep. deep resentment…And I remember growing up. growing up and learning what resentment to other people was, and even having resentment to them when that other person was just living their life. I had to change. I've been following this plan that wasn't even mine trying to just do the right thing. work and work and work.

00:15:42
I realize that I'm addicted to work. I know, I know…even with 100 hour workweeks

00:19:17
I'm going to learn about digital marketing. Maybe this is going to be my ticket to not having to have 3 jobs ordered the wrong book, the completely wrong book

00:20:44
She was saying that she was barely surviving. She was drowning, and no one can see it. And that resonated with me so hard. Gosh! I was like so this is it? What do I need to do right now with my life and take the reins?

00:21:51
But in that moment you can see that the signs are there. the signs to where to go. what to do. how to get there unfold on its own. I've been nudged and nudged and pointed around. and then it happened without me even thinking where I could be right now. where I didn't know the days of the week, and seeing my future from that time, because it was so stuck to being able to be here now and talking to you.

00:22:40
I lost connection with myself, which is why I couldn't feel.

00:24:37
Why can't we get back to age 6, where we believe that we could do anything where we had dreams and aspirations, and felt so much emotion that we could express it freely, instead of shutting it down, swallowing it. And that's really what it is. It's reconnecting to the true essence of you. Finding who you are, because you know that you don't know who you are. you know you don't know what you like, but really, if you go back and you witness, and you see that little spark of you still there.

00:25:42
Because, you know, we've been holding on to so many things for so long. We're so weighed down by these burdens of things that we don't even need to hold on to. We have to hide how we truly feel. We have to hide a lot of aspects about ourselves, things that we geek out on like, you know, we're so shameful of things. We're so shameful for loving ourselves.

00:27:44
Who are you trying to please? Are you trying to please them as they've already passed? Did you take on their voices to help puts the pressure on you even when there's no pressure around.

00:28:59
People pleasers tend to be empathic, to wear their heart on their sleeve. They say a little bit more sensitive, you know. we just have so much love. and we just want to feel accepted, seen, and heard.

00:29:20
Find home within ourselves...that feeling that we can validate ourselves, give ourselves love, security, safety, all from within. And that's what plan Be is all about to reconnect with that spark. grow that spark into that flame. Live yourselves like your lives, really, truly connected with your true essence, of who you are

00:31:04
And it's about not about material things. because you can probably talk to a lot of people. They'll say, Oh, yeah, my life is so great. I love money, I love spending money, I love buying my things and my toys and my things, but if I sat down and talked to them and asked them. Are you truly happy from within? Do you love yourself? Not your stuff?

00:33:00
So how could I feel true bliss and joy and happiness in my life if I can't even feel sadness, pain, and hurt. You still have to learn how to feel and let it flow.

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Does this resonate with you? Let me know.

Please email me with any episode topics that you would like to hear about or feedback at [email protected] 

What is Plan Be the podcast?

Welcome to our podcast, "Plan Be hosted by Steph Olegario." Life often takes unexpected turns. You know… that feeling when the rug is pulled from underneath you? Where you’ve been doing “some thing” and lost yourself in the process?

When Plan A doesn't work out, it's time to take another route and embrace Plan Be.

Join us on this inspiring journey as we explore stories of resilience, self-discovery, and growth from individuals who have faced life's challenges head-on and carved their own unique path.

We will dive into practical tips, expert insights, and personal lived experiences to help you navigate change, reconnect within so that you can live your life on your terms.

The show covers a range of topics that encourage listeners to challenge the status quo and embrace their true passions and purpose.

Tune in and discover how embracing Plan Be can lead to extraordinary transformations in your life. Let's learn and thrive to Just Be - together! 🎙️