Plan Simple with Mia Moran

If you look around your life at exactly what you have, your marriage, your kids, your house... your business, your job ... it's all from your thoughts. You can change your results by changing your thinking.  —Laura Swartzbaugh

In this episode of the Plan Simple Meals Podcast, I’m really excited to talk with Laura Swartzbaugh, who is a life coach for coaches about the power of our thoughts and feelings. 

Our brains are wired to skew negative. Say for example you’ve talked to a potential client, and then they ghost you. Your brain is likely to tell you that the person doesn’t believe in your business or that you aren’t that good. But really there are a lot of other more likely scenarios. 

We talk about how we move from a circumstance to thought to a feeling to action to a result. How changing your thinking can change your results. It starts with taking responsibility (and credit) for everything in your life. 

We talk about: 

• How we react when we take action that is not aligned with a plan or vision or dream—and what to do instead
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• Getting to really clear on the emotion behind the action (name it, tame it)
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• How self-judgment derails us, and how compassion is what we need
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• The problem of avoidance of emotion and how we need to feel the “negative” emotions
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• Growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset
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• How the ability to change our thoughts and actions relates to anti-racism work
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BIO

Five years ago, you would have found Laura on her couch holding a big glass of wine and searching for her future husband on “Human Ebay” (what she calls Match.com).  She was burned out by teaching. She was lonely and bored and ate to entertain herself. She was sure that happiness wasn’t available to her.  On the outside, it looked like she loved her job, was crushing it as a single mom and loved life.  But on the inside, she was constantly judging herself for nearly every choice she made. 

Today, Laura is happily remarried and works full time coaching life coaches. 

She feels confident about her decisions -- from relationships and career to food and alcohol.  She made all of this happen through life coaching. 

She spends all day helping other life coaches create this level of certainty, confidence, and trust in their own lives. She believes coaching is the secret sauce to living a more meaningful and joyous life.

She is a certified Life Coach through The Life Coach School. Prior to becoming a coach she was an educator for 27 years. She attended Carleton College, has a Ph.D. from the University of Minnesota, and a master's in Educational Leadership. (She was sure more education would help her feel worthy). Before retiring from teaching, she taught at a number of universities including the University of Michigan and the University of Minnesota as well as teaching high school history and English for a decade in the Chicago area.

LINKS

• How To Take Action: What Every Coach Needs To Know (https://tinyurl.com/ybyrmpjn)
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Doable Changes from this episode:

• TRY COMPASSION. Next time you do something that doesn’t support your vision or plan, first simply notice how you feel. Then instead of beating yourself up, acknowledge that you made a mistake. Be compassionate with yourself.
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• FEEL THE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. We want to feel joy and excitement and fun, but what about disappointment or sadness or rage? Often we criticize ourselves for the feeling or for the situation that led to the feeling, or we try to numb ourselves from the feeling (eating, drinking, binge watching, scrolling …). Let yourself feel the emotion. Name it. Know it will go away, but that avoiding it does not help.
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• REVISIT. We used the analogy of the spiral staircase or “not my first rodeo” to talk about the idea that just because we face something doesn’t mean we are done. Whether it is confidence or body image or some part of our relationship, we are likely to find something we thought we were “done” with come back. Notice what comes up for you. Notice what you feel. Notice where you are right now. Be compassionate with yourself. Choose an action aligned with your vision.
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I'm not going to be one of the ones on Twitter, tearing it down. I'm not going to be out in Philadelphia protesting today. I choose to have a direct impact financially.  –Shalena Broaster

For the past few weeks, I have been sad, and a bit paralyzed — wanting to speak up, but asking myself, “who am I?”

Then I got this email from an amazing speaker at our Art of 90 Days event that aired in May, Jackie Kotei. I figure that it is much better that you hear from her than me.

This is what Jackie wrote:

“The death of George Floyd and the blatant disregard for black lives has to stop.

I've spent these past few days filled with grief, sadness, anger, outrage, frustration.

I hang out in many masterminds and communities where I am one of just a handful of black women.

And I've been speaking out, demanding that my mentors and colleagues join me in the fight.

Black lives matter!

And I invite you more than anything to take action.

Today, I'll be attending a peaceful protest to make sure people know it's not okay to kill people because of the color of their skin.

Now is the time to act.

Now is the time to not stay silent.

Whether you donate, protest, write letters, read books...please act!

It's not enough anymore to say you stand for love and peace if you're not willing to use your voice now, when it matters most.

If you don't know what to say, that's ok. Just be real and be ok with it being messy. Also be ok with feedback and people helping you gain greater awareness around what you're saying and how you're coming across.”

So with imperfect action and I am sure some “wrong” words, I’ve invited back my friend Shalena Broaster on this episode of the Plan Simple Meals Podcast — an amazing coach to entrepreneurs, a mom, and a Black woman. All three of these parts of her identity come up in our discussion today. 

The conversation we have is uncomfortable for me, but necessary. I am finding I need to own my discomfort. Discomfort is needed, and it has been my own white privilege that has let me escape what I am feeling right now in the past. My black friends have wanted me here for a long time. For my white friends, it is OK to feel horrible. I believe it is part of the path to the solution. I’m learning, stepping into hard conversations, and taking action. I may not get it right—in fact, I know I’ll get it wrong sometimes, but it’s critical for me to show up and do this work. 

If you’ve spent any time here, you know that I focus on 90 days at a time. My goal for the 90-day season that I just kicked off is to give racism the time it really needs so that I can educate and uneducate myself, feel all the feelings, and move into massive action. 

This conversation is one small piece of that. 

Shalena and I talk about: 

• Bias and discrimination in education, both Shalena’s personal experience with her son and broad systemic issues
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• Cutting down on the media we consume and how that is a necessary strategy to get work done, how it is also a privilege, and how we need to not check out sometimes to be part of the conversation
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• Her response to watching George Floyd murdered, how her son by age 6 is seen as a threat because he is black, how she came back to the image of her own son watching George Floyd call out for his mama, that this was a modern-day lynching, the difference in police response to known White men who killed people and to a Black man who hadn’t 
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• How words and names matter, how we all need to do work on this issue—Shalena talks about why she is a Black woman and not a woman of color and how she took an LGBTQ plus workshop and put what she learned into practice—how we need to act on what we learn
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• Marie Forleo shutting down conversation about George Floyd, but not about COVID-19
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• How responses to issues, like drug use, change when it becomes a White issue
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• Different ways to take action, and how our businesses can put us in the position to be “the money” 
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BIO

Shalena D.I.V.A. is a certified start-up coach for consultants, experts, and coaches who want to start an online coaching business. 

She is a political science graduate of Duke University and spent 10 years working as a financial institution underwriter for a Fortune 500 insurance company. Drawing upon these experiences, she uses her analytical, consulting, marketing, program building, and risk assessment skills to help her clients build an online coaching business.

Her step by step, no-nonsense instruction helps her clients to create strong personal brands, content marketing and digital products such as webinars, ebooks, online courses, and membership sites.

Do you want more accountability and faster results? She’s the queen of fast results because she helps her clients create and sell their products in a streamlined way.

Her coaching is NOT for the faint of heart. It's for those who truly want to stop playing small, make an impact and get paid!!!

Are you her next client? Check out her packages and her amazing testimonials. Find out more at https://www.shalenadiva.com/.

LINKS

• You Can Do Anything with Shalena Broaster — a PlanSimple Podcast
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• Shalena’s Site 
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DOABLE CHANGES

Shalena says, Just listen and observe and do research ... Hear your own biases come up. Right here are some starting Doable Changes. 

For my white audience ready to do the work, here are some places to start:

• READ / WATCH. There are lots of books you can read to start to understand systemic racism and white supremacy, how White people benefit from it, perpetuate it, and what we can do about it. Here are some places I’m starting: 
• Me and White Supremacy
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• White Fragility
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• 13th (movie)
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• LISTEN / LEARN. Here are some podcasts and workshops I’m listening to or attending:
• Dismantling White Fragility on the Goop podcast
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• Seeing the Racial Water workshop with Robin DiAngelo
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• Show Up and Serve: A Workshop for White Coaches”
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• "Reimagining Small Business: A town hall to listen, learn & commit to building equitable, anti-racist organizations." —TONIGHT, June 10
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• READ WITH AND TALK TO YOUR KIDS. Kids are never to little to talk about race, diversity, and privilege. I’m a big proponent of talking aloud about what we are doing, so if you are taking action whether it is speaking out about a racist comment, going to a demonstration, donating money, supporting a Black-owned business … or anything else, talk aloud about what you are doing so your kids know. Open discussions about race, equality, justice, and privilege with your kids. If they seeing or hearing the news, that is one entry point to the discussion. Books offer another great way to open discussion. This post gives suggestions for having conversations and books for different age groups. 
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For my black audience. If Shalena has a nurturing morning routine, maybe you can too. I see how hard you have been fighting. I wonder if just 10 minutes in the morning to deeply nurture your day would help you as your next doable change. Shalena shares going for a walk, reading a meaningful book, staying off media. What do you need to do that would help you get set up for your day?

Doable changes are a way to take action when things feel too big to get started. The magic is in continuing to take action consistently. I’m committed to doing this work, not just now, but ongoing. What step will you take? 

This episode is from our event, the Art of 90 Days. This is a lesson that may be stopping some people from signing up, so I want to make sure more of you can hear it.

Why Focus on Selfcare? 

Self-nurturing is deeper than self-care. It’s not just the activities but how we do them. Self-nurturing is the act of caring for ourselves by deeply nourishing, cherishing, and encouraging our own growth and potential. What's on the other side is more peace, more joy, more meaning, and a deeper connection and feeling of belonging in our relationships. Life feels less overwhelming and exhausting because we approach everything differently. 

What Does a 90-Day Goal Look Like?

Do something measurable. Don’t say, “I will add more self-care.” Say, “I will develop a nurturing morning routine in 90 days” or “I will know how to spend an hour a day nurturing myself in 90 days.” 

What Are Some Habits That Are Part of this 90-Day Goal?

• Start small and build. For example, start with 10 minutes 3 times a week of something that is deeply nurturing—meditation, a walk-in nature, connecting with gratitude, journaling.
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• Approach this practice with compassion and flexibility. 
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• Build a plan to deal with resistance—do you have options and choose the one that feels most right in the moment? Do you work through the resistance? Is it approaching things differently (doing Shavasana instead of a yoga flow? Doing 10 deep breaths instead of your usual mediation session)? 
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What Are Some To-Dos That Are Part of this 90-Day Goal?

• Schedule time for nurturing, even if it is only a few minutes a day.
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• Create a list of things that you do to nurture yourself. 
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• Schedule three check-ins with yourself each day (How do I feel? What do I need right now?) 
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“I have a vision of women really embracing themselves on a journey of self-discovery, on a journey of creativity, on a journey of knowing themselves in a really deep and powerful way so that, that is the attention and intention that they bring to all of their relationships.” -Kelley Grimes

Kelley Grimes, MSW, is a counselor, speaker, internationally best-selling author, and self-nurturing expert. She is the founder of Cultivating Peace and Joy and is passionate about empowering overwhelmed and exhausted women to improve their health, wealth, and relationships by getting to the root of their habit of self-neglect and guiding them in cultivating a sustainable practice of self-nurturing. Kelley believes in nurturing peace in the world from the inside out. In addition, she provides professional and leadership development to organizations dedicated to making the world a better place. She also teaches self-nurturing to women overcoming domestic violence, homelessness, and other major life challenges at local non-profits. She is married to an artist, has two empowered daughters, and loves singing with a small women’s group. Her new book, The Art of Self-Nurturing: a field guide to living with more peace, joy, and meaning will be published in Sep 2020. Find Kelley at https://cultivatingpeaceandjoy.com/.

“You need to remember the best legacy you can give your kids is an example of a life well-lived.” — Brooke Costillo

Today I am creating a different kind of episode — one that I have loved listening to myself, from others.

All week, I took notes.

What choices did I make? 

What happened, and what did not happen? 

Where did I win, and what did I need to learn? 

Is there anything that I am experiencing that might serve you?

These are questions I asked myself, and then just pressed record — going day-by-day through the last week.

A few highlights:

• I threw out my back
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• I re-configured my to-do list
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• I learned a really important lesson from my coach
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• I made some extra space for my kids
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• I took a day off, which has not been happening since we’ve been home
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Tell me about your week.

What are you learning in this unique time? Come share over on Instagram @plansimple.co

Have you signed up for the Art of 90 days yet? You will not want to miss this event! If you are excited about hitting some of your 2020 goals but feel a bit defeated by the current stay-at-home orders, this is for you! 

Sign up even if you think you are too busy or can’t because your kids are home… We will help you find the talks that will best serve you now, no matter how much time and attention you have, or don’t have!  Grab your free ticket here »